Sensitivity about images, tv, etc

[TJ_2582]

Forgive me if this is kinda long, but I just wanna paint as good a picture as I can. This started happening after he left the CC and joined Assemblies of God, by the way. Sounds funny, but he is alot more sprirtual now, which is kinda where this comes from I think.

I have a soon-to-be brother in law who, to me, is way too sensitive about things in tv, movies, etc. Things that most would find no big deal he feels bad seeing so we have to turn the channel or wait for him to leave. For example, if a movie/show has 4 or 5 cuss words the whole time or shows girls revealing anything, he’ll say it’s a bad movie/show. Or if it’s just a commercial for a show like desp. housewives, grey’s, etc., it gets to him. And he’d never watch shows like 24(a favorite of mine), Law & Order, anything with a hint of violence.

Recently, on Dancing with the Stars, there was a group doing a routine when we came to it. There was no one wearing anything revealing, dancing all over each other, anything like that. It was just a cool routine. My sister & I wanted to watch it, but he felt uncomfortable(probably just cus of what show it was) so we turned it. Just any little thing like that gets to him. It bugs me sometimes.

One last thing. He also judges very quickly with this stuff. If something doesn’t look good to him the second he sees it, he turns it having no idea what it is. Last time I was with him, the coke commercial came on that starts out looking like grand theft auto but switches to the guy helping people. After he saw the first second of it he turned it & I kindly asked him to turn it back, but he wouldn’t believe me about what the commercial was really about. I wanna say something about all this, but he’s a fairly stubborn person, so I hold back.

Any other thoughts on this? Or suggestions on what to say or any reading about things like this? Again, sorry this is so long, but there were multiple things I wanted to mention.

If this needs to be moved, no problem.

 

[masterjedi747]

I found this yesterday, actually… check it out.

jimmyakin.org/2006/03/a_reader_writes.html

 

[GraceDK]

Dear OP.
Why not turn the TV off when you’re all together?
I would strongly hesitate to say something is wrong with your sisters fiance. Rather… I think when a person is converted and draws really close to God for a time - especialy when everything is new - then things that does not hurt many people to watch and hear become painful. I suspect its familiar to the pain that the Lord feels in His heart when he sees our sins and hears our foul language. Not only is it dirty and damaging to our souls… its also strengthening the sleep - the sleep of those who are spiritually dead.
Watching bad stuff hardens you over time so you get used to stuff that you should never get used to. It’s the same with sex, violence and foul talk… the more you let it in, the more it becomes part of you - yes: part of you (“you are what you watch”) - the more blinded you become.
So I think that your sisters fiance might be on the right path… maybe even path to sainthood… he knows the corruption of tv and all the sins that are trivialised there… Besides… I find it awesome that a guy turns away from a program if he sees it might be headed for something immoral instead of waiting till its up in his face. Show me a man who has this kind of disciplin and I would like to shake his hand.

I have much more a problem understanding people who watch anything on TV and say it does not matter and it does not damage their soul or sense of right and wrong nor their relationship with Christ. I simpy believe that such talk is a sign that they are already blinded… whatever they once were.

I also disagree with Jimmy Akin… He gives his personal oppinion and I give mine. I especially have a problem with these words:
“It does not matter if you see (or hear or read about) someone doing something immoral as long as you are not tempted to do something immoral as a result.”
See, I might watch a lot of porn and never be effected by it to do anything immoral… but I would be hardened in my heart as well as giving money and time to a very, vey poor cause that damages a lot of people… We are called to baware of our deeper responsibilty and what it costs others when we chose to have our “innocent fun” through the TV…

The Messiah called us to be perfect. If you talk to your sisters fiance about this thread give him my compliments for his great willingness to follow Christ wholeheartedly in this matter.
Grace…

 

[1ke]

Perhaps it is not he that is too sensitive but others who are not sensitive enough.

 

[TJ_2582]

I totally understand what you’re saying Grace. I’ve become a lot more sensitive to a lot of things as well, just not quite as much as him. And my sister, being with him, has grown a lot spiritually herself as well. But I can tell it bugs her sometimes too.

You do make some good points, though, about his discipline on when to turn it off and about our hearts hardening by watching certain things. But like I mentioned in the first post, when we came across Dancing with the Stars, there was absolutely nothing wrong or bad showing, but for whatever reason, he still felt uncomfortable. It’s just the little things like that that get to me sometimes. Say there’s a movie on that has a positive message but at first shows the person doing some bad things, and then later they find God or turn their life around in some other way. He won’t even watch stuff like that because it’s got some negative in it.

That’s really what it is that gets me. Not his mindset about all of this, but just how far he takes it sometimes. Things that have no effect on me or my sister, or anyone else for that matter–and we have a strong christian family–seem like they have a big effect on him. I know it seems like I’m reaching here, but I’m just wondering what others think and trying to get a better understanding of all this.

 

[Starwynd]

He’s in your house he needs to follow your rules.

 

[masterjedi747]

I also disagree with Jimmy Akin… He gives his personal opinion and I give mine. I especially have a problem with these words:
“It does not matter if you see (or hear or read about) someone doing something immoral as long as you are not tempted to do something immoral as a result.”
See, I might watch a lot of porn and never be effected by it to do anything immoral… but I would be hardened in my heart…

In his defense, I don’t think it’s entirely fair to pull his quote right there out of context. The question was regarding the “boundary between what movies and television shows are appropriate and inappropriate to watch”, and the very next sentence acknowledged the fact that “of course [we should] avoid watching blatantly dirty movies and television”. So this (obviously) extreme example regarding pornography isn’t exactly a valid objection, since Jimmy had moved forward to answer the question about “your favorite TV programs or movies” while intentionally leaving aside those more obvious issues. He is, after all, one of the apologists on this forum – so I sincerely doubt that he would agree with any broader interpretation of his statement.

Rather… I think when a person is converted and draws really close to God for a time - especialy when everything is new - then things that does not hurt many people to watch and hear become painful.

Watching bad stuff hardens you over time so you get used to stuff that you should never get used to.

The Messiah called us to be perfect.

So I think that your sisters fiance might be on the right path… maybe even path to sainthood…

I agree, and in fact I’d probably say the same thing about you, GraceDK.
However, I still think that it’s important not to lose sight of the distinction between things that are actual sins, and things that are only imperfections, but not necessarily sinful. Both certainly might become “painful” to holier people, but they shouldn’t be so to the same degree – the first actually offends God through a violation of the moral law, while the latter is simply less than the best that we can do. The best saints, in my opinion, are the ones who consistently push themselves and others to higher levels of perfection, without losing sight of this distinction.

 

[Caesar517]

I agree with Jimmy Akin. I find that when I watch someone doing something immoral on TV, video games, or movies, I can recognize that behavior and stay clear of it. As a bonus, many plots have a positive theme: no one is without hope of redemption. If something portrays immorality in a positive light, however, I will not watch it.

GraceDK reinforces a point that Jimmy Akin didn’t emphasize enough, I think. Questionable material can desensitize the audience over time (fortunately, recieving the Eucharist and deep prayer can heal this). If I come across something questionable in this way, I am more likely to stay away from it.

With regards to your soon-to-be brother in law, it sounds to me like he is being overly scrupulous. I don’t think you should try to convince him otherwise, however; you would be pushing him away. I second GraceDK’s advice of turning off the TV while you are together. If he doesn’t feel comfortabe watching TV (it sounds like he wouldn’t watch TV on his own), find something else to do. TV doesn’t exactly bring people together anyway.

 

[GraceDK]

In his defense, I don’t think it’s entirely fair to pull his quote right there out of context. The question was regarding the “boundary between what movies and television shows are appropriate and inappropriate to watch”, and the very next sentence acknowledged the fact that “of course [we should] avoid watching blatantly dirty movies and television”. So this (obviously) extreme example regarding pornography isn’t exactly a valid objection, since Jimmy had moved forward to answer the question about “your favorite TV programs or movies” while intentionally leaving aside those more obvious issues. He is, after all, one of the apologists on this forum – so I sincerely doubt that he would agree with any broader interpretation of his statement.

Obviously I am wrong then and overlooked some of what Jimmy said… I assumed since he said that its okay to watch something immoral as long as you dont act on it or get tempted, he actually did mean something* immoral*… and by immoral I mean eg. two teen agers pretending to be in bed together for instance. Its often immoral for an actor to be in that position and those who make such films are not protecive of young peoples modesty, even if we all agree its not exactly porn…
You know what I mean? So… I misunderstood him because he actually used the word immoral…

shalom and peace

 

[GraceDK]

I totally understand what you’re saying Grace. I’ve become a lot more sensitive to a lot of things as well, just not quite as much as him. And my sister, being with him, has grown a lot spiritually herself as well. But I can tell it bugs her sometimes too.

You do make some good points, though, about his discipline on when to turn it off and about our hearts hardening by watching certain things. But like I mentioned in the first post, when we came across Dancing with the Stars, there was absolutely nothing wrong or bad showing, but for whatever reason, he still felt uncomfortable. It’s just the little things like that that get to me sometimes. Say there’s a movie on that has a positive message but at first shows the person doing some bad things, and then later they find God or turn their life around in some other way. He won’t even watch stuff like that because it’s got some negative in it.

That’s really what it is that gets me. Not his mindset about all of this, but just how far he takes it sometimes. Things that have no effect on me or my sister, or anyone else for that matter–and we have a strong christian family–seem like they have a big effect on him. I know it seems like I’m reaching here, but I’m just wondering what others think and trying to get a better understanding of all this.

I never saw “Dancing with the Stars” … But one explanation I can give is that when people are newly converted to Christ they can also feel that idle things and meaningless conversations and movies are bad to watch… maybe not sinful but at least a waste of God given time… It might sound radical…( but I have been there too and I sort of hoped that it would never end… now unfortunately it has somewhat which is also why you now see me here on the net too often

Maybe you should tell him when you sit down to watch something: “brother… you are going to like this movie… it builds up a person because it is really inspiring.” Then he might watch it with ease.
If you cant say these words then the movie is neither worth his or your time.

Also… the last obvious option: why dont you ask him what he is thinking? Tell him you noticed he sometimes cringes at the tv and ask why that is.

Ps… something else: I am glad you all love each other and have a good time together in spite of belonging in different parts of the Body of Christ

 

[TJ_2582]

I never saw “Dancing with the Stars” … But one explanation I can give is that when people are newly converted to Christ they can also feel that idle things and meaningless conversations and movies are bad to watch… maybe not sinful but at least a waste of God given time… It might sound radical…( but I have been there too and I sort of hoped that it would never end… now unfortunately it has somewhat which is also why you now see me here on the net too often

He seems to be more about whether the content is sinful to him or not, not so much about the idle or meaningless part. I can understand your point on that though.

Also… the last obvious option: why dont you ask him what he is thinking? Tell him you noticed he sometimes cringes at the tv and ask why that is.

I have brought this up a couple times with him before, but it never really went anywhere. At this point in time, he’s still fairly stubborn about his beliefs, as in when you try to explain certain things to him, he doesn’t really look at it from your perspective, only his own. He’s gotten better about it but it’s still there. But he does like to be open about pretty much anything so I might bring it up again soon.

Ps… something else: I am glad you all love each other and have a good time together in spite of belonging in different parts of the Body of Christ

Me too. It’s a blessing that we get along as well as we do. He’s in one of the more anti-catholic denominations now, but he also knows our duty as Christians.

p.s. thanks jedi for the article. I liked it & found some interesting points in there

 

[1ke]

He’s in your house he needs to follow your rules.

I disagree.

I don’t think he is out of line for *asking *that only for morally wholesome entertainment be shown.

If the OP declines, that is his perogative-- although perhaps it is an opportunity to dialog on what is offensive if it is not apparent. If the OP declines to change programming, the requestor is then free to leave.

 

[masterjedi747]

Obviously I am wrong then and overlooked some of what Jimmy said… I assumed since he said that its okay to watch something immoral as long as you dont act on it or get tempted, he actually did mean something* immoral*…

Well, not “okay” as in “in no way problematic”, but “okay” as in “not a sin”. I think the clearest example is in the last case he gives, in which the sin that you see actually repulses you – in that case, there is certainly no sin in merely having seen that immoral action. (He then takes that same principle, and works it backwards to apply to the other cases.) Of course, the situation would be different if you intentionally watched the immoral stuff for its own sake, or if what you are watching is mostly/entirely focused on the glorification of that sin (in which case, what possible reason do you have for watching it anyway?) …and I don’t think he would disagree with those qualifications at all.

GraceDK reinforces a point that Jimmy Akin didn’t emphasize enough, I think. Questionable material can desensitize the audience over time (fortunately, recieving the Eucharist and deep prayer can heal this). If I come across something questionable in this way, I am more likely to stay away from it.

I’ll totally agree with that. Maintaining a healthy spiritual life is very important. You can’t just let it waste away though neglect and desensitization to immorality.

 

[Cari]

There’s lot of programming on TV/songs on the radio/websites on the Internet that aren’t particularly immoral, but are still such a (to me) complete waste of time that I don’t want to spend God’s gift of time on them.

Maybe your soon-to-be brother-in-law (dang, that’s a lot of hyphens) is reacting along those lines to “Dancing with the Stars”. He thinks that time together could be better spent than watching TV shows.

As for the other parts, I’m the same way. I don’t want to see violence/child molestation/rape/sex/swearing/whatever on TV, always packaged oh-so-poisonously as “entertainment”. I’m very sensitive to that sort of thing. I can’t leave it as “just TV”. I am aware of people who have experienced those sorts of things in real life, for whom “entertainment” just doesn’t cut it. I don’t want to sit through the pain and the gore- even if there’s a huge message of conversion and salvation at the end. If you’re going to brush off the sex and violence as “just TV”, then you have to do the same to whatever epiphany the character has.

 

[idrum677]

Perhaps it is not he that is too sensitive but others who are not sensitive enough.

I couldn’t agree more. It’s moral relativisism sneaking in to every part of life.

Even if you watching somthing morally objectionable doesn’t cause you to act on it, you are still thinking about it. If i see a half naked woman on TV, will it lead to pure thoughts? No.

I struggle with sin daily. I’m not going to make it easier for the devil by watching somthing that will put an impure thought in my head.

Remember the old saying: Garbage in, garbage out.

 

[TJ_2582]

I agree with pretty much everything you said Cari. But trust me, I don’t wanna see anything like that on tv or movies either or say it’s just tv, but if it’s part of the story and doesn’t cross the line, I have no problem with it. When it gets to things about kids and sex, bunches of cussing, extreme violence, etc. that’s when I go away from it. I hate that stuff just as much as you. But when you watch things like 24 or Law & Order(which is about the extent of how far I’ll go with this stuff), they have good/interesting storylines, and there’s gonna be a little violence here and there, but nothing extreme. Or you can count on one hand the number of bad words, but that’s about it. And ultimately these shows are about something good in bringing people justice.

I don’t see a problem with that if it has no effect on you. This might sound crazy to some, but I’ve continued to draw closer to God even while watching these shows because for me, it’s purely entertainment, nothing else. it has no spiritual impact on me. If there was something I saw that I didn’t like, I just shook my head, and by the next day, forgot about it. To me, it’s kind of like when you hear someone speak that had a good talk but said just 2 or 3 things you didn’t like. By the end of it you’ve forgotten about those things because as a whole, the message was good and more than likely, those few things had no effect on you.

That’s my point. If your values are set in stone and you know your mind or heart isn’t gonna be changed by some of these things, why be so sensitive to them when no one else around you is?