If half a ward wrote letters, then of course a stake president would need to find out what was happening in the ward, since the dynamics can “snowball” if people get their feelings hurt as a group.
I’m going to borrow liberally from some writing that I did when I was in the process of conversion, because I think these points need to be made again.
The
Godwin’s Law of discussions about why Mormons leave the church goes something like this - the argument always degenerates into one of three arguments:
- You know in your heart it is true, but you’ve sinned and want to live a sinful lifestyle.
- Someone hurt you, didn’t they? You know it’s true but you were hurt and are taking it out on the church. Why do you have so much bitterness?
- Why do you attack us? Why do you hurt us?
To answer these questions:
- I know in my heart that it is false, and I do my best to live as sin-free life. My confessor would attest to that except for that whole can’t-share-a-confession thing he’s got going on. I pray every day. I go to Mass every day. I do an examination of conscience every night, and do my best to focus on my weaknesses and eliminate them. Plus now I can drink Starbucks and Coke with a clear conscience! Even to this day, I feel a little guilty drinking a Coke. I think I always will. Thanks a lot, Word of Wisdom!
- Yes, someone hurt me. A lot of people hurt me. And I allowed myself to be subjected to humiliation and degradation over and over and over because for a long time I believed in the Mormon church. I allowed myself to be treated in such a poor manner because I believed what I was told, that it was true. I did. I’ll admit it. And it hurt like @#$% when someone yanked the foundation for my entire life right out from under me. Once those blinders had been lifted, once I saw the truth, I could never go back to “faking the lies”, no matter how hard I tried.
Why am I bitter? The church that you love so much gave the priesthood to a man who insisted that my father, dying of Stage Four Pancratic Cancer and bedridden in hospice at home, come to the stake center to get his Temple Recommend because the !$&*ing Bishop refused to come to our home. My dying father, wanting to die with the Temple Recommend so that he would be worthy to enter what he assumed was heaven, had to have my mother call the Stake President and SCREAM at him to get someone to come to my father ON HIS DEATHBED to have his interviews.
I was made to feel worthless as a 27 year old single woman because I was not married, because I was a “special spirit” and I was single for a LONG time because I refused to date outside of the church and I couldn’t find anyone to go out with me. I was Mormon for most of my late 20′s. Guess how many dates I went on? Go ahead. I’ve got a moment. That would be ZERO.
TWO MONTHS after leaving the church for good I found a wonderful caring man who didn’t give a FLIP what kind of underwear I wore. I guess I wasn’t
that bad after all. Just the Mormon boys thought so. When I left, no one called. No one came by. I didn’t see any “Visiting Teachers” or “Home Teachers”. My name’s on my Ward roster and has been since my brother died in 2002. Wanna know how many times I’ve had visitors from the church? Guess? That would be one. This week. After I sent in my resignation letter
So yeah. I’m bitter. But did I leave the church because of that? No. I left because after all that abuse that I subjected myself to, and begging and pleading, I never received the answer that I begged for. In spite of all of this horrible treatment by multiple people in multiple wards, I was faithful for a very long time. Because I wanted it so bad to be true. And it wasn’t.
I prayed time after time after time in the Celestial Room, begging for any kind of consolation or love from God to show me that what I was doing was pleasing in his eyes, and that the church really was true. And I never, ever got it. I feel God’s love more kneeling in front of the tabernacle at my parish than I ever did in the dozens of sessions of the temple that I went to over the many years I was endowed and going through temple ceremonies multiple times a month.
So am I bitter? Oh, a touch. But trust me. You haven’t seen bitter. You wanna see bitter, I got some sites I can send you to.
- Why do I attack you? I don’t even know you! I don’t know you from Adam. (And, btw, for those of you who never make it through the temple, the Adam in their Creation video is HAWT! But not as hot as the Lucifer. Go figure.) But you take every criticism that I give over the hundreds of horrible experiences that I had as a youth, a teen and a young adult as a personal attack to your faith. It’s not.
I bear this witness to you that I believe the Book of Mormon to not be the word of God, except those parts which were lifted straight out of the bible. I do not believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. I believe Thomas S. Monson to be a kind man, but he leads a church based on the lies of a charlatan. I believe the Book of Abraham to be a fraud. I believe that while there are some “great” aspects of the church, such as their welfare program and their ability to weather storms as a coherent group, I do not believe that these positive aspects outweigh the fact that this church leads people away from the true Christ.
It’s like they’re just asking for a law-suit which would quickly earn you a sizeable settlement from them.