Separate vacations

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PRAYER51

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HI

Do you think separate vacations for spouses is a good thing? Are women likely to try to cheat on their husbands in that kind of a scenario? My wife is 51 and so are her 3 high school girl friends…they went to Vegas 2 years ago and want to go on a cruise next year. Am I just being paranoid? We have no sex life as she says she’s no longer interested but isn’t menopausal. We go to church together on Sundays as well… Her girlfriends have read the 50 shades of grey **** as well…my wife hasn’t …

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It sounds like you might have more troubles than whether your wife goes on a cruise with her galpals.

Personally, I would never even want to vacation w/o my husband.
 
PRAYER51 said:
HI

Do you think separate vacations for spouses is a good thing? Are women likely to try to cheat on their husbands in that kind of a scenario? My wife is 51 and so are her 3 high school girl friends…they went to Vegas 2 years ago and want to go on a cruise next year. Am I just being paranoid? We have no sex life as she says she’s no longer interested but isn’t menopausal. We go to church together on Sundays as well… Her girlfriends have read the 50 shades of grey **** as well…my wife hasn’t …

Thanks
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I’m trying to figure out why this is a question for the Spirituality Forum.
 
PRAYER51 said:
HI

Do you think separate vacations for spouses is a good thing? Are women likely to try to cheat on their husbands in that kind of a scenario? My wife is 51 and so are her 3 high school girl friends…they went to Vegas 2 years ago and want to go on a cruise next year. Am I just being paranoid? We have no sex life as she says she’s no longer interested but isn’t menopausal. We go to church together on Sundays as well… Her girlfriends have read the 50 shades of grey **** as well…my wife hasn’t …

Thanks
Click to expand...
No, you’re not being paranoid.

I was married twice, and both times, it ended with things like no sex life, sleeping in separate bedrooms, and doing everything separately.

Now, I know some people will argue sex isn’t all that important in marriage, but it is. The lack of a sex life is reason enough to work on the relationship, find out what’s wrong. Then, combined with doing major things, like going on a cruise without you, to me, doesn’t sound good.

When I hear this scenario, it concerns me. I wonder what the next step will be, then. Well, things are moving in a direction, and it doesn’t seem to be for you to be together.

Had you ever considered marriage counseling? If she won’t go, I would encourage you to go to individual counseling.

In the meantime, try to listen to what she is saying. I mean to really actively listen. When she tells you something is wrong, what is she focusing on? Try to remember, because she has probably already told you, and it’s important.
 
PRAYER51 said:
HI

Do you think separate vacations for spouses is a good thing? Are women likely to try to cheat on their husbands in that kind of a scenario? My wife is 51 and so are her 3 high school girl friends…they went to Vegas 2 years ago and want to go on a cruise next year. Am I just being paranoid? We have no sex life as she says she’s no longer interested but isn’t menopausal. We go to church together on Sundays as well… Her girlfriends have read the 50 shades of grey **** as well…my wife hasn’t …

Thanks
Click to expand...
sounds like you both need a honeymoon together to rekindle the relationship. I know that I wouldn’t want to go away without my husband on a trip. I’ve known people that have taken girlfriend trips but nothing in that would appeal to me.
 
I have a family member who used to be very close to her husband. They traveled all over together, and then I saw them traveling separately. I didn’t say anything, because it’s none of my concern. Finally, she admitted to me that they had been having some problems in their relationship.

She admitted that it was almost like a divorce, that what kept her going through it all were her children. She began to look outside the relationship for what she couldn’t get within it.

I also see another couple where I work. The husband and wife sometimes are both there at the same time. I can see just by watching them that something is wrong in their relationship. They sit in separate places. There was a group outing. He went, and she didn’t go with him.

I’ve seen about separate vacations in my own life and those around me, and I can often see which couples are experiencing difficulties just by looking at that.

My first husband was a foreigner, and Immigration looked at criteria that constituted a “bonafide marriage”. One of them was joint vacations. Even Immigration seemed to acknowledge that couples with a stronger relationship generally vacation together.
 
Did your wife’s lack of sex drive come on with menopause? Sometimes, that is simply hormonal and will pass, sometimes, a trip to the doctor is in order. Does your wife see a gynecologist regularly?

Why don’t you ask your wife is she would like to go on the cruise… with you!?! Surprise her with some real romance, without expecting anything physical at the end of the evening.

What did she love about you most before this no-sex thing began? Was it the long walks you took (which maybe now you’ve given up for a post-dinner nap)? Was it that you helped with the dishes, and now you watch baseball? Maybe she is very influenced by these women from work who are all single or divorced? Maybe your wife has some resentment issues that are actually not your fault at all, but these lady-pals are trashing your reputation while they’re all out?

Lots of ammo in most marriages for problems, but it seems like you two have disconnected.
 
On the other hand, just because she wants to go on a cruise with her girlfriends doesn’t mean she’s going to cheat. No matter what her girlfriends have read.
 
I didn’t imagine her cheating* per se*. I did imagine dancing and drinking and a lot of flirting and even more grousing about how awful their (former) husbands are, and men in general.
 
Well, I hope that’s all it is…I posted this topic on another forum…family life …if u want to see the full story…
 
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