A year after graduating college, I got married. Two years ago, we separated, and a year and a half ago, we divorced. Now, in addition to beginning RCIA, I am also attempting to begin the annulment process. I was raised Pentecost and baptized in the Baptist church at the age of 9. My ex-husband, I assume, was baptized in the Methodist church as a baby. Shortly before our marriage, I became a member of the Methodist church (not that I have any idea, to this day, what their beliefs actually are). At the time we were married, I, as most brides do, hoped there would never be cause for a divorce but also believed that if there were, nothing would prevent me from remarrying once a divorce (i.e. a civil divorce) was granted. I viewed that fact that our ceremony took place in a church and was performed by our minister as more of a blessing of hope upon on the marriage than as a binding sacrament. After all, in most Protestant religions, a civil divorce is sufficient and lack of an annulment does not prevent marriage within the church. (I cannot speak for how my ex-husband viewed the ceremony, but I assume he viewed it the same since we had similar backgrounds and has since remarried. I have also spoken with him, and he has no plans to object to the petition).
I know that, since I am not remarried, the outcome of my petition will not affect my confirmation, but I honestly cannot imagine never being permitted to remarry and have a family of my own – two things I desire very much. I’m the type of person that researches something “to death” in an effort to be prepared, and as such, I’m finding and hearing a lot of conflicting information and horror stories. Some people (mostly friends who are “cradle Catholics”) have been telling me that my annulment will not likely be difficult to obtain simply because the marriage occurred before I even began to consider Catholicism as my own faith (often putting it rather bluntly as “It was outside of the Catholic Church, so they don’t care”) and because my ex-husband has since remarried, but a lot of what I’ve read indicates I may be facing an uphill battle simply because we were both baptized and had the ceremony performed by a minister in the Methodist church (since the Church recognizes marriages from all churches).
My ex-husband and I aren’t necessarily at odds with one another, but I wouldn’t say we are “friends” either. Honestly, I don’t have any real feelings for him either way — not love nor hatred nor anger. The man I divorced simply was not the man I fell in love with and thought I married. Years of emotional/verbal abuse and lack of effort during counseling proved that long ago. Now, I’m older (and wiser) and only want to be able to move forward with my life – hopefully with the man I now call my significant other (though we’re quite far from taking any formal steps). My priest has been wonderfully comforting (though we haven’t officially started), telling me not to worry and that he feels it is his job to help me through this and make it as painless as possible. Still, I’m not sure I’ll rest easily until the annulment is granted.
Not enough men come forward with their legit gripes and it makes the women ALWAYS seem the victims. Marriages just dont end due to men abusing or cheating on their wives. It only seems like that because the majority of men choose not to rehash or even bring up their problems. We just choose to move on. I’ve been on sites where this subject comes up every now and then and there are many women out there moaning about divorces that happened 20 years ago.