My wife and I have had some very difficult times, and we’ve tried to work things out. Long story short, she wants me to move out, and wants to get a dissolution. I am still currently living in the house, but not in the same bed with her.
Given all that, and that she no longer wants to be married to me, what is the morality of being sexually intimate with her? Its all very confusing to me (and to her because I’m confused).
Any advice/thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Marriage enjoys the presumption of validity, and spouses have the duty to live the common conjugal life unless a legitimate reason excuses them. (This is in canon law; you can look it up.)
As for her tubal ligation, although such a surgery is forbidden to Catholics unless there is a compelling medical reason that justifies infertility as an unfortunate side effect, it is not necessary to have the procedure reversed in order for sexual relations to be allowed.
It is OK for the two of you to decide to abstain from sexual intercourse, but otherwise there is normally a marital debt–that is, married people have a duty to be reasonably available to their spouses for marital relations, even if they are not fertile, provided a legitimate cause does not excuse them. (Infidelity is such a reason, as is a situation that is dangerous to either of the spouses or the children, but that is not an exhaustive list.) Still, of course he will take into account whether she is emotionally fragile before trying to push her to fulfill any of the duties of a wife, but especially when it comes to this. Taking care of her before himself must be foremost on his mind. Certainly a desire to do what you believe in the best interest of the survival of your marriage is a legitimate reason to abstain!
Originally Posted by KatieM2
She is unable to conceive a child, therefore it would be sinful for you to release your seed into her.
Even if you were intending to remain together, intercourse would therefore be sinful.
Actually according to Church teachings KatieM2 is right. The Church does consider this sex to be sinful.
No, this is incorrect. If anything, it would be sinful for a woman who believes herself infertile to unilaterally refuse to have sex with her innocent husband without a legitimate cause excusing her. (If he had been unfaithful or had committed some other serious offense against her, that is a different situation.)
I highly suspect that you will not believe me, so please find an orthodox priest to explain this to you. Likewise, the OP would do well to seek the guidance of his own pastor, since these are matters better handled by a physician of the soul, and not vetted with members of the laity with no pastoral training in this area.
