Separation or leave Church?

[pabloSD]

Today is a sad, sad Ash Wednesday for me. I was looking forward to it since December, because I wanted to fast, and have a true change in my life during Lent.

But the change happening right now is not the one I was seeking.

My wife has decided she will never, ever come back to the Church. Instead, she says she will go to an evangelical center. There are several arguments, but the main one is that she considers the Church to allow idolatry (saints and Mary devotions).

Anyway, we’re having so many arguments, because she said she will not allow the children to grow up Catholic, even though they’re baptized. We’re cradle Catholics. She also said I can only teach them whatever beliefs we have in common, but no Hail Mary, etc.

I don’t want to argue anymore, so I accepted her decision. I know a lot of people will say that I shouldn’t allow her to make that decision, but I fear that if I turn this into a war, we will end up separating, even divorcing.

Another option was to leave the Catholic Church altogether, so that our children won’t see us arguing about this. I wanted my children to grow with my same beliefs. It’s not normal, for me, that their dad will attend one church and they will go to another denomination.

I’m feeling so down right now.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I think you did the right thing, for now. Don’t lose hope, though. We will pray for you and your wife. Pray to St. Monica. Also, can you get a green scapular and hide it somewhere in her possessions? I got 2 on Monday which were blessed today and I’m going to put one under my husband’s side of the mattress. You just have to pray one little prayer every day, “Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us now and at the hour of our death.”

Try not to antagonize your wife at this point, it will do no good and might drive her farther away. Who has led her away from the Church? For her to say that the saints and devotion to Mary are idol worship, she must have heard that from someone who is anti-Catholic. Have you asked her how she will ever replace the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist? does she believe that is merely symbolic? :nope:

I am so sorry. You can still fast, with the intention to have your wife’s heart changed and her eyes opened to the truth of the Church. I will keep you in my prayers and will light candles for your wife.

 

[Allegra]

I don’t think I could agree to stop attending my church. I hope it will get better for you soon. Have you tried getting outside help?

 

[Castello]

God wants your wife and children in the Church even more than you do.

Ask her to honor the promises she made to God at each child’s baptism, to raise them up in the Church. She can choose to walk away as an adult, but, she promised God and a woman of integrity will not back out on that vow.

Keep loving her and praying for her and never stray from the Sacraments.

 

[BigdogAman]

:knight2:My dear sibling in Christ it seems to me your a bit of a pickle. though i’ve never expierenced this but i have argued for my faith for awhile and still am i understand alittle of what you are going through.Fighting in life will get you know unfortanetly i recently realized this. it seems safer to calmly talk about the church and the Roman catholic faith. However you must know your stuff so research into your faith if you don’t already all that is needed and simply talk about how the Catholic church was founded by Our Lord Jesus Christ himself and his 12 apostles. My friend i also recommend seeking help from your priest at your church and ask him what he would do i’m sure he would be very glad to help you.And always pray. Pray whenever you can pray for anything especially you situation. i shall pray for you my friend i wish you the best of luck and God bless you and your family.

 

[ChibiViolet]

Have you spoken to a priest about this?

 

[Luvtosew]

Your both Christian and thats the main thing. Talk to your Priest. Your marriage is the most important thing, no matter what Chrisitan Church you belong to. I sure hope you don’t let this be the cause of seperation or divorce. Prays for your family, keep it together.

 

[styrgwillidar]

Ask her if she’d be willing to read:

‘Faith of the Early Fathers’ translated and edited by Jurgens. It may help her understand the history of the Church and it’s consistency over the ages. My approach would be to discuss one of the teachings of the Church over a cup of tea/coffee each night and pray together since you both are truly concerned for each other’s souls. She certainly doesn’t understand the Marian doctrines if she thinks we’re worshipping Mary.

BTW- always wondered how folks can trust in the authority of the Church to select/determine the scripture by accepting the Bible, but then reject the Church itself when it teaches the Truth it contains.

If she’s willing to make an educated decision about the Church, perhaps she could read Karl Keatings ‘What Catholics Really Believe’ as well as ‘Catholicism and Fundamentalism’.

I’ll be praying for you.

ETA: Don’t lose heart, my Religious Education Director is married to a Baptist Minister and they’ve managed to stay together over 25 years and counting.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

Today is a sad, sad Ash Wednesday for me. I was looking forward to it since December, because I wanted to fast, and have a true change in my life during Lent.

But the change happening right now is not the one I was seeking.

My wife has decided she will never, ever come back to the Church. Instead, she says she will go to an evangelical center. There are several arguments, but the main one is that she considers the Church to allow idolatry (saints and Mary devotions).

Anyway, we’re having so many arguments, because she said she will not allow the children to grow up Catholic, even though they’re baptized. We’re cradle Catholics. She also said I can only teach them whatever beliefs we have in common, but no Hail Mary, etc.

I don’t want to argue anymore, so I accepted her decision. I know a lot of people will say that I shouldn’t allow her to make that decision, but I fear that if I turn this into a war, we will end up separating, even divorcing.

Another option was to leave the Catholic Church altogether, so that our children won’t see us arguing about this. I wanted my children to grow with my same beliefs. It’s not normal, for me, that their dad will attend one church and they will go to another denomination.

I’m feeling so down right now.

I would say you need some counseling. Why she may have her beliefs…that fact that she wants to trample all over yours and doesn’t want to listen is not good at all. You guys could use some counseling to come to common ground.

But don’t turn your back on the sacraments…especially the Eucharist…it’s what will give you the strength to keep trying to work through this.

BUT it is going to take both sides…and right now I don’t see your wife working at all to come to a common ground…it sounds like her way or the highway…and that is not a good marriage. How would she feel if you did the same to her? Told her that you were raising the children as CATHOLIC and only allowing them to be exposed to what you say you will as far as her beliefs?

Just my two cents.

 

[mamaslo]

Your both Christian and thats the main thing. Talk to your Priest. Your marriage is the most important thing, no matter what Chrisitan Church you belong to. I sure hope you don’t let this be the cause of seperation or divorce. Prays for your family, keep it together.

The most important thing is God. Your marriage needs Him as the first member, then you and your wife underneath that. Why does it automatically make the topic go to separation and divorce? I do not understand that.

You find some kind of balance. If you know where you are supposed to be then you cannot deny God in good conscience. So find some kind of balance. How old are your children?

I remember you posting in a different topic. Your wife sounds scared to me. You went to the mormon church and something there hurt her. Now the Catholic Church is big just like the Morman church and it sounds like she is scared. She is scared to be wrong and lose God in the process. She is probably scared for the children.

You must learn how to defend the faith, but in a gentle way. She sounds hurt first to me. I used to be scared like that. If she has these preconcieved notions about the Church, then read Rome Sweet Home by scott hahn. and Patrick Madrid’s Surprised by Truth. These people were protestant theologians…very smart people. They address all the complaints she is throwing your way.

Gentle and patient.

 

[John21652]

Today is a sad, sad Ash Wednesday for me. I was looking forward to it since December, because I wanted to fast, and have a true change in my life during Lent.

But the change happening right now is not the one I was seeking.

My wife has decided she will never, ever come back to the Church. Instead, she says she will go to an evangelical center. There are several arguments, but the main one is that she considers the Church to allow idolatry (saints and Mary devotions).

Anyway, we’re having so many arguments, because she said she will not allow the children to grow up Catholic, even though they’re baptized. We’re cradle Catholics. She also said I can only teach them whatever beliefs we have in common, but no Hail Mary, etc.

I don’t want to argue anymore, so I accepted her decision. I know a lot of people will say that I shouldn’t allow her to make that decision, but I fear that if I turn this into a war, we will end up separating, even divorcing.

Another option was to leave the Catholic Church altogether, so that our children won’t see us arguing about this. I wanted my children to grow with my same beliefs. It’s not normal, for me, that their dad will attend one church and they will go to another denomination.

I’m feeling so down right now.

If your wife is a ‘cradle catholic’, as you say, she is going through some sort of crisis. Obviously a crisis of faith, but perhaps an even deeper one, because she is saying and now doing things that no cradle catholic ever should. I think you need expert advice regarding your wife’s behaviour and its sudden changes.

However, I think you should have stood your ground re the Church. If you want your kids to believe in Catholicism, then let them see you be willing to fight for your beliefs. Perhaps your wife will take more heed if you stand firm. Perhaps she will indeed move further away from you if you stand your ground, but then she will eventually begin to feel pretty isolated. You need to stand firm for the sake of the kids and for the longer term sake of your wife. Once you compromise, then everything is compromised and turning back will be that much harder for all of you.

If you married as Catholics and vowed to bring the kids up as Catholics, I thought that would be something that was never up for compromise. Something has gone wrong inside your wife’s head and it needs addressing to ‘bring her back’. You going in the same direction will make matters worse. Compromising your own beliefs will make you feel even more down. It could be you are being tested.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

The most important thing is God. Your marriage needs Him as the first member, then you and your wife underneath that. Why does it automatically make the topic go to separation and divorce? I do not understand that.

You find some kind of balance. If you know where you are supposed to be then you cannot deny God in good conscience. So find some kind of balance. How old are your children?

I remember you posting in a different topic. Your wife sounds scared to me. You went to the mormon church and something there hurt her. Now the Catholic Church is big just like the Morman church and it sounds like she is scared. She is scared to be wrong and lose God in the process. She is probably scared for the children.

You must learn how to defend the faith, but in a gentle way. She sounds hurt first to me. I used to be scared like that. If she has these preconcieved notions about the Church, then read Rome Sweet Home by scott hahn. and Patrick Madrid’s Surprised by Truth. These people were protestant theologians…very smart people. They address all the complaints she is throwing your way.

Gentle and patient.

I don’t know if his wife was hurt by the Mormon church as much as she followed his leadership, converted, and now feels betrayed because he is now leaving the LDS church and returning to Catholicism. She doesn’t trust him to be the spiritual leader of his household any more, and somewhere along the way, she picked up some anti-Catholic beliefs (maybe LDS? I have no direct experience with them so I don’t know). Now he is in a pickle because she does not consider herself to be Catholic any more. I think he will have to somehow earn back her trust and then de-program her, but it’s not going to be easy. In the meantime, if she will go to a retreat or counseling that will only help, but it sounds as though she’s too angry at him to consider it.

 

[Castello]

Also, we can point you to some apologetics information re statues if you would like. Remind her that if anyone worshiped a statue or committed idol worship they would be committing a grave, grave sin.

 

[DebChris]

You are in a very difficult position. I agree with the previous posters who recommended counseling. Your pastor can recommend a family therapist for you. I will speak from personal experience without going into detail. If you compromise your personal beliefs, you will find yourself resenting your wife and/or God. Neither is a good position to find yourself.
When Jesus told us that only the person who leaves “father, mother, brother, or sister for my sake can be my disciple,” He also said that in doing so the person will discover who he is. I found strength in this promise when I found myself alone.
It is important to remain calm as you struggle through this very difficult time in your life. It is a time of self evaluation, with difficult decisions ahead. Stand by your convictions and you may find your wife actually respecting you more in the long run.

I also found peace from 1 Corinthians 12-16 in which Paul says, And if any woman has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her,she should not divorce him…but if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so…It is to peace that God has called you. Wife, for all you know, you might save your husband. Husband, for all you know, you might save your wife.

 

[mamaslo]

I don’t know if his wife was hurt by the Mormon church as much as she followed his leadership, converted, and now feels betrayed because he is now leaving the LDS church and returning to Catholicism. She doesn’t trust him to be the spiritual leader of his household any more, and somewhere along the way, she picked up some anti-Catholic beliefs (maybe LDS? I have no direct experience with them so I don’t know). Now he is in a pickle because she does not consider herself to be Catholic any more. I think he will have to somehow earn back her trust and then de-program her, but it’s not going to be easy. In the meantime, if she will go to a retreat or counseling that will only help, but it sounds as though she’s too angry at him to consider it.

Wow I didn’t think of it that way. Only he/she can answer that though. OP? Maybe counselling would help you if you knew this as the real problem. If this is the real problem, then pray about changing the way you handle things. Talk with your wife, and really find out if this is it. and asTRJ pointed out…earn back her trust.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

From your previous posts it seems that you have spent much of your marriage jerking your wife around when it comes to religion. Of course she doesn’t trust you, and now she probably feels like she has to protect herself and her children from your religious whims, hence the anger about Mary, etc.

The only thing that you can do is be patient. You have really hurt and scared her. She needs time to be able to figure out for herself what she wants. You need to give that to her. Encourage her to read, pray, and learn for herself. But if you push her she’ll just go further from Catholicism.

 

[dailey]

Today is a sad, sad Ash Wednesday for me. I was looking forward to it since December, because I wanted to fast, and have a true change in my life during Lent.

But the change happening right now is not the one I was seeking.

My wife has decided she will never, ever come back to the Church. Instead, she says she will go to an evangelical center. There are several arguments, but the main one is that she considers the Church to allow idolatry (saints and Mary devotions).

Anyway, we’re having so many arguments, because she said she will not allow the children to grow up Catholic, even though they’re baptized. We’re cradle Catholics. She also said I can only teach them whatever beliefs we have in common, but no Hail Mary, etc.

I don’t want to argue anymore, so I accepted her decision. I know a lot of people will say that I shouldn’t allow her to make that decision, but I fear that if I turn this into a war, we will end up separating, even divorcing.

Another option was to leave the Catholic Church altogether, so that our children won’t see us arguing about this. I wanted my children to grow with my same beliefs. It’s not normal, for me, that their dad will attend one church and they will go to another denomination.

I’m feeling so down right now.

If you are both cradle Catholics, then I am assuming you both made a promise to raise the children Catholic? Do not cave with your wife on this point. If she doesn’t want to follow the church anymore, then that is her choice but don’t let her bully you regarding the children.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

If you are both cradle Catholics, then I am assuming you both made a promise to raise the children Catholic? Do not cave with your wife on this point. If she doesn’t want to follow the church anymore, then that is her choice but don’t let her bully you regarding the children.

Read his previous posts. It seems that he’s been bullying his wife from one religion to the next. If he doesn’t give a little ground on this his marriage could very well end.

 

[pabloSD]

From your previous posts it seems that you have spent much of your marriage jerking your wife around when it comes to religion. Of course she doesn’t trust you, and now she probably feels like she has to protect herself and her children from your religious whims, hence the anger about Mary, etc.

The only thing that you can do is be patient. You have really hurt and scared her. She needs time to be able to figure out for herself what she wants. You need to give that to her. Encourage her to read, pray, and learn for herself. But if you push her she’ll just go further from Catholicism.

You’re right, BluEyedLady. I have accepted it is my fault. My insecurities, my traumas. I will give her the space she needs. At this point, I’m more interested in saving my marriage and our family.

Thank you for your comments!
Pablo