separation

[marion_francis]

I have been married to a non-catholic for over 30 years, we have four children. He had had a conversion to christianity while I was dating him( but did not become a Catholic) and it was because of this that we married within 6 months of going out. Ten years into the marriage he lost his faith, probably because he never went to church or prayed. A year ago he left us and is living with another woman, they work together. I have spent the last year in a daze , crying and praying and feeling confused and sad and unable to make sense of the situation, I have been to various sources of counseling, and get suggestions like “moving on’ letting go” going through a kid of bereavement" and ‘choosing to forgive’, and in books I have read, it was suggested that as a Christian that I should be open to reconciliation until it looks like divorce is inevitable. My husband and I had a volatile relationship,but I always loved him, though not always his behavior. I think the main rift for me happened several years ago when I discovered that he was taking cocaine, this fact he at first denied, then minamised, then said everyone did it except me…his behavior became increasingly disrespectful and critical towards me, and I endured this hoping that things would improve with time, but no longer trusted him and would keep out of his way to avoid conflict. He refused to counseling. I understand that this void provoked him to seek love elsewhere, I found him looking at internet porn and a couple of years ago I discovered he was having a 3 month phone affair, at first he was bold and unrepentant about it, but one night he broke down and cried and said he was evil and that treating me badly had become a habit, but he refused to turn back to Christianity. He is not involved with us now, we communicate over financial matters by email or text and he does not try to see the children at all. He behaves apparently as if everything is 'normal ’ in his life. neither of us are seeking a divorce or instructing solicitors, financially we are continuing as if married but he is living with his mistress, whose husband incidentally had dropped dead of a heart attack one month before he left us. I am praying for him a Novena. I do not know what it is that I should be asking for. I cannot discern God’s will in all this. or what is the best way forward in love.

 

[Catholic1954]

If there are children involved, you need legal advice; they must be protected above all. What has he said or done that makes you believe he wants to reconcile? You need professional counceling to help you deal with this mess and figure out what you should do next.

 

[dulcissima]

You really do need to talk to a priest, a counselor, and a lawyer. He has treated you badly, abuses drugs, and has left your marriage for another woman. These are very serious issues and even if he came to you and wanted to work it out, you would be wise to not go back to things as they had been. Take steps to protect yourself and your children and secure your financial and legal rights. Once your start taking these steps, I think you will find that things become crystal clear for you.

 

[ContegoFides]

Marion,

Your story breaks my heart. I pray for you and your children.

I agree with the other posters about finding support. I’ll go a step further.

I strongly urge you to find support that is faithful to the Church, for without support you will have a much much harder time, and secular counselors are likely to give you bad advice. I strongly urge you to find a Catholic counselor, a Catholic lawyer, and a good priest. Try the Pastoral Solutions Institute here: exceptionalmarriages.com/

I’ll recommend one more thing: Pray before the Blessed Sacrament and offer your sufferings for the salvation of your husband and for all sinners. Suffering can be meritorious when united to the cross, for you and for others, and can result in great things - and you have plenty of it to go around.

God Bless You,

 

[whatevergirl]

You really do need to talk to a priest, a counselor, and a lawyer. He has treated you badly, abuses drugs, and has left your marriage for another woman. These are very serious issues and even if he came to you and wanted to work it out, you would be wise to not go back to things as they had been. Take steps to protect yourself and your children and secure your financial and legal rights. Once your start taking these steps, I think you will find that things become crystal clear for you.

*I echo this advice. Prayers for you, marion. This has to be very difficult , I am so sorry you’re having to endure this. *