C
catholicman76
Guest
I have been marriage for a little of 5 years to my wife(no kids), and against the advice of some I am still trying to make it work.
I have tried a lot, but I may be at the end of the line. There have been several severe things when I may have been able to justifiably leave my marriage, but I believe in exhausting all options first.
About 2 years ago, it became very clear that the root of anything that has happened was a communication issue. We tried marriage retreats, I read many books, etc.
The biggest issue is I am not permitted to speak about any personal feelings of mine. I can somethings talk about random events of my work day, (the only AC broke. the computers were down, etc), but if I say I was hurt by this coworker I am told to shut up. The then talks about her feels, and then says, I have no time for you.
We have both been in individual counseling and marriage counseling for over a year. Although the fights have became less heated. My wife still refuses to let me share my feels about us, my day, my week, our life. I will provide to scripts from a very recent Marriage Counseling session.
Me “Can I place on the calendar I time when I can share my feelings”
my wife “No, I am to busy, and have to much going on”
Me “This can even be next week, or after”
my wife “You ALEADY KNOW I am busy that week”
The MC “What about Saturdays?”
my wife “NO”
THE MC " What about this time, date, place"
me “No”
Me “Can I talk to you if right have you share your feeling with me tomorrow?”
Her “What you is problem you know I need to do this that and …”
We then talked about another topic and the Marriage counseling went back to communication feelings.
the MC “what about if you allow him to start even if you are busy with something else, it can be known that you may that remember or pay attention to much if anything he says. He need practice speak to you, even you tune him out, this will allow him to say what is important to him”
my wife “I am unable to do so”
the MC “what about only 5 minutes”
my wife “I do not think I can”
Again, marriage for 5 and half years, and this have been the last 5(it just even clear now because it is now in a structured counseling session. I can not say I have lied to my wife, but she really has no idea whom I am. I realize marriage is forever, but a marriage also includes communication.
Additional we have only been slightly intimate one time in the past 16 months. This is because she hit me(a few time before that point). I told her, there is no possibility of that happening again until, we can constructively talk about the hitting issue. She hit me again since marriage counseling has started 13 months ago, but has shared with me even 2-3 weeks ago in counseling “It was your fault I hit you”. It is hard to forgive and move on when the discussion has never been discussed.
I also asked during marriage counseling about Retrouvaille… My wife said if we attended she may not even allow my to speak during to times slated for me.
I have tried a lot, but I may be at the end of the line. There have been several severe things when I may have been able to justifiably leave my marriage, but I believe in exhausting all options first.
About 2 years ago, it became very clear that the root of anything that has happened was a communication issue. We tried marriage retreats, I read many books, etc.
The biggest issue is I am not permitted to speak about any personal feelings of mine. I can somethings talk about random events of my work day, (the only AC broke. the computers were down, etc), but if I say I was hurt by this coworker I am told to shut up. The then talks about her feels, and then says, I have no time for you.
We have both been in individual counseling and marriage counseling for over a year. Although the fights have became less heated. My wife still refuses to let me share my feels about us, my day, my week, our life. I will provide to scripts from a very recent Marriage Counseling session.
Me “Can I place on the calendar I time when I can share my feelings”
my wife “No, I am to busy, and have to much going on”
Me “This can even be next week, or after”
my wife “You ALEADY KNOW I am busy that week”
The MC “What about Saturdays?”
my wife “NO”
THE MC " What about this time, date, place"
me “No”
Me “Can I talk to you if right have you share your feeling with me tomorrow?”
Her “What you is problem you know I need to do this that and …”
We then talked about another topic and the Marriage counseling went back to communication feelings.
the MC “what about if you allow him to start even if you are busy with something else, it can be known that you may that remember or pay attention to much if anything he says. He need practice speak to you, even you tune him out, this will allow him to say what is important to him”
my wife “I am unable to do so”
the MC “what about only 5 minutes”
my wife “I do not think I can”
Again, marriage for 5 and half years, and this have been the last 5(it just even clear now because it is now in a structured counseling session. I can not say I have lied to my wife, but she really has no idea whom I am. I realize marriage is forever, but a marriage also includes communication.
Additional we have only been slightly intimate one time in the past 16 months. This is because she hit me(a few time before that point). I told her, there is no possibility of that happening again until, we can constructively talk about the hitting issue. She hit me again since marriage counseling has started 13 months ago, but has shared with me even 2-3 weeks ago in counseling “It was your fault I hit you”. It is hard to forgive and move on when the discussion has never been discussed.
I also asked during marriage counseling about Retrouvaille… My wife said if we attended she may not even allow my to speak during to times slated for me.