Serious disrespect... did I say the right thing?

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teachccd said:
Who spanks us for the craziness we put our kids through?? Parents undermining each other, Baptist versus Catholic. These are children, for crying out loud. Tend to the disrespect without hitting while under high emotions and deal with faith issues later. If two adults can’t come to terms with their faith diversities, what can you expect from a 15 and 9 year old?? We talk about truth and our Catholic faith. The truth for these kids is in the form of a question; How can God cause mom and dad so much distress?

These are not theologians. These are children who need proper guidance. And speaking of disrespect, what example do these children see when parents are putting each other and in-laws down in front of them?? The epitome of disrespect…😦
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Ummmm…I am not sure about you but God spanks me for any craziness I put my kids through! If my daughter were to throw a temper tantrum and scream…yell at me…hit me…(I don’t know what Tom’s daughter actually did during her tantrum) you best believe she will get a spanking. No child should disrespect the parents in any way shape or form. Also, spanking is not “hitting.” That would be child abuse. Anyway, that could really take the conversation in a different direction and I would rather focus on Tom’s issues then whether or not he should have spanked his daughter.

You say, " If two adults cannot come to terms with their faith diversities, what can you expect from a 15 and a 9 year old?" Hmmm…I expect not to be yelled at…I expect not to have a full blown temper tantrum from a 9 year old…I expect that my children will obey me. This should not be Catholic vs. Baptist beliefs but what is happening is this father is being disrespected in front of his children and his wife has issues that she struggles to deal with.
 
tomch said:
The problem is chronic. It’s totally out of hand - happens every day. When I’m home, I DO address it swiftly and use appropriate punishments. But when I’m gone (or not in the room at the time), my wife does not hold them to the same level of respect (or obedience). When I hear what’s going on, I intercede and demand that they treat my wife with respect, but I can’t monitor the situation effectively when I’m not there.

I’m sure the kids are confused about the different standards, and this is why the problem is ongoing. One of my reasons for saying what I did was because I wanted them to realize that God is watching their behavior, and HE will hold them accountable to HIS standard when I’m not around to catch them in their misbehavior.

I admire the Baptists for their fervency, but in my opinion, they aren’t as attentive to the “pursuit of holiness” as they could be. Why should they be? They think they are already eternally secure, no matter what they do. As a result, there’s not much of a deterrent to being disrespectful (or other sin) when Dad isn’t watching. In other words, the “Faith Alone” doctrine has no “teeth” when it comes to keeping one from sin. I was hoping that my mention of the “mortal sin” issue would give them reason to pause and consider their actions a little more, and to realize that there might be some “teeth” after all.

I do agree with you about bringing up the “lesson” at a more positive time instead of as part of the discipline session. That makes sense, and I’ll definitely do that in the future. I certainly don’t want to equate Catholicism with unhappiness! Thanks for your suggestions.
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The situation sounds more serious than typical rebel teen behavior. Have you looked into resources to identify possible problems?

I saw your later posts mentioning your wife’s relationship dynamics. Has she ever shown interest in building different communication and relationship styles?

I just know converts in my own life have a beautiful enthusiasm that can sometimes turn a bit zealous. When you are so fervent and in love with the faith, it can be hard to notice that others feel the message more as a blow than as a hug from their dad.
 
hasikelee said:
The situation sounds more serious than typical rebel teen behavior. Have you looked into resources to identify possible problems?

I saw your later posts mentioning your wife’s relationship dynamics. Has she ever shown interest in building different communication and relationship styles?

I just know converts in my own life have a beautiful enthusiasm that can sometimes turn a bit zealous. When you are so fervent and in love with the faith, it can be hard to notice that others feel the message more as a blow than as a hug from their dad.
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My eldest does have serious anxiety issues, as does my wife. We’ve had him in therapy, but he’s not willing to go anymore.

My wife would love to change her communication and relationship styles, and is working hard to do so, but it is very difficult for her - her emotions “take control” and she seems unable to restrain them. Maybe “panic attacks” would be the best way to describe her reaction to everyday situations. She has the best of intentions, but just can’t follow through.

When I first found Catholicism, I was “over zealous” - I was thrilled to have found something that made so much sense, and wanted to tell anyone I could - especially my family. Unfortunately, they weren’t “searching” like I had been, and so they weren’t ready to hear about why Catholicism was so great. Since then (after seeing my earlier mistakes) I’ve toned it down significantly, and (try to) wait until someone actually asks me about it, and then I try not to say too much. I think that this past weekend, I probably DID say too much - the resulting anger from my wife was my first clue!

It’s a real balancing act - knowing what to say, and when. I’m still learning how to do this. For all you “Star Trek” fans… don’t you wish we could perform “Vulcan mind-melds” on all our non-Catholic friends so that they would instantly know what we’re so excited about?! Yes, the “mind-meld” - the ultimate witnessing tool…! 😉
 
tomch said:
We’ve had a very difficult 18 year marriage. My wife is very loving and affectionate (example: just hand-delivered a love note to me at work!) and has many positive traits, but also has some serious anxiety issues (similar to Bipolar II), for which she has been in counseling for many years (CATHOLIC therapist, who she really likes!).

My eldest is showing the exact same anxiety issues that my wife and mother-in-law have.
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I will very gently suggest that your wife and perhaps eldest be evaluated by a psychiatrist for medication as well as counseling. Anxiety can be caused by a chemical imbalance that should be medicated to provide your wife with relief and help her to cope better.

And I will continue to pray.
 
Sr_Sally said:
I will very gently suggest that your wife and perhaps eldest be evaluated by a psychiatrist for medication as well as counseling. Anxiety can be caused by a chemical imbalance that should be medicated to provide your wife with relief and help her to cope better.

And I will continue to pray.
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Yup… been there, done that. Her therapist as well has urged her to get medication, but she (and consequently my son as well) are not open to it… very “holistic” approach to medication.

I’m kinda at a dead end as to their emotional conditions - I just need to make the best of the situation and try to minimize the tension in the house. Needless to say, my conversion didn’t help here, but I can work harder at saying things at the appropriate times, and depend on the Lord to work in their lives.
 
st_ignatius110 said:
Ummmm…I am not sure about you but God spanks me for any craziness I put my kids through! If my daughter were to throw a temper tantrum and scream…yell at me…hit me…(I don’t know what Tom’s daughter actually did during her tantrum) you best believe she will get a spanking. No child should disrespect the parents in any way shape or form. Also, spanking is not “hitting.” That would be child abuse. Anyway, that could really take the conversation in a different direction and I would rather focus on Tom’s issues then whether or not he should have spanked his daughter.

You say, " If two adults cannot come to terms with their faith diversities, what can you expect from a 15 and a 9 year old?" Hmmm…I expect not to be yelled at…I expect not to have a full blown temper tantrum from a 9 year old…I expect that my children will obey me. This should not be Catholic vs. Baptist beliefs but what is happening is this father is being disrespected in front of his children and his wife has issues that she struggles to deal with.
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Spanking is not hitting??? O.K. whatever.

Kids mirror their environment. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it…👍 Oh and God never spanked me. I do that on my own. God is love. We only “spank” ourselves when we choose to move away from Love…God Bless 🙂
 
st_ignatius110 said:
Also, spanking is not “hitting.” That would be child abuse. Anyway, that could really take the conversation in a different direction and I would rather focus on Tom’s issues then whether or not he should have spanked his daughter.
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In these times any form of spanking can get one in hot water with the authorities. Physical punishment is not required. My wife and I raised six children. The first three received physical punishment from time to time. The younger three never. We found that short periods of isolation, revocation of previleges like use of the phone or car etc., having to write essays on their unacceptable behavior worked quite well. I actually think the younger ones became much more disciplined in their behavior than the older. Much less rebellion and hard feelings toward others. Using the “Catholic” viewpoint in attempting to bring discipline seems to me to be a two-edged sword in that it separates you and your wife in the minds of your children. That unified front that some others have mentioned is exremely important.
 
teachccd said:
Spanking is not hitting??? O.K. whatever.

Kids mirror their environment. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it…👍 Oh and God never spanked me. I do that on my own. God is love. We only “spank” ourselves when we choose to move away from Love…God Bless 🙂
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If you think God does not or cannot punish us then you are sorely wrong and need to re-read the Sacred Scriptures. God punishes those whom He loves. As I said earlier I am not going to get into a debate on spanking, that is not what this thread is about.
 
tomch said:
Yup… been there, done that. Her therapist as well has urged her to get medication, but she (and consequently my son as well) are not open to it… very “holistic” approach to medication.

I’m kinda at a dead end as to their emotional conditions - I just need to make the best of the situation and try to minimize the tension in the house. Needless to say, my conversion didn’t help here, but I can work harder at saying things at the appropriate times, and depend on the Lord to work in their lives.
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Don’t beat yourself up, keep your eye on the cross, it seems you are doing what is needed,remember we don’t become saints over night, you just might need to find one or two trustworthy male accountabilty partners to vent to, such as your priest, a spiritual advisor and/or a freind to have coffee with. Take it a day at time. the closer we get to God the more we see the answers. Pray! From me, prayers for you and yours…
 
st_ignatius110 said:
If you think God does not or cannot punish us then you are sorely wrong and need to re-read the Sacred Scriptures. God punishes those whom He loves. As I said earlier I am not going to get into a debate on spanking, that is not what this thread is about.
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Then quit bringing it up…😉
 
The main thing here is to get the subject of religion away from the discipline of the children.

You and your wife need to sit down and come up with a set of shared expectations, and a set of shared consequences that you will both adhere to. That way, no matter which parent is home at the time, the kids are still being expected to do the same things, and the consequences are the same for not doing these things, regardless of which parent is at home.
 
teachccd said:
OK…:confused:
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Read Hebrews chapter 10 and let me know if you still think God will not punish His people.
Hebrews 10:30-31
For we know Him who said, "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY " And again, “THE LORD WILL JUDGE HIS PEOPLE.”
It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
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God disciplines us BECAUSE He is Love. He is a true Father. A true Father that loves his children would never allow them to only discipline themselves. He would discipline his children so that they would learn right from wrong. This is how God is.
 
st_ignatius110 said:
Read Hebrews chapter 10 and let me know if you still think God will not punish His people.

God disciplines us BECAUSE He is Love. He is a true Father. A true Father that loves his children would never allow them to only discipline themselves. He would discipline his children so that they would learn right from wrong. This is how God is.
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Alright,already! You got your point across. I have never felt “punished” by God except for the extreme guilt that I put on myself for not always loving an awesome, loving and Almighty God. I’ll look up for lightning bolts from now on…🙂 God Bless
 
teachccd said:
Alright,already! You got your point across. I have never felt “punished” by God except for the extreme guilt that I put on myself for not always loving an awesome, loving and Almighty God. I’ll look up for lightning bolts from now on…🙂 God Bless
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lol. Haha. 😃 Perhaps that guilt is God’s punishment on you ( He did after all create you) Just a thought. Anyways. No more thread hijacking.
 
tomch said:
I’m hoping that I can instill a bit of skepticism against the “Baptist brainwashing” that is going on. I’d be happy if they opened their Bibles and asked “Does it really say that?”
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Thats not the attitude to have either, “Brainwashing” goes on in ALL religions, Lutheran, Baptists, jehovas, Catholics, buddists, muslim.etc etc, some of it is just play on facts or meant to scare the snot out of you etc.if you really want her to get interested in YOUR religion the best way to go about doing that is to not insult hers or act all high and mighty. take this from someone whom converted, I will add I didnt convert because i thought Catholics were “truthful, or right” in thier teachings. I think all religions have a handle on things they just interpret things differently.
even The Catholic church has changed its interpretations throughout the years. and look at the interpretation differences between orthodox and roman Catholic churches…

The only way to Know what is what is to be lucky enough to have Jesus come down and explain it, which wont happen.

well enough of this for me I have friends to find my time getting very short…
 
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