Serious problem with sin- please help

[jjackson82]

Hi guys, this is extremely embarrassing so I’m just going to come out with it- Im a 25 year old guy and I’m a crossdresser. Ive done a search on the forums but there isnt much about this topic so I was hoping I could maybe get some advice.

To put you in the picture- Ive been doing this since I was about 4 and it has stayed with me, on and off, ever since. I am a Catholic and I certainly believe in my Faith but I am ashamed to say I certainly dont live it. I cant really describe, I just get these overwhelming urges to dress and act like a woman. It comes in cycles and after a bout of dressing I feel so unbelievably guilty, throw away all my womans clothes and promise to never do it again. It always comes back though- I think the most I have lasted is 6 months. I believe this is called the urge/ purge cycle. I once spent £200 on clothes then felt so guilty the next day I threw them all away! When I think of the money and time Ive wasted on this it makes me sick!

Ive read so many “Christian” crossdressers saying its no big deal but it is! What makes me worse is that I know its a sin yet I still do it, thinking I can just call it a day at some point and then start living the way God wants me to- that I might as well enjoy it just now. Deep down I know it doesnt work like that. Thats so wrong and I know that! I disgust myself!

Ive been told that I just have to deal with it, Im a crossdresser and it will never leave me. The urges might never leave but it doesnt mean I have to give in to them. Its so hard though, so hard.
While Im being so open I might as well admit this habit often leads to masturbation, watching pornography, homosexual urges and, what really hurts the most, it makes me tell awful, barefaced lies to the ones I love the most. Everyone thinks Im great but Im actually disgusting.

I need to stop this for the good of my soul or I will pay for this for eternity. Ive confessed this stuff on 4 occasions but it always comes back. I pray but Im so weak. What can I do? Has anyone ever been through this? Or does anyone have any advice? I hate what I am, all I want is to lead a respectable, clean, Catholic life. I know this is the cross I have to bear, I just need help.

Pray for me.

James

 

[Penitus]

Thanks for being honest.

It is key to remember that what you’re going through is an actual disorder recognized by the greater psychiatric community. The fact that it IS a disorder potentially lessens your culpability somewhat.

With that in mind, however, you still have some responsibility to do whatever you can to stop it. I recommend that you seek a Catholic counselor/therapist. If you cannot find one, then seek a Christian counselor/therapist.

And of course, continue to pray pray pray, go to confession and Mass often.

May the grace of God guide you to His healing.

 

[jjackson82]

Thanks Penitus, a counselor was something I was thinking about actually. I just feel so bad about it all, really struggling to beat this.

 

[Christy_Beth]

I don’t remember where in Paul’s letters, but I know he wrote about this. Well, sort of. He said that that which he should do, he doesn’t and that which he knows he should not do, that he does. It’s basic human nature to have some to struggle with. It can come on quite strong.

Give yourself some credit. You’re willing to work on it. You will have a real fight with yourself, but I know you can do it. Trust in the Lord, and He will lead you to light and grace.

 

[Kolbe300]

Everyone thinks Im great but Im actually disgusting.

Hi James! Of all the things you were so honest about in your post, this is the one that stuck out the most to me. There is one reason and one reason alone that you are not disgusting: because you are created by God. Although the darkness in your life may try to destroy your self image, remember that the very reason you struggle with this, the reason you are bothered by your temptations, the reason you are seeking help is because of the goodness in you.

You are not disgusting because you choose to fight the good fight. You are making the choice for honesty and the choice to improve yourself. That is the goodness in you, it is the spirit in you, and it is anything but disgusting.

As others have mentioned, I would strongly recommend counseling and spiritual direction. They can be an invaluable help. The Sacraments and prayer will be your greatest ally. Please know that I will be praying for you. Continue to fight the good fight!

Peace and Prayers!

 

[TLDenmark]

Dear Jjackson82

I can only agree with the advice already given, but simple had to comment about one of the things you wrote.

Everyone thinks Im great but Im actually disgusting.

That is not true; you are one of Gods beautiful creatures. Keep on fighting the good fight against sin, but never allow yourself to loose hope. You are in my prayers.

God bless you
TL

 

[graceandglory]

Pray for me.

I think a great help is going to be studying to understand WHY God made us male and female. Why did He make us sexual beings with a body and why did He make some of us males and some females? WHY is it wrong to cross dress? (It’s speaking a lie with your body.)

God’s Truth is stamped into our bodies as males and females.

I would suggest picking up a copy of Good News for Sex and Marriage by Christopher West for starters. ascensionpress.com/shop/Scripts/prodList.asp?idCategory=48

Learn about the Theology of the Body. Learning about the TOB by Pope John Paul II is life changing for so many people with different sexual addictions and deviancies.

Read Theology of the Body for Beginners by Christopher West, ascensionpress.com/shop/Scripts/prodView.asp?idproduct=10
thenTheology of the Body Explained.

God made us male and female in part to direct us to Him and to Heaven. Just like any addiction, spend less and less time doing what you don’t want to do (Read Romans 7 by St. Paul). Go to frequent confession. And then fill your time doing something else. Study the Theology of the Body!

God created us to be a gift to others, cross dressing is indulging in a self seeking desire and isn’t being life and love to another, it’s selfish.

Just following the rules, “don’t do it,” doesn’t help when there is a drive to do something else. You need to be redeemed by the power of Christ, and a whole quarter of the Theology of the Body is about Redemption of our twisted desires and allowing God to untwist what Satan has twisted in us. Without the power of the Cross it’s pretty hopeless. Your desires have to be changed. That happens in the heart.

Pope John Paul II says in his Theology of the Body talks, "Christian ethos is characterized by a transformation of the coscience and attitudes of…both man and woman, such as to express and realize the value of the body and sex according to the Creator’s original plan."

I highly recommend materials by Christopher West for helping people to get that “Christian ethos” (the heart attitude), which Pope John Paul spoke of. christopherwest.com/page.asp?ContentID=15

A PRAYER for the Redemption of our Bodies
**
Come Holy Spirit of truth. Give us the eyes to see the mystery of God revealed through our bodies. Give us the grace to confront the lies we have believed, the lies that have lodged in our hearts that make it so difficult for us to love, accept, and understand our bodoes as you created them to be. Dislodge these lies from our hearts that we might behold the body of Christ without shame. For therein – in Christ’s exposed body given up for us – the truth is told and Satan’s lies defeated. Therein we discover the redemption of our own bodies. Let it be, Lord, according to your Word. Amen**.

 

[Penitus]

I think a great help is going to be studying to understand WHY God made us male and female. Why did He make us sexual beings with a body and why did He make some of us males and some females? WHY is it wrong to cross dress? (It’s speaking a lie with your body.)

God’s Truth is stamped into our bodies as males and females.

I would suggest picking up a copy of Good News for Sex and Marriage by Christopher West for starters. ascensionpress.com/shop/Scripts/prodList.asp?idCategory=48

Learn about the Theology of the Body. Learning about the TOB by Pope John Paul II is life changing for so many people with different sexual addictions and deviancies.

With all due respect, I disagree. I believe Theology of the Body has brought the sexual issues to the forefront of discussion, and I find it important, although I don’t think it has necessarily aided in helping people overcome sexual problems.

For example, I’m a Catholic Counselor and I work with several men who are addicted to pornography. Most of them have TotB memorized. Yet it barely aids them in overcoming the habit because simply KNOWING why something is wrong doesn’t make it much easier to OVERCOME.

In summary, all Catholics should be somewhat versed on TotB, but I don’t expect those who struggle with sexual sin to be freed by reading TotB.

 

[graceandglory]

In summary, all Catholics should be somewhat versed on TotB, but I don’t expect those who struggle with sexual sin to be freed by reading TotB.

Nope, not by reading it, but by Christ.
I know many who have overcome sexual addiction and have become converts to the faith, and who have become on fire for their faith from learning of this message of redemption.

If someone can find a Catholic counselor who is able to counsel someone as a faithful Catholic that would be good. If you are a Catholic counselor, do you counsel as a Catholic? Or are you a counselor who happens to also be a Catholic. There is a huge difference.

If you are a Catholic counselor, could you share with the OP suggestions for helping him to overcome his addiction? Can you give us tools in the public fora? This person has come to a Catholic forum board looking for Catholic answers to his problem. Instead of telling of some people who don’t find TOB helpful, can you add to the discussion?

Theology of the BOdy is NOT about the rules and why something is wrong. It is about giving people a greater vision for their sexuality.

If you are a counselor, how many years did you study to become a counselor? 6 or more? All of those years of study made you a counselor. That’s your identity. It took many years of study to get there.

It is totally biblical and Catholic for someone to study in order to be transformed. “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is God’s perfect will.” Romans 12:1-2

That is what Catholic counseling is all about. It’s about leading someone toward conversion. Conversion is changing your mind about your sin.

Please help the OP and others reading the boards, from your vast knowledge of counseling those with sexual sins, how they can be freed. That is what the OP wants. I have shared with him how he can be freed from his sexual sins. By the power of the Cross and Christ’s redemption. That is the gospel. That is the good news. TOtB is an avenue for people to get to that redemption that they so desire.

I think JP2 was right on the mark with his TOtB, and right at the heels of the APA removing so many things from the list of sexual deviancies that can be legally counseled.

 

[Layp3rs0n]

I know admitting these things on this forum must have been humiliating. You are so brave! We are glad that you are here and we love you, James. The Lord loves you. We will all be praying for you to overcome this vice. Remember while there is shame in sinning again there is NO SHAME in repenting again. Ask Our Lady and Saint Joseph to help you with you purity. God bless.
:console:
Saint Joseph, most chaste spouse of the Blessed Virgen Mary, pray for us!

 

[fbl9]

hi jjackson82…i understand your feeling of being disgusting…like others have said it is your sin that is disgusting(all sin is this any how)…not yourself but rather what you have done.what works for me in overcoming temptation is to pray the Glory be…make a firm resolve with this temptation that when ever you are tempted you will give praise and glory to God.this is the only way to defeat the temptor,say to him when you tempt me the only thing i will do is give glory to God most high.my prayers are with you.

 

[GraceDK]

“Everyone thinks Im great but Im actually disgusting.
I need to stop this for the good of my soul or I will pay for this for eternity.” - James

James… brother…
You gotta change your thinking. Healing will come with a changed attitude towards who you are and what you want out of life…

A friend of mine stopped pornography when he realised that he was looking for real love… masturbation when he realised that he longed for real love-making and total selfgiving and that masturbation was an act of emptiness and anxiety…

See James, Jesus wants something big for you… not something low and vile. You are a son of the most high. In order to be set free you gotta understand that you are of infinite value and you are loved by Christ and the Church (us and we just want the best for you).
Dont paint this up to be a mountain that will always stand in your way… I can tell you like it is… the longer you totally paniq… the longer you are gonna be in this problem. Satan loves fear… but we got a Lord who is greater than satan.

Do you not long for true love? have you ever thought about the fact that someone out there might be waiting for you this moment hoping you take good care of your self until you meet?

Yes… I think too that you should speak to a good, very good priest and ask him to direct you to a really good, Catholic counselor who can find out what is going on and what emotional wound you suffer from that got you into this and how to get you out of the addiction.

 

[Penitus]

Nope, not by reading it, but by Christ.
If someone can find a Catholic counselor who is able to counsel someone as a faithful Catholic that would be good. If you are a Catholic counselor, do you counsel as a Catholic? Or are you a counselor who happens to also be a Catholic. There is a huge difference.

If you are a Catholic counselor, could you share with the OP suggestions for helping him to overcome his addiction? Can you give us tools in the public fora? This person has come to a Catholic forum board looking for Catholic answers to his problem. Instead of telling of some people who don’t find TOB helpful, can you add to the discussion?

Theology of the BOdy is NOT about the rules and why something is wrong. It is about giving people a greater vision for their sexuality.

If you are a counselor, how many years did you study to become a counselor? 6 or more? All of those years of study made you a counselor. That’s your identity. It took many years of study to get there.

It is totally biblical and Catholic for someone to study in order to be transformed. “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is God’s perfect will.” Romans 12:1-2

That is what Catholic counseling is all about. It’s about leading someone toward conversion. Conversion is changing your mind about your sin.

I have two counseling jobs. In one of them I am a counselor who is Catholic, and in the other job I get to be an explicitly Catholic Counselor. Yes, I have 6 years of schooling under my belt.

I can’t quite recommend much more, simply because a lot of sexual issues stem from past experiences, traumas, etc. Therefore, treatment is tailored to the indvidual.

Again, I’m not downplaying TotB. It is wonderful.