Serious relationship with serious Protestant

  • Thread starter Thread starter Christine4God
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
C

Christine4God

Guest
This is my first posting - I didn’t know who to talk to, so I thought I’d put my situation out there for my Catholic brothers and sisters to help…

For the last 15 months, I’ve been dating a wonderful man. He was raised Baptist, but now he really affiliates himself more with Evangelical/“Bible based” churches. He has a wonderful faith which is supported with a strong understanding of Protestant theology. He is extremely well-read, and has a sharp, logical mind.

I am a born-and-raised Catholic. I will always be Catholic. I love my faith and the Church. My family is very much rooted in the Catholic Church, and I do not plan on changing any of that.

However, when put to the test by my decidedly Protestant boyfriend, I often wind up floundering and cannot argue Catholic theology to save my life. I walk away from these conversations (which are becoming more and more frequent) feeling like Catholic theology is full of holes and that my “blind faith” is childish.

I know that there are plenty of resources available on Catholic apologetics, and in the heat of the moment, I can’t seem to stand on firm ground against his inquiries. I also know that at a young age, Protestants are armed with anti-Catholic doctrine to assist them in the “Mission to Catholics,” so I know that these thoughts are deeply ingrained in my boyfriend.

I love my boyfriend very very much, despite his closed-mindedness to the Catholic Church. How can I proceed? Has anyone out there been in this situation? Who can I appeal to in my area for help? Where can I even BEGIN to get up to speed on Catholic theology?

Thank you so much for any advice - I feel isolated in my struggle. I don’t want to talk to friends and family about this, because I don’t want to skew their opinion of my boyfriend.

Christine
 
There have been a number of threads (especially in the Family Life forum) about Protestant and Catholic marriages that cover the difficulties of mixed-faith relationships. Search on key words with the search function on the button-bar above. I am not an expert on these issues, though I have learned a lot from reading others’ struggles. Hope you get some good insights that will help you. God bless.
 
First, always take a deep breath. If you don’t know something, it’s okay–it doesn’t mean there’s no answer.

Second, make sure you’re on one issue. Often times, we’re overwhelmed because Protestant or atheist attacks take the form of a gattling-gun assault. They don’t actually want answers, they just want to overwhelm you with ammo.

Third, if you don’t know the answer, say so, and say “I’ll get back to you on that.” Being under fire is the best way to learn.

Fourth, I’m in the same boat. She’s very kind, sweet, open-minded, but sharp as a whip and can quote Scripture at length. We’ve only been dating for a week or so, (but have known each other for a long time), so this stuff is bound to come up. I’ll keep you in my prayers if you do the same. 😉
 
Hi! I understand where your boyfriend is coming from. I too was an anti-Catholic young Evangelical at one time. (As in last year…) Whatever you do, don’t be afraid to read your Bible! Reading the Bible will only confirm your Catholic beliefs. Be sure and bring up Sacred Tradition and ask him where in the Bible it says that the Bible is our only source of truth. There are some great books out there too, just go find the local Catholic bookstore and have the owner show you some apologetics literature. I too have dicussions ALL THE TIME about Catholicism since most of my best friends are still evangelicals. Oddly enough the one on my side the most is actually getting a Missions degree at an Evangelical College…funny how that works huh? This is a guy thats been studying theology for three years and he is the most open-minded of them all because he actually knows where we got the Bible and how the early Church was formed. If you have any questions feel free to ask but I am not the expert on Catholicism that I would like to be yet. I know lots about Protestant theology and such so if you have a question on that I will be sure and get the answer for ya. God bless!
 
I highly recommend Catholicism and Fundamentalism by Karl Keating.

I didn’t know a thing about my faith until I picked it up and half way through I was debating protestant street preachers in NYC.

If you get stumped with a particular question, post it on the Apologetics forum and we will help you out.

If it gets too bad you should consider getting out of the relationship. There are certain religious differences in a marriage you can’t ignore like whether to contracept or how to raise your children in the faith. There certainly are a lot of people here married to protestants who have posted about the heartache and pain in their marriage.

It is possible that God put this man in your life precisely to force you to learn about your Catholic faith which will bring you closer to God.
 
This is NOT something that can be fixed overnight.

Set some rules.

Have him bring up ONE OBJECTION at a time. Don’t allow him to overwhelm you with tons of objections.

If you don’t know the answer, tell him “I don’t know but I’ll get back to you on it” and then research research research! Then come back and show him what you found.

Read up on apologetics websites, ask questions in this forum (or the DCF forum)

Suggested sites:
www.scripturecatholic.com
www.catholic.com
www.biblicalcatholic.com
 
A girl very close to me was engaged to a evangelical. Wow, what a mess it was. The long and short of it is that they are no longer together. It was a long couple of years with many arguements and tears. No matter what he says, he “knows” we worship Mary, and all that other misinformed stuff they repeat over and over.
Will he raise his children Catholic?
I hope you come to really know your faith. It takes Gods grace, alot of prayer and alot of study.
In the case I spoke about this experience brought the young lady into a deap knowledge of the Catholic faith. Don’t think you can convert him, only the Holy Spirit can convert! I’ll be praying for you!
 
First, this relationship may give you a new depth of faith. For a convert like me, I’ve gone through both sides - for a cradle Catholic - you are going to have to know WHY and not have what appears to be “blind faith”. There are many great resources, one is as close as your parish RCIA class. It is not just for those coming into the Church, at our parish, over half of those in the class are cradle Catholics who want to learn MORE about the faith.

One thing to remember, we do not chose the family we are born into - we DO choose the family we create throught marriage. We have full control over who we fall in love with - and dating outside of the faith says that you may have intentions of marrying outside of the faith - marriage is hard enough without faith dividing you.

If this man is not willing to at the least respect and learn about your faith, I’d think and pray hard about continuing the relationship. Missionary dating is really really hard!

There are great men out there who would cherish a Catholic girlfriend/wife, maybe you are the answer to a prayer for someone!

Prayers - Kage
 
PART 1 of 2
40.png
Christine4God:
This is my first posting - I didn’t know who to talk to, so I thought I’d put my situation out there for my Catholic brothers and sisters to help…
Click to expand...
Welcome to the forum. This is a great place to get answers, however, the best place to get answers is directly from the source - PRAY.
40.png
Christine4God:
For the last 15 months, I’ve been dating a wonderful man. He was raised Baptist, but now he really affiliates himself more with Evangelical/“Bible based” churches. He has a wonderful faith which is supported with a strong understanding of Protestant theology. He is extremely well-read, and has a sharp, logical mind.
Click to expand...
I was like your boyfriend with a few exceptions…I hated the Catholic church. One day I read “Born Fundamentalist, Born Again Catholic” by David Currie. Remember, it is not your job to convert him…Just love him.
40.png
Christine4God:
I am a born-and-raised Catholic. I will always be Catholic. I love my faith and the Church. My family is very much rooted in the Catholic Church, and I do not plan on changing any of that.
Click to expand...
You may not plan on changing, but your BF will one day make you decide between him and the church…I know from expierence. I made my wife decide. Please make the right choice.
40.png
Christine4God:
However, when put to the test by my decidedly Protestant boyfriend, I often wind up floundering and cannot argue Catholic theology to save my life. I walk away from these conversations (which are becoming more and more frequent) feeling like Catholic theology is full of holes and that my “blind faith” is childish.
Click to expand...
We, Catholics, are not expected to know everything. Pick up a copy of the CCC, our rule book. Evangelicals (and Baptists) love to argue until they win. The best way to defuse him is to say something like, “Yes, you are right. There are some Catholics that …” Don’t argue with him.
40.png
Christine4God:
I know that there are plenty of resources available on Catholic apologetics, and in the heat of the moment, I can’t seem to stand on firm ground against his inquiries. I also know that at a young age, Protestants are armed with anti-Catholic doctrine to assist them in the “Mission to Catholics,” so I know that these thoughts are deeply ingrained in my boyfriend.
Click to expand...
You have two things working against you.
  1. Evangelical/Baptist - We are going to Hell because we are Catholic. (A Buddhist has a better chance of getting in to Heaven).
  2. Southern males are very opinionated. (I lived in the south for about a number of years.)
40.png
Christine4God:
I love my boyfriend very very much, despite his closed-mindedness to the Catholic Church.
Click to expand...
I’m sure you do. However, does he love you? If he really loved you he’d respect your faith. If you do marry (and you should think about this seriously) will he allow himself to be married in the Catholic Church, will he allow his children to be Baptized Catholic, will he allow the children to be raised or is he going to pull the Ephesians 5:22 card out after you are married (“Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord.”) and demand his own way?

God Bless you and your Borfriend,

Davis Gray
CFC-SFC Chicago
 
PART 2 of 2
40.png
Christine4God:
How can I proceed?
Click to expand...
First PRAY. Get with a Catholic Based prayer group. If you know of one your area.
40.png
Christine4God:
Has anyone out there been in this situation?
Click to expand...
My wife has been where you are. I eventually pulled her away from the Church. We are back now and involved in Couples and Singles for Christ Family Ministries.
40.png
Christine4God:
Who can I appeal to in my area for help?
Click to expand...
First appeal to your boyfriend to back off. He’ll say that he is just kidding or just playing around. Actually he is not. Go to your church and/or contact the CFC-Singles for Christ in your area.
40.png
Christine4God:
Where can I even BEGIN to get up to speed on Catholic theology?
Click to expand...
Get a copy of the Catholic Tracks from www.catholic.com
40.png
Christine4God:
Thank you so much for any advice - I feel isolated in my struggle. I don’t want to talk to friends and family about this, because I don’t want to skew their opinion of my boyfriend.
Click to expand...
Contact me if you want more information about the Singles For Christ in your area. It is Catholic based but not Catholic exclusive. If your boyfriend is serious about you, ask him to attend the meeting with you.

God Bless you and your Borfriend,

Davis Gray
CFC-SFC Chicago
www.couplesforchrist.us
 
Another idea is to tell him he has brought up some good questions that deserve answers. Remind him that just because you do not know the answer, does not mean there is not an answer out there. Find out if someone in your church can meet with both of you for a series of classes. He can bring his questions and you both can get the answers from someone knowledgeable. I highly recommend that person be a man, not a woman who answers the questions.
 
Christine, he has been better trained in theology than you have been. One reason for this is despite the Protestants claim to follow the Scripture, there are over 35,000 different protestant churches out there teaching different theology. The protestant Church has to train it’s members so the members don’t switch Churches on them. They convince themselves that theirs is the truth.
40.png
Christine4God:
For the last 15 months, I’ve been dating a wonderful man. He was raised Baptist, but now he really affiliates himself more with Evangelical/“Bible based” churches.
Click to expand...
Pray for him. I think former Protestants make the best Catholics. Please don’t try to convert him. Lead by example.
40.png
Christine4God:
I also know that at a young age, Protestants are armed with anti-Catholic doctrine to assist them in the “Mission to Catholics,” so I know that these thoughts are deeply ingrained in my boyfriend. When put to the test by my decidedly Protestant boyfriend, I often wind up floundering and cannot argue Catholic theology to save my life. I walk away from these conversations (which are becoming more and more frequent) feeling like Catholic theology is full of holes and that my “blind faith” is childish.
Click to expand...
That’s how he was trained. Does a good job doesn’t he? Trust me Catholic theology is not full of holes. The more you research the more you will find the Catholic Church is right. Share with him your revelations, but don’t argue with him.
40.png
Christine4God:
Where can I even BEGIN to get up to speed on Catholic theology?
Click to expand...
CCC (Catechism of the Catholic Church), look up the things he asks about, one caution, read the whole subject area. Don’t take things out of context.
40.png
Christine4God:
I feel isolated in my struggle.
Click to expand...
You’re not alone.
We have all been in that position of not knowing how to answer. This is God waking your faith up. I found that when I was asked a question I wasn’t sure of I did a lot of research, Catholic research. One thing, don’t use his reference books, they will assuredly be anti-Catholic. Use ONLY Catholic references. Every, and I mean every, subject I researched I found the Catholic Church to be correct on, and it truly strengthened my faith. Look at this as an opportunity to learn. Someone mentioned Karl Keating’s book, Catholicism and Fundamentalism a wonderful book, I highly recommend it, and it’s also a pretty easy read. Start your own Catholic library. And stick around here, a lot of good people sharing their faith. But, even with good intentions, don’t take our word for it, look it up!!!
Good luck.
May the peace and love of our Lord, Jesus the Christ, be with you.
Tom
 
Here’s some more resources:

“Nuts and Bolts” by Tim Staples. Excellent, because he gives situations in which Catholics can witness to their faith “on the spot”, complete with Bible quotes. Since Mr. Staples himself was a convert, he’s been on BOTH sides of the conversations!

“Prove It! Church” by Amy Welborn. Aimed primarily at teens, but great for anyone who’s been hit with a barrage of “proof” that the Catholic Faith is wrong.

And can you slip him a Green Scapular?👍

I’ll be praying!

BlueRose
 
First of all - THANK YOU to all who have responded. Tears are actually rolling down my face right now. Your support and thoughtful words are WONDERFUL. And I firmly believe that as many of you said, this is challenging my faith and God is making me stronger in Him through this experience.

For all you converts - what was the most compelling argument for Catholicism? What made you change?

Does anyone know a good person I could contact in Atlanta - a priest, nun, scholar that would be willing to talk to me and my boyfriend?

montantaman - keep me posted…I’ll definitely pray for you, too!

nucatholic - I see you’re a Sooner…my boyfriend graduated from OU in 2000. Your words and encouragement are wonderful. How did you become interested in the Catholic faith? From what my boyfriend tells me, there’s not much Catholic support around there…I don’t think I even saw a Catholic church on the campus!

pittsburghjeff - I recently purchased Catholicism & Fundamentalism…I know it will be a good resource. I foresee that my obstacle will be remembering the nuances of his arguments in the midst of our discussions. I most definitely will post questions that I can’t answer here. Deep down in my heart, I also know that if it does get any worse, I may need to think about ending it. It would be excruciatingly painful, but 50 years of my current situation would be insufferable.

kage_ar - I know that I can choose to end it, but I feel so entrenched in this relationship. It’s foolish, I know. 15 months of dating is not that long. I moved from Chicago to Atlanta to be near him. (we both travel for work and are only in Atlanta on weekends, but it was still a giant move nonetheless). I need to be honest with myself.

dhgray - thank you for all your advice. I do want more info on Singles for Christ - is your email available on here? (sorry - I’m new to this) Also, what made you convert? You were adamantly opposed to Catholicism…was is just Currie’s book? (I have it and have read 1/4 of it - it’s WONDERFUL, but a complete 180 degree change from one book?)

Tom - you’re right on about leading by example. My boyfriend would absolutely get more from that than from my feeble attempts to counter his arguments. You mention Catholic-specific research - does that include using a Catholic Bible? Obviously my boyfriend uses a Protestant Bible (a Life Application Bible)…is it worded significantly differently? I know it doesn’t have the Apocrypha either…but I mean general translations…

bluerose - those are 2 books I’ve never seen. You’d better believe I’m going to check those out…they sound like great tools.

Again, your support is amazing. This is just what I was praying for - it’s amazing how God provides for us.

Christine
 
Hi, Christine, I want to add something to all the great comments my fellow posters have shared.

First, you’re on the right site for answers. That’s why it’s called Catholic Answers. They got EVERYTHING you need right here. You can order their books. Karl Keating’s book started the whole “apologetic defense” thing rolling. You MUST buy his book. Start there. It will really, really help. IT’s called Catholicism vs Fundamentalism. You can find it at Amazon, or even buy it on this sight.

Next - whoever said if you don’t know the answer don’t worry is right. Just start to carry a notebook or a palm pilot with you. And when you got a question you don’t know the answer to, right it down and say you’ll look it up. Don’t fight. Be patient with yourself. you can do this.

See, what I’ve done over the last few years is started looking up the answers to questions and saving them in my palm pilot. No lie. Now, when I get challenged, I whip it out and there’s the answer, complete with Bible quotes!

In fact, if you have a palm or pocket pc or something, I can email you all the info I’ve saved and you can have it at your fingertips. 🙂

In any case, here are some really good quick reference sights I’ve found that make your Biblical defense of Catholicism easy:

FAQ on the Catholic Church (from the St. Augustine Club at Columbia University) columbia.edu/cu/augustine/a/faq-cc.html

Biblical defense of Catholicism:
globalserve.net/~bumblebee/ecclesia/ecclesia.htm

Scripture Catholic
scripturecatholic.com

Pillar of Fire, Pillar of Truth - catholic.com/library/pillar.asp

About the King James Bible.
signumcrucis.net/av1611.htm

christusrex.org/www2/kerygma/ccc/searchcat.html Catechism Search engine.

A Biblical breakdown of the Mass: catholicsites.com/beggarking/Mass.html

Start there and go forth!
 
Sparky - yes I would LOVE to have your Palm Pilot cheat sheet (if I can ever figure that thing out…)

Can you email it to me? I think I linked my email address to my username …

Thank you so much - this will be abundantly helpful!

C
 
40.png
Christine4God:
This is my first posting - I didn’t know who to talk to, so I thought I’d put my situation out there for my Catholic brothers and sisters to help…

For the last 15 months, I’ve been dating a wonderful man. He was raised Baptist, but now he really affiliates himself more with Evangelical/“Bible based” churches. He has a wonderful faith which is supported with a strong understanding of Protestant theology. He is extremely well-read, and has a sharp, logical mind.

I am a born-and-raised Catholic. I will always be Catholic. I love my faith and the Church. My family is very much rooted in the Catholic Church, and I do not plan on changing any of that.

However, when put to the test by my decidedly Protestant boyfriend, I often wind up floundering and cannot argue Catholic theology to save my life. I walk away from these conversations (which are becoming more and more frequent) feeling like Catholic theology is full of holes and that my “blind faith” is childish.

I know that there are plenty of resources available on Catholic apologetics, and in the heat of the moment, I can’t seem to stand on firm ground against his inquiries. I also know that at a young age, Protestants are armed with anti-Catholic doctrine to assist them in the “Mission to Catholics,” so I know that these thoughts are deeply ingrained in my boyfriend.

I love my boyfriend very very much, despite his closed-mindedness to the Catholic Church. How can I proceed? Has anyone out there been in this situation? Who can I appeal to in my area for help? Where can I even BEGIN to get up to speed on Catholic theology?

Thank you so much for any advice - I feel isolated in my struggle. I don’t want to talk to friends and family about this, because I don’t want to skew their opinion of my boyfriend.

Christine
Click to expand...
The St. Joseph foundation has great Catholic Apologetic stuff. You may want to also listen to some cassetes or cd’s or read on the life of Mr. Ken Hensley, who is a convert to the Catholic faith after being a Baptist pastor etc. Mr. Hensley has a great testimonial and apologetical CD where he talks: it is called “Sola Scriptora”?
Many blessings.
 
Christine4God said:
dhgray - thank you for all your advice. I do want more info on Singles for Christ - is your email available on here? (sorry - I’m new to this) Also, what made you convert? You were adamantly opposed to Catholicism…was is just Currie’s book? (I have it and have read 1/4 of it - it’s WONDERFUL, but a complete 180 degree change from one book?)
Click to expand...

Hi,
My e-mail is davishgray@aol.com.

I converted for the wrong reason. hmmmm…nice way to start huh? I had an oppertunity to walk through Bethlehem one Christmas Eve…I felt nothing. I remmber thinking, “This is not what I should be feeling.” Later, back in the USA, I remember walking home after an exceptionally good day at work…I was in a realy good mood. The son was out the birds were singing. I heard the children in the appartment playing and laughing. As I walked up the stairs to our appartment, the childre got quite…The higher I climbed, th quieter they got. When I opened the door, I noticed the children siting very quite on the couch. They were waiting to see if they should run and give daddy a hug or run and hide…the food mood quickly left. I looked at my wife with envy. My wife had a good relationship with the children and the children with her and neither with me. The key was that they were all Catholic and I was not. I went to RCIA and converted, which only made things worst…now I knew the laws of the church (and I used them against her).

It was not until I discovered the Couples for Christ and Singles for Christ did I start to develop a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

The book only helped me overcome some of my perjustices I had against the Church and an ability to defend her…to be honest, I have not completely read the book…everytime I get a copy, I get about 1/2 and I give it to someone else who is struggling. Maybe next copy I’ll start at the end and work my way to the front…then at least I will have covered the entire book:D .

Look under the thread SINGLES FOR CHRIST for more information. I can help you make contact out there…one of my daughters best friends lives in Atlanta.
 
Sparky,

You have some kind of Apologetical cheat sheet for your Palm??? Can you send it to me, too? I never use mine anymore, but THAT would be a great reason to dust off the old Visor.

Regardless, I think I’ll put something together on my own anyway. What a great tool for those dates that turn theological…
 
My boyfriend and I just broke up tonight. The arguments, constant evangelizing, and ultimatums were too much to battle. Intrafaith dating/marriage may work in some cases, but like my wise mom says, “marriage is hard enough already…”. I don’t think I’m up for it.

I do think that God gave him to me for a reason - to strengthen my faith in Him. It hurts like heck right now (especially since I moved 700 miles to be near him), but I know it’s the right thing in the long run.

Thanks for all your advice and prayers.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top