Serious sins in the family

[taye]

What should one do if they are quite certain that loved one(s) is/are committing serious sins? One of my family members had her tubes tied a long time ago and another gets drunk on a fairly regular basis. These two people are also going to mass weekly (I think) and receiving communion. I doubt these sins have been confessed. I am scared that my loved ones will be going to hell when they die, but is it really my job to try to save their souls? Am I guilty by remaining silent?

 

[puzzleannie]

What should one do if they are quite certain that loved one(s) is/are committing serious sins? ?

you can have nor should you have any knowledge of the condition of their souls and what they have confessed or not confessed, that is between them and Christ, in the person of the priest in confession. Spend this energy focusing on your own spiritual growth and struggles. No you are not required to call people out unless you are the person directly responsible for their religious upbringing (the parent) and then only to the extent that you instruct and lead by example, not that you make judgments reserved for the confessional.

 

[cephas161619]

you can have nor should you have any knowledge of the condition of their souls and what they have confessed or not confessed, that is between them and Christ, in the person of the priest in confession. Spend this energy focusing on your own spiritual growth and struggles. No you are not required to call people out unless you are the person directly responsible for their religious upbringing (the parent) and then only to the extent that you instruct and lead by example, not that you make judgments reserved for the confessional.

Annie, I respectfully disagree. According to the Lord,

He therefore that shall break one of these least commandments, and shall so teach men, shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven. But he that shall do and teach, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. (Mt. 5:19)

We are called to help others understand. We cannot accuse them. Their sins already accuse them, but we must teach others. This is one of the spiritual works of mercy: to instruct the ignorant. No one lights a lamp and puts it under a bushel basket. Let your light shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven. (Mt. 5:15 - 16)

 

[Angels_Unaware]

you can have nor should you have any knowledge of the condition of their souls and what they have confessed or not confessed, that is between them and Christ, in the person of the priest in confession. Spend this energy focusing on your own spiritual growth and struggles. No you are not required to call people out unless you are the person directly responsible for their religious upbringing (the parent) and then only to the extent that you instruct and lead by example, not that you make judgments reserved for the confessional.

Annie, I agree with you.

The idea of telling a family member, “I know you’ve had your tubes tied, what are you doing going to Mass?”, is ridiculous. She is certainly aware of Church teachings, and she is responsible for going to confession and dealing with the state of her own soul without her privacy being invaded.

As far as the other family member drinking, unless her behavior is causing problems in her own life, there is no basis to presume a sin. If her drinking is causing problems, then address it from the standpoint of her own health and possible need for intervention, not her fitness for taking communion.

 

[taye]

Annie, I agree with you.

The idea of telling a family member, “I know you’ve had your tubes tied, what are you doing going to Mass?”, is ridiculous. She is certainly aware of Church teachings, and she is responsible for going to confession and dealing with the state of her own soul without her privacy being invaded.

Actually, I’m not really sure whether or not these family members are aware of these Church teachings or if they’re just choosing to “ignore” them.

 

[cephas161619]

Actually, I’m not really sure whether or not this family member is aware of Church teachings on this particular subject or if she just chose to “ignore” them.

Oftentimes people are only aware of part of a Church prohibition, and even more frequently not at all. You’re right. People usually just don’t know. It’s not our job to harass them about it, but yes, we are called to preach the Gospel. The Church teaching on self-mutilation isn’t a standalone prohibition, but is part of a much larger, rich teaching on the dignity of the human person.

 

[Angels_Unaware]

Oftentimes people are only aware of part of a Church prohibition, and even more frequently not at all. You’re right. People usually just don’t know. It’s not our job to harass them about it, but yes, we are called to preach the Gospel. The Church teaching on self-mutilation isn’t a standalone prohibition, but is part of a much larger, rich teaching on the dignity of the human person.

I would say this is in instance where it is** not ** a sister’s place to preach the gospel, but the priest’s place to make teachings on contraception and the sanctity of life a visible part of the parish. If the family member is going to Church regularly, then it is the job of the Holy Spirit to convict her of sin, and the job of the priest to present Church teachings.

I can think of no possible tactful of respectful way to tell someone they shouldn’t be going to Mass because they’ve had their tubes tied. This does not sound like an opportunity to teach, it sounds like an opportunity to be a busybody.

 

[Oreoracle]

What should one do if they are quite certain that loved one(s) is/are committing serious sins? One of my family members had her tubes tied a long time ago and another gets drunk on a fairly regular basis. These two people are also going to mass weekly (I think) and receiving communion. I doubt these sins have been confessed. I am scared that my loved ones will be going to hell when they die, but is it really my job to try to save their souls? Am I guilty by remaining silent?

Hold up. You’re scared that your loved ones will burn forever, but you’re worried about whether you’re obligated to save them?

I’m sorry that I have to say this, but if you don’t already feel compelled to prevent suffering, your religion isn’t helping you. But perhaps you were asking this question just for the sake of discussion, I don’t know.

 

[cephas161619]

I would say this is in instance where it is not a sister’s place to preach the gospel, but the priest’s place to make teachings on contraception and the sanctity of life a visible part of the parish. If the family member is going to Church regularly, then it is the job of the Holy Spirit to convict her of sin, and the job of the priest to present Church teachings.

I can think of no possible tactful of respectful way to tell someone they shouldn’t be going to Mass because they’ve had their tubes tied. This does not sound like an opportunity to teach, it sounds like an opportunity to be a busybody.

And if her priest is not preaching the fullness of the gospel? But no one (that I saw at least) said that she should tell anyone they shouldn’t be going to Mass because they’ve had their tubes tied. To be clear, I was trying to suggest that she talk with her sister about the seriousness of having one’s tubes tied, based on the dignity of the human person and the prohibition against mutilation of healthy body parts. Once she realizes that it’s a serious sin, then she can make an informed decision with the light of the Holy Spirit. It is still a spiritual work of mercy to instruct the ignorant. To accuse is work of the devil and brings us division and despair. (cf. Apoc. 12:10) Satan in Hebrew mean accuser. The Holy Spirit convicts us in hope, but we are called to work with God, not sit back and wait. As Christians we are called to be priest prophet and king. Prophet is one who declares the Truth, no matter how unpopular it is.

There is a place for tact, but it is often confused with pusillanimity. Some things must be said.

Hold up. You’re scared that your loved ones will burn forever, but you’re worried about whether you’re obligated to save them?

I’m sorry that I have to say this, but if you don’t already feel compelled to prevent suffering, your religion isn’t helping you. But perhaps you were asking this question just for the sake of discussion, I don’t know.

Now there’s a clarity I haven’t seen yet in this discussion! If there’s any suffering we are compelled to help prevent, it’s eternal suffering. That’s the truest charity.

 

[gardenswithkids]

What should one do if they are quite certain that loved one(s) is/are committing serious sins? One of my family members had her tubes tied a long time ago and another gets drunk on a fairly regular basis. These two people are also going to mass weekly (I think) and receiving communion. I doubt these sins have been confessed. I am scared that my loved ones will be going to hell when they die, but is it really my job to try to save their souls? Am I guilty by remaining silent?

These are two very different situations.

If the family member who was sterilized freely discusses her sterilization as if it’s a good thing, at that point when *she *brings it up, I’d make a brief comment. You can simply say sterilization is against Church teachings and suggest she go to confession about it if she hasn’t already. In my experience, many people who have been sterilized freely discuss it and promote it as a method of birth control. I’ve even met some Catholics with 16 yrs of Catholic education who know contraception is against Church teachings but who honestly never realized those teachings also apply to sterilization. Be careful not to judge her soul, but you can share what the Church teaches without judging her or entering a huge discussion about something she did long ago if she brings it up.

If she does* not* bring it up the subject of sterilization, I woudn’t either. I would assume she may be remorseful about it and already brought it to confession. I might make a general comment about how beautiful and beneficial I find the Sacrament of Confession. If there’s a particularly good confessor in the area, I’d mention his name.

Regarding the family member who gets drunk, I assume from what you write the drunkeness is a habitual, on-going sin. It also poses health and other risks for your family member, other family members (and the public if she drinks and drives.) Is there someone in your family you can talk with about how to best address her drinking problem? Is there a drinking problem in the family as a group? Not knowing more details about the person and the family, I hesitate to offer suggestions except maybe to recommend checking out what organizations that help family members of alcholics like AlAnon suggest. Again, I’d offer my own personal witness to how beneficial I find the Sacrament of Confession. I happen to find Confession very helpful in my own life so it comes very natural for me to tell people that.

I also suggest that you pray for them both. Ask God to give them the grace of a good confession.