Seriously Disabled Kids

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Andy_42

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Hi

I know your views on abortion, so won’t go there. Having a seriously disabled kid scares the hell out of me though. I suppose knowing that someone would be reliant on me for the rest of my days concerns me. Also what happens to them when your too old to look after then ??

Thanks
Andy
 
That is a sobering thought.
I took care of a child who was severely disabled and needed 24 hour care. The father deserted the family during the pregnancy, however the mother was and is devoted to the child. The state gives her a subsidy for living expenses and pays for his medical and nursing care. Her family helps her out as best they can.

There are facilities to train children to work as much as they can, if they are able. There are family-run day care centers and adult care homes. While it is a difficult situation and a day to day struggle, and we need more resources, it is not hopeless. No disabled child is living on the streets in this country, that I’m aware of.
 
Andy_42 said:
I know your views on abortion, so won’t go there. Having a seriously disabled kid scares the hell out of me though.
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Life is full of uncertainty. A perfectly “normal” child could become disabled through a car accident. So could you. So could your spouse.

So, if you are not willing to accept *everything *that comes into your life and family, perhaps you are not called to marriage.
Andy_42 said:
I suppose knowing that someone would be reliant on me for the rest of my days concerns me.
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See above.
Andy_42 said:
Also what happens to them when your too old to look after then ??
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Well, that depends on the individual situation. There are many factors including other family members, financial situation, state or private insurance coverage a person may have, and the severity of the disability involved.
 
Andy_42 said:
Hi

I know your views on abortion, so won’t go there. Having a seriously disabled kid scares the hell out of me though. I suppose knowing that someone would be reliant on me for the rest of my days concerns me. Also what happens to them when your too old to look after then ??

Thanks
Andy
Click to expand...
what we have done, and other friends and relatives in our age group (retirees) who have adult disabled children whom we have loved, cared for, and enjoyed just as we have our “normal children” and for whom we thank God daily, is this. We have used normal estate planning tools and guardianship laws to make sure they will be cared for after we are gone. If you are afraid of having children because they might not be perfect, you are also afraid of accepting any gifts from God, of any nature, because they might not be what YOU want and expect. Advice from an old lady: work on trusting God in all areas of your life before you contemplate relationships, marriage and family.
 
First, recognize that not all prenatal testing is accurate.

Second, we live in a day and age where people with disabilities can work and learn to be on their own.

Third, that’s what unconditional love is all about; loving people no matter what, despite their faults and imperfections. If you have a disabled child, it means that you are meant to love them in a way you’ve never loved anyone before. It’s also a test of your love.

If any of us are willing to die for our kids, why can’t we just give of our time and resources to make sure they can live the best they can? Why is something seemingly so simple made to be so difficult?
 
Everybody comes with what the world might consider a differnce. At one time in history, being left-handed was considered wrong. People come with a predisposition for high blood pressure, carrying extra weight, being too skinny, hard of hearing, one eye is bigger than the other- and we won’t get into Hitler’s aryan empire, where the best were blue-eyed and blonde.

Some differences are merely bigger than others, and require more plans.

I seriously always ask people when they comtemplate such elimination of people, “Well good! Let’s start with you!” You’re flawless? You’ll never, ever need any type of assistance, and have never, ever needed any type of assitance? What about as a baby? Wear glasses? Have toes that might look a little different? Part gypsy? Part african? Part anything that might not fit “normal”? You seem to have some trouble with spelling and grammar. Will it get better as you get older, or should we just call out the mercy killers now?

If you’re in the world, you have a purpose. So does everyone.
 
While listening to the radio yesterday, I found out about this disease:

ichthyosis.com/

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Congenital_ichthyosis

scalyskin.org/

I have never heard of it before and it is pretty rare, but, the guy who was talking about it (a bartender who appears on a local radio show has a son who has it) also mentioned that these people, because the best treatment is to be in water all the time, become excellent swimmers and good at water sports.

Have you seen that episode of, “All In The Family,” where some retarded guy says to either Archie or Michael, “I’ll show you! I’ll show you!”?
 
Andy_42 said:
Hi

I know your views on abortion, so won’t go there. Having a seriously disabled kid scares the hell out of me though. I suppose knowing that someone would be reliant on me for the rest of my days concerns me. Also what happens to them when your too old to look after then ??

Thanks
Andy
Click to expand...
Speaking as someone who is disabled, and who almost died at birth, I can tell you, I’m very glad I’m alive and my parents didn’t abandon me. Fear of disability is a common parental fear, but it is one all must face, and if the child dose turn out to have some disability, it is the parent’s duty to care for them and love them. When they get too old or die, the government steps in to help the child. (Of course, I live in the US, so it might be different in other nations).
 
Both of my sisters are moderately/severely autistic with some other forms of mental retardation thrown in for good measure. They are my age (Triplet) and they graduated highschool with me, in 2006. (We looked awesome walking the stage together.)

Anyway, after they graduated hs, they are now going to the post grad program our school system provides disabled kids until they are 22. They provide job training and vocational training, speech and social skill therapy. They both have their own bank accounts that they manage with the help of my mother, and small jobs in the community. My two sisters have come an incredibly long way and I am so proud of both of them. When we were six and they were formally diagnosed, the doctors never thought they would learn to talk. Well with a lot of hard work and dedication on their parts, my parents, their teachers they not only talk, they speak in pretty much full sentences now.

Anything is possible. My parents will be the first to tell you that. They may not be the easiest girls to live with, but they are two of the most amazing, hardworking, dedicated and beautiful human beings I have ever met. Yes they are disabled, and yes…my parents never expected to not only have ONE disabled child, but TWO. But my parents have always seen them as a blessing. They have always said that they were put on this planet to teach us something. Patience. Kindness, humilty. They are so humble, and just plain amazing. Words cannot even express how proud we all are of them. My 100 year old great grandmother continually calls them a blessing from God. And they are.

So where am I going with this really long ramble? Well, I do have a point…it’s that yes…you MAY wind up having a child with disabilties. Maybe the disability would be physical…or mental, or both even. But with hard work and dedication and lots of love that child will make you as proud as my two sisters have made me. And they might even teach you a little something…something that you didn’t even know you needed to learn.
 
Take some time you are spending dreaming of your perfect future and go volunteer at your local Brain/Spinal Cord Injury Rehab or your local children’s hospital.
 
I carried a little girl who had downs. She only lived to 31 weeks after conception. I would have done anything to be about to keep that child. I could care less that she was downs. She is my daughter and although she died my love for her grows every day just like the love for all my children. God gives us what we need and I am willing to accept what ever it is he believes is best for me because I know his plan is to bring me to heaven.
 
I don’t know what the future holds for the perfect little peach pictured below. I do know that at nearly two, she isn’t walking. In fact, she’s just a minute smidgen away from crawling. She is able but refuses to hold her own bottle. She snuggles right up to me at night. Mostly, she’s just like caring for a 7 month old baby (except she never could breastfeed, to my sorrow.)

Will she walk? They PT says so. Will she read? Don’t know. Her assessments show only slight delay in cognitive skills.

Is she severely disabled? I didn’t know until I saw a mom with a 20 year old cerebral palsy son at the special needs school who always* has* needed and always* will* need to be syringe fed into a port on his abdomen. That’s when I knew our little gal is not severely disabled.

What will happen when my husband and I die? We’ve given her the best gift of all-- 9 siblings-- several of whom would bring her home RIGHT NOW if necessary. My daughter-in-law is madly in love with her, too. Having her own baby hasn’t changed that at all.

Denae wrote
And they might even teach you a little something…something that you didn’t even know you needed to learn.
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Before Perfect Baby came along, despite our character defects, we were a happy family. Now our cup runneth over with JOY. I daily witness my grumpy 19 year old son transform into pure sweetness when his baby sister is sitting at the piano with him. My 13 year old daughter; testy, difficult, territorial and abrupt becomes patient, generous, and gentle. My plan-it-on-paper husband tosses all his methodisms to the wind and plays rainbow connection on her belly in raspberries. Instead of worrying that she’s still so baby-like, he marvels “We always prayed our babies could stay small for just a little longer. Look how our prayers are answered!”

And we’ve only had her for two years. And look what God has done for us through her already.
 
EVERYONE LISTEN UP:

This is the SAME PERSON who thinks we all have guilt each time we have sex.

The SAME PERSON who says he’ll have a vasectomy after two kids if he should condescend to marry his “lowly” catholic girlfriend, and wants to know if it’s a sin for her.

The SAME PERSON who refers to himself as a NONE-Catholic, as opposed to a NON-Catholic.

He cannot even spell. Someone over at the Parenting board mentioned kids being off of school and up to mischief out of boredom. I think they proved their point with good ole’ Andy here.

For Pete’s sake – we are being baited. Really folks, don’t even bother to respond.

If you see moronic questions like this, look at the “post count” to the right of their user name (number, if under 10 BIG warning, if under 20 – substantial) then, click on their name – search for previous posts – check that out before pulling out your soap box and wasting VALUABLE time and energy.

(Monicad, I know you had every right to say it, but this guy is a SCHMUCK!)

God Bless you good Catholics. And you NONE-Catholics too.
😃
 
monicatholic said:
I don’t know what the future holds for the perfect little peach pictured below. I do know that at nearly two, she isn’t walking. In fact, she’s just a minute smidgen away from crawling. She is able but refuses to hold her own bottle. She snuggles right up to me at night. Mostly, she’s just like caring for a 7 month old baby (except she never could breastfeed, to my sorrow.)

Will she walk? They PT says so. Will she read? Don’t know. Her assessments show only slight delay in cognitive skills.

Is she severely disabled? I didn’t know until I saw a mom with a 20 year old cerebral palsy son at the special needs school who always* has* needed and always* will* need to be syringe fed into a port on his abdomen. That’s when I knew our little gal is not severely disabled.

What will happen when my husband and I die? We’ve given her the best gift of all-- 9 siblings-- several of whom would bring her home RIGHT NOW if necessary. My daughter-in-law is madly in love with her, too. Having her own baby hasn’t changed that at all.

Denae wrote

Before Perfect Baby came along, despite our character defects, we were a happy family. Now our cup runneth over with JOY. I daily witness my grumpy 19 year old son transform into pure sweetness when his baby sister is sitting at the piano with him. My 13 year old daughter; testy, difficult, territorial and abrupt becomes patient, generous, and gentle. My plan-it-on-paper husband tosses all his methodisms to the wind and plays rainbow connection on her belly in raspberries. Instead of worrying that she’s still so baby-like, he marvels “We always prayed our babies could stay small for just a little longer. Look how our prayers are answered!”

And we’ve only had her for two years. And look what God has done for us through her already.
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Beautiful post, Monica! Just beautiful!

:heaven:
 
monicatholic said:
I don’t know what the future holds for the perfect little peach pictured below. I do know that at nearly two, she isn’t walking. In fact, she’s just a minute smidgen away from crawling. She is able but refuses to hold her own bottle. She snuggles right up to me at night. Mostly, she’s just like caring for a 7 month old baby (except she never could breastfeed, to my sorrow.)

Will she walk? They PT says so. Will she read? Don’t know. Her assessments show only slight delay in cognitive skills.

Is she severely disabled? I didn’t know until I saw a mom with a 20 year old cerebral palsy son at the special needs school who always* has* needed and always* will* need to be syringe fed into a port on his abdomen. That’s when I knew our little gal is not severely disabled.

What will happen when my husband and I die? We’ve given her the best gift of all-- 9 siblings-- several of whom would bring her home RIGHT NOW if necessary. My daughter-in-law is madly in love with her, too. Having her own baby hasn’t changed that at all.

Denae wrote

Before Perfect Baby came along, despite our character defects, we were a happy family. Now our cup runneth over with JOY. I daily witness my grumpy 19 year old son transform into pure sweetness when his baby sister is sitting at the piano with him. My 13 year old daughter; testy, difficult, territorial and abrupt becomes patient, generous, and gentle. My plan-it-on-paper husband tosses all his methodisms to the wind and plays rainbow connection on her belly in raspberries. Instead of worrying that she’s still so baby-like, he marvels “We always prayed our babies could stay small for just a little longer. Look how our prayers are answered!”

And we’ve only had her for two years. And look what God has done for us through her already.
Click to expand...
Lucky girl, lucky family! God Bless.
 
OutinChgoburbs said:
Everybody comes with what the world might consider a differnce. At one time in history, being left-handed was considered wrong. People come with a predisposition for high blood pressure, carrying extra weight, being too skinny, hard of hearing, one eye is bigger than the other- and we won’t get into Hitler’s aryan empire, where the best were blue-eyed and blonde.

Some differences are merely bigger than others, and require more plans.

I seriously always ask people when they comtemplate such elimination of people, “Well good! Let’s start with you!” You’re flawless? You’ll never, ever need any type of assistance, and have never, ever needed any type of assitance? What about as a baby? Wear glasses? Have toes that might look a little different? Part gypsy? Part african? Part anything that might not fit “normal”? You seem to have some trouble with spelling and grammar. Will it get better as you get older, or should we just call out the mercy killers now?

If you’re in the world, you have a purpose. So does everyone.
Click to expand...
:amen:
 
KCtheMommy said:
For Pete’s sake – we are being baited. Really folks, don’t even bother to respond…
😃
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Nah! I kind of like baiters. Why not give 'em a good answer, such as people did old “Andy” here? :cool: His specius questions are almost entertaining…Much better than some of the other baiters, particularly the “scrupe” baiters.
 
I know your views on abortion, so won’t go there. Having a seriously disabled kid scares the hell out of me though.
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Just the fact that you put these two things together; abortion and disability, urks me, as a Catholic, a mom of a severely disabled kid, and as a human being.:mad:

I think you have a LONG way to go before you are ready to consider having kids of your own.
 
Harsh as this sounds - It’s not all about you. I have a disabled kid. He is typical with the exception of having to use a wheelchair to get around. Oh, and has non-typical bowel and bladder functions. Sure, as a family we face many different chalenges. Who cares? (Other than God) I signed up to be a parent. Parenting does not have an experation or best-by date.

The odds of getting hit by a car and being severly handicapped yourself is greater than having a handicapped kid.

Life is way too short to worry about stuff like this. 🙂
 
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