Seriously- Should marriage be universal?

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While marriage is a blessing for many people, not everyone is included in the blessed group.

Admittedly, I am something of a marriage skeptic. I have seen far too many romantic misalliances. My understanding is that life partner selection is frequently defective. We must choose wisely.

Unfortunately, there are marriage seekers who are not suited for the married state. If they enter matrimony, they make both their partners and themselves misserable. I think such people should avoid marriage.

What is your opinion? Should all single people seek marriage? Or are some of us just not suited to be married?
 
I think that people should choose wisely, and they should also keep in mind the essentials of the marriage vows: permanence, fidelity, openness to life. Sadly, many enter what they call marriage without a commitment to permanence (till death do us part), to fidelity (forsaking all others) or to accepting children on God’s terms not theirs.

If one is psychologically unable to make a commitment, then one should not do so. But most people are perfectly capable of commitment, making vows, and meaning them and keeping them. They are just reluctant to do so.

I might add that with a declining fertility rate, a good marriage with openness to children is a gift to future generations.
 
I think those who are called to marriage should prayerfully enter it. I think people should be realistic, and most importantly people should focus on their own vocations be it marriage or something else and do it with the best of their ability. Marriage is hard, as it priesthood, or any other number of things that people are tasked with spending their life doing. Nobody knows all of the ups and downs and curve balls thrown in another’s direction so we should be kind to ourselves and one another, have some mercy because we never know when we will need a little mercy, ourselves 🙂
 
I feel strongly (and have read studies that agree with my view) that pre-marital sex is big root cause for divorce and poor selection of spouse.

A few Reasons:
  • Having pre-marital sex often lets the couple feel physically connected. Their love becomes based on their personal interests, physical compatibility, etc. The physical compatibility becomes an important factor in deciding to become husband & wife.
  • The couple who refrains from pre-marital sex cannot base their decision on physical compatibility (or at least to a far lesser degree). Faith, morals, values, and child rearing beliefs become much more prevalent in the decision making process.
  • The biggest reasons for “no-fault” divorce are differences in religious, moral, ethical and/or family values. Overtime, these differences slowly cause the couple to fall out of love or outweigh the love.
God Bless.
 
Read the New Testament. The Church has never called all to marriage.
 
Magickman said:
While marriage is a blessing for many people, not everyone is included in the blessed group.

Admittedly, I am something of a marriage skeptic. I have seen far too many romantic misalliances. My understanding is that life partner selection is frequently defective. We must choose wisely.

Unfortunately, there are marriage seekers who are not suited for the married state. If they enter matrimony, they make both their partners and themselves misserable. I think such people should avoid marriage.

What is your opinion? Should all single people seek marriage? Or are some of us just not suited to be married?
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Not all people are called to marriage, just like not all men are called to be priests. It is a vocation that only some have been designated to. There is a plenitude of grace to be found in single, celibate life as well. Ultimately, there is grace to be found in living the life we are individually called to, whether that be married, single or religious life.
 
phil19034 said:
I feel strongly (and have read studies that agree with my view) that pre-marital sex is big root cause for divorce and poor selection of spouse.

A few Reasons:
  • Having pre-marital sex often lets the couple feel physically connected. Their love becomes based on their personal interests, physical compatibility, etc. The physical compatibility becomes an important factor in deciding to become husband & wife.
  • The couple who refrains from pre-marital sex cannot base their decision on physical compatibility (or at least to a far lesser degree). Faith, morals, values, and child rearing beliefs become much more prevalent in the decision making process.
  • The biggest reasons for “no-fault” divorce are differences in religious, moral, ethical and/or family values. Overtime, these differences slowly cause the couple to fall out of love or outweigh the love.
God Bless.
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And Finances/Money are right up there, if not # 1…
PaulfromIowa said:
Read the New Testament. The Church has never called all to marriage.
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👍👍👍
Ophelia23 said:
Not all people are called to marriage, just like not all men are called to be priests. It is a vocation that only some have been designated to. There is a plenitude of grace to be found in single, celibate life as well. Ultimately, there is grace to be found in living the life we are individually called to, whether that be married, single or religious life.
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👍👍👍
 
Magickman said:
While marriage is a blessing for many people, not everyone is included in the blessed group.

Admittedly, I am something of a marriage skeptic. I have seen far too many romantic misalliances. My understanding is that life partner selection is frequently defective. We must choose wisely.

Unfortunately, there are marriage seekers who are not suited for the married state. If they enter matrimony, they make both their partners and themselves misserable. I think such people should avoid marriage.

What is your opinion? Should all single people seek marriage? Or are some of us just not suited to be married?
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You do not know what the future holds.

Marriage is about making a commitment to live out your days with that one person with the intention of raising a family. After that come what may.

Society does not take this seriously. Society will say “you deserve to be happy” so if this marriage does not suit you then trade up. That is not God’s intent.

You are to submit to His will. Sometimes your perceived misery is what is required for your edification, change of heart and salvation.

The popular idea that your life should never have a cross is erroneous.
 
Ophelia23 said:
Not all people are called to marriage, just like not all men are called to be priests. It is a vocation that only some have been designated to. There is a plenitude of grace to be found in single, celibate life as well. Ultimately, there is grace to be found in living the life we are individually called to, whether that be married, single or religious life.
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Have to agree with this. 👍
 
Magickman said:
While marriage is a blessing for many people, not everyone is included in the blessed group.
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Indeed. Those do not marry belong in some other blessed group. 😃
Admittedly, I am something of a marriage skeptic. I have seen far too many romantic misalliances. My understanding is that life partner selection is frequently defective. We must choose wisely.
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Absolutely.
Unfortunately, there are marriage seekers who are not suited for the married state. If they enter matrimony, they make both their partners and themselves misserable. I think such people should avoid marriage.
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Well, maybe not. Anyone can learn to correct his thinking/attitude and people can mature. They must have the intention of being married and fulfilling their marriage vows. That is a struggle for most married people, even those perfectly suited to it. It’s no bed of roses all the time, and even when it is, there can be thorns among the roses. Couples need to resolve to be in it together, to forgive one another’s errors and to be patient and loving no matter what happens. Again, not easy but marriage is a vocation not just a romantic liaison, based on whim.
What is your opinion? Should all single people seek marriage? Or are some of us just not suited to be married?
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If someone feels the marriage state is for him, then yes, it’s fine to seek marriage. If not, he can be celibate in the secular life or enter religious life, if that’s where he belongs. 🙂 Every state in life has its challenges and pitfalls. We can’t go through life worrying about what problems might lie ahead. Be assured there will be problems no matter what path a person may take.
 
Magickman said:
While marriage is a blessing for many people, not everyone is included in the blessed group.

Admittedly, I am something of a marriage skeptic. I have seen far too many romantic misalliances. My understanding is that life partner selection is frequently defective. We must choose wisely.

Unfortunately, there are marriage seekers who are not suited for the married state. If they enter matrimony, they make both their partners and themselves misserable. I think such people should avoid marriage.

What is your opinion? Should all single people seek marriage? Or are some of us just not suited to be married?
Click to expand...
I think all single people need to discern their vocation and duties in life.

I would, however, be very careful just so what you are saying doesn’t just become an excuse to be single because it’s fun and easy and that life is one big party.

I know of lot of people, though not quite practicing Catholics, who are going to be single for the time being at least and I don’t necessarily think it’s always all for the better.
 
Not married = celibate = chaste

Just clarifying in case you were insinuating that not married meant playing the field and not tied down to one in particular

Ask the Holy Spirit for guidance, there is not a universal answer, you are an individual
 
If there was a thread about the # 1 cause of divorce among the respondants, I wonder how that graphic would look. Too many options, I guess.

Marriage simply cannot be universal. It is not everyone’s vocation, and sadly, this is too often discovered after the fact.

Hence, my sneakers. 😉
 
Dulcinea2721 said:
Not married = celibate = chaste

Just clarifying in case you were insinuating that not married meant playing the field and not tied down to one in particular

Ask the Holy Spirit for guidance, there is not a universal answer, you are an individual
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Celibacy is the state of being unmarried. However, chastity is sexual purity according to our state in life. Therefore a married couple can be chaste in their marital embrace, a couple dating can show chaste affection for each other, etc.

Marriage is a vocation, and not a right. The United States government has decreed that it is a civil right to marry and is rapidly working to extend this to homosexuals. However, the Church views it differently. Like any vocation, not all are called to the same one. Likewise, much discernment is needed before one chooses a vocation, because it is a life commitment. Therefore anyone discerning marriage must discern both that he is called to the married and family life, and that his prospective wife is the right one for him. Once the choice is made, it is irrevocable. That is why a period of wedding preparation is necessary. Most dioceses say this should be at least 6-9 months. With adequate discernment, this is usually enough to separate the sheep from the goats and test the commitment of the couple. If they are truly willing to attend the classes and meetings and retreat, and take an honest inventory of themselves and compare it to the fiancée, then chances are they are ready to embark upon the adventure of marriage. Otherwise, it is time to wait and discern some more.

Some people are unfortunately called to neither priesthood, religious life nor marriage. This can be a heavy cross to bear, but it is a reality in our greatly diversified world that not all of us can live life to the fullest according to our desires. But we all have a destiny, a place in God’s plan for the world, and we must constantly be asking God what that plan is and how we can best fulfill it on a day by day basis.
 
Elizium23 said:
Some people are unfortunately called to neither priesthood, religious life nor marriage. This can be a heavy cross to bear, but it is a reality in our greatly diversified world that not all of us can live life to the fullest according to our desires. But we all have a destiny, a place in God’s plan for the world, and we must constantly be asking God what that plan is and how we can best fulfill it on a day by day basis.
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I wanted to comment on this part of your post, agreeing with all the rest you wrote. 🙂

It doesn’t have to be “unfortunate” for anyone to remain celibate in the secular world. When I was single I was happy because God was the center of my life. I went places and did things with or without friends/family. No one needs to be pitied who remains single. And it need not be a burden. It can be a joy, as well. I didn’t marry until I was 35. I had come to the conclusion God didn’t want me to marry up until then, although I had dated and even been engaged a couple of times. If I hadn’t met my dh, I’d still be single and happy to be so. 🙂
 
Like a reluctant swimmer, some just hesitate to jump into the pool.

To a certain extent, faith in marriage is lacking because marriage has been nearly destroyed in recent decades. One fears to embrace an institution that is and will be under attack.
 
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