Serving alcohol

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basketballguy

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Hi everyone –

My parents are coming in this weekend for my son’s birthday, as well as my brother-in-law who is a recovering alcoholic. He isn’t even three month’s sober, so my wife and I plan to not serve alcohol at all during the weekend.

When my own parents and brother come over, we have often enjoyed drinking, so when I told my parents about it they did not seem pleased at all. Actually, when my wife first asked me I wasn’t pleased either, but agreed since she said it was important to her. Am I doing the right thing or am I asking my guests to sacrifice for something that is not their responsibility?
 
I don’t think you’re in the wrong. Going a weekend without alcohol isn’t going to harm anyone. It doesn’t matter why you’ve made that decision, really.

Good on you for considering your BIL and trying to make things easier for him.
 
You are showing a very Christian, compassionate way of handling this. I have no idea how old your son is, but if he’s passed his third, it will be an example him, and his friends…that grown-ups don’t need alcohol, in order to have a good time. Stick to your plan, and you won’t be sorry!
 
Thanks! For whatever reason it feels like I am doing the wrong thing, especially when I heard my Mom’s disappointment. However, I guess I chalk that up to that the world is not always, and mostly will not, approve of the “right” decisions. In all honesty, I resisted at first. However, I
figured since he is not even three months sober yet, putting a stumbling block in front of him can lead to him back sliding in a very bad way. My guests, and even me, may not like it, but we don’t need alcohol to survive – for him it is life and death.
 
You are doing the right thing. It sounds like BIL might not be the only one with a drinking problem in the family.
 
It sounds as if you are kind, compassionate people. If the others cannot go a weekend without drinking, give them an Uber app and a list of local clubs.
 
i say you are being very responsible and your example will be a shining light.

hey we care, we are proud of your commitment to sobriety. We can get together and enjoy each others company without alcohol
 
Mom is more concerned with having a drink than
BIL’s sobriety? X2 what Allegra said

You’re making a great decision- kudos!
 
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The family gatherings in my family generally don’t have alcohol. (Or if they do, it’s one bottle amongst 20 people where less than half actually drink.) Alcohol isn’t necessary.
I also think it’s nice that you’re taking your wife’s concerns about your BIL’s sobriety seriously. Not only is it considerate of your BIL, but your wife’s desires outweigh your mother’s in this situation.
 
Given that this is a family gathering and the focus is on being with family, not whooping it up at the sports bar watching the playoffs, I should think everybody can enjoy each other’s company for one evening without needing to have alcohol.

I had many occasions with my family where we might have had a drink or two to celebrate an event, but I also had many more occasions with them where nobody drank for various reasons (we didn’t have booze in the house, or it just didn’t come up, or we wanted to drive somewhere, or people were caring for little kids and couldn’t be drinking etc) and we all still had fun and nobody was saying “hey where’s the beer?”

I don’t think this is a big sacrifice to make at all. If somebody needs a drink that bad, they can go have one themselves after the party.
 
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I think you are doing the right thing in not serving alcohol when you know an alcoholic will be present. Too much alcohol leads to too many problems. For example, when I read the threads about the scandals in the seminaries I notice that a preponderance of alcohol seems to be as much a part of the problem as the other inappropriate sexual behavior that is being described.
 
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I should think everybody can enjoy each other’s company for one evening without needing to have alcohol.
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Just to be clear, it isn’t for one evening, but for the whole weekend. But yes, I think you are right!
 
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Thank you all for your responses! Well, I heard from my dad this morning who said that he and my mom are disappointed with my house rule for this weekend and that if they would have known ahead of time, they would have come a different weekend.

I was thinking, “Excuse me, but WHAT?” I just said, sorry you feel that way – if you want to come another weekend, that is your choice.
 
Is your dad always that rude, and do your parents have an alcohol problem that they can’t go dry for a weekend? Ah, well, never mind–your response was gracious. Just focus on having a good weekend with your family and celebrating your son’s birthday, and keep enforcing your boundaries if your parents try to bring booze out in your house.
 
heidi_storage said:
Is your dad always that rude, and do your parents have an alcohol problem that they can’t go dry for a weekend? Ah, well, never mind–your response was gracious.
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Really! If his access to alcohol is more important to him than someone’s life, he may have an alcohol problem himself.
@basketballguy, you gave the perfect response.
 
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I would totally expect them to BYOB now. Sneaking it like teenagers (sorry, but, I just know too many people who cannot go dry for a weekend)
 
TheLittleLady said:
I would totally expect them to BYOB now. Sneaking it like teenagers (sorry, but, I just know too many people who cannot go dry for a weekend)
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Oh, no – I don’t think so. There was sort of an argument over the phone about it last night and I think they know the stakes are too high for that.
 
Dacinom said:
It’s a thoughtful thing to consider doing, have you asked the recovering brother if it is necessary or what his plans are? I am asking because maybe he would be just fine and would be embarrassed that all of this attention is being given to him. Perhaps he has been preparing with his sponsor to attend this event knowing there will be alcohol there? I would honestly call him first.
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Personally, I wouldn’t – he might feel he’d have to say yes, just to make the family happy.

He’s only been sober 3 months, there’s no need to risk it.
 
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