Seven sacraments of the LDS Church

[iepuras]

I didn’t realize the divorce rate was that high. Surely they must be delegating this responsibility if it is truly that high.

I am a college educated professional and within my demographic, I know of many more divorices among my LDS friends and colleagues than of my non-LDS friends and colleagues. Because of the LDS church’s focus on “worthiness” and how long it takes for people to be forgiven of unchastity and being worthy for a temple recommend again (for the temple wedding), many LDS people get married rather quickly rather than spending the time to discern if the significant other is the right person to marry. At the end of their missions, many young men are told that their greatest responsibility upon going home is to get married. Many LDS get married young and fast so they don’t commit sexual sin. There is a joke that women go to BYU to get their “MRS” degree and if they don’t, they get a refund of their tuition. I’m still waiting for my tuition refund.

Prior to a temple wedding, there is no pre-marital counseling for the couple. No one really sits down with them to make sure they are going into marriage with their eyes wide open. Bishops are laymen so they aren’t even remotely qualified to counsel engaged couples anyway. Now that I am on the outside, I am surprised that the divorce rate is only 50%.

I am working on getting my marriage convalidated and have really found the assessment and counseling sessions to be worthwhile. I really wish my husband and I did this before we got married, but it is still fantastic marriage enrichment. Our marriage has gotten better since I left the LDS church and we are communicating so much better after the counseling sessions.

Boy, I sure would be angry if my husband divorced me yet I had to remain sealed to him in Heaven while he was happily running around with his second wife (or third, etc.).

I have a friend who is in exactly in this situation. Sealing cancellations seem to be given out like candy these days; however, they are only given if the woman is able to be sealed to another man in the temple. I have a friend who is the sealed first wife of her ex-husband. She absolutely cannot stand him and really would rather not be associated with him for eternity. Funny thing is that he is remarried in the temple and his second wife is furious that she is wife #2. Wife #2 really wants my friend to find an LDS husband she can be sealed to so there can be a sealing cancellation. If my friend were to remarry to an non-LDS man, she would be out of luck and would not be granted a sealing cancellation. Being a woman in the LDS church is not all that great if you really think about it.

 

[LivingWaters7]

At least in my former ward, those engaged to be married we invited to participate in the Preparing For an Eternal Marriage class during the Sunday School hour of meetings. It was taught by a member of the bishopric.

 

[batman1973]

At least in my former ward, those engaged to be married we invited to participate in the Preparing For an Eternal Marriage class during the Sunday School hour of meetings. It was taught by a member of the bishopric.

I think that’s standard fare in all wards. It’s interesting to note, however, that the Latter Day Saint churches not affiliated with the Utah Church reject D&C 132 as false, stating that it was in fact Brigham Young that brought about polygamy. I have a book written by Richard Price, who owns a small RLDS bookstore that states that there is irrefutable proof that Joseph was not a polygamist.

 

[RebeccaJ]

I think that’s standard fare in all wards. It’s interesting to note, however, that the Latter Day Saint churches not affiliated with the Utah Church reject D&C 132 as false, stating that it was in fact Brigham Young that brought about polygamy. I have a book written by Richard Price, who owns a small RLDS bookstore that states that there is irrefutable proof that Joseph was not a polygamist.

That has always been a contention between the Brigham Young LDS and RLDS. It is a case, IMNHO, of the RLDS recasting history to align to what they want to believe.

 

[batman1973]

That has always been a contention between the Brigham Young LDS and RLDS. It is a case, IMNHO, of the RLDS recasting history to align to what they want to believe.

Oh, most definatly. The RLDS have a serious bone of contention with Brother Brigham. That’s why there are 2 Mormon histories: The Utah,and the Missouri. Also, of note, there are Mormon splinter groups that don’t use the D&C at all. Some use just Bible and BoM, some use the Book of Commandments(1st edit. D&C) and, one group uses an entirely different modern revelation book.

 

[KendraM]

My understanding is that it is the First Presidency (currently Thomas Monson, Henry Eyring and Dieter Uchtdorf) that approves a sealing cancellation. I have some friends who have done it and even in an “easy” case, it takes some time.

A temple marriage sealing is a marriage for time and all eternity, so the marriage lasts in heaven. The doctrine of plural marriage or polygamy is laid out in Section 132 in the Doctrine and Covenants. Men are allowed multiple wives in eternity but women are only allowed one husband. This is why a woman can have a temple marriage sealing with one man.

Iepuras, how many of us knew we were agreeing to polygamy when we were married in the LDS temple? I was told the ‘new and everlasting covenant of marriage’ was eternal marriage. Then I find out It includes polygamy according to D&C 132. Enough to make someone sick. Although later I find out Jesus said there is no marriage in heaven. I definitely like the Catholic heaven a lot better.

My friend wants to pull me back in. Trying to tell me how Joseph Smith didn’t want to practice polygamy but was commanded by the angel with the flaming sword. Trying to convince me that polygamy is not burdensome when commanded by God. According to her I have hardened my heart and won’t listen. How do all you ex-Mormons recover?

 

[RebeccaJ]

Iepuras, how many of us knew we were agreeing to polygamy when we were married in the LDS temple? I was told the ‘new and everlasting covenant of marriage’ was eternal marriage. Then I find out It includes polygamy according to D&C 132. Enough to make someone sick. Although later I find out Jesus said there is no marriage in heaven. I definitely like the Catholic heaven a lot better.

My friend wants to pull me back in. Trying to tell me how Joseph Smith didn’t want to practice polygamy but was commanded by the angel with the flaming sword. Trying to convince me that polygamy is not burdensome when commanded by God. According to her I have hardened my heart and won’t listen. How do all you ex-Mormons recover?

I’d be tempted to say in return, “you are delusional, polygamy has never been commanded”…

Patience is what it takes. With yourself, Mormon friends and relatives, and God.

 

[KendraM]

I’d be tempted to say in return, “you are delusional, polygamy has never been commanded”…

Patience is what it takes. With yourself, Mormon friends and relatives, and God.

:yup: I’d like to say that but you are right. Patience with everyone and God. And also accepting the fact that I myself was delusional too.

 

[iepuras]

Iepuras, how many of us knew we were agreeing to polygamy when we were married in the LDS temple? I was told the ‘new and everlasting covenant of marriage’ was eternal marriage. Then I find out It includes polygamy according to D&C 132. Enough to make someone sick. Although later I find out Jesus said there is no marriage in heaven. I definitely like the Catholic heaven a lot better.

My friend wants to pull me back in. Trying to tell me how Joseph Smith didn’t want to practice polygamy but was commanded by the angel with the flaming sword. Trying to convince me that polygamy is not burdensome when commanded by God. According to her I have hardened my heart and won’t listen. How do all you ex-Mormons recover?

I certainly knew about the doctrine of polygamy but I didn’t realize the sealing covenant is specifically designed for polygamy. Just like with the endowment, they don’t tell you what you sign up for before you do it. The differences between the covenants made by the man and the woman are subtle but when you really look at it, the sealing covenant is inherently unequal and enables polygamy. The key difference is that the woman receives the man as her husband and also gives herself to him whereas the man receives the woman as his wife but never covenants to give himself to her. Traditional Christian wedding vows are equal. Husband and wife promise the exact same things to each other.

Sometimes I wonder why I believed it all because it is now so clear to me that it is false. Why did I not see through it much earlier? I don’t know. I am just glad that I did finally see and because of that I need to be patient with my family. I would love for them to see it too, but they have to be ready themselves for God to lead them out. Despite all the ‘what if’s’, I have no regrets for any of the major decisions I have made in my life.

Rebecca is correct with regards to recovery. Patience is key. Time really does heal. I’ve only been out for 11 months so I’m still recovering but I have healed a lot since August. I have new friends I spend time with. RCIA has been very healing as well. I’ve been in RCIA since February and I’ve come a long way. It’s been nice to share part of my journey with others. In my RCIA class, there is another ex Mormon and a former atheist who have helped me tremendously. I also can’t talk enough about how learning more about Mary has helped me. Mary always leads us to her Son, and it has been incredibly healing and empowering to know I have a real Mother in Heaven I can access.

Joseph certainly was driven by a flaming sword to practice polygamy but it was not held by an angel! I have found that the most effective way to deal with Mormons who want to bring one back into the fold is to tell them the truth about Joseph Smith. They don’t want their precious testimonies to be damaged so they quickly stop talking about religion all together. If polygamy was a commandment of God, Joseph Smith wouldn’t have lied to Emma about it, stolen the wives of other men and broken the rules he set out in D&C 132. I found the stories of Helen Mar Kimball and Zina Jacobs to be far more compelling than the angel with a flaming sword.

There is nothing wrong with hardening your heart against lies and deceit and opening your heart to the True God and His Word. The story of Jesus healing the man blind from birth in John 9 really hits home to me. I was blind from birth. I could not see God or the truth. God healed my blindness and now I believe Him and worship Him.

 

[RebeccaJ]

:yup: I’d like to say that but you are right. Patience with everyone and God. And also accepting the fact that I myself was delusional too.

Prayer is integral.

The thing with acceptance, that I found in my own situation, is facing it square on. With the realization that you are human, make mistakes, get hoodwinked. But, God is kind and patient. Look what He has done for you already!

God less you on your journey.