Severe crisis of faith

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I’ve been going through a severe crisis of faith. I’m currently in a state mortal sin and haven’t gone to church in a couple of months. Previous to this, I would regularly attend sunday mass, bi-weekly confession and often went to Adoration.

But right now I have a lot of resentment and anger towards God. I understand God’s reasoning for not answering prayers but I’ve just reached a breaking point. It’s been far too long without any answers. I have asked for something specific, other times it’s simply for guidance or spiritual fruits. But my circumstances continue to degrade and all I get is radio silence. I feel broken.

I do think the medication I’m on has me numbed me to the point that I don’t care enough to do anything about it, partly out of spite though while not be concerned about any consequences. But I have to be on these meds.

I don’t have an option for a spiritual director and I don’t think I can pray if one were to put a gun to my head. A part of me is torn and would like to go to Confession but I just don’t believe I can honestly recite the words in the Act of Contrition and believe it.

I would like ask for your prayers and for any suggestions or guidance.
 
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I would let it play out. If you try and force yourself to not feel this way, it’s probably going to be counterproductive.
 
I’m very grateful you’ve brought your thoughts here so we can try and help,I will remember you in mass tomorrow Michael.God bless.
 
try to make a good honest confession don’t be tricked by the devil 2 Corinthians 2: 11 And we do this so that we may not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs. http://www.usccb.org/prayer-and-wor...entals/penance/examinations-of-conscience.cfm

Isaiah 1:16 Wash yourselves; make yourselves clean; remove the evil of your doings from before my eyes;cease to do evil,18 Come now, let us argue it out,says the Lord:though your sins are like scarlet,they shall be like snow;though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.19 If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land;

1 Peter 5:6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, so that he may exalt you in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you. 8 Discipline yourselves, keep alert.Like a roaring lion your adversary the devil prowls around, looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, steadfast in your faith, for you know that your brothers and sisters in all the world are undergoing the same kinds of suffering. 10 And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, support, strengthen, and establish you. 11 To him be the power forever and ever. Amen.

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the sake of the joy that was set before him endured the cross, disregarding its shame, and has taken his seat at the right hand of the throne of God.

3 Consider him who endured such hostility against himself from sinners,[[c]so that you may not grow weary or lose heart. 4 In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as children—

“My child, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
or lose heart when you are punished by him;
6 for the Lord disciplines those whom he loves,
and chastises every child whom he accepts.”

7 Endure trials for the sake of discipline. God is treating you as children; for what child is there whom a parent does not discipline? 8 If you do not have that discipline in which all children share, then you are illegitimate and not his children. 9 Moreover, we had human parents to discipline us, and we respected them. Should we not be even more willing to be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share his holiness. 11 Now, discipline always seems painful rather than pleasant at the time, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

12 Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed.
 
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I write this on the Memorial of St Andrew Dung-Lac of Viet Nam
Persuasive Perseverance - that is one thing that the Catholic Church is known for. Notice that St. Andrew Dung-Lac was not trained by a nun or a priest but was trained in Christian Doctrine by a lay-person. He also persevered in the faith in spite of the fact that he was imprisoned and tortured on and off for twenty years. He retained his faith. How do you do that in the face of ongoing pain and suffering? It is one thing to believe when all is well and you are well-fed and happy and in no danger of having your door broken down and being carted off to prison for your faith and it is another when persecution happens or life seems to take a turn for the worse. It is these times we have to prepare for. They are coming to each of us. When bad times come, we have to keep our eyes on the prize and to know that all things work for the good for those who believe. But really, do we mean that good can come out of persecution or a diagnosis of a dread disease or the loss of someone close to us? How can good come from these things? I have to answer honestly, I do not know. No, I don’t know. What I hope to be able to do when and if the time comes is to keep my eyes on the prize, to give a good example to those around me. Nothing shines brighter than a Christian who demonstrates their trust in Jesus at times when all seems lost. So, prepare today for the evil that might come tomorrow. Train your eyes to watch for the prize and know that you are not alone in your suffering and pain and that Jesus is by your side offering solace and hope.
 
Anger toward God will make things worse. Your prayer should be humble, say grant me as much as you will, when you will. Think of the people who have suffered worse and did not get relief.
 
You need to force yourself go to confession. Just go do it and stop letting your mind worry you into a hole. Discuss all of this with the priest in the confessional. Tell him your disbelief and your anger. Give Grace a chance.

Consider getting off of this medication and searching for alternatives. Do anything you can. It sounds as if it’s destroying your spiritual life, and it’s not worth your eternal peace and happiness.

I will pray for you today.
 
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God is real, persevere, be calm God loves you and so do we brother.

Never give up. 🙏. Remember there is no power in the universe that can break the bond between you and God.

 
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Prayers for you. Our Christian call is to pray for those who cannot. And if you are in that spot, lean on us. When you can, please return the prayers. Thanks
 
Remember that where ever your emotions take you, whether to the heights or to the depths, God is always by your side. He remains faithful and holds you in the palm of his hands. Hang on to Him and believe He has the best in mind for you. I’m saying prayers for you.
 
I am so sorry you aren’t feeling well. It is OK to be angry at God from time to time. I believe He understands. It sounds like you are suffering with physical ailments, too, which you most likely don’t have any control over.

Another poster suggested you let this play out. I agree with her. Trying to force feelings when you are on medication that makes you feel numb will only make you feel worse. Take care of yourself. Eat right, rest, get some fresh air and sunshine when possible. Eventually the veil will lift and you will feel like nurturing your spirtual life again.

I hope you feel better, soon. You may wish to discuss the “numbness” with your physician. You don’t have to share the spiritual part if you don’t want to. I suspect you may be feeling numb towards your other interpersonal relationships, too (?). Medication can be a beast. It may be that there is something else you can try, or a modification in dosage. Work with your doctor.
 
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You might be experiencing spiritual dryness and if you are then you need to try have patience in praying for God is nearer than you think. Saints experience this the same as us ordinary people and find it just as trying. One saint said it was God being so near that we are blinded by him and so we cannot pray or meditate and advised patience and trust in God. I know this is very difficult. I agree that you should start by going to mass even if you cant have the Eucharist you can still benefit. Do remember that venial sins are forgiven in the mass and that is something. Also if you struggle to pray then try vocal prayers for now. Just read the Our father and/or The Hail Mary even if you dont feel like it. I know it is hard for you to believe but some of the prayers that didnt get answered for me are the ones I am the most joyful about now. I truly thank him most often for what he did not give me. I hope that you will feel that way too one day. God loves you so much that he will only do the best for you. He is your loving parent who loves you enough to give you only what you need and not what you want. How about trying to be open to his will instead. Try to keep calm, while your soul is anxious it quite vulnerable to sin, so going to mass and reading the vocal prayers can be very calming. Keep on doing it, your will over any anxiety. God will help you. You can practice the act of contrition at home, just say it and see what happens, by the way there are lots of them. Here is a very simple one : ‘Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner’. (it’s called The Jesus Prayer and can often be said repetitively for a long time a priest once told me it’s good to say for 1/2 hr but just try it a few times if you like ) any of these actions God will be pleased with.

I am sorry you are struggling with the effects of medication too. Does your doctor think these side effects will wear off or can they give you anything for them? God bless you.
 
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I recently was told to always be vigilant. The enemy is always looking for a weakness to exploit. Anything that prevents you from doing what you know you should, prayer, confession, Mass… may be that tempter.

Pray.
Bluebright said:
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner’.
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That’s a good one for moments like this. As well as “O blood & water, which gush forth from the heart of Jesus, I trust in you.”

& especially when I feel my prayers go unanswered, I ask my friends to pray for me. Friends like Therese of Lisieux, JPII, Padre Pio, & Mother Theresa.
 
I felt this same way. I went to confession anyway one day… the priest asked me what was wrong and I flat out told him I didn’t know if I should be there, wasn’t sure I believed in God’s mercy or love, and didn’t want to be Catholic. He absolved me anyway and I am still so thankful for his kindness. I had been in and out of the church for about two years and was exhausted of it. He gave me the glimmer of hope I needed in that moment to consider returning and staying.

You never know. I say try it. It can’t hurt anything. You can always leave… I’m not proud of it but I’d left confession a few times before this encounter without completing the sacrament… I was trying but too scared and angry at God to make much progress. All you can do is do your best and leave the rest to God. If you don’t think you mean the Act of Contrition, talk about that with the priest in confession. We aren’t always the best judges of ourselves and when you’re hurting it’s hard to see through that to the truth. You may mean more than you think.
 
I’d check with your Dr. to see if there’s an alternative medicine regime. Been there, done that, and medications can have nasty side-effects. Can’t just be affecting your church life.
 
Offer up your sufferings for the souls in purgatory, especially those who have no one to pray for them. We are all part of the Body, when one hurts, we all hurt.

Praying for you for strength and perseverance. 🙏

Edit: for sure, check your medications with your doctor. Also, if you are able, see if there is some service work you can do for others: visiting shut-ins, helping in a community kitchen, yard work for elderly or disabled, etc.
 
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michaelArc said:
I understand God’s reasoning for not answering prayers but I’ve just reached a breaking point. It’s been far too long without any answers.
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There may be rational understanding of some of the reasons that God does not always give us what we want, but that does not equate to acceptance. Acceptance means submitting to God in humility, and laying our dreams and desires at His feet. The demand for what we want, or explanations from God are forms of arrogance that impede our relationship with Him.
michaelArc said:
I have asked for something specific, other times it’s simply for guidance or spiritual fruits. But my circumstances continue to degrade and all I get is radio silence. I feel broken.
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Broken is not a bad place to be. In fact, sometimes God must pulverize the clay pot in which our lives are held, so that it can be ground to powder and remixed. Only by smashing the demands of our ego and the flesh can we become the soul He has destined for us.

Fruit is something that naturally grows on a healthy vine. If you have stopped doing those things that keep you healthy as a branch connected to the vine, then you will not bear good fruit.

He is the vinedresser, and he prunes us so that we can bear more fruit. If you know anything about pruning, you know that healthy and apparently useful branches must be removed so that good can come of it.
 
Thank you all for your responses, I do appreciate them. I did go to mass and confession last sunday.

While I work through my issues, I feel like speaking to God is crippling me and puts me into a depressive spiral. I just can’t overcome my lack of faith at this time.

Accepting what is, for better and worse without speaking to God, oddly gives me a sense of peace and stability.

I’ve decided to leave the church with the hope that I may return one day. God bless.
 
michaelArc said:
Accepting what is, for better and worse without speaking to God, oddly gives me a sense of peace and stability. […] I’ve decided to leave the church with the hope that I may return one day. God bless.
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Sounds like you prefer total honesty over sticking with a fixed formula. This is a very courageous decision to take. It’s a sign of great earnestness, and I believe that earnestness is the very thing that God looks for in his children. It is more important still than obedience. Therefore, I trust that God will continue to work in you and with you outside the church, even during those times that you won’t be able to consciously recognize it. In this sense, I believe that you continue to be part of the Church, if not in the visible sense then at least in the sense that you remain a child of God, and remain in His care.

There’s one piece of advice another poster made earlier, that I would like to reiterate: look into the possibility of getting off your meds. Don’t force it, but consider it, and see if you can go without. This is usually something you’ll have to try on your own, since most doctors/psychs don’t have a sufficiently adequate appreciation of religious needs/sentiments to be good counselors on this point.

Good luck, and God bless you.
 
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I will pray for you that you somehow get past this communication issue you are having with God and that the Holy Spirit fills you with faith and hope.

I’m firmly convinced that the devil is interfering with your communications.

If you cannot speak directly to God, at least say the prayer to St. Michael the Archangel once in a while. I will say it for you too.

God bless
 
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