Severely deformed unborn child

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christopher_s

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I hope you can help with this.

Our next door neighbor is 4 months pregnant with their 2nd child.

After coming home from a very detailed sonogram they were told the child’s top skull wasn’t there and that only the lower brain stem had formed. Approximately 80% of the brain simply didn’t develop.

Their doctor gave the child no chance for survival outside the womb and it was doubtful that he/she would even make it to term. If she continued to carry the child the Dr. says it will be stillborn.

The woman is crushed by this and they have an appointment to ,as the doctor put it, “remove” it next week.

The catechism was little help in a situation like this. My question is : Will they be culpable in committing the sin of abortion, or is it a sin committed with mitigating circumstances or (in this case) is it a sin at all?
(o.k. so that was three questions)

They are wonderful people and aren’t doing this for selfish reasons. My heart and prayers go out to them
and there little I can do to help. I was hoping an answer to this might ease her pain.

They aren’t practicing Catholics but are pro-life, so they are struggling with this.

I’m hoping that you can answer this at your convenience or maybe direct me to someone who can.

Thank you for your time
May God Bless the work you do here and elsewhere.

Chris
 
christopher s.:
I hope you can help with this.

Our next door neighbor is 4 months pregnant with their 2nd child.

After coming home from a very detailed sonogram they were told the child’s top skull wasn’t there and that only the lower brain stem had formed. Approximately 80% of the brain simply didn’t develop.

Their doctor gave the child no chance for survival outside the womb and it was doubtful that he/she would even make it to term. If she continued to carry the child the Dr. says it will be stillborn.

The woman is crushed by this and they have an appointment to ,as the doctor put it, “remove” it next week.

The catechism was little help in a situation like this. My question is : Will they be culpable in committing the sin of abortion, or is it a sin committed with mitigating circumstances or (in this case) is it a sin at all?
(o.k. so that was three questions)

They are wonderful people and aren’t doing this for selfish reasons. My heart and prayers go out to them
and there little I can do to help. I was hoping an answer to this might ease her pain.

They aren’t practicing Catholics but are pro-life, so they are struggling with this.

I’m hoping that you can answer this at your convenience or maybe direct me to someone who can.

Thank you for your time
May God Bless the work you do here and elsewhere.

Chris
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Yes, this is an abortion-- the murder of a living child-- and a mortal sin.

Contact www.omsoul.com (their website has their phone number). I believe they have some brochures on what are called the “hard cases” and maybe even some testimony from women who have carried their child to term, given them love and comfort, baptism, and properly grieved and buried them when they did pass away. These parents speak of great joy. You can download brochures from their website, or they may be able to point you to the right place if they don’t have what you are looking for.

If they are pro-life then why would they want to kill their child? Because the doctor says so? Doctors today are all about avoiding malpractice, not necessarily about doing the right thing. Remember, all human life is sacred, and this baby is a precious child of God.

I think the woman needs to “be not afraid” and walk with God to the end of this path.
 
When I was working at the funeral home, we had a case like this. While it was hard for them, the mother and father went ahead and had the child, he died instantly. But they had a chance to hold him, and love him. I wouldn’t want them to deprive themselves of that opportunity.
 
If the child is going to die one way or another, why next week and not in God’s time? Do they think it will be easier when the child is smaller? Will it be too hard for her to continue carrying the baby, receiving comments, when they know the outcome will not be what most people assume? I can’t imagine how hard it must be, but wouldn’t it be harder to knowingly abort the child?? I’d be afraid of the regrets I might have later. —KCT
 
In addition to everyone’s comments here, I would like to add that I have heard of situations where ultrasounds and pre-natal xrays have revealed “hopeless” medical conditions, yet when the children were born they were perfectly healthy. Our technology isn’t perfect. How sad it would be if this couple aborted only to find out that the child would have been perfectly normal.
 
That is so true!

My best friend and her husband just had their first baby girl in January. It was at their fourth month sonogram where the doc announced that their little daughter had leg deformities.

The doc was kind enough to say that he was unsure of the severity, but to expect her to need lots of surgeries and appliances through the first few years of her life.

When their little girl was born, she did have some deformity, but it has been corrected using little casts to straighten her leg, and she will need to wear a corrective shoe until she is 3.

Big difference from “lots of surgeries”.

I know this isn’t comparable to the trauma your neighbors are experiencing, but I concur with Dr. Colossus, that sometimes little miracles can happen, and sometimes the docs are just plain wrong.
 
I had some friends who went through a very similar situation as christopher’s several years ago and I regret to this day that I didn’t say something to try to stop them. Their child was very much wanted and I remember their excitement at the announcement of the pregnancy and the look of despair when the tests showed the brain mostly missing. I attended the same Protestant church with them at the time, and after they spoke to the pastor they decided to abort.

I have always been pro-life, but I didn’t know what to say in that situation. They were told that baby would die from the anesthesia, and it wasn’t really an abortion, blah, blah, blah. A year later I heard about the partial birth abortion procedure and felt sick because the doctors lied. My friends never had a chance to hold their baby, give it a name, proper baptism and burial or say even goodbye. This loss is not one that they talked about much, but I did speak with her right after about it. The look of despair on her face said everything.

The abortion didn’t take care of the problem. Their hearts still broke over the loss of their child, but now there was the added guilt of an abortion. I know the mom felt terribly guilty. And I feel guilty to this day that I never said anything. Please, say something to remind them their child can live for at least five months more! If they wanted the child in the first place, they probably still want the child and they need to hear those words.

I heard about once about a doctor who is pioneering a field of pre-natal and neo-natal hospice to help parents deal with the type of tragedy your friends face. Maybe you can find some information about that to share with your friends. And as mentioned above, miracles and wrong diagnosis can happen. I will say a prayer that God gives you the right words to say to your friends. Please say something on behalf of their child.
 
But delivering a child to term carries a small but real risk for the mother - eclampsia, amniotic embolism, DVT, etc. If there is a 100% certainty that the child will not survive for long out of the womb - as there is in all cases of anencephaly - why should the mother take that small risk to her own health? To make a point?

What if the mother was ill, with lupus, say? Should she still be forced to carry her brainless baby to term?
 
Because within her is a LIFE.

A God made LIFE.

As mother’s we are to protect an nurture our children until Jesus takes them home (or takes us!). There is NEVER 100% certainty as to the time of a person’s death. We can try to predict, but God will take us home when our time has come.

For us to interfere with His plan by deciding the time of a person’s death is pretentious and shamefull.

Just because I had ecclampsia- does that mean I could validly abort my beautiful daughter? :confused:

Shocking. :eek:
 
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norbert:
But delivering a child to term carries a small but real risk for the mother - eclampsia, amniotic embolism, DVT, etc. If there is a 100% certainty that the child will not survive for long out of the womb - as there is in all cases of anencephaly - why should the mother take that small risk to her own health? To make a point?

What if the mother was ill, with lupus, say? Should she still be forced to carry her brainless baby to term?
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Because there is never a 100% certainty.

Delivery carries a very small but real risk for me and any other woman alive.

God caused that child to be conceived and we have NO RIGHT to kill it. And before you or anyone else asks, no, I do not believe that God made this child to be deformed any more than He made my son autistic(if the tests do show this) or me with ADD and arthritis. That comes about because of our fallen nature. God knew this would happen, He gave this child his soul, and He loves that child and those parents. Personally, my heart is broken for them and I don’t even know them. God feels much more for them than I do-He knows them. And yet, He still does not say," go ahead and kill that baby-he’s not perfect so go ahead" Our sin nature is much worse than any severe defomity will ever be, and yet Jesus died for us. We are called to love each other the way Jesus does-sacrificially, wholeheartedly, unreservedly. Jesus didn’t run away from His death, we shouldn’t run away from our crosses(but we often do).

I have lost 2 children out of 3 and dang near lost #3, too. The pain of losing a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, or anything that comes after the birth NEVER GOES AWAY. The pain from killing your own child is worse. This family is going through hell, but it would be worse if they had the abortion. No, this woman cannot be forced(and should not be forced) to carry the child-God doesn’t even force us to do anything. It doesn’t mean that anything goes, however.
 
Momofone:
Because there is never a 100% certainty.

Delivery carries a very small but real risk for me and any other woman alive.

God caused that child to be conceived and we have NO RIGHT to kill it. And before you or anyone else asks, no, I do not believe that God made this child to be deformed any more than He made my son autistic(if the tests do show this) or me with ADD and arthritis. That comes about because of our fallen nature. God knew this would happen, He gave this child his soul, and He loves that child and those parents. Personally, my heart is broken for them and I don’t even know them. God feels much more for them than I do-He knows them. And yet, He still does not say," go ahead and kill that baby-he’s not perfect so go ahead" Our sin nature is much worse than any severe defomity will ever be, and yet Jesus died for us. We are called to love each other the way Jesus does-sacrificially, wholeheartedly, unreservedly. Jesus didn’t run away from His death, we shouldn’t run away from our crosses(but we often do).

I have lost 2 children out of 3 and dang near lost #3, too. The pain of losing a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, or anything that comes after the birth NEVER GOES AWAY. The pain from killing your own child is worse. This family is going through hell, but it would be worse if they had the abortion. No, this woman cannot be forced(and should not be forced) to carry the child-God doesn’t even force us to do anything. It doesn’t mean that anything goes, however.
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But what if this lady delivers her brainless baby and dies of, say, seizures and aspiration from eclampsia? Will it have been worth it? What if this lady has 3 or 4 other young kids at home? Who would be their mommy then?

It’s a different topic, but how does anencephaly relate to our fallen nature? Why should those fetuses (and their families) be asked to bear the brunt of original sin? What did they do wrong?
 
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norbert:
But what if this lady delivers her brainless baby and dies of, say, seizures and aspiration from eclampsia? Will it have been worth it? What if this lady has 3 or 4 other young kids at home? Who would be their mommy then?

It’s a different topic, but how does anencephaly relate to our fallen nature? Why should those fetuses (and their families) be asked to bear the brunt of original sin? What did they do wrong?
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I am very pro-life, but I admit I’m also torn when it comes to cases like this.

I suppose I would liken this to unhooking a stoke victim from life support. If the human being has no brain activity and no chance of recovery… how long do you let them lay there?

These are difficult situations. I can’t imagine carrying a baby and having people cheerfully ask me day in and day out, “When are you due? Are you excited?” How heart-wrenching.

However, for a pro-life person to lay down on the table and go through an abortion… the alternative must seem unbearable.

I wouldn’t judge any woman in this situation, regardless of what she does. Those poor people. They need prayer.
 
We throw “what if’s” around like confettii.

The MEANS of snuffing out an innocent human life does not justify the ENDS of saving a mother’s life.

I would have carried my child (and all my children) to term even if it meant my own life- BECAUSE they are my children, BECAUSE God has made me a contributor in their existence, and BECAUSE I love them more than life.

So they have a harsh life without me. AS long as we’re tossing “what if’s” around, why not this one:

“What if my now orphan children find wonderfull and loving adoptive parents who will love them as much as I do- until the end of their days- and they grow up to be faithful Catholic adults with 8 kids a piece and a dog…”

My “what if” is just as likely as yours, and just as productive.

We were given a command-

Thou shall not murder.

I will ever err on the side of LIFE. And in saying that, I will offer my nightly prayers to this couple (and all couples) struggling with this decision. It truly must be agonizing, and my heart bleeds for them.
 
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norbert:
But what if this lady delivers her brainless baby and dies of, say, seizures and aspiration from eclampsia? Will it have been worth it? What if this lady has 3 or 4 other young kids at home? Who would be their mommy then?

It’s a different topic, but how does anencephaly relate to our fallen nature? Why should those fetuses (and their families) be asked to bear the brunt of original sin? What did they do wrong?
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How does it relate? My point was to clarify that, although God gave this child his soul, I did not think that God made that child that way. That comes from the effects of sin.I wanted to make sure no one misunderstood me.
Who said they did anything wrong? Did I do something “wrong”? I have arthritis that on my worst days makes me want to die. My son, the light of my life, might be autistic.What am I being punished for? The fact is, I bear the brunt of original sin and so do you. We all do. Sometimes things happen that aren’t our fault, but we need to bear them with dignity, grace and by trusting in God. (Not easy, I know. You should hear the language that comes out of my mouth when my arthritis acts up. Labor and delivery was a piece of cake compared to this!!!) I think you are taking what I said WAY OUT of context.
Any mother could die delivering a “normal, healthy” child. Does that mean that she should have aborted it? I bleed severely after having my son. If I had died, who would have been his mommy then? Would I have been wrong to carry him to term because I bleed to death after having him? No!
This woman is in a horrible position right now and the what if scenarios you post don’t help! You can’t live your life like that.
By the way, I cried for her. What did you do?
 
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Shiann:
We throw “what if’s” around like confettii.

The MEANS of snuffing out an innocent human life does not justify the ENDS of saving a mother’s life.

I would have carried my child (and all my children) to term even if it meant my own life- BECAUSE they are my children, BECAUSE God has made me a contributor in their existence, and BECAUSE I love them more than life.

So they have a harsh life without me. AS long as we’re tossing “what if’s” around, why not this one:

“What if my now orphan children find wonderfull and loving adoptive parents who will love them as much as I do- until the end of their days- and they grow up to be faithful Catholic adults with 8 kids a piece and a dog…”

My “what if” is just as likely as yours, and just as productive.

We were given a command-

Thou shall not murder.

I will ever err on the side of LIFE. And in saying that, I will offer my nightly prayers to this couple (and all couples) struggling with this decision. It truly must be agonizing, and my heart bleeds for them.
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A most excellent reply!👍
 
By the way, I cried for her. What did you do?
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say “I prayed”
 
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leaner:
By the way, I cried for her. What did you do?
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say “I prayed”
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Cool. We all should. But, I was responding to one specific poster. I wasn’t asking everybody.
 
this same thing, alas happened to my sister. We were counciled to wait until a child would be able to be born early and survive, aware that obvously this child would not survive. we were told this was akin to allowing death to come to a person on loife support.

probably worng but that is what i was told.
 
I didn’t phrase that right – my wild guess would be that “she prayed” – I don’t think anyone would wish this on their worst enemy, let alone treat it trivially. I have now met three people thru pregnancy loss support groups who have had either stillborn, or within 4 days of birth lost their child. All of them said they were so grateful to have at least had the chance to hold their children; that it brought them a sense of closure that they know without a doubt they would not have been able to reach had they terminated their pregnancies – only one was in a postition where that “option” was presented – the other two were “surprise” (because I can’t think of how else to put it) tragedies. I think that is what I would do as well. Trust in God that he would not have given me this baby; fully formed or not if He did not have a plan for both of us. Not easy, but faith is not easy; giving oneself over to God’s plan is never easy - but knowing there is a Divine plan for me makes it a bit more palatable. That’s “if it were me”
 
Doctors have been known to misdiagnose, and God to work miracles.
It would be better to go through a pregnancy and hold, baptise, and say goodbye to your baby, than to let a doctor rip him apart to save yourself distress. This mother will have to live with that thought for the rest of her life. It would be far better to live with the knowledge that she loved her baby as much as she could, as long as she could.
I take care of a child who was born without ears or kidneys, and has to be fed through a tube. We don’t know yet how much he will develop mentally. In Holland this baby would have been aborted, as too much trouble. But his sweetness and affection endear him to everyone who knows him.
Christopher, I pray that you will encourage this couple to let God lead them, not the advocates of the culture of death.
 
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