Sex and Dating

[Lou2U]

most people my age and younger have had relations. also, most girls expect a guy to be sexually expeirenced. for example, i have an okcupid dating profile. on the profile, you can asnwer questions and see how you stack up with others. on average, the majority of people admit to having sex within 3-5 dates. adn this blows my mind and makes me really insecure about myself.

Why anyone would want to have sex within 3-5 dates is beyond me.

You shouldn’t feel embarrassed. Having sex doesn’t make a person masculine. Having respect for yourself as well as other people will get you further than sex ever will. Yes, you’re going against the norm but why would you want to be like everyone else?

You’re getting treatment for depression. I would definitely recommend you find a new therapist you feel completely comfortable with. You should focus on your health first, because that’s way more important than sex. You’ll also have a healthier outlook on sex the better you feel. Right now, being a virgin is embarrassing to you because everyone isn’t. Number one, that’s a lie, and number two, you need to value yourself more. Getting therapy will really help you to do this.

Lou

 

[zarek]

than kyou for your advice. you are right actually. i do need more confidence with it. i didnt think of it.

and long story short, i used to be catholic. volunteered a lot at church while at college. but the first time i ever cut myself was IN a church. and it helped more than god ever did

I was in the same shoes you were… a 23 year old male who hadn’t had sex, and I also felt embarrassed about it. I remember specifically one time I was working as a waiter, and the guys were talking about it. One of the guys asked me directly when my “first time” was. I wanted to lie, but I told him the truth, that I’d never done it. He was shocked, looked at me like I was crazy and stupid. I felt super embarrassed, I’m sure my face was bright red.

The media and some people will tell you differently, but there’s nothing embarrassing about being a virgin. Also, there’s nothing manly about having premarital sex or being more “experienced”. A real man protects the hearts of women, that’s what you’re doing by saving yourself. I hope you can get some more confidence with your decision to save sex.

The path is narrow, you might be right that many others have experienced it, but it doesn’t mean you’re alone.

Also, I’m really curious about your rift with the Church. Do you mind if I ask…do you consider yourself a Christian? What hinders you from Catholicism? I think making a decision and going to a church, any church, could help you build some friendships. Maybe sorting that out could help you out too

 

[zarek]

thats what one of my friends keeps telling me. but because sex is EVERYWHERE, and i ltierally mean, EVERYWHERE, i cant get over it…

and im going to make some phone calls today concerning therapists. thanks

Why anyone would want to have sex within 3-5 dates is beyond me.

You shouldn’t feel embarrassed. Having sex doesn’t make a person masculine. Having respect for yourself as well as other people will get you further than sex ever will. Yes, you’re going against the norm but why would you want to be like everyone else?

You’re getting treatment for depression. I would definitely recommend you find a new therapist you feel completely comfortable with. You should focus on your health first, because that’s way more important than sex. You’ll also have a healthier outlook on sex the better you feel. Right now, being a virgin is embarrassing to you because everyone isn’t. Number one, that’s a lie, and number two, you need to value yourself more. Getting therapy will really help you to do this.

Lou

 

[Wesrock]

It’s unfortunately ingrained in us nowadays that it’s abnormal to be a virgin or even just sexually inactive. In the media, by our peers, it’s just everywhere. It’s not true, but unfortunately the mentality can still be embedded deep down and be hard to shake.

Stay strong.

 

[PJM]

I am sorry for posting a similar topic like this again. But it drives me crazy. I can not even focus on work anymore.

I am 23, and so horribley embarrassed at myself for never having a girl friend and having no sexual experience when most people YOUNGER than me have. Im so ashamed of myself to the point when i want to cry/hurt myself, and that is making me feel even worse. But at the end of the day, i dont WANT to sleep with someone. I want to wait till im married. I have depression, and i recognize that its not a good idea for me to sleep with anyone cause the guilt could push me over the edge.

SEX dear friend is NOT a “toy”

WHAT you are, is OBEDIENT to God & your conscience.

Just ONE Mortal sin can send a soul to hell for eternity. It;s not worth it.

Sex is reserved to Married couples {a Man & a Women} with TWO golas

[1] The POSSIBLE procreation of children

[2] The Unification of the married couple

You WILL NOT be sorry that you choose to wait. WHAT a gift you have to give to your furture spouse

PRAY much & wait!

God Bless you,
Patrick

 

[Bill_Martin]

thats what one of my friends keeps telling me. but because sex is EVERYWHERE, and i ltierally mean, EVERYWHERE, i cant get over it…

and im going to make some phone calls today concerning therapists. thanks

Don’t be afraid to dump a therapist and keep looking if he/she doesn’t support your values. Some will, but others will just try to convince you that sex before marriage is normal and fine. It’s very important to find one who actually listens to you and supports you.

 

[dangerousdyls]

long story short, i used to be catholic. volunteered a lot at church while at college. but the first time i ever cut myself was IN a church. and it helped more than god ever did

Thanks for sharing that…that’s tough man. I hope you can break that association at some point between cutting and church. Do you have positive experiences with the church before the cutting? Maybe you can reflect on those and get a more accurate idea of God.

 

[Lou2U]

than kyou for your advice. you are right actually. i do need more confidence with it. i didnt think of it.

and long story short, i used to be catholic. volunteered a lot at church while at college. but the first time i ever cut myself was IN a church. and it helped more than god ever did

Self mutilation is never going to help. Never, never.

thats what one of my friends keeps telling me. but because sex is EVERYWHERE, and i ltierally mean, EVERYWHERE, i cant get over it…

and im going to make some phone calls today concerning therapists. thanks

Why do you think sex is everywhere? What kind of places do you go to that tells you this? It may be that a new environment would really help your mindset. I promise you, sex isn’t everywhere.

It’s really good you’re moving forward with the therapists. As another poster has said, don’t worry if you need to change therapist because you don’t agree with them - your health is much more important. Once you get a hold on it, everything will start to seem brighter. I’ve had bad anxiety this year, but now I’ve started to move past it, I can see how negative it made me feel, and how badly I viewed myself and my opinions. You need help moving forward with your depression, and that is the most important thing for you to worry about. All this about sex is really a symptom of the problem.

Lou

 

[CRATUS]

I am sorry for posting a similar topic like this again. But it drives me crazy. I can not even focus on work anymore.

I am 23, and so horribley embarrassed at myself for never having a girl friend and having no sexual experience when most people YOUNGER than me have. Im so ashamed of myself to the point when i want to cry/hurt myself, and that is making me feel even worse. But at the end of the day, i dont WANT to sleep with someone. I want to wait till im married. I have depression, and i recognize that its not a good idea for me to sleep with anyone cause the guilt could push me over the edge.

You are not a loser for not having a girlfriend. Maybe first try being friends or acquaintances with girls. Join a sport or an activity that keeps you busy. DO NOT TELL ANYONE ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE, unless you TRUST them or you HAVE TO. Whether you are a virgin at young age or sleep around, people will hurt you with that. Seek a therapist for you depression. PRAY !!!

 

[zarek]

thanks. i really appreciate some of your adivce the most. and im working on a new therapist. and im well aware i my insecurity about sex is more of a symptom of depression.

and ive been looking into a new therapist. i have an appointment next week. ive been having a really hard week. ive had to tell my parents that icve been injuring myself only cause im not able to hide the scars. so their freaking out…

Self mutilation is never going to help. Never, never.

Why do you think sex is everywhere? What kind of places do you go to that tells you this? It may be that a new environment would really help your mindset. I promise you, sex isn’t everywhere.

It’s really good you’re moving forward with the therapists. As another poster has said, don’t worry if you need to change therapist because you don’t agree with them - your health is much more important. Once you get a hold on it, everything will start to seem brighter. I’ve had bad anxiety this year, but now I’ve started to move past it, I can see how negative it made me feel, and how badly I viewed myself and my opinions. You need help moving forward with your depression, and that is the most important thing for you to worry about. All this about sex is really a symptom of the problem.

Lou

 

[TimothyH]

Anyone who waits to get involved romantically has saved themselves a world of trouble IMO.

I realize that people do meet and fall in love at an early age, that God does join people together. Relationships in general and particularly the ritual of dating however, is a lot of drama, stress and temptation.

Don’t get involved with the opposite sex too early. That’s my recommendation.

-Tim-

 

[Lou2U]

thanks. i really appreciate some of your adivce the most. and im working on a new therapist. and im well aware i my insecurity about sex is more of a symptom of depression.

and ive been looking into a new therapist. i have an appointment next week. ive been having a really hard week. ive had to tell my parents that icve been injuring myself only cause im not able to hide the scars. so their freaking out…

It’s really good that you’re aware of how to get better and that you’re taking steps towards it. How you’re feeling now isn’t going to last, I promise.

I’m sorry you’re having a hard week. At least your parents know, and they can be there for you as best they can. Keep going with the therapist. You’ll be okay. You’re being really brave asking for help and advice, and telling your parents about your health.

Lou

 

[edwest2]

I have depression and anxiety issues. Try to stop thinking about others and what they may have done or did do. Think of yourself and get that help you need. My parents freaked out, at first, when I showed symptoms but they are there to help you get better as well. And you will.

Trust that God will be by your side every step of the way. And yes, there are therapists that are more helpful than others but you are taking the right steps.

Try to relax. I know that’s hard but find ways to relax yourself as best you can.

God bless,
Ed

 

[zarek]

… im 23 . its not to early

Anyone who waits to get involved romantically has saved themselves a world of trouble IMO.

I realize that people do meet and fall in love at an early age, that God does join people together. Relationships in general and particularly the ritual of dating however, is a lot of drama, stress and temptation.

Don’t get involved with the opposite sex too early. That’s my recommendation.

-Tim-

 

[KariBear]

I am sorry for posting a similar topic like this again. But it drives me crazy. I can not even focus on work anymore.

I am 23, and so horribley embarrassed at myself for never having a girl friend and having no sexual experience when most people YOUNGER than me have. Im so ashamed of myself to the point when i want to cry/hurt myself, and that is making me feel even worse. But at the end of the day, i dont WANT to sleep with someone. I want to wait till im married. I have depression, and i recognize that its not a good idea for me to sleep with anyone cause the guilt could push me over the edge.

Oh, dear brother, you will find that perfect someone God has prepared for you. Don’t ever sell yourself short. My husband (a minister) has married and also counsels many couples, and the truth is, those who had a sexual relationship before they were married, (that also includes those who had a sex with only each other before marriage), were more likely to have marital problems of mistrust after they wed.

I will add you to my prayers