Sex as a Married Catholic

[happy_new_conv]

Thanks Johanna and Debby: yes, we both are a bit ashamed at how long we waited, but are eager to build our family now. Many of my friends are just now getting married, so we’re on par with them, but I know that’s a lousy way to measure yourself. We plan on adopting a couple kids along with having at least four of our own, and we’re already looking into that.

 

[Johanna_C]

As I said before, my wife was 10,000% against NFP when we started using it initially. She had been for it in principal first (we talked about it, and agreed upon it) but we tried STM first and it didn’t serve us well (it can work for others, but it was terrible for us).

We have since had many discussions, and switched to Creighton NFP system. My wife today will tell you in full sincerity that she would never consider any other system of regulating births. Not even for a second. She has used the pill and condoms (we used both together).

I would suggest to the OP and all struggling users, explore your options. Is it possible your own the wrong system? Creighton might work for us well, it might not for others. Some may prefer Marquette, others STM etc.

I agree, Marquette has worked for me when every thing else was just confusing. I kept getting pregnant over and over immediately after my fertility returned. I had 5 children in 7 years. I love my kids, but what with homeschooling and all, I needed a break. However, at 29 now, I am also finding I’m much less fertile than I was in my early 20s.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

Having sexual intercourse that is not oriented toward life IS a mortal sin. Perhaps occasionally, it would be accidental, due to over-stimulation, but in your case, you KNOW that it’s wrong and sinful, so how could that happen? You’d have to allow it to happen, perhaps thinking that it isn’t so bad, and that is a further sin of presumption.

Perhaps you’ve been getting some PMs telling you this is not a big deal? I assure you that it IS a big deal and worthy of your attention to correct.

Its grave sin, moral implies 3 conditions be met though which it’s possible were not met. Full Consent (i.e. against the will of God), Full Knowlege (you mention that) and the sin must be of grave matter.

If any one of these are not true then the sin is venial, even though the matter is grave. Not that I would discourage the OP from going to confession. But ‘mortal sin’ seems to get thrown out all the time when mostly people are referring to the gravity of the sin.

From the post that the OP linked to:

A direct connection between the two requires full intention/freedom, full understanding and “grave matter.” In the context of a loving marriage/NFP, excessive hormones and a desire to do the right thing … well you do the maths.

One thing is doing A and unexpectedly having B occur, another thing is doing A knowing B is often the consequence, and doing A anyways and assuming it isn’t your fault if B occurs because it wasn’t the purpose of your actions. You need to find a C that does not cause B to happen .
I may desire to always do the right thing, but that does not mean I am not culpable if I choose to do something I know puts me in a position where I will probably end up doing wrong.

I think the Catechism explains the general concept pretty well (and please note that procreative does not mean that a pregnancy has to result from the activity, simply that it could/that nothing was done to the act to impede it):

Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.

 

[Debora123]

Thanks Johanna and Debby: yes, we both are a bit ashamed at how long we waited, but are eager to build our family now. Many of my friends are just now getting married, so we’re on par with them, but I know that’s a lousy way to measure yourself. We plan on adopting a couple kids along with having at least four of our own, and we’re already looking into that.

No probs!

It’s no one else’s business but yours and God’s. You don’t have to explain yourself or answer to any of us.