Sex before marriage

[ShynnSup]

I really cant seem to figure out how I can comply with this request from God, at least not in this society, not in these times.

Early in adolescence you start feeling attraction to girls, if you are lucky you might meet someone.

Many other girls will come as you grow, girls that are interested in you, girls that show themselves, girls that want something with you, girls that turn you on.

From ignorance you masturbate, to then find out its a sin and its wrong. From there on you try to fight the feeling, the animal attraction to flesh, to beautiful girls and beautiful bodies. In school its almost impossible, in summer, even more. With girls that show themselves, not much can be done. With todays movie scenes even harder, with internet and advertisements even harder.

But then you grow, and understand that MOST of your feeling for girls when you were young were product of natural instinct, of uncontrolled desire. And you fall in love. You are in a relation with a girl, far away from lust.
Kiss goodbye, follows hug, follows turning on, follows no goodbye, follows bed.
Now what, you are supposed to say no? And wait to be 2 years with that girl, until she finally says yes to marriage?

I am really lost on how God made things to actually be, but I dont see myself not sinning regarding this, Sorry God.

 

[TRH1292]

That is absolutely ridiculous.

You are perfectly able, through the Grace and Mercy of God, to abstain from these grievous sins that cry to heaven for vengeance.

There are many people on this forum who have spent years doing just that 1. Because they Love God. 2. Because they value and respect there fellow human persons.

Abstaining from PreMarital sex is basic human requirement.

Shape Up, Gird Up Your Loins, Pray to God, and Get serious about going to heaven and being a Saint.

 

[MichaelHowling]

Hey, I know what you’re saying brother! It is tough…but THERE IS a reason why God made us the way He did! and it’s right for you to be searching about it…it’s what God has wanted. And you being a REAL person…are now asking ! Awsome!

John Paul II taught about this very fact in a set of teachings known as “theology of the body”. A man named Christopher West helped break down this teaching for us and made it more understandable to the average person…it’s VERY interesting. It teaches why God made us the way He did and that we can pull out of the mindset of this culture and thereby live a FREE, redeemed and joyous existence. Please don’t just throw in the towel…at whatever point you are at right now in all of this…you can pull yourself out! Please look into this teaching. You can find LOTS of resources on this on the net…a lot of free stuff. I found an entire overview of the pope’s teaching by Christopher west (about 9
CD’s) that were mailed to my house for free from online that have changed the way I looked at the world. I’ll keep my eye on the lookout for them if you want. Christopher west as a website where you can by videos and CD’s on this stuff too…HES AN AWSOME SPEAKER AND IT WILL CHANGE YOU!

Heres a little talk on youtube I just found for ya for a little taste : youtube.com/watch?v=lxsZ7jm0GUE

God bless!

 

[PaulfromIowa]

Yes, we are supposed to say no outside of marriage. I know that this is difficult in today’s promiscuous culture, but it is the teaching of God in both the Old and New Testament. It can be done.

 

[Auntie_A]

You can say “Sorry, God”.

You have the free will to live and make or mess up a life.

But there will be consequences when you cross over the sex-before-marriage line: pregnancies, STD’s, emotional ties that one or the other are not ready for, a damaged relationship that has not yet fully brewed, a messed-up conscience especially when you have a young adult son or daughter one day, a dangerous place to put down your responsibilities before getting ready to handle the greater tasks of life.

Sex before marriage usually feels great in the moment and screws you up for a lifetime.

Sex after marriage usually is difficult while you are waiting for the right person and then waiting for the wedding date. but it is statistically, morally, ethically, sexually, humanly the only true way towards real sexual freedom and true happiness.

The stuff you see in the media and around you are just ways for sick and sad people to feel better about their messes and mistakes. You can join them for instant gratification and then become one more neurotic f—up. (Forgive me, gentle readers)

May you learn to think with your brain, not your gonads. Just look around at the unhappiness of people; the unhappiness of the world does not come from doing the right thing; it comes from breaking God’s laws that appear to inconvenience you.

 

[LilyM]

I really cant seem to figure out how I can comply with this request from God, at least not in this society, not in these times.

Early in adolescence you start feeling attraction to girls, if you are lucky you might meet someone.

Many other girls will come as you grow, girls that are interested in you, girls that show themselves, girls that want something with you, girls that turn you on.

From ignorance you masturbate, to then find out its a sin and its wrong. From there on you try to fight the feeling, the animal attraction to flesh, to beautiful girls and beautiful bodies. In school its almost impossible, in summer, even more. With girls that show themselves, not much can be done. With todays movie scenes even harder, with internet and advertisements even harder.

But then you grow, and understand that MOST of your feeling for girls when you were young were product of natural instinct, of uncontrolled desire. And you fall in love. You are in a relation with a girl, far away from lust.
Kiss goodbye, follows hug, follows turning on, follows no goodbye, follows bed.
Now what, you are supposed to say no? And wait to be 2 years with that girl, until she finally says yes to marriage?

I am really lost on how God made things to actually be, but I dont see myself not sinning regarding this, Sorry God.

God is a bit like the parent who is telling you to brush your teeth, eat your vegetables and do your homework. You, being a child (and compared to God even Einstein was childishly laughably ignorant) see only that there appear to be no/few short term consequences. But of you keep on ignoring them, the day always comes when you will pay the piper. And you will, sooner or later, bitterly regret not having trusted your parents enough to follow their advice. If you are smart, no matter how late in life you come to the realisation that they were right, you will immediately start doing whatever you can to repair the damage done. Not easy, but you will make the effort.

 

[MarcoPolo]

not in this society, not in these times.

Sadly, this attitude is what has resulted in so many wounded relationships and the objectification of both genders, especially women. Perhaps it is heroic in this society and in these times to remain abstinent prior to marriage. Whether it is or isn’t, it’s the right thing to do, however. Anything less is sin. There are often more important things in this life than what we want, what will satisfy our fix. It is a good sign of spiritual maturity to be able to say, there are things more important than what I “want.”

Sexual activity prior to marriage can poison a person emotionally and make them incapable of discerning a sound mate. Sexual activity releases a variety of chemicals, such as oxycontin, tending to attach someone to the object of the sexual act. Thus, people who sleep together or shack up prior to marriage tend to have poorer marriages than celibate couples because sexual activity, instead of consummating a committed bond, blinds the partners to thinking they have a better attachment to a person with whom their compatibility is otherwise weak. Sexual activity is thus not a foundation for marriage, but a blessing within it. Porn addiction is similar, attaching a person to the images unhealthily and blinding that person’s capacity to identify a worthy mate because it results in the addict’s inability to see the other person humanly as was the case with Adam and Eve prior to the Fall.

We, here, can advise and warn, but it is up to you to will holiness in your life. It may be difficult, but you can do it with grace, prayer, study, and discipline. God bless and do your best. Then eventually perhaps instead of saying Sorry, God, you can say Thank you, God.

 

[esieffe]

Kiss goodbye, follows hug, follows turning on, follows no goodbye, follows bed.
Now what, you are supposed to say no? And wait to be 2 years with that girl, until she finally says yes to marriage?
.

It may not seem realistic to you right now, but yes. It sounds like you have made your mind up already. You can go this way, but it will hurt you and her spiritually, it will suck the joy right out of your lives.

I know it seems unfair that we have these urges built in and it is frustrating. But we are not animals, though I must confess in college from time to time I acted like one only to regret it later. We are not talking about alot of time her guy… Think about it. I few minutes of fun in return for possibly a life time of misery. The fallout from the sins of lust start right away dude. Try your best. God WILL take notice, and if you ask, he will help.

The best things in life, are truly worth waiting for!!
Merry Christmas:christmastree1:

 

[Celtic_Maiden]

I really cant seem to figure out how I can comply with this request from God, at least not in this society, not in these times.

Early in adolescence you start feeling attraction to girls, if you are lucky you might meet someone.

Many other girls will come as you grow, girls that are interested in you, girls that show themselves, girls that want something with you, girls that turn you on.

From ignorance you masturbate, to then find out its a sin and its wrong. From there on you try to fight the feeling, the animal attraction to flesh, to beautiful girls and beautiful bodies. In school its almost impossible, in summer, even more. With girls that show themselves, not much can be done. With todays movie scenes even harder, with internet and advertisements even harder.

But then you grow, and understand that MOST of your feeling for girls when you were young were product of natural instinct, of uncontrolled desire. And you fall in love. You are in a relation with a girl, far away from lust.
Kiss goodbye, follows hug, follows turning on, follows no goodbye, follows bed.
Now what, you are supposed to say no? And wait to be 2 years with that girl, until she finally says yes to marriage?

I am really lost on how God made things to actually be, but I dont see myself not sinning regarding this, Sorry God.

I will keep you in my prayers, just remember we are His Servants not the other way around. Don’t act like the pagans do, as we know better. Nothing in life is easy, we have to show we can rise above or try to rise above these temptations, as the Church gives us all the means to try and lead a holy life, not one of using people for our own gratification.
As an object to be used and abused. Don’t be a dead beat.

 

[ShynnSup]

It may not seem realistic to you right now, but yes. It sounds like you have made your mind up already. You can go this way, but it will hurt you and her spiritually, it will suck the joy right out of your lives.

I know it seems unfair that we have these urges built in and it is frustrating. But we are not animals, though I must confess in college from time to time I acted like one only to regret it later. We are not talking about alot of time her guy… Think about it. I few minutes of fun in return for possibly a life time of misery. The fallout from the sins of lust start right away dude. Try your best. God WILL take notice, and if you ask, he will help.

The best things in life, are truly worth waiting for!!
Merry Christmas:christmastree1:

Indeed, I have made up my mind already, And I just realized thanks to you guys.

I am quite a lonely person, who takes time to reflect and think things, but I did not realize that I was being blinded.

From all those TV shows, movies, and f***ing TV, I made up my mind, thinking that those things actually go that way in real life, when its not like that.
Of course, while you and a girl are getting to know each other, you can orientate the relation, just from the start, clarifying you wont touch her before something really serious, not to say marriage, but yea, It can be done.

Thank you guys.

 

[esieffe]

Indeed, I have made up my mind already, And I just realized thanks to you guys.

I am quite a lonely person, who takes time to reflect and think things, but I did not realize that I was being blinded.

From all those TV shows, movies, and f***ing TV, I made up my mind, thinking that those things actually go that way in real life, when its not like that.
Of course, while you and a girl are getting to know each other, you can orientate the relation, just from the start, clarifying you wont touch her before something really serious, not to say marriage, but yea, It can be done.

Thank you guys.

Dude, you just made my Christmas! Your life can be so much happier this way. Forgo a half hour here and and hour there of premarital junk, and live to be a happy old man with a great and satisfying marriage and lots of little happy rugrats running around! You will then never be lonely again!

 

[ClearWater]

Indeed, I have made up my mind already, And I just realized thanks to you guys.

I am quite a lonely person, who takes time to reflect and think things, but I did not realize that I was being blinded.

From all those TV shows, movies, and fing TV, I made up my mind, thinking that those things actually go that way in real life, when its not like that.
Of course, while you and a girl are getting to know each other, you can orientate the relation, just from the start, clarifying you wont touch her before something really serious, not to say marriage,* but yea, It can be done.

Thank you guys.

Be careful with that. “Not to say marriage” would be …engagement? Do you have any idea how many “couples” start living together saying they are “engaged”?

Please, to be a good practicing Catholic, the line is marriage. There are also statistics that bear this out. Couples that live together before marriage don’t do as well as those who don’t.

Further, if you compromise, you will go down the wrong path for sure.

I know it’s difficult, but “everybody else is doing it” has never been an excuse that has seemed to hold much weight with God. He doesn’t seem to care if everybody is doing wrong.

Sometimes, the Israelites would be put to live among the pagans and told NOT to marry them or do like that do. The Israelites would sometimes fall, sometimes not. The Lord expected them to fulfill the 10 commandments.

If you have sex outside of marriage, it is classified as “fornication”. See Catechism of the Catholic Church. Scroll down to 2353.

vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm

The Bible addresses this It’s in violation of the 6th commandment, specifically, and here’s also more:

Do you not know that the unjust will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators nor idolaters nor adulterers nor boy prostitutes nor sodomites
10
nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor robbers will inherit the kingdom of God.*

You sound a little like St. Augustine who said, “Lord, make me chaste, but not yet”!
He also said, “Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation”.

Well, I realize times are difficult now. However, that is still not justification for caving in.

Also, FLEE temptation! Do you think the saints had an easy time of it? Think again!

“To defend his purity, Saint Francis of Assisi rolled in the snow, Saint Benedict threw himself into a thorn bush, Saint Bernard plunged into an icy pond… You…, what have you done?” St. Josemaría Escrivá.

 

[Lasting_faith]

When I was young, and I have all my life have a very strong faith, no doubts ever, God is real, He is alive and He love us, yet I did “sleep around” to put it mildly. I have however only one real love, but that girls does not love me, not then and not now, but I did find out a very interesting thing about my self. Yes, I did, and I still do, want to have sex with her, but not out of lust but out of love, and because I love her I am able to fight that urge. So, if you love someone and want to have sex, if it is real love, you can wait (as I have for 38 years and still waiting, and I will wait as long as I will live) because you respect the one you love and don’t lead her to sin.

 

[jaimeleglise]

Yes, it can be done and it so worth it. Avoid anything that leads you astray. Certain TV shows, books, magazines, people. Keep busy and avoid impure thoughts. Pray the Rosary and stay close to the Blessed Mother. Go to Mass and confession regularly. Feel free to ask us at CAF if you need prayer or advice. My 17 year old nephew broke up with.a girl who was coming on to him. She was not worth risking going to hell over.

God bless you for your courage in posting

 

[ShynnSup]

Be careful with that. “Not to say marriage” would be …engagement? Do you have any idea how many “couples” start living together saying they are “engaged”?

Please, to be a good practicing Catholic, the line is marriage. There are also statistics that bear this out. Couples that live together before marriage don’t do as well as those who don’t.

Further, if you compromise, you will go down the wrong path for sure.

I know it’s difficult, but “everybody else is doing it” has never been an excuse that has seemed to hold much weight with God. He doesn’t seem to care if everybody is doing wrong.

Sometimes, the Israelites would be put to live among the pagans and told NOT to marry them or do like that do. The Israelites would sometimes fall, sometimes not. The Lord expected them to fulfill the 10 commandments.

If you have sex outside of marriage, it is classified as “fornication”. See Catechism of the Catholic Church. Scroll down to 2353.

vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm

The Bible addresses this It’s in violation of the 6th commandment, specifically, and here’s also more:

Do you not know that the unjust will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators nor idolaters nor adulterers nor boy prostitutes nor sodomites
10
nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor robbers will inherit the kingdom of God.*

You sound a little like St. Augustine who said, “Lord, make me chaste, but not yet”!
He also said, “Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation”.

Well, I realize times are difficult now. However, that is still not justification for caving in.

Also, FLEE temptation! Do you think the saints had an easy time of it? Think again!

“To defend his purity, Saint Francis of Assisi rolled in the snow, Saint Benedict threw himself into a thorn bush, Saint Bernard plunged into an icy pond… You…, what have you done?” St. Josemaría Escrivá.

What I meant was that you are not going to mention the word marriage in a relation that has 2 months get me?
You just stating that you dont want anything to do with sex, but that your intention are more pure, and so the girl will understand and agree with it or not, but she will, from the start, try not to go that way. So you can build up a relation, without sex, and see where it goes, it may lead to marriage or not.

I was aware of all the rest that you told me, thank you anyways

 

[1ke]

Kiss goodbye, follows hug, follows turning on, follows no goodbye, follows bed.

No, you kiss goodbye. No sleeping over, no bed. It is an act of your will.

Now what, you are supposed to say no?

Yes

And wait to be 2 years with that girl, until she finally says yes to marriage?

Yes.

I am really lost on how God made things to actually be, but I dont see myself not sinning regarding this, Sorry God.

God made us for himself. God made us for more. Practicing chastity is important before marriage, because it is important in marriage.

We are all called to be chaste in our station. Perhaps you should consider reading some of Jason Evert’s materials at www.chastity.com and getting some of his books.

 

[pensmama87]

What I meant was that you are not going to mention the word marriage in a relation that has 2 months get me?
You just stating that you dont want anything to do with sex, but that your intention are more pure, and so the girl will understand and agree with it or not, but she will, from the start, try not to go that way. So you can build up a relation, without sex, and see where it goes, it may lead to marriage or not.

I was aware of all the rest that you told me, thank you anyways

Well, you might. My husband and I, even though we did not remain chaste before marriage, both knew going into our relationship that we were looking to see if we would be compatible as spouses. We were not planning on just hooking up or having a good time together and then just seeing what “naturally developed.” We were both pretty intentional about where our relationship was headed, which I think helped despite the errors we made regarding chastity.

I think it’s important for people to state their intentions outright when they are dating, and that dating is done to find a suitable partner for marriage. That doesn’t mean that you know that every person you date has to be “marriage material” before you ask her out for coffee, but I think it would be important for each person to disclose that this is not a “string 'em along” type situation.