Sex Education

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Ella

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I know that the topic of sex education can be controversial. I wanted to express a need for sex education that might not have occurred to some of you.
I am a victim of childhood sexual abuse. Neighborhood boys (yes plural) were the culprits. I was so little that I really had no idea what they were doing, or that I should not allow it, or enjoy it. Nor did I know that little girls can be preyed upon sexually not only by adults but by boys as well. I think that if I had had some basic sex education it would have helped protect me.
So - I think sex education can be beneficial because a child without knowledge is vulnerable in ways that can be tragic for their whole lives.
 
Ella,

I am very sorry that this happened to you, and I hope you have gotten counseling for it.

You did not need “sex education.”

Your **parents **are responsible for teaching you about boundaries, people who ask you to keep secrets, do things that you don’t want to do, and such. They are also responsible for monitoring their young children

This isn’t about “sex education” and “sex education” would not have protected you.
 
I agree w/ the previous poster. I am sorry for your abuse and hope you have recieved the support, prayers, and counselling that can help you recover physically and emotionally.

However, I do not agree that the problem was sex education or lack thereof. The problem may actually have been rooted in the sex ‘education’ children get at a young age by watching TV and movies that have blatantly sexual acts in them that are considered normal. There is considerable pressure on children at younger & younger ages (especially boys) to be sexually experienced no matter how that experience is gained. However, normal children do not prey on one another in that manner.

Sex education is all about consent, how-to have sex, and theoretically how to ‘protect’ yourself from pregnancy and STDs. Its not about protecting yourself against sexual abuse of any form. Its true that there are proponents out there that want to teach youngsters about ‘bad touches’ vs ‘good touches’, but much of that gets subverted. That, however, is not true sex education. Parents are the ones IMO that need to tell their children about their private parts being private - not for anyone to touch.

If a child were truly too young to realize what was going on, do you really think they would have understood sex education? Do you think knowing how to put a condom on would have saved any child from sexual abuse? Do you think that teaching young children about oral sex, contraceptives, anal sex, and STDs would/will save them from sexual abuse? At young ages children are not ready developmentally to think about sex and its many forms (good & bad). Sex education is not the key, discipline (for the would-be abusers), careful observation (by the parents), and prayer is needed to stop sexual abuse of children.
 
Ella said:
I know that the topic of sex education can be controversial. I wanted to express a need for sex education that might not have occurred to some of you.
I am a victim of childhood sexual abuse. Neighborhood boys (yes plural) were the culprits. I was so little that I really had no idea what they were doing, or that I should not allow it, or enjoy it. Nor did I know that little girls can be preyed upon sexually not only by adults but by boys as well. I think that if I had had some basic sex education it would have helped protect me.
So - I think sex education can be beneficial because a child without knowledge is vulnerable in ways that can be tragic for their whole lives.
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You are absolutely right that sex education is important. Sex is created by God, and a gift of God, so it should be part of our Christian formation.

I am so sorry to hear about your suffering. I admire your courage and faith.
 
Ella said:
I know that the topic of sex education can be controversial. I wanted to express a need for sex education that might not have occurred to some of you.
I am a victim of childhood sexual abuse. Neighborhood boys (yes plural) were the culprits. I was so little that I really had no idea what they were doing, or that I should not allow it, or enjoy it. Nor did I know that little girls can be preyed upon sexually not only by adults but by boys as well. I think that if I had had some basic sex education it would have helped protect me.
So - I think sex education can be beneficial because a child without knowledge is vulnerable in ways that can be tragic for their whole lives.
Click to expand...
I am very sorry to hear this, I am a victim as well. I never knew it was wrong till much later, I had a friend who was raped by her father and I never knew what was happening till I was 13-14yrs old.

Yes I think sex education is extremely important and should be taught at all ages on a appropriate level.
 
Jermosh said:
I am very sorry to hear this, I am a victim as well. I never knew it was wrong till much later, I had a friend who was raped by her father and I never knew what was happening till I was 13-14yrs old.

Yes I think sex education is extremely important and should be taught at all ages on a appropriate level.
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Thanks Jermosh. The point I was trying to make was that not educating children about sex does not mean they will not encounter sex. They simply will not know what is going on.
And by sex education I do not mean, ‘How to put on a condom’, but rather what sex is, how it is done, and also what sexual attraction is.

Think about this - when most families owned farms, sex was part of the lives of the animals on the farm. So everybody knew that the horse had a penis, the mare had a vagina, and so forth. Kids today do not have this. And they get taken advantage of because of their ignorance.
 
Ella said:
Thanks Jermosh. The point I was trying to make was that not educating children about sex does not mean they will not encounter sex. They simply will not know what is going on.
And by sex education I do not mean, ‘How to put on a condom’, but rather what sex is, how it is done, and also what sexual attraction is.

Think about this - when most families owned farms, sex was part of the lives of the animals on the farm. So everybody knew that the horse had a penis, the mare had a vagina, and so forth. Kids today do not have this. And they get taken advantage of because of their ignorance.
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I agree.
 
Ella said:
Thanks Jermosh. The point I was trying to make was that not educating children about sex does not mean they will not encounter sex. They simply will not know what is going on.
And by sex education I do not mean, ‘How to put on a condom’, but rather what sex is, how it is done, and also what sexual attraction is.

Think about this - when most families owned farms, sex was part of the lives of the animals on the farm. So everybody knew that the horse had a penis, the mare had a vagina, and so forth. Kids today do not have this. And they get taken advantage of because of their ignorance.
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And this remains the job of the parents to explain and help their children grow in chastity as appropriate by age.

I suggest reading the document produced by Pontifical Council for the Family called The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality - Guidelines for Education Within the Family. This website has a parent’s guide to the document.
 
Think about this - when most families owned farms, sex was part of the lives of the animals on the farm. So everybody knew that the horse had a penis, the mare had a vagina, and so forth. Kids today do not have this. And they get taken advantage of because of their ignorance.
Click to expand...
That still didn’t necessarily stop sexual abuse from happening. Back in the olden days of family farms as the norm, fathers still abused their daughters, farm hands took advantage of the children, etc. It was more hidden and somewhat accepted than it is today.

Its up to the parents/guardians to educate their children about sex at an appropriate level for their age. I won’t deny that. However, sexual abuse isn’t something the person being abused can necessarily stop. If that were the case, it would be the victim’s fault as much as the perpetrator & I surely hope no one truly feels that way.

What is typically called sex education at this point isn’t what you’re describing as being necessary. Typically sex education is as I outlined previously - how-to perform sex, how to use contraceptives so you won’t get pregnant or STDs, etc. At this point there isn’t a whole lot of ‘good touch/bad touch’ sex education going on. Most sex education simply points out that if it feels good - do it and we’ll teach you how to avoid the consequences (pregnancy & STDs).

The bottom line is that no matter how much sex ed a child has, they are still liable to be persuaded by an older person (whether adult or just a few years older) into sexual abuse b/c they are taught to respect their elders. Those in authority will always prey on the weaker whether the victims are educated about it or not. There’s a lot of shame involved, especially if the victim knows its wrong, but enjoys the act (which does happen). There’s a lot of intimidation by the perpetrator on the victim. I don’t think sex education is the answer. The answer is a watchful eye over those surrounding your children and ensuring that your children are comfortable telling you ANYTHING. Establishing trust in the relationship w/ your children should be able to catch any abuse early &/or before it starts.
 
Children should be taught by their PARENTS appropriate boundaries and how to be respectful of one’s own body as well as other’s bodies. Simply put, “Suzy, there are parts of your body that are meant to be kept private, these are the areas that are covered by your underwear. If anyone, kid or adult, asks to see them, touch them…tell them no and then tell a trusted adult. The only adults that are allowed to deal with those parts of your body are a doctor ( with mom’s permission) and your parents when helping you bathe, get dressed, take care of an injury…And if a doctor or parent treats you in such a way that makes you feel very uncomfortable, then tell the other parent about it.” This is just an example of how a parent can teach his/her child how to protect themselves without teaching sexual education before a child is old enough for it.
 
jwatza said:
Children should be taught by their PARENTS appropriate boundaries and how to be respectful of one’s own body as well as other’s bodies. Simply put, “Suzy, there are parts of your body that are meant to be kept private, these are the areas that are covered by your underwear. If anyone, kid or adult, asks to see them, touch them…tell them no and then tell a trusted adult. The only adults that are allowed to deal with those parts of your body are a doctor ( with mom’s permission) and your parents when helping you bathe, get dressed, take care of an injury…And if a doctor or parent treats you in such a way that makes you feel very uncomfortable, then tell the other parent about it.” This is just an example of how a parent can teach his/her child how to protect themselves without teaching sexual education before a child is old enough for it.
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Exactly, this was something I was never thaught as a child.
 
Ella said:
I know that the topic of sex education can be controversial. I wanted to express a need for sex education that might not have occurred to some of you.
I am a victim of childhood sexual abuse. Neighborhood boys (yes plural) were the culprits. I was so little that I really had no idea what they were doing, or that I should not allow it, or enjoy it. Nor did I know that little girls can be preyed upon sexually not only by adults but by boys as well. I think that if I had had some basic sex education it would have helped protect me.
So - I think sex education can be beneficial because a child without knowledge is vulnerable in ways that can be tragic for their whole lives.
Click to expand...
Ella.

I agree with you that sound sexual education should be given both by parents and schools. However, it does sound like you were at an age where it was the responsibility of your parents and not school, to keep an eye on what was going on.

That being said, its quite normal for young children to play some sexual games and investigate their own sexual organs. The game “doctor” is universal I think.
These games, whereas they may bring some kind of embarassment when we think back later in life, should not make you feel really ashamed because you were not a conscious person at the time. You say you enjoyed it. It then seems there was no force involved and the boys did not intimidate you at the time nor do things that caused pain …
Their age here would be an important factor. Were they children or were they young teens?

I question whether you were really abused, or if you were playing sexual games which later became very shameful for you to think about.
 
GraceDK said:
Ella.

I agree with you that sound sexual education should be given both by parents and schools. However, it does sound like you were at an age where it was the responsibility of your parents and not school, to keep an eye on what was going on.

That being said, its quite normal for young children to play some sexual games and investigate their own sexual organs. The game “doctor” is universal I think.
These games, whereas they may bring some kind of embarassment when we think back later in life, should not make you feel really ashamed because you were not a conscious person at the time. You say you enjoyed it. It then seems there was no force involved and the boys did not intimidate you at the time nor do things that caused pain …
Their age here would be an important factor. Were they children or were they young teens?.
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Older children/ almost teens. They did indeed intimidate me and used me in a group setting.
GraceDK said:
I question whether you were really abused, or if you were playing sexual games which later became very shameful for you to think about.
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That is unfortunate, that you question me, but I know the truth.
 
Ella,
You know the truth about what happened to you and you know how it has affected your life. Don’t let anyone else invalidate that pain. I understand and was victimized, also. I hope that you seek help when needed to work through your issues–Jesus offers healing and hope to the suffering.
God Bless you!
 
jwatza said:
Ella,
You know the truth about what happened to you and you know how it has affected your life. Don’t let anyone else invalidate that pain. I understand and was victimized, also. I hope that you seek help when needed to work through your issues–Jesus offers healing and hope to the suffering.
God Bless you!
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Thank you jwatza and the same to you. I do indeed have counseling for this issue.

God Bless and may you have a Blessed Easter!
 
Ella said:
Older children/ almost teens. They did indeed intimidate me and used me in a group setting.

That is unfortunate, that you question me, but I know the truth.
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I don’t think it’s unfortunate. Your beginning post lacked information about the age of the individuals, how many they were, and you also told us you “enjoyed” what was going on: “I really had no idea what they were doing, or that I should not allow it, or enjoy it.” That made me think that there maybe talk of some grey zone. You have now made clear that there was talk of an assault, and why would I doubt you.
My oppinion is that both the culprits and the victim always know what is going on. The culprits being in an age of reasoning and seeing clearly that their victim is not having fun. The victim feeling intimidated, afraid and shows signs of fear, unwillingness and discomfort.

As for your question. Yes, I think there should be some age appropriate sexual education at all levels of child development.
 
Ella said:
Thank you jwatza and the same to you. I do indeed have counseling for this issue.

God Bless and may you have a Blessed Easter!
Click to expand...
I have had great success being treated with Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR). Its primarly used for PTSD which is what I have, not from the abuse though.

It basically stimulates your brain while visualising the acts, it speeds the processing of them and puts them into areas that you can deal with. Its sorta like defragging a harddrive in a way. Also I did not do the eye movement, I used hand vibrating pads. Although this is a very hard treatment to deal with.
 
Ella said:
I know that the topic of sex education can be controversial. I wanted to express a need for sex education that might not have occurred to some of you.
I am a victim of childhood sexual abuse. Neighborhood boys (yes plural) were the culprits. I was so little that I really had no idea what they were doing, or that I should not allow it, or enjoy it. Nor did I know that little girls can be preyed upon sexually not only by adults but by boys as well. I think that if I had had some basic sex education it would have helped protect me.
So - I think sex education can be beneficial because a child without knowledge is vulnerable in ways that can be tragic for their whole lives.
Click to expand...
Decades ago, I had discovered that a girlfriend was very promiscuous before she met me. It bothered me terribly but I really cared for her and wanted to make sense of it all. I asked her about her “first” time and how it happened. My curiosity ran rampant and I wanted to find out more about her value system.

She told me it happened on her very first date at age 15. This girl was one of the most sweet, giving, selfless and generous human beings I had ever known, but she was also an extremely naive girl who’s old fashioned parents never told her anything about men, boys and sex. She was also very pretty. The result was somewhere between 15 to 20 sex partners before the age of 18. That discovery ripped my heart out.

Is sex education needed? You bet!

😉
 
GraceDK said:
My oppinion is that both the culprits and the victim always know what is going on. The culprits being in an age of reasoning and seeing clearly that their victim is not having fun. The victim feeling intimidated, afraid and shows signs of fear, unwillingness and discomfort.
Click to expand...
Maybe there is a language barrier, but this has a negative tone to it for an American reader. Its sorta stating that a victim is culpable for the actual act its self, while what you posted may be true for an adult or teen, its not true for a child.
 
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