Sex in College

[dillonhudson]

I have been given the blessing by God to be part of a family that is in the top 1% of the world’s wealth. My parents can afford to send me to college without financial aid, and I am so thankful for that. I go to Texas A&M University (not too sure how many of you have heard of it) and it is “Christian” (it is in the ‘Bible belt’) but is much like many other colleges that I know.

Anyways, I have a dilemma. I am an 18 year old male with a loving and beautiful girlfriend of two years. I have conquered pornography and masturbation for the sake of our relationship but am still battling a daily war against lust. Today, for the second time this year, I heard by suitemate (through the bathroom) having sex with his girlfriend. The first time it happened it brought me much distress. I felt dirty, like I was watching porn. I freaked out, grabbed my iPod to stop the noise, grabbed my bible and went down the hallway to pray for them. I really didn’t know what else to do. Today was the second time and I am now filled with sorrow for them more than anything else. I really don’t know what to do about this situation. I am sad that they are ruining the gift of sex that God has gifted us all with, but at the same time I am angry that the noises they make bring back floods of images from my 13-year-old-porn-watching mind and I feel disgusted. I do not know what to do about this situation. Do i write bible verses on their white-out board outside of his room? They are not married and are ‘Christian’ as far as I am concerned. Listening to them makes me very uncomfortable and so talking to him about the noise is not something I wish to do. Is it the only option I have?

Help!

• Dillon

 

[jmcrae]

Since he is not your student or your child, you are not in a position to “instruct” him - however, you are well within your rights to mention to him that you find the noise very distracting when you are trying to study.

 

[dillonhudson]

Yes I didn’t think ‘instructing’ would go down very well. I don’t want to impose my beliefs on him as he is entitled to his own. It does however make me very upset.

 

[jmcrae]

Just pound on the wall and yell, “Hey, you two, keep it down in there!!”

 

[mark_a]

Today, for the second time this year, I heard by suitemate (through the bathroom) having sex with his girlfriend. The first time it happened it brought me much distress. I felt dirty, like I was watching porn. I freaked out, grabbed my iPod to stop the noise, grabbed my bible and went down the hallway to pray for them. I really didn’t know what else to do. Today was the second time and I am now filled with sorrow for them more than anything else. I really don’t know what to do about this situation. I am sad that they are ruining the gift of sex that God has gifted us all with, but at the same time I am angry that the noises they make bring back floods of images from my 13-year-old-porn-watching mind and I feel disgusted. I do not know what to do about this situation. Do i write bible verses on their white-out board outside of his room? They are not married and are ‘Christian’ as far as I am concerned. Listening to them makes me very uncomfortable and so talking to him about the noise is not something I wish to do. Is it the only option I have?

Help!

• Dillon

I don’t have much help for you, but I want to affirm that your reaction to their bold, presumptuous, rude stupidity is the correct one.

By the way, what’s a Catholic / Baptist?

 

[m134e5]

Yes I didn’t think ‘instructing’ would go down very well. I don’t want to impose my beliefs on him as he is entitled to his own. It does however make me very upset.

I would be upset too- and I’d even be upset if they were married to each other. That is a private activity and I don’t want to know when others are doing it. Tell the guy you can hear what they are doing, and would rather not hear it- and suggest they to go to a motel room or the back seat of a car (in a very secluded place, so it doesn’t scandalize anybody or get anybody arrested) if they want to make so much noise.

 

[dillonhudson]

I don’t have much help for you, but I want to affirm that your reaction to their bold, presumptuous, rude stupidity is the correct one.

By the way, what’s a Catholic / Baptist?

Ok, thank you. I was raised a Catholic but I am a Southern Baptist by belief and practice. That’s another story though.

Just pound on the wall and yell, “Hey, you two, keep it down in there!!”

Lol I’m sure that will work…

I would be upset too- and I’d even be upset if they were married to each other. That is a private activity and I don’t want to know when others are doing it. Tell the guy you can hear what they are doing, and would rather not hear it- and suggest they to go to a motel room or the back seat of a car (in a very secluded place, so it doesn’t scandalize anybody or get anybody arrested) if they want to make so much noise.

I agree, thanks for the help.

 

[lil_flower_luv]

Ok, thank you. I was raised a Catholic but I am a Southern Baptist by belief and practice. That’s another story though.

Then I highly recommend you take the “Catholic” out of your religion slot. We are very happy to have you here on CAF, but “Catholic / Baptist” may be confusing to those who, in the future, reply to your posts.

 

[KingTheoden]

Dillon,

Confession Catholics have many responsibilities in daily life. In my 1962 Missal, I find the follow meditation:

Remember, O Christian soul,
That thou hast this day
and every day of thy life…

---

God to glorify,
Jesus to imitate*,
A soul to save,
A body to mortify,
Sins to repent of,
Virtues to acquire,
Hell to avoid,
Heaven to gain,
Eternity to prepare for,
Time to profit by,
Neighbors to edify,
The world to despise,
Devils to combat,
Passions to subdue,
Death perhaps to suffer,
Judgement to undergo.**

What every Catholic must do is prayerfully reflect on our position in life and our relationship to those we encounter in daily life. Through special prayers, especially the Rosary, and direct requests for the Holy Spirit to descend upon us, we will be led to the proper course of action.

Personally, I think most college’s are terrible environments. To call them places of occasion for sin is not sufficient; when professors are not scrambling brains in the classroom, young adults are mashed together in living quarters that make barebones chastity nearly impossible to enjoy, as your post reports.

We are soldiers of Christ. Our victory is the conversion of souls to Him through the one Church He established. You must ask 1) Is this place right for you and 2) If you are to remain in this environment, how you admonish the sinner.

Correcting a person in error does not have to involve screaming, embarrassment, or a scene. I could see this as simple as going to the two involved in this situation as 'I really care about you and everyone else. I want you attend Mass at [nearest orthodox Church] and you should read this book [by or about your favorite Church Father or Saint].

If you are not as well versed in the faith, don’t let that stop you from engaging. When challenged by the sinner, just honestly say you’re not the best well of knowledge, but you also don’t have to be a physician to know that playing with fire can result in severe injury.

 

[BLeev]

While you can’t force teaching down his throat you can and should be able to level with him how you feel about what is going on. If not, there is a chance that you’ll get more upset and discouraged at what you are having to listen to. Take it from someone who has not spoken his mind sometimes and let things fester - it is better saying something now. Even bringing up the obvious, like “you know I can hear you, right.” Let him know that you not his dad but you are someone that he is living with and out of respect he should not be doing those types of things in the bathroom.

Do you share this bathroom - cause I would be upset with hygiene and other things if I had to brush my teeth and clean up in a place where all that is going on. Too much CSI … anyways, hope that helps.

 

[kage_ar]

By the way, what’s a Catholic / Baptist?

Someone who cannot recongnize themselves in the liquor store

Actually, you are Catholic. You may be a non-practicing, living in sin Catholic, but Once Catholic - Always Catholic.

Return to the Sacraments, go to to Confession, the grace of Christ will strengthen you.

 

[hellopeople]

I have been given the blessing by God to be part of a family that is in the top 1% of the world’s wealth. My parents can afford to send me to college without financial aid, and I am so thankful for that. I go to Texas A&M University (not too sure how many of you have heard of it) and it is “Christian” (it is in the ‘Bible belt’) but is much like many other colleges that I know.

Anyways, I have a dilemma. I am an 18 year old male with a loving and beautiful girlfriend of two years. I have conquered pornography and masturbation for the sake of our relationship but am still battling a daily war against lust. Today, for the second time this year, I heard by suitemate (through the bathroom) having sex with his girlfriend. The first time it happened it brought me much distress. I felt dirty, like I was watching porn. I freaked out, grabbed my iPod to stop the noise, grabbed my bible and went down the hallway to pray for them. I really didn’t know what else to do. Today was the second time and I am now filled with sorrow for them more than anything else. I really don’t know what to do about this situation. I am sad that they are ruining the gift of sex that God has gifted us all with, but at the same time I am angry that the noises they make bring back floods of images from my 13-year-old-porn-watching mind and I feel disgusted. I do not know what to do about this situation. Do i write bible verses on their white-out board outside of his room? They are not married and are ‘Christian’ as far as I am concerned. Listening to them makes me very uncomfortable and so talking to him about the noise is not something I wish to do. Is it the only option I have?

Help!

• Dillon

I would ask politely if they could keep it down or at least ask that they could put music on so you cannot hear it. Just tell them that it makes you uncomfortable. Don’t tell them that they shouldn’t do it or that it is a sin or even mention religion because they might get annoyed or offended and do it even more blatantly. If you just ask them respectfully they will probably listen. You can pray for them but I wouldn’t confront them about their wrongdoings. I am sure they know the church teachings.

 

[HyeDetroit]

The semester’s winding down, only about a month left, right? Just be sure to get a suitemate that’s on the same terms as you for the fall.

I think what you did is best, just leave the area and do something else.
If they’re in the room adjacent to yours, I think hitting the wall loudly will give them the message, or maybe next time they’re in your common area tell them to keep it down.

 

[JimG]

I would ask politely if they could keep it down or at least ask that they could put music on so you cannot hear it. Just tell them that it makes you uncomfortable. Don’t tell them that they shouldn’t do it or that it is a sin or even mention religion because they might get annoyed or offended and do it even more blatantly. If you just ask them respectfully they will probably listen. You can pray for them but I wouldn’t confront them about their wrongdoings. I am sure they know the church teachings.

They might get annoyed or offended?

I’m wondering how the OP’s, or the couple’s, parents might react if they happened to be visiting at the time–especially if they are footing the bill.

And I’m wondering–if Texas A&M is a Christian university, what’s the policy on fornication in the dorms?

 

[Lutheranteach]

Well in most college situations a suitemate or roommate lets you know ahead of time such things will be going on and sexhile you to a friend’s room or suite. If you guys all have private bedrooms, I’m not sure there is much you can do other than bring it up and ask if they can keep the noise down, etc.

 

[flyingfish]

I have been given the blessing by God to be part of a family that is in the top 1% of the world’s wealth. My parents can afford to send me to college without financial aid, and I am so thankful for that. I go to Texas A&M University (not too sure how many of you have heard of it) and it is “Christian” (it is in the ‘Bible belt’) but is much like many other colleges that I know.

Anyways, I have a dilemma. I am an 18 year old male with a loving and beautiful girlfriend of two years. I have conquered pornography and masturbation for the sake of our relationship but am still battling a daily war against lust. Today, for the second time this year, I heard by suitemate (through the bathroom) having sex with his girlfriend. The first time it happened it brought me much distress. I felt dirty, like I was watching porn. I freaked out, grabbed my iPod to stop the noise, grabbed my bible and went down the hallway to pray for them. I really didn’t know what else to do. Today was the second time and I am now filled with sorrow for them more than anything else. I really don’t know what to do about this situation. I am sad that they are ruining the gift of sex that God has gifted us all with, but at the same time I am angry that the noises they make bring back floods of images from my 13-year-old-porn-watching mind and I feel disgusted. I do not know what to do about this situation. Do i write bible verses on their white-out board outside of his room? They are not married and are ‘Christian’ as far as I am concerned. Listening to them makes me very uncomfortable and so talking to him about the noise is not something I wish to do. Is it the only option I have?

Help!

• Dillon

Having lived in dorms, there is really not much you can do. I personally never had to deal with sex noises, but I’ve had neighbors who played loud music, had gatherings in their rooms when I was trying to sleep and so on.

Not much you can do unfortunately. If their sex noises are interfering with your sleep, you can try asking your suitemate not to do it during sleep time. If he still does it and is not letting you sleep, you could try talking to the administration about the noise issue.

If they are having sex during the day, you might either leave the suite when they are or turn on music so you can’t hear them.

I suggest also you buy earplugs with the highest noise blocking value if you haven’t already.

Your roommate will not stop having sex with his girlfriend just because you don’t like it, don’t have the illusion that he will if you ask him to.

 

[bbentrup]

I have been given the blessing by God to be part of a family that is in the top 1% of the world’s wealth. My parents can afford to send me to college without financial aid, and I am so thankful for that. I go to Texas A&M University (not too sure how many of you have heard of it) and it is “Christian” (it is in the ‘Bible belt’) but is much like many other colleges that I know.

What was the reason for this part of the post? Anyways, I agree with other posters that both your rights and your responsibilities point in the same direction here - eviction and education.

 

[ohioszo]

I hope by now that the situation has been resolved.

The answer: Remain close to your family, so you can attend the weddings and other functions on weekends. Make the habitat, if larger than most, livable with a routine … newspaper reading and coffee in the morning … and just keep schedules. If you *can *have a good friend as a room-mate, make a change of living arrangements away from this non-friend! … It doesn’t sound as if your roommate is a friend, for God promised that our friends would be like ourselves. Still, if you see some potential in the person, as a friend; you have been forgiven for past sins, you can forgive in turn. The woman is the one who suffers in these casual relationships. There should be a class in awareness of women for your roommate to attend. Women and men should be friends and understand the responsibilities of marrying and bearing children. Bring in movies like Pope JPIIs “The Jewelry Shop” for you and your roommate to watch together. Marital love is more than just friendship. Lay a book around that explains good relationships between men and women for him to see, maybe with a good title cover and back summary. Invite this roommate to good experiences with family and good relationships. That is what you want, a good family and good relationships with people!

 

[Rascalking]

My roomate in college was a gay man. I had a rule with him. You-No boys in the room doing stuff without telling me first-and with me-no girls in the room doing stuff without telling you first.

You may not want to preach to him-it might just turn him off. Just tell him you don’t agree with what he is doing, and you’d rather him be aware of your feelings.

Don’t be a drama queen-just say, “Bro, I heard you two last night. Not cool.” And tell him your feelings.

You have to share the room-share it is key. His morals might be different than yours-that’s tough,but it shouldn’t effect your friendship.

Texas A & M? Um, yeah, we’ve heard about it…big school! My UNH is better! At least in hockey!

 

[SugarMagnolia]

I agree with the advice to tell them that you hear them.
I think you have a right to ask them to stop if this is a bathroom you share.
If you continue to hear them after making a polite request for them to stop, inform the person who supervises your dorm.