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Aly
Guest
Does the bible say how old a girl has to be before she can have sex with a guy and not be a sin or go to hell if she does?
Aly!
Aly!
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LilyM
Guest
Whether or not it’s a sin has to do with a whole lot more things than just her age! Firstly it’s reserved for married couples ONLY. Anything outside of that marriage relationship is a grave sin.Does the bible say how old a girl has to be before she can have sex with a guy and not be a sin or go to hell if she does?
Now the law in most places has set a minimum age of consent. We are to obey all laws that aren’t sinful or wrong - St Paul tells us to obey those set in authority over us in all lawful things, since they were put there by God.
Laws setting an age of consent for sex aren’t sinful or wrong, so we must obey them, and it’s a sin again if we don’t.
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Todd_Easton
Guest
As previous posters have stated, sexual relations are reserved to marriage. All sexual relations outside of marriage are sinful. According to Canon Law, the normal minimum age of consent for marriage is 14 years old for young women but the bishops of your country may set a higher age requirement:
Canon Law says:Canon 1083
§1 A man cannot validly enter marriage before the completion of his sixteenth year of age, nor a woman before the completion of her fourteenth year.
§2 The Episcopal Conference may establish a higher age for the lawful celebration of marriage.
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Aly
Guest
Thank u 4 all yur answers. Isnt if unfair that the bible doesnt say that sex is wrong for me or my friends but the laws do. I mean I know not sinning is super important and being married is important 2 but sex is like a totaly normal part of evrybodys life. What if the girl wants to get married to the guy but cant becuz shes 2 young? iz that still a sin 4 god?
-Aly
-Aly
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LilyM
Guest
Sex is NOT ‘like totally a normal part of everybody’s life’. Plenty of people - ordinary folks as well as priests and nuns - choose willingly to live without sex and most have no problems doing so. We’re not just animals who are all body and no brain you know.
Of course it’s fair that the law sets a minimum age - just as it sets a minimum age for drinking, driving, smoking, voting, all sorts of things. These activities are far too important (and in some cases dangerous) to be permitted to just anyone at any age. They require greater mental and physical development than 14-year-olds possess.
And I say that with no offense to you and your friends. It’s BECAUSE I was fourteen myself not so long ago that I say there is no way any fourteen-year-old is ready for the responsibilities that sex brings with it.
Pregnancy, STIs … are you truly ready to risk such things? And there is always a fairly big risk even if you were to choose to use birth control or condoms (which are sinful in themselves, by the way).
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CatholicNick
Guest
There are extremely important reasons why an age restriction is placed upon Marriage by the Church especially. The couple needs to know exactly what they are getting into and what the Sacrament entails.
As Lilly said, sex is not a normal part of everybody’s life - for me, I have decided to follow my vocation to the Priesthood, so it most defiantly wont be a part of my life, the same goes with all Priests and Religious.
ANY sexual intercourse or activity, be it solitary or not, before marriage is gravely sinful - its more than a super-important matter. Sex is wrong for you and your friends, because you are not married. Simple.
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rcwhiteh
Guest
The Bible does not say that sex is wrong, but it very definitely says that fornication (sex between unmarried persons), adultery (sex where at least one partner is married, but not to the person they’re having sex with) and rape (forcing someone to have sex) are wrong.
Aly, when you find a man who is willing to promise to be your protector and best friend for the rest of your lives - a man who will never cheat on you, beat you or neglect you, and who is willing to help you raise your children, working every day to provide for them and for you - then you have found the man who is worthy of the precious gift that is your virginity. When you can solemnly make those same promises to him - loving him, caring for him, supporting him and raising his children - you will be worthy of him as well.
When you find him, and you have sealed your destinies together in the sacrament of matrimony, then sex is not just something that feels good - it becomes a sign of God’s perfect love for His creation; for just as a husband enters his wife to bring new life into the world, so did God enter His creation to bring the Savior into the world.
Aly, nothing about this is unfair; in fact, it’s the most perfectly fair thing I can think of, because sex is not something to do just because you’re bored, or you see some really hot-looking guy, or because “everyone else is doing it”. Sex is supposed to be a holy symbol of a relationship meant to last forever, and when you have sex outside of marriage, you’re symbolizing something that doesn’t exist - in effect, you are lying with your body.
My niece felt all kinds of pressure from her friends in school to start having sex with her boyfriend; they’d ask her, “What’s the matter with you that you won’t do this thing we’re all doing? Do you think you’re better than us?” She eventually gave in and took him to bed; their relationship did not last much beyond that because he got what he wanted and left.
She was devastated, but she didn’t learn; she moved in with a guy and got pregnant by him. They eventually married, and they have three sons, but her husband is a real jerk; I doubt they will stay together.
Her greatest regret is that she let herself be swayed by the argument that “everyone is doing it”. I hope that you will not give in to the pressure of pleasure; wait until you find someone you can spend your life with and marry him first.
May God’s love and blessing be upon you!
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Aly
Guest
Some stuff makes alot of sense but some just sounds like saying its bad cuz some people did it and ended up bad. That stuff doesnt mean it has to happen to me 2? Right? I mean I heard Mary was like 12 when she had Jesus. If itz true then maybe everybody is just different?
Aly!
Aly!
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tptram
Guest
No, Mary was about 15~16 when she is betrothed to Joseph.
Which is typical for the culture at that time.
In our old Vietnamese tradition (before the Family Law in 1964 which raised the age of marriage to 18), typical age is 14~17 in the country side and 16~18 in the city.
Pre-marital sex is strongly discouraged because of the bad consequences.
When the pleasure is only temporary/fleeting and the joy/happiness is longterm, why take chances with your joy and happiness?
Tak
Which is typical for the culture at that time.
In our old Vietnamese tradition (before the Family Law in 1964 which raised the age of marriage to 18), typical age is 14~17 in the country side and 16~18 in the city.
Pre-marital sex is strongly discouraged because of the bad consequences.
When the pleasure is only temporary/fleeting and the joy/happiness is longterm, why take chances with your joy and happiness?
Tak
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LilyM
Guest
Aly, for one there is no evidence as to Mary’s age. For two she was chosen to be the Mother of God - the EVER-VIRGIN mother of God. Does it sound to you like she was at all thinking about having sex? Quite simply she didn’t - at 12 or any other age.Some stuff makes alot of sense but some just sounds like saying its bad cuz some people did it and ended up bad. That stuff doesnt mean it has to happen to me 2? Right? I mean I heard Mary was like 12 when she had Jesus. If itz true then maybe everybody is just different?
As for ‘that stuff doesn’t mean it has to happen to me too’ and ‘maybe everybody is just different’ (which means the same thing as well - that you think it won’t happen to you) - I can only pray for you. So many people have ruined their lives and the lives of other people by saying exactly those words to themselves.
There is only one way to guarantee that it WON’T happen to you - that’s to not do it in the first place!!!
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Church_Militant
Guest
Hi Aly!
The moral issue is actually called “fornication” and is condemned all the way back to the Old Testament. In fact, it was a capital offense for both the guy and the girl if they were discovered.
It’s not a matter of age at all, but one of insuring that you, me and all of us maintain a morality that is in line with God’s will. It doesn’t matter what the people around us say or do. If they all do something immoral does that mean that we should to? Of course not!
You have to set a higher moral standard for yourself than for the rest of the world if you believe there is a God and that Jesus Christ is Him. What did He tell those that he forgave and cured? “Go and sin no more.”
God doesn’t just crank out rules for the drill of it. He created you and knows what is best for your health and happiness, even when you or everyone else you know doesn’t know or disagrees. Think about it…if I have a choice between getting my morals from the guy who created the universe, or a bunch of people around me who generally don’t know their ear from their elbow, which one makes sense to you?
The peace of the Lord be always with you.
The moral issue is actually called “fornication” and is condemned all the way back to the Old Testament. In fact, it was a capital offense for both the guy and the girl if they were discovered.
It’s not a matter of age at all, but one of insuring that you, me and all of us maintain a morality that is in line with God’s will. It doesn’t matter what the people around us say or do. If they all do something immoral does that mean that we should to? Of course not!
You have to set a higher moral standard for yourself than for the rest of the world if you believe there is a God and that Jesus Christ is Him. What did He tell those that he forgave and cured? “Go and sin no more.”
God doesn’t just crank out rules for the drill of it. He created you and knows what is best for your health and happiness, even when you or everyone else you know doesn’t know or disagrees. Think about it…if I have a choice between getting my morals from the guy who created the universe, or a bunch of people around me who generally don’t know their ear from their elbow, which one makes sense to you?
The peace of the Lord be always with you.
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rcwhiteh
Guest
Aly, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you’re somewhere between 14 and 18 years old; that’s the perfect age to believe that you are immortal and that nothing bad can happen to you.
I’m also going to guess that you have not received much in the way of religious education; that’s the only way I can believe that you do not know about the Bible’s position on pre-marital sex.
You might be lucky for a while; maybe you’ll have a lot of fun experimenting with your body, and maybe you’ll experience some very exciting things. I will not lie to you and tell you that sex is not exciting, fulfilling and fun; I have been married for 22 years, and in that time my wife and I have had some rollicking good times with each other.
I will also not lie to you and tell you that you can’t be hurt by your partner, or that your partner will never betray your trust. It can and does happen - every day, and when it does, you will feel a pain like you have never felt before. You may feel as though you can never love or trust anyone ever again; that’s a pain that has driven many young girls to suicide.
I don’t know your situation; from what you’ve written so far, I might guess that you think you’re in love - love such as no one has ever known before - and you just can’t wait to “become one flesh” with your beloved. You are trying - as hard as you can - to come up with some justifiable reason to excuse going ahead and doing something that you’ve already decided you want to do.
I can tell you this: the possibility is there - a very real and frightening possibility - that you will regret what you are thinking of doing.
Maybe he will leave you once he’s gotten what he wants, and you will be left with your heart in tatters.
Maybe he will brag to his friends about his conquest, and you will be the object of ridicule among your friends and his.
Maybe you will become pregnant; when that happens, your whole life will change forever - whether you want it to or not.
Maybe you will contract a sexually transmitted disease; I remind you that it is now possible to die a horrible, lingering death by having sex just once.
You are young - painfully young. You are still a girl, although your body is perhaps experiencing some very adult feelings. All I can say to you is - Wait. Wait until you have exchanged rings and vows. Wait until he has bound himself to you heart and soul before you bind your body to his. Let your wedding night be the night you begin to learn about your body’s responses to his, and his to yours. Let that be the springboard into a life of joy together.
I’m also going to guess that you have not received much in the way of religious education; that’s the only way I can believe that you do not know about the Bible’s position on pre-marital sex.
Aly, I see something very dangerous in your logic - something that is going to cause you a great deal of pain.
You might be lucky for a while; maybe you’ll have a lot of fun experimenting with your body, and maybe you’ll experience some very exciting things. I will not lie to you and tell you that sex is not exciting, fulfilling and fun; I have been married for 22 years, and in that time my wife and I have had some rollicking good times with each other.
I will also not lie to you and tell you that you can’t be hurt by your partner, or that your partner will never betray your trust. It can and does happen - every day, and when it does, you will feel a pain like you have never felt before. You may feel as though you can never love or trust anyone ever again; that’s a pain that has driven many young girls to suicide.
I don’t know your situation; from what you’ve written so far, I might guess that you think you’re in love - love such as no one has ever known before - and you just can’t wait to “become one flesh” with your beloved. You are trying - as hard as you can - to come up with some justifiable reason to excuse going ahead and doing something that you’ve already decided you want to do.
I can tell you this: the possibility is there - a very real and frightening possibility - that you will regret what you are thinking of doing.
Maybe he will leave you once he’s gotten what he wants, and you will be left with your heart in tatters.
Maybe he will brag to his friends about his conquest, and you will be the object of ridicule among your friends and his.
Maybe you will become pregnant; when that happens, your whole life will change forever - whether you want it to or not.
Maybe you will contract a sexually transmitted disease; I remind you that it is now possible to die a horrible, lingering death by having sex just once.
You are young - painfully young. You are still a girl, although your body is perhaps experiencing some very adult feelings. All I can say to you is - Wait. Wait until you have exchanged rings and vows. Wait until he has bound himself to you heart and soul before you bind your body to his. Let your wedding night be the night you begin to learn about your body’s responses to his, and his to yours. Let that be the springboard into a life of joy together.
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Maranatha
Guest
If you want some discussion from teens around your own age, check out the TEEN THREAD: Winter 2006/07.
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Image_of_God
Guest
In one of Paul’s epistles it does say that sex is wrong.
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dumspirospero
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Bobby_Jim
Guest
In addition to all of the “don’t do it because it’s bad and turns out badly for many people” reasons, might I add the “wait until you’re married because it’s really, really* good* that way” reason.
You will know the man you are to have sex with when you can look at him and say, this is the man I want at my side in the hospital giving birth to our children. This is the man that I will discuss my hemmorhoid pain with. This is the man that I will feed applesauce to with a spoon and clean his bedpan and wipe his butt when he is 80 years old with Alzheimer’s disease. These things and many more will I do for him, and he for me, because that’s what it means to love someone, and sex is an expression of that. When you find the man for which this is honestly true, you marry him in front of God and the Church, and then you can have sex, and it’ll be really great, and you’ll have many children if that is God’s will for you.
You will know the man you are to have sex with when you can look at him and say, this is the man I want at my side in the hospital giving birth to our children. This is the man that I will discuss my hemmorhoid pain with. This is the man that I will feed applesauce to with a spoon and clean his bedpan and wipe his butt when he is 80 years old with Alzheimer’s disease. These things and many more will I do for him, and he for me, because that’s what it means to love someone, and sex is an expression of that. When you find the man for which this is honestly true, you marry him in front of God and the Church, and then you can have sex, and it’ll be really great, and you’ll have many children if that is God’s will for you.
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Ron_Conte
Guest
Aly,
14 is too young to be having sex. Most women wait until they are older to begin having sex.
You really should wait till you are married before having sex, because it is a sin otherwise. But there are also other reasons to wait till you are older. It might seem like the thing to do now, but later you will regret it.
Ron
14 is too young to be having sex. Most women wait until they are older to begin having sex.
You really should wait till you are married before having sex, because it is a sin otherwise. But there are also other reasons to wait till you are older. It might seem like the thing to do now, but later you will regret it.
Ron
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StratusRose
Guest
When you have sex with someone, your body releases a hormone that “bonds” you to the person you had sex with. This hormone is not a mistake. God put this hormone in our body to bond us PERMANENTLY to our spouse! When the bond breaks it is heart wrenching and painful. Growing up, I knew which couples in my high school were having sex and which ones weren’t. The ones that weren’t having sex broke up and remained friends, or were on friendly terms. The ones that did have sex couldn’t even look at each other and the girl would be screaming and crying if she saw her ex talking to another girl.
In conclusion, TEENAGERS ARE NOT PREPARED TO HANDLE THE PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL CONSEQUENCES OF SEXUAL ACTIVITY!!! Heck! I’m 24, still a virgin, and I’m just now preparing myself for my first sexual encounter coming up after my wedding! You know how great it was going thru high school and college and not have to worry about getting pregnant or contracting some sort of STD? It was pretty sweet.
Stop watching MTV. It’s filled with idealogies of the culture of death.
After you have turned off MTV, go to
In conclusion, TEENAGERS ARE NOT PREPARED TO HANDLE THE PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL CONSEQUENCES OF SEXUAL ACTIVITY!!! Heck! I’m 24, still a virgin, and I’m just now preparing myself for my first sexual encounter coming up after my wedding! You know how great it was going thru high school and college and not have to worry about getting pregnant or contracting some sort of STD? It was pretty sweet.
Stop watching MTV. It’s filled with idealogies of the culture of death.
After you have turned off MTV, go to
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Agnieszka
Guest
Hi Aly,
I am a young woman too who has had sex at a relatively young age (18) and i must say that it was a huge mistake for me. I waited until i was 18 because i didnt want it to be a mistake. I thought that if i waited until i was older (i thought 18 was so old) it would be entirely my decision at a mature age. What a joke, at 14 youre not ready to make that decision, at 18 youre not ready to make that decision. Youre ready to make that decision when you find Christ, and when He becomes the centre of your existence.
At your age i remember going to a religious retreat in high school. I hated them, we had a young priest there and for the whole evening you were allowed to go and ask him any questions you pleased. So i plucked up enough courage to go to him and ask him the same question you asked. “Will i go to hell if i have pre-marital sex?” “what does the bible say about sex? Didnt they all have sex and get married around 15 anyway?” and the priest spent 25 minutes speaking with me about the importance of saving yourself for the one. And all i heard in that time was “God doesnt condemn people to hell because they have sex” and i was happy. I didnt hear what he was telling me. And in the end i said to him “oh so i wont go to hell then?” and i could see the disappointed look on father’s face when i said that, he knew he couldnt reach me.
Aly, i want to reach you today. DONT do it. I wanted to do it because i thought pre-marital sex was so overrated and so old, not even my grandparents probably stayed virgins. Its such a nerdy thing to do, plus i really want to know what its like to have sex, i want to know what the big deal is. I thought i was living in a different era, it was normal now to have sex with your boyfriend, after all, its a serious relationship, youre not sleeping around or being a slut. I didnt want to get all religious on the guy, he would think i was a freak, nobody is religious anymore. Tick all the excuses there are, i used them. And then i did it, and i didnt know it then but it was the worst mistake of my life. you’ll convince yourself it was ok, its normal, everyone does it anyway. Only in your silent moments will you know it was a mistake.
Aly you are young, as much as you say you’ll end up marrying the guy you know you probably wont. At your age all you want to do is give in and have somebody love you, hold you and tell you they love you. Sex is the only way at that age, but believe me its not worth it. Find Christ, find His love, hold out, his love will sustain you until you will be ready. Aly i just wanted to be loved and to have an adult relationship, but then one day i grew up, and i no longer cared what was important to the guy, but what was important to me. Wait for that day.
What will happen if this relationship doesnt work out, believe me it wont. So many people told me it wont work for me because i was too young and i was so devastated, how could they say that? I loved him, we were different. Then i realised we werent different. Those strong feelings you have are because youre so beautifully young and you want to give all to this one person. But if God wants you to be together it will be forever, and you two will have each other no matter what, he will love you without the sex and even more so when you walk down the aisle, so proud that you have saved yourself for the day when your union is holy and beautiful and you seal it that night by giving your body to the man who removes your wedding gown and gazes upon you with such love in his eyes, you know he will foerever cherish you because youve chosen to save yourself for him. Me? I know on my wedding day i’ll probably be too tired from the wedding preparantions and will probably end up going to bed. Thats what most couples do, because their sacred moment has already passed.
And Aly one more thing. When i did meet my current boyfriend whom i love so much, he asked me after a couple of dates if i was a virgin. I said no. I could see the disappointment in his eyes. I cried all night Aly, here i have met the most amazing person i could have ever met and i did not save myself for him. We often talk about our mistakes and say how we wish we could have saved that just for ourselves. We’ve both been in serious relationships (mine lasted 3.5 years) and yet at the end of the day i would give anything just so i could say to God “this is what i have given up for you” and say to my partner “this is what i have saved for you and you only” and i can 100% guarantee that he will turn his handsome face to you, kiss you and say “thankyou.” He will be yours forever, because you were his and his only.
I am a young woman too who has had sex at a relatively young age (18) and i must say that it was a huge mistake for me. I waited until i was 18 because i didnt want it to be a mistake. I thought that if i waited until i was older (i thought 18 was so old) it would be entirely my decision at a mature age. What a joke, at 14 youre not ready to make that decision, at 18 youre not ready to make that decision. Youre ready to make that decision when you find Christ, and when He becomes the centre of your existence.
At your age i remember going to a religious retreat in high school. I hated them, we had a young priest there and for the whole evening you were allowed to go and ask him any questions you pleased. So i plucked up enough courage to go to him and ask him the same question you asked. “Will i go to hell if i have pre-marital sex?” “what does the bible say about sex? Didnt they all have sex and get married around 15 anyway?” and the priest spent 25 minutes speaking with me about the importance of saving yourself for the one. And all i heard in that time was “God doesnt condemn people to hell because they have sex” and i was happy. I didnt hear what he was telling me. And in the end i said to him “oh so i wont go to hell then?” and i could see the disappointed look on father’s face when i said that, he knew he couldnt reach me.
Aly, i want to reach you today. DONT do it. I wanted to do it because i thought pre-marital sex was so overrated and so old, not even my grandparents probably stayed virgins. Its such a nerdy thing to do, plus i really want to know what its like to have sex, i want to know what the big deal is. I thought i was living in a different era, it was normal now to have sex with your boyfriend, after all, its a serious relationship, youre not sleeping around or being a slut. I didnt want to get all religious on the guy, he would think i was a freak, nobody is religious anymore. Tick all the excuses there are, i used them. And then i did it, and i didnt know it then but it was the worst mistake of my life. you’ll convince yourself it was ok, its normal, everyone does it anyway. Only in your silent moments will you know it was a mistake.
Aly you are young, as much as you say you’ll end up marrying the guy you know you probably wont. At your age all you want to do is give in and have somebody love you, hold you and tell you they love you. Sex is the only way at that age, but believe me its not worth it. Find Christ, find His love, hold out, his love will sustain you until you will be ready. Aly i just wanted to be loved and to have an adult relationship, but then one day i grew up, and i no longer cared what was important to the guy, but what was important to me. Wait for that day.
What will happen if this relationship doesnt work out, believe me it wont. So many people told me it wont work for me because i was too young and i was so devastated, how could they say that? I loved him, we were different. Then i realised we werent different. Those strong feelings you have are because youre so beautifully young and you want to give all to this one person. But if God wants you to be together it will be forever, and you two will have each other no matter what, he will love you without the sex and even more so when you walk down the aisle, so proud that you have saved yourself for the day when your union is holy and beautiful and you seal it that night by giving your body to the man who removes your wedding gown and gazes upon you with such love in his eyes, you know he will foerever cherish you because youve chosen to save yourself for him. Me? I know on my wedding day i’ll probably be too tired from the wedding preparantions and will probably end up going to bed. Thats what most couples do, because their sacred moment has already passed.
And Aly one more thing. When i did meet my current boyfriend whom i love so much, he asked me after a couple of dates if i was a virgin. I said no. I could see the disappointment in his eyes. I cried all night Aly, here i have met the most amazing person i could have ever met and i did not save myself for him. We often talk about our mistakes and say how we wish we could have saved that just for ourselves. We’ve both been in serious relationships (mine lasted 3.5 years) and yet at the end of the day i would give anything just so i could say to God “this is what i have given up for you” and say to my partner “this is what i have saved for you and you only” and i can 100% guarantee that he will turn his handsome face to you, kiss you and say “thankyou.” He will be yours forever, because you were his and his only.
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