Sex life of a Godly family?

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copland

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I know that this may be a little more then what people want to discuss. But let me ask a serious question.

I have not gotten very far with learning about what the Catholic Church teaches about sex. But I do know that the protestant churches has no problems with married couples using any kind of contrasceptive to prevent pregnancy. But what is the “norm” for a sex life of a Catholic couple who don’t exactly desire to have children? Please forgive me for my ignorance on this subject, but I really don;t know what alternatives to sex with contraceptives. Is there a certain time that couples can have it when the woman is not fertile? What is the norm of that? Or does the Church teach that the only time you couple can have sex is when they are wanting a child?(Surely not!)
 
We should first look at why we are not desirous of a child. God asks that we be generous with Him. When we create a child, we create a vessel for a soul that will know ,love, and serve God. Our society has forgotten that. We think kids are for college. We have the children that we want, and then lock God out of the marriage. How offensive that must be to Him. Interfering with Gods creative plan in marriage is gravely sinful, and must be avoided. We as parents must surrender to God what is His. If God is truly the God over our lives, then does that not include our fertility? The church does allow for the use of Natural Family Planning if there is a grave reason for doing so. We have to be careful with that,also, because we can easily adopt a contraceptive mentality with that as well. Let go and let God and love your wife as He intended. 👍
 
I suggest that you look into the Couple to Couple League. They teach a very faith oriented Natural Family Planning course and have a bunch of resources to help you out.

Natural Family Planning (when used correctly) is more effective than the pill in avoiding pregnancy (and there are NO side effects). On the flip side, NFP can also be used to help achieve pregnancy. NFP basically uses the body’s natural signs of fertility to determine the fertile and infertile stages of a woman’s cycle. It is completely safe and VERY effective in either avoiding or achieving pregnancy.

Also, check out this lecture given by Janet Smith called “Contraception: Why Not?” It is available in either CD format or Audio Tape. It will give you some very interesting things to think about when considering any artificial forms of contraception.
 
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copland:
But what is the “norm” for a sex life of a Catholic couple who don’t exactly desire to have children?
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Every couple I have ever heard talking being faithful to the Church’s teachings on contraception follows up with how terrific and satisfying their sex life is because they are faithful to God’s plan in marriage. If they have serious reasons to avoid having another child, then NFP is used because it is faithful to Church Teachings.

Studies vary on the exact number, but couples faithful to Church teaching on contraception, including NFP, have a virtually non-existent divorce rate in the 1-3% range. Not bad, compared to an average rate in the 50% range.

Read a transcript of Janet Smith’s tape at: omsoul.com/pamview.phtml?idnum=135
 
I don’t know what the “norm” is but personally we have to abstain about 7-10 days per month during the fertile period. During that time you’re supposed to try to bond in other areas like emotionally instead of physically.
 
I didn’t exactly desire to have children either, so I lied to God at my church wedding. Although my husband was always open to children, I wasn’t. I had also stopped attending Mass for many years. I thought I was happy yet was a rage-aholic on the road and went through bouts of melancholy.

Through the grace of God, four years into my marriage and childless, I underwent a powerful conversion. I knew the will of God, in cooperation with Him, was to bring new life into the world.

Well, I have a two-year old now and have never known the happiness I feel. My family regularly attends Mass, I go to confession pretty regularly (I’d like to go more often) and I’ve never felt closer to my husband! The joy our child brings is amazing. I never thought I could be so happy being sleepy and tired from child rearing. What a privilege! All the silly little conveniences and “freedoms” of dropping things at the drop of a hat to go somewhere because we weren’t “tied down” are now so meaningless and downright selfish of us. (My husband has never smiled so much either!) It’s work but OH so worth it.

I suggest you and your spouse pray about this and ask for God’s enlightment because His Will is really the way to a happy life.

I’ll be praying for you!:blessyou:
 
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copland:
But what is the “norm” for a sex life of a Catholic couple who don’t exactly desire to have children? …Is there a certain time that couples can have it when the woman is not fertile? What is the norm of that? Or does the Church teach that the only time you couple can have sex is when they are wanting a child?(Surely not!)
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First of all, the norm for people being married in the Church is to want children. Not to necessarily have a gazillion, or every nine months, etc., but the purpose of marriage in the Church is to raise children in the faith. So if you do not desire to have children, I urge you to ask yourself this question: why are you married? I would seek the advice of a good priest.

However, even for couples who do desire children, but for some reason have discerned this is not the proper time, there is definitely natural family planning (NFP). Basically, a couple who has decided to abstain, after learning NFP, will abstain maybe 7-10 days a month (as someone already mentioned).

No, the Church does not teach that making love is only for making children. Making love within marriage has a two-fold purpose: (1) procreative, and (2) unitive. If it were ONLY for procreation, couples would have to abstain for the entire nine months of pregnancy! :eek:

And definitely get yourself the Christopher West book as soon as possible! There are few writings on the church’s teachings on contraception that are as well-informed, articulate, and concise.
 
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rfk:
Or, you could buy it right here from Catholic Answers at: Good News About Sex And Marriage: Answers To Your Honest Questions About Catholic Teaching .

Personally, I appreciate these forums, as well as the plentiful free information on this website. I’d rather spend my money here than at Barnes & Noble. Disclaimer: I have no financial or employment entanglements with Catholic Answers, I just appreciate them.
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Of course, GET YOUR BOOKS FROM CATHOLIC.COM. Mia Copa, Mia Copa.:banghead:
 
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copland:
I have just copied this web page to give to my wife. Is it a good start and a good source?
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No. It isn’t. Standard days is no where near as effective as other NFP methods.

You had several good suggestions linked above. Why didn’t you try the help that was offered? I’d start with the couple-to-couple league.
 
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copland:
I have just copied this web page to give to my wife. Is it a good start and a good source?
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I agree that no, it isn’t a good source. Why read secular information on natural family planning when you can get better, more up-to-date information that considers the “why” behind the church’s teaching? That’s like giving up meat on Friday for “health” reasons and never considering the sacrificial nature of fasting. Know what I mean?

You are merely setting yourself up for misunderstanding God’s beautiful gift of fertility if you simply look at fertility as something to be controlled or manipulated. Please take the time to read what the Church really teaches. If you don’t have the time to read West’s book in its entirety, he wrote a wonderful article for “This Rock” magazine. Perhaps you can get a copy of the article.
 
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rfk:
No. It isn’t. Standard days is no where near as effective as other NFP methods.

You had several good suggestions linked above. Why didn’t you try the help that was offered? I’d start with the couple-to-couple league.
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I second that. couple-to-couple league is the place to go for excellent moral discussions of this issue.
 
The reason why I did not use one of those that were recommended is for a very delicate reason. And that is because my wife is not Catholic. Please don’t be offended. If I give her reasons right now why not to get her tubes tied because “the Catholic Church says this or that,” it just won;t fly. I do long for her to be a Catholic, but right now she is not, and I actually have to work with her with an approach that will will convince her not to get that operation. And the Catholic Church saying it’s wrong will not convince her like it does me, it might even hurt the cause later on to lead her to the Catholic Church.

She is looking at this through secular eyes, even though she is a Protestant, because the Protestant Church is secular on these issues. But right now I have to prove to her that it is reliable to go the natural way. And also let her know that as a husband it bothers me spiritually, and I am her husband who cares. That as a husband I love her as I love my own body.

I am really sorry for offending some on here. But I hope you understand where I am coming from. And you all have been a tremendous help to me. I have gleaned so much from you all and the info you have given me. I just have to be careful how I deal with my wife.
 
Thanks for clearing that up. I think your approach makes much more sense in that light.

However, I do still urge you to read the Catholic response to natural family planning, and I’ll tell you why. The Church’s position is clearly much more complex than “the Church says no.” The Church’s position is an intelligent, thoughtful, and loving position which aims to draw couples closer to each other and to the Lord.

If you read the materials on your own, I am sure you will find clarification on your own beliefs on this matter. My husband and I are both Catholic, both beleive the Church’s teachings on NFP, and still love reading good material so that we can better our own knowledge. Then, when we discuss the issue with anyone, be they Catholic, atheist, what have you, we can give good, logical explanations of how NFP is so much better for couples than ABC.

So instead of saying to your wife, “The Catholic Church teaches that artificial birth control is wrong,” Why not say something like, “I love you, and I feel that using artifical birth control comes between us and God. If children are a blessing, why would we block any blessings the Lord has for us?” Of course the conversatoin would be much more involved than that, but do you know what I’m getting at?

I wrote an article for “Canticle” magazine a few months ago witnessing about how NFP brought me and my husband closer together, and how NFP respects a woman’s fertility more than ABC. If you think your wife may enjoy the read, pm me and I’ll send you a copy. 🙂

One final note – there is a book out there (don’t know the name but I bet you could find out through this forum) that explains what the early church fathers – not Catholics, but Christians, it was before the Protestant reformation – felt about ABC. That might be worth checking out as well.

Hope that helps. God bless!
 
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jc413:
One final note – there is a book out there (don’t know the name but I bet you could find out through this forum) that explains what the early church fathers – not Catholics, but Christians, it was before the Protestant reformation – felt about ABC. That might be worth checking out as well.
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I think the book you are referring to is “The Bible and Birth Control” by Charles Provan. It’s available through Catholic Answers. The author is Protestant.
 
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copland:
The reason why I did not use one of those that were recommended is for a very delicate reason. And that is because my wife is not Catholic. Please don’t be offended. If I give her reasons right now why not to get her tubes tied because “the Catholic Church says this or that,” it just won’t fly.
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One site you could point her to that is not religious-based is www.woomb.org which discusses the Billings Method of natural family planning. This is what I use. When I first decided to ditch ABC, this is where I started. At that time, I did not want to use ABC anymore, mostly for non-religious reasons. Mainly, I was tired of being shackled to “the pill”.

I like this method because it requires no temperature-taking. Mainly, I just have to be more observant about the natural signs the body gives regarding fertility and chart them.

If you want some non-religious reasons to give your wife for using NFP instead of ABC, there are plenty. I listed one above. Also, all the hormonal forms of ABC have a LONG list of potential side effects, many of which are pretty serious (increased risk of breast cancer, for example). If she is opposed to abortion, you could point out that all hormonal forms of ABC as well as the IUD can potentially cause abortions by preventing implantation of a fertilized egg. Having your tubes tied can increase menstrual bleeding significantly. Plus, in rare cases, pregnancy does still occur and the chances of having a tubal pregnancy is much higher. This is a potentially life-threatening condition.

One of the best benefits of NFP is how it strengthens the emotional bond between the husband and wife. I think this is because you can’t be so non-chalant about sex anymore. You really have to consider that each time you have it, you could be creating new life.

Well, that’s just a few off the top of my head. I’m sure the couple to couple league website can provide you with many more good reasons.
 
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