Sex or peer pressure? Confused

[xlost6]

Hi! I’m 23 years old and still a virgin. I’m currently studying Catholicism and I from a Protestant/Pentecostal background. I was taught to save myself for marriage and I haven’t had an sexual relations with anyone throughout my life. Flirting yes, but when I feel that that stage is exceeding friendly flirting into a sexual stage i back off. Throughout my life I have been pressured and made fun of. I was told I was gay, scared, weird, unsocial, low self esteem, low self confidence to females and all. I’m stupid or retarded for reading into a Book or following a religion that doesn’t allow freedom to do what you want.

I was talking with my friend today and this was the message he sent as the conversation got heated “No, you lack courage, I can sense the fear. People don’t flirt so they can marry. They flirt to get girls and have sexual relations”.

Now I have never felt throughout my life that I was doing anything wrong. I don’t have relationship experience but I’m looking into one now. I’m so focused on school/college and helping my household financially, that I don’t have social time.

All my friends say I should be hooking up with girls and step out of the religious world and make my own decisions and do what feel is good. I disagree because with that view I’m being self-worth or self-idolatry. Denying God and focusing on what pleases me and not the Father.

I’m not discourage I just find it very difficult to find friends with a mindset like me. The mindset*that wants a women for marriage a woman to love, a woman to develop a family. Not to have sex and be done with her as a object.

When I have the view above I’m considered strange. Am I doing something wrong in my life that I’m unaware of? Am I all those things above or what?

Responses would certainly help me out.

Thanks,

Bruce

 

[Rawb]

Hi! I’m 23 years old and still a virgin.

Me too, bud.

Flirting yes, but when I feel that that stage is exceeding friendly flirting into a sexual stage i back off. Throughout my life I have been pressured and made fun of. I was told I was gay, scared, weird, unsocial, low self esteem, low self confidence to females and all.

I’ve been accused of some of those. You have to know who you are and you *do *have to have confidence. Regardless of your eventual path in life you need confidence to defend your faith, your choice of action, and yeah, if you wanna get married, you’re gonna need confidence to attract the girl. If you have low self esteem you need to remember who you are to Christ - being a son of the King of King makes you royalty bud.

I’m stupid or retarded for reading into a Book or following a religion that doesn’t allow freedom to do what you want.

Ah but it *does *allow you to do what you want. You are *choosing *not to do things in accordance with your beliefs. Being a Catholic doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to sin - you do, that right is given to you by God when He granted you Free Will. It means you choose not to sin.

I was talking with my friend today and this was the message he sent as the conversation got heated “No, you lack courage, I can sense the fear. People don’t flirt so they can marry. They flirt to get girls and have sexual relations”.

BS. I flirt all the time. I shouldn’t have, in some cases as I got too attached to a girl with whom it would never have worked out. I’m not about to jump into the sack with a girl just because I’m interested. Flirting shows you’re interested, that’s all. It’s not a marriage proposal or the beginning of a one night stand. Your friend is being narrow minded and concluding that his way is the only way just because it might be the majority’s way.

Now I have never felt throughout my life that I was doing anything wrong. I don’t have relationship experience but I’m looking into one now. I’m so focused on school/college and helping my household financially, that I don’t have social time.

In my opinion this is a bit of a mistake. You have to have time to flesh out that social aspect of your life in order to learn how to interact with people. That’s an important part of life. Still, s’your life and you know what you need to be doing right now to prepare for your future. Just don’t use academics as an excuse.

All my friends say I should be hooking up with girls and step out of the religious world and make my own decisions and do what feel is good. I disagree because with that view I’m being self-worth or self-idolatry. Denying God and focusing on what pleases me and not the Father.

You *are *making your own decisions - you’re choosing to follow God and the Catholic religion. That’s your choice, and your decision. Point out to them that they’re only being respectful of choices that match their choices and decisions.

I’m not discourage I just find it very difficult to find friends with a mindset like me. The mindset*that wants a women for marriage a woman to love, a woman to develop a family. Not to have sex and be done with her as a object.

Yeah, this is the issue with people our age. Try to find some Christian Clubs on your campus. It might have a Newman Center (though, my campus’ Newman Center is more of a social club than having much to do with religion. You might have to hang out with the local Campus Crusade for Christ kids or something, just make sure you can stand up against an onslaught of Sola Scriptura type arguments. You could look to see if there’s an OCF (Orthodox Christian Fellowship). OCF’s are usually pretty grounded)

When I have the view above I’m considered strange. Am I doing something wrong in my life that I’m unaware of? Am I all those things above or what?

You’re a Christian, of course the world thinks something’s wrong with you. There isn’t, barring you hiding out in your dorm room or apartment and being a social recluse. You don’t have to be sleeping around to be normal, you don’t have to be cruising bars. You just need some friends who are of the same mindset as you to hang out with and stand behind you - unfortunately for guys like us this can be a difficult find.

 

[kimbari]

How wonderful you are. Thank God for you and please, continue as you are. It’s good to know that there are people like you in the world. I followed the world’s lead when I was young (I’m a 55 y/o great-grandma), and there’s not a day in my life that I don’t regret not doing things the right way: fall in love, get married, THEN have the baby. When I think of how wonderful my life might have been… well, I try not to think about it too much because it only drives me crazy.

The right thing to do IS the right thing to do. Don’t let anybody talk you out of it. Follow Jesus, He knows the way to happiness.

 

[JSAD]

II’m a 27 year old male and have never had sexual relations myself.

It is extremely difficult to remain pure…more so i feel for single males(probably because i am one . But i am reminded of what Psalm 112 -Praise the LORD.
Blessed are those who fear the LORD,
who find great delight in his commands

and Proverbs 3 :5

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

I try and hold onto those verses believing that what God has intended for Marriage, Purity and sexual relations within the context of the Bible and Catholic Church is true and ultimately for our own good.

It’s extremely difficuly to do so(as already mentioned)-when there are easier alternatives(casual sex, hookups,multiple relationships, even gratification through internet porn etc) but know you are not alone …lots of Christian brothers and sisters have walked this path before and are walking it today.

I believe true freedom comes only by submitting our bodies to Christ. But that is it-it is only Faith…we will only see the complete picture many years from now…or when we are in Heaven

It’s late and i am rambling…I am looking out for like minded Christian young adults myself in my area and i pray you may also find what you are looking for.

God bless!

 

[Hokomai]

Here’s a non-religious view. Morally, I’m closer to your friends than you (in theory anyway, I’m married and do not stray!). But I have nothing but contempt for their attitude to you. Happiness is what matters, and if your approach makes you happy - go for it. Pleasure is not the same thing, and people are always right to pick happiness. All the best.

 

[WoundedIcon]

Haha, 21 y/o virgin romantic guy here. I have a different problem though - I can’t find anyone to marry! My friends are either too active or are pairing off and marrying already. Very frustrating, I’m in touch with my sensitive cuddly side, by no means a prude (I struggle with sensuality) and usually wind up relegated to the brother side of things. My values and cultural leanings are practically the inverse of those of women my age it seems. I’m anti-consumerism, I hate our “eduorship” culture and success looks like an occasion of sin and stupidity and egoism to me (suburbs grr) so I’m poor and kind of prefer it, disabled, Goth metalhead, artsy, and almost scholar like. Oh, and I’m a rabid Catholic So, yeah, women hate me.

 

[JABA]

Hi! I’m 23 years old and still a virgin. I’m currently studying Catholicism and I from a Protestant/Pentecostal background. I was taught to save myself for marriage and I haven’t had an sexual relations with anyone throughout my life. Flirting yes, but when I feel that that stage is exceeding friendly flirting into a sexual stage i back off. Throughout my life I have been pressured and made fun of. I was told I was gay, scared, weird, unsocial, low self esteem, low self confidence to females and all. I’m stupid or retarded for reading into a Book or following a religion that doesn’t allow freedom to do what you want.

I am a 25 year old virgin guy, and I am also saving myself for marriage. I have also had problems the ones you describe, abou being made fun of and that I am strange for my beliefs about sexuality. Thats the thing, being Catholic does allow you, you have free will, but you also have an understanding of whats right and wrong.

Another thing, in almost every single society and culture around the world, except for the last 40 years since the decadent sexual revolution, it was only considered moral and acceptable to have sexual relations once you were married. We are not alone in our beliefs and never were,

The sexual revolution has done nothing but degraded sex. Sex use to be a an expression of the deep emotional love between two married people, who promised to love each other for the rest of their lives, which can lead to the creation of a new life. You can’t get any better than that.

The sexual revolution has done nothing but degraded sex to just a casual fling. I fail to see the pleasure in that.

I was talking with my friend today and this was the message he sent as the conversation got heated “No, you lack courage, I can sense the fear. People don’t flirt so they can marry. They flirt to get girls and have sexual relations”.

Your friends view, is the typical decadent view of sexuality, brought on by the sexual revolution. Your friend probably sees woman as nothing but as objects to please his sexual needs, once he fulfills his need he goes after other women and the cycle continues. The sad thing is, people who have such beliefs about sexuality before they are married are likely to continue such behaviour when they are married. I know plenty of people like this at work. We wonder why so many people have sexually transmited disease and unwanted pregnancies and also commit adultery. These type of people will never be happy when married as there view on sexuality is distorted,

All my friends say I should be hooking up with girls and step out of the religious world and make my own decisions and do what feel is good. I disagree because with that view I’m being self-worth or self-idolatry. Denying God and focusing on what pleases me and not the Father.

I disagree as well

I don’t see the appeal in treating women like sexual objects, having casual sex and getting STI’s.

I’m not discourage I just find it very difficult to find friends with a mindset like me. The mindset*that wants a women for marriage a woman to love, a woman to develop a family. Not to have sex and be done with her as a object.

Same as me. There are people like us, although they are rare. You just have to go to the right places.

When I have the view above I’m considered strange. Am I doing something wrong in my life that I’m unaware of? Am I all those things above or what?

No, our beliefs is what God has planned from the start regarding sexuality. The people that you described I can say are both weak in mind and spirit and give in to there temptations, more like animals than humans.

 

[slywakka250]

I am 23 , almost 24, and a virgin as well. I’m not ashamed to be a virgin, but I’m not proud of it either.

I suggest you follow your heart.

You are free to choose who you want to be. If you feel your religion is truly holding you back, then by all means give it up. But find what it is that has lasting value to you. We all make mistakes, but we are all creating the reality of who we are as person, our character.

What kind of character do you want to have? what do you REALLY believe in? what are your principles deep down?. I suggest your search your heart, and do what feels right. Be true only to yourself, for it is only by authenticity in living that we can be content with our decisions, and by which we can forge a path forward to the beautiful creation that we can become. i.e authenticity to ourselves, and not blind submission to either the Church or society. The truth is there for the taking, you just have to open your eyes. , at least that has been my experience so far if life

to me my lack of sexual experience is a symptom of some serious loneliness. But that doesn’t mean getting sexual experience will remedy my lack of true friendships and relationships. think about this. Once you’ve had sex, then what? is sex all there is to life?? the society sometimes makes it seems like this is the case, and maybe popular culture is correct I don’t know, but I DO think it is worthwhile to be a seeker yourself, not isolated from society, but IN it, and WITH it, to seek for a greater truth and understanding about ourselves in the universe, that goes beyond sex. I don’t know if anything else is out there, but you seem to believe God. that might be a good starting point.

 

[1ke]

No, you aren’t doing anything wrong. You need new friends. I hope perhaps you can find a group of devoted, serious Catholic friends through the Newman Center at your college. But, even there you will likely find people who are confused about God’s message on chastity.

www.chastity.com

You are not in the wrong. Ignore them.

 

[wild_thing]

I think you already know what the answer is. You’re simply looking for support.

Well, here it is. Stop worrying about what other people think or say about you. Easy enough to say, a whole lot harder to do. But it’s true. If they don’t chide you about sex, it will be something else, trust me. Stay firm on your morals. And, like other posters have said, it’s time to get a new support system. If you surround yourself with Christian friends, at least then you can have people who can encourage and uplift you, not make fun of you and want to change you. What brings us inner peace is doing God’s will for us, and His will is obeying His commandments. The bible is clear about fornication. Our Catholic faith is clear about it. Obey God and He will help you through the difficulties of that obedience. “You will be hated by all because of My Name, but not a hair on your head will be destroyed. By your perserverance, you will secure your life.” (Luke 21, 17-18). And, “In the world you will have trouble, but take courage; I have conquered the world.” (John 16:33).

 

[Mijoy2]

Nothing to add, just wanted to say I commend you for your loyalty to your faith and your courage (yes courage) for doing what you do.

The world would be such a great place if there were more people like yourself who can rise above for the greater cause. Hang in there!

 

[josephback]

Hi! I’m 23 years old and still a virgin. I’m currently studying Catholicism and I from a Protestant/Pentecostal background. I was taught to save myself for marriage and I haven’t had an sexual relations with anyone throughout my life. Flirting yes, but when I feel that that stage is exceeding friendly flirting into a sexual stage i back off. Throughout my life I have been pressured and made fun of. I was told I was gay, scared, weird, unsocial, low self esteem, low self confidence to females and all. I’m stupid or retarded for reading into a Book or following a religion that doesn’t allow freedom to do what you want.

I was talking with my friend today and this was the message he sent as the conversation got heated “No, you lack courage, I can sense the fear. People don’t flirt so they can marry. They flirt to get girls and have sexual relations”.

Now I have never felt throughout my life that I was doing anything wrong. I don’t have relationship experience but I’m looking into one now. I’m so focused on school/college and helping my household financially, that I don’t have social time.

All my friends say I should be hooking up with girls and step out of the religious world and make my own decisions and do what feel is good. I disagree because with that view I’m being self-worth or self-idolatry. Denying God and focusing on what pleases me and not the Father.

I’m not discourage I just find it very difficult to find friends with a mindset like me. The mindset*that wants a women for marriage a woman to love, a woman to develop a family. Not to have sex and be done with her as a object.

When I have the view above I’m considered strange. Am I doing something wrong in my life that I’m unaware of? Am I all those things above or what?

Responses would certainly help me out.

Thanks,

Bruce

I think your mindset is actually more common than it seems, but people get ridiculed for it so they don’t talk or give in to “the norm”. I tried and failed to save myself for marriage, taking the bait in a moment of weakness. I was waiting for this girl I loved and after realizing she had rejected me I didn’t care anymore. Stupid

You’re not doing anything wrong in your life. Just know that you won’t be able to fulfill this pledge yourself. Trust in God, and He will protect you in your desire. It’s a very noble and holy thing to do.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Hi! I’m 23 years old and still a virgin. I’m currently studying Catholicism and I from a Protestant/Pentecostal background. I was taught to save myself for marriage and I haven’t had an sexual relations with anyone throughout my life. Flirting yes, but when I feel that that stage is exceeding friendly flirting into a sexual stage i back off. Throughout my life I have been pressured and made fun of. I was told I was gay, scared, weird, unsocial, low self esteem, low self confidence to females and all. I’m stupid or retarded for reading into a Book or following a religion that doesn’t allow freedom to do what you want.

I was talking with my friend today and this was the message he sent as the conversation got heated “No, you lack courage, I can sense the fear. People don’t flirt so they can marry. They flirt to get girls and have sexual relations”.

Now I have never felt throughout my life that I was doing anything wrong. I don’t have relationship experience but I’m looking into one now. I’m so focused on school/college and helping my household financially, that I don’t have social time.

All my friends say I should be hooking up with girls and step out of the religious world and make my own decisions and do what feel is good. I disagree because with that view I’m being self-worth or self-idolatry. Denying God and focusing on what pleases me and not the Father.

I’m not discourage I just find it very difficult to find friends with a mindset like me. The mindset*that wants a women for marriage a woman to love, a woman to develop a family. Not to have sex and be done with her as a object.

When I have the view above I’m considered strange. Am I doing something wrong in my life that I’m unaware of? Am I all those things above or what?

Responses would certainly help me out.

Thanks,

Bruce

I suggest that you read this book. You will find that you are not unusual and that your “friends” need a reality check. Strange in this case is the right way to be. We as Christians are called to be in the world but not of the world (sure you’ve heard that before!). When other people question you, you know that you are doing the right thing, because usually, those people are worldly and not concerned with their own salvation.

If You Really Loved Me

 

[JDee]

Stay strong, pray and remember that Jesus will not ask if you were popular! Following Him can be rough, tough and a struggle to “live in the world but not of the world”.

My daughter is 16 and disgusted with the sexualization of everything from movies to music to the mindset of the culture around us. She also feels that she should wait for marriage, that it is a covenant, sacred and something very special - to respect herself and her future husband ( whom she hopes is considering his future wife with the same moral choices).

We both have read *If You Really Loved Me *and another book by Chris Evert and his wife. She had very difficult teen years and remembers watching her ex-boyfriend walk away after she was dumped - She thought “I gave you something that was never yours, and I can never get it back”

She struggled and changed her life - her husband stayed chaste and made a true gift of himself to her on their wedding day.

Never be ashamed that you respect yourself and your sexuality - it is a gift from God and not something that should be used carelessly!

You are in my prayers.

PS - I waited and so did my husband - we don’t regret it for one second!

 

[Dawnia]

I’m stupid or retarded for reading into a Book or following a religion that doesn’t allow freedom to do what you want.

It is a tragedy that you don’t have the freedom to catch a dozen different STDs, or to spend the next 18+ years paying child support and attached to a woman you may not like, or get charged with sexual assault, or get your heart broken over and over and over again. It is absolutely horrible! You should immediately…stick to your principles and look for new friends.

You will never regret waiting for the right person to come along.

 

[thequeen]

Hi! I’m 23 years old and still a virgin. I’m currently studying Catholicism and I from a Protestant/Pentecostal background. I was taught to save myself for marriage and I haven’t had an sexual relations with anyone throughout my life. Flirting yes, but when I feel that that stage is exceeding friendly flirting into a sexual stage i back off. Throughout my life I have been pressured and made fun of. I was told I was gay, scared, weird, unsocial, low self esteem, low self confidence to females and all. I’m stupid or retarded for reading into a Book or following a religion that doesn’t allow freedom to do what you want.

I was talking with my friend today and this was the message he sent as the conversation got heated “No, you lack courage, I can sense the fear. People don’t flirt so they can marry. They flirt to get girls and have sexual relations”.

Now I have never felt throughout my life that I was doing anything wrong. I don’t have relationship experience but I’m looking into one now. I’m so focused on school/college and helping my household financially, that I don’t have social time.

All my friends say I should be hooking up with girls and step out of the religious world and make my own decisions and do what feel is good. I disagree because with that view I’m being self-worth or self-idolatry. Denying God and focusing on what pleases me and not the Father.

I’m not discourage I just find it very difficult to find friends with a mindset like me. The mindset*that wants a women for marriage a woman to love, a woman to develop a family. Not to have sex and be done with her as a object.

When I have the view above I’m considered strange. Am I doing something wrong in my life that I’m unaware of? Am I all those things above or what?

Responses would certainly help me out.

Thanks,

Bruce

Thank God for people like you How I wish that I could go back to when I was around your age I would have never of lost my virginity to this guy who turned out to be a total jerk okay i was a bit younger but not much I am Past 40 now and we all have our regrets but that is probably my biggest one Thank God I am totally celibate now have never been married and that doesn’t worry me either in answer to your question no you are not doing anything wrong nor are you strange you hang in there and when the time comes for you to get married you will be giving your future bride a wonderful gift on your wedding night

 

[DevotedChild]

When I have the view above I’m considered strange. Am I doing something wrong in my life that I’m unaware of? Am I all those things above or what?

Responses would certainly help me out.

Thanks,

Bruce

You are doing nothing wrong but I know the pressure. I am 18 and fresh out of high school, and I know what you are going through. … all I can say is just keep looking but don’t worry so much until you are ready. I suggest that you keep focusing on school and wait until you have settled to continue looking as a deep focus. I keep your main focus on school but leave some focus socially, you never know when you might bump into the right girl.

Best of Luck and God Bless ya.
Kim

 

[white_sheep]

Having sex before marriage is one of the worst things you can do for yourself. Those ruled by sin always encourage others to do likewise.

My wife and I waited and it was for the best.

 

[crazzeto]

Bruce,

You are on the right track and you should stay on course. You are right to save your self for marriage, this is something I now wish I had done honestly. Trust me when I tell you, there is nothing of real value out there in the world of playing the sex game. It’s a world of sexually objectifying women, and heart ache. This isn’t what you want, particularly given the fact that you are now exploring the possiblity of starting a relationship.

Instead, always view every woman as a child of God, his very image and likeness and treat them accordingly. This, in the end, is what any woman you want to be married to will be looking for. In fact I would venture a guess that if you do this, then you will be treating women how they generally wish they would be treated, but don’t expect because we lives in a culture that glorifies sexual exploitation.

God bless, I will pray for you

 

[sedonaman]

Hi! I’m 23 years old …

I’m so focused on school/college and helping my household financially, that I don’t have social time.

…

At 23, you have plenty of time for social activities after you finish school. Take it from the word of experience.