Sex talk, morally sinful in this case?

[RichardG]

Last few weeks i’ve been on a sexchat to talk with women about sex. Not for my own sexual arousel, because I don’t want to hurt our Lord. But I want this to get a date with someone and to show them it’s not OK to have sex just like that. You can always go there and preach directly about how much God loves us, but this will be ignored directly and you will not get the people to really think about it.

So, my idea is that when you make impressions that you might want to do ‘it’, you get a better chance of meeting one of these people, and then these people will be surprised that you are not really into sex after all, and want to be a bad example. Every chance of getting to meet someone in this way, will also be a time in which they will not be able to get into serious sexual sin.

Of course, sometimes I get te feeling of arousal start, and I say ‘NO I don’t want this’ to myself, that I don’t want to do this

So in short, is it morally justified to talk about sex with other people (without wanting it) to be able to avoid the chance for others to become into sexual sin with others?

 

[RPRPsych]

Last few weeks i’ve been on a sexchat to talk with women about sex. Not for my own sexual arousel, because I don’t want to hurt our Lord. But I want this to get a date with someone and to show them it’s not OK to have sex just like that. You can always go there and preach directly about how much God loves us, but this will be ignored directly and you will not get the people to really think about it.

So, my idea is that when you make impressions that you might want to do ‘it’, you get a better chance of meeting one of these people, and then these people will be surprised that you are not really into sex after all, and want to be a bad example. Every chance of getting to meet someone in this way, will also be a time in which they will not be able to get into serious sexual sin.

Of course, sometimes I get te feeling of arousal start, and I say ‘NO I don’t want this’ to myself, that I don’t want to do this

So in short, is it morally justified to talk about sex with other people (without wanting it) to be able to avoid the chance for others to become into sexual sin with others?

I’d say no, unless this was a particular ministry you were called to, and were doing it with the guidance of a spiritual advisor.

And using “seduction techniques” to engage people in a lecture on sexual ethics is dishonest. Would I pretend to be interested in gay sex to lecture a gay man about the immorality of gay sex? There you go.

 

[crystal_waters]

No its not ok to go there…

You may say you are only there to preach…but you also said you have found yourself getting aroused…so if you are getting aroused the conversation you are having must be sex themed because if you were talking about holy things to them then you wouldnt be getting aroused…

It seems to me you are looking for someone to give you the green light to be there but the truth is you shouldnt be there at all…imagine jesus and the vigin marys expressions as you are talking on sex chat and getting aroused…do you honestly think you are pleasing them and that they want you there?

 

[Boy_Wonder]

RichardG;11716488:

So in short, is it morally justified to talk about sex with other people (without wanting it) to be able to avoid the chance for others to become into sexual sin with others?

The real question you need to ask yourself is what is the exact nature of your own motive in doing this?

You’re playing with fire. Step back.

 

[Mary_Ellen]

No, what you are doing is definitely not OK.

First, you are putting yourself, at least, into a near occasion of sin.

Second, you are leading another into the sin of lust, if not worse.

Third, you are being dishonest.

Fourth, Jesus said, “Be holy as your Heavenly Father is Holy.” Visiting sex chat rooms is not the way to live a holy life.

You say you want to enter into a relationship and this is how you intend to enter into one, with a lie? This is not the way to do it. No woman wants to be led on, meet someone, find out they’ve been lied to, get a lecture on morality, and then fall in love with their deceiver. You are the one being deceived, either by yourself or by the devil. Get out of those chat rooms and find a more pure and holy way to meet real women. And visit a confessional on the way.

 

[nodito]

Even if you were able to avoid sexual temptation while engaging in this type of talk, you can not know what affect your words have on other people. You could be causing them to lust.

This is a very, very bad idea. The way you offer witness to the world is not by engaging in questionable practices but by avoiding them.

 

[on_the_hill]

Reminds me of a guy I know. I hadn’t seen him in a few years. Ran into him about a month ago.

He said he’s discovered his calling: He’s “ministering” to the homeless, particularly prostitutes in one of America’s gambling meccas. And yes, he said this with a straight face, with full sincerity.

Ditto to what the others posted: You’re dabbling in a prurient interest, trying to find a justification for your being involved.

 

[RichardG]

ok thanks guys for the info. I will take extra time in praying, to ask for help. I think that for the last few weeks my sprititual ‘sight’ is not as clear as before, the lines seem more blurred…
I guess praying will overcome the situation so I will be able to see things more clear.

I must discern for myself if this is something that needs to be confessed, before taking communion would be a good idea.

Will you pray with me to get a clear mind on this? Thanks

 

[crystal_waters]

I must discern for myself if this is something that needs to be confessed, before taking communion would be a good idea.

/QUOTE]

That kinda behaviour you have been indulging in DEFINATELY needs confessing BEFORE you receive jesus in the holy eucharist…

If you are unsure whether you need confession then say to your priest about being on sex chat and being aroused…i guarantee you he will say you need confession…what you are doing is wrong in so many ways…

Put it this way if you were married would you still be happy to do this and do you think your wife would be happy to let you do this…i bet the answer is a big no!..as its kinda disgusting and cheap to talk sexually to strangers you have never even met …and especially to get aroused by it.

 

[crystal_waters]

QUOTE RichardG

I must discern for myself if this is something that needs to be confessed, before taking communion would be a good idea.

That kinda behaviour you have been indulging in DEFINATELY needs confessing BEFORE you receive jesus in the holy eucharist…

If you are unsure whether you need confession then say to your priest about being on sex chat and being aroused…i guarantee you he will say you need confession…what you are doing is wrong in so many ways…

Put it this way if you were married would you still be happy to do this and do you think your wife would be happy to let you do this…i bet the answer is a big no!..as its kinda disgusting and cheap to talk sexually to strangers you have never even met …and especially to get aroused by it.

 

[RichardG]

That kinda behaviour you have been indulging in DEFINATELY needs confessing BEFORE you receive jesus in the holy eucharist…

If you are unsure whether you need confession then say to your priest about being on sex chat and being aroused…i guarantee you he will say you need confession…what you are doing is wrong in so many ways…

Put it this way if you were married would you still be happy to do this and do you think your wife would be happy to let you do this…i bet the answer is a big no!..as its kinda disgusting and cheap to talk sexually to strangers you have never even met …and especially to get aroused by it.

I guess you’re right, but is it still a mortal sin if I get the feeling of a arousal and say NO I don’t want this? A person can get aroused in a lot of situations, not only on a sexchat.

 

[robwar]

Last few weeks i’ve been on a sexchat to talk with women about sex. Not for my own sexual arousel, because I don’t want to hurt our Lord. But I want this to get a date with someone and to show them it’s not OK to have sex just like that. You can always go there and preach directly about how much God loves us, but this will be ignored directly and you will not get the people to really think about it.

So, my idea is that when you make impressions that you might want to do ‘it’, you get a better chance of meeting one of these people, and then these people will be surprised that you are not really into sex after all, and want to be a bad example. Every chance of getting to meet someone in this way, will also be a time in which they will not be able to get into serious sexual sin.

Of course, sometimes I get te feeling of arousal start, and I say ‘NO I don’t want this’ to myself, that I don’t want to do this

So in short, is it morally justified to talk about sex with other people (without wanting it) to be able to avoid the chance for others to become into sexual sin with others?

richard
i think you mean well but trying to set up dates with women involved in sex chat rooms in order to show them that not having sex is ok is playing with fire. If they are involved in those sorts of things to begin with, they are not going to be interested in morality coming from you who likewise is now involved with these activities. You seem very serious about your faith and morality, it seems as some of the other posters said, you are playing with fire. It like trying to pick up a prostitute in order to tell them that they shouldn’t be doing this. You have compromised yourself by picking up the prostitute or going in sex chat rooms etc. One doesn’t become or give an appearance of immorality if they are trying to preach morality to others. The internet is a dangerous place anyway to pick up someone, male or female. If you are looking for a date yourself, sex chat rooms are not going to be the place to find nice Catholic girls (I hope). You need to back out of this and find other ways to reach others.

 

[tawny]

No, what you are doing is definitely not OK.

First, you are putting yourself, at least, into a near occasion of sin.

Second, you are leading another into the sin of lust, if not worse.

Third, you are being dishonest.

Fourth, Jesus said, “Be holy as your Heavenly Father is Holy.” Visiting sex chat rooms is not the way to live a holy life.

You say you want to enter into a relationship and this is how you intend to enter into one, with a lie? This is not the way to do it. No woman wants to be led on, meet someone, find out they’ve been lied to, get a lecture on morality, and then fall in love with their deceiver. You are the one being deceived, either by yourself or by the devil. Get out of those chat rooms and find a more pure and holy way to meet real women. And visit a confessional on the way.

Well stated.

 

[Miss_Felicity]

So, you are essentially baiting people to then “minister” to them? Don’t do that, its dishonest, and quite frankly pointless. IF you have a call to “minister” to anyone, it will be clearly discernible and it will be something that a spiritual advisor will not balk at. This, this is wrong on more levels than I can name and steps so clearly over the line of harassment sexual and otherwise… DON’T DO THAT AGAIN!!

 

[LongingSoul]

So in short, is it morally justified to talk about sex with other people (without wanting it) to be able to avoid the chance for others to become into sexual sin with others?

If you feel a genuine calling to minister to others regarding sexual chastity and purity, you would be wiser to talk with other men who use these women and sexchats.

Seminaries make a point of helping men deal with the problems that can arise ministering to women, during their priestly formation because it is such a naturally cautionary issue. That is ministering in the normal way also. Not sex chatting.

Put a big effort into solving this quickly, because the enemy can get his clutches into our sexuality and drag us down with his wiles.