Sex

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depressed_kid

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The thought of sex really depresses me. I personally think it’s disgusting & I don’t want anything to do with it…Why would anyone want to do it for pleasure? Of course I hate contraception,but I don’t like NFP (as contraception) either…I think it’s exploiting menstruation, which I regard as sacred…I’d never want to have sex.But anyway, I know everyone in the world disagrees, & that is fine, I don’t try to change what they believe…but it’s everywhere & I can’t get away from it, b/c it’s the truth about how the world is, & that is that…& sometimes it just depresses me, & sometimes ppl (especially online) don’t respect how I feel & try to argue…It doesn’t make sense. Does anyone have any advice? (remember that I’m not trying to change you’re beliefs, but I want to stop being so bothered by this.)
 
We are being bombarded by the deviancy of the sex act and exploitation. When the evil is being championed we naturally would be repulsed.

However, it is really important to realize that God made it good. Made it good for man, children and family. It is our current failure to protect this goodness.

The Theology of the Body might be a good study to help.
 
well i’d like you to know that you’re not alone, i feel the same way,
the reason i’m so repulsed by it is because most attitudes towards sex is “dirty” and i hate that, and i also hate how sex is everywhere, it is very frustrating when you’re trying so hard to be pure,

but i also understand how sex should be, and your right to not want it for yourself, it should be something we do for procreation, and done out of love for your spouse.
when you truly love someone then it won’t repulse you,
because you will want to make your partner feel good and be happy.

but this is also why it is so important to get to know someone real well before getting physical with them, and i don’t just mean knowing things about them or trusting them and being comfortable with them, i mean actually becoming good friends with them and learning to love them deeply,
the reason this is important is because if you start doing physically intimate things, and don’t learn to love them first(and i mean really love them, not just how you feel about them)
then the physical intimacy will be done simply out of sexual desire, and not out of love for the other person,

basically, if you don’t love someone, but you are physically intimate with them, then you are using them, it’s a selfish act, and because it’s for self, it’s also an impure act, which is sinful.

i think the reason you’re so bothered by it is probably because you can really see the evil nature of what everyone is doing, and to stop yourself from being bothered by it is not something that can happen over night,
but you also have to understand that most people really think these things are natural and are good for you, they don’t understand true love and unselfishness, and the reason is mainly conditioning, and lack of knowledge of sin and the church teachings(in regards to catholics)
alot of people honestly do not know what they are doing, and they could very well be seeing you as the one in error.

i think the best advice i can give currently, is to offer up your sufferings now, and pray that God will help you get threw this, ask Him to help you in whatever way He sees best.
i never ask people to offer up their sufferings actually…i feel like i’m telling them to “put up with it” or “suck it up”
but in this case i just want to let you know that i’ve been threw this, and i’m still dealing with it to a point, but in my experience, when i offered up my sufferings, then it wasn’t as hard, and the more i offered it up, the more progress i made.

the best way to get help from God is by prayer and penance.
and God will be more then willing to help you when you’re asking for something that will help you grow spiritually.

ok…hope this has helped somehow.
 
Hey kid, I echo Buffalo’s statement above. Our culture, IMO, has inflated the role of sexuality in life and has debased the physical act itself. I have often been amused that the goal of every hero in the movies, and the happy ending of all modern movies is that the guy gets the girl, often literally. As if that is the end of everything and nothing further or better can be imagined. The destructiveness of illicit sex is never displayed and the most cras behavior and thoughts are drowned in sugar sweet music. You become inculcated almost without effort on your part. If you can’t get with it, you feel isolated or abnormal. Years ago, I had a professor conduct and entire block on the premise that sex is a need in the way food is a need. Mere expericnce would teach you that is not so.

Adults who have led a dissolute life can probably tell you if they’re honest that constant exposure to physical sexuality divorced of its purpose leads to a boredom with if not a revulsion to it. I think that’s because sex is a means, not and end, and if you treat it as an end it doesn’t take you where its supposed to.

So for my two bits, you concentrate on friendship with the other sex and on the work of your life. From friendship, a healthy sexuality grows naturally.
 
depressed_kid said:
The thought of sex really depresses me. I personally think it’s disgusting & I don’t want anything to do with it…Why would anyone want to do it for pleasure? Of course I hate contraception,but I don’t like NFP (as contraception) either…I think it’s exploiting menstruation, which I regard as sacred…I’d never want to have sex.But anyway, I know everyone in the world disagrees, & that is fine, I don’t try to change what they believe…but it’s everywhere & I can’t get away from it, b/c it’s the truth about how the world is, & that is that…& sometimes it just depresses me, & sometimes ppl (especially online) don’t respect how I feel & try to argue…It doesn’t make sense. Does anyone have any advice? (remember that I’m not trying to change you’re beliefs, but I want to stop being so bothered by this.)
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What?

What is your question, again?

You said, “Why would anyone want to do it for pleasure?”
Because sex is a God given way for married people to become more unified as “one flesh”. If it’s not for you, that’s fine. In that case, CERTAINLY don’t bother with it.

You say menstruation is sacred. How is sex (correctly done) any less sacred?

You don’t need to “get away” from sex. You just need to not be bothered by it by seeing it for what it is, which is a sacred thing which the evil-ones use to divert people from obeying God’s rules.

What “advice” would you like to get from us?
 
If this is a serious post, then I’m a little puzzled by your inquiry of “Why would anyone want to do it for pleasure?” If it truly doesn’t seem at all like something you’d want to do, then perhaps you should consult a psychologist. You might be asexual, which means that you have no sexual attraction. It is a rare condition, but one that would not have a profound effect. It actually might make life easier.
 
Why do it for pleasure? That’s an odd question, it’s pretty much the most pleasurable thing to do.
 
depressed kid -
It can be hard to have a healthy attitude towards sex in the kind of cultural environment we live in, especially if you’ve been a victim of any kind of sexual assault or abuse, like so many of us have. It’s very hard to see something as healthy when it’s been used to hurt you, or when you see it wielded as a weapon - the “if you don’t do it, you’re a loser” attitude that prevails among so many teenagers.
I’m married, and I still something have problems with it! It’s not a lack of desire, but a kind of fear. Sex is intimate, and sex can be scary.
One of the prayers I say, which seems to help, is one I saw earlier on CF: “God, please help me to see sex and my spouse the way You see them”. You can omit the last part 🙂 .
Hope this helps. And I hope you feel better - it’s not fun being depressed and 15, especially if you don’t have a lot of family support. I’ve been there, I remember, and I promise - it gets better.
Keeping you in my prayers!
 
Short answer: sex brings new life into the world.

Is sex and sexuality also misused as a tool to dehumanize people too? All the time.
 
CatsAndDogs said:
You say menstruation is sacred. How is sex (correctly done) any less sacred?
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That was my first thought, too. 😉

Sex in it’s proper context is good, and it’s something we all need to understand more fully.

However, I can sympathize with your (the OP’s) feelings. With our culture’s over-emphasis of perverted forms of sexuality, it’s easy to get turned off by the whole thing because something in you sees that what is being promoted is wrong.

Perhaps these feelings indicate a call to celibate life? 😉
 
EmeraldWings said:
when you truly love someone then it won’t repulse you,
because you will want to make your partner feel good and be happy.
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It depends. Not everyone feels that way.
most people really think these things are natural and are good for you, they don’t understand true love and unselfishness, and the reason is mainly conditioning, and lack of knowledge of sin and the church teachings(in regards to catholics)
alot of people honestly do not know what they are doing, and they could very well be seeing you as the one in error.
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True enough. I’ve dealt with people’s asking how to talk their friends into having sex (with a third party or with anyone at all) because they are so intensely drilled all their lives to expect everyone to be having sex, that they see it as the duty of anyone, married or not, adult or not, even someone who doesn’t want to on any level and never did. These people see themselves as the responsible, mature guides of foolish friends who would be confused without them. We live in an upside-down culture where premarital sex is treated as a duty whether we want to or not. Marriage is seen as the end of sex. Pregnancy is seen as a freak accident that is almost the same thing as dying. Sexual experimentation is seen as a sign of civic and social responsibility and intelligence. My advice is first to separate yourself emotionally from any desire to be accepted by mainstream society. Talk to a priest. Think and pray and get plenty of exercise and rest. Don’t have sex until you’re married, respect your body when you are married, and remember that you don’t have to get married at all anyway.
 
When getting down to the biological happenings of sex, it can seem odd and very unpleasant. The sexual act can also appear violent and shameful. I’m not sure how old you are, but I don’t think this is an uncommon sentiment among young people. If you have never been truly in love, it would certainly be difficult to understand how sex could be pleasurable. Don’t stress over this. Pray about it. Follow your heart and try to find what God is calling you to do. Perhaps you should live a celibate life. Maybe you will find love and get married. Either way, you should do some research on married love to get a new perspective on sex. It’s really not as bad as you say. It is a sacred marital act - a renewal of vows. Try reading the book Holy Sex! It might help.:hug3:
 
depressed_kid said:
The thought of sex really depresses me. I personally think it’s disgusting & I don’t want anything to do with it…Why would anyone want to do it for pleasure? Of course I hate contraception,but I don’t like NFP (as contraception) either…I think it’s exploiting menstruation, which I regard as sacred…I’d never want to have sex.But anyway, I know everyone in the world disagrees, & that is fine, I don’t try to change what they believe…but it’s everywhere & I can’t get away from it, b/c it’s the truth about how the world is, & that is that…& sometimes it just depresses me, & sometimes ppl (especially online) don’t respect how I feel & try to argue…It doesn’t make sense. Does anyone have any advice? (remember that I’m not trying to change you’re beliefs, but I want to stop being so bothered by this.)
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Sex is to be a sacred experience. You aren’t the only one in the world that is disgusted by sex and doesn’t want to have sex. Some use sex in sinful ways and others keep it sacred. I personally have never had sex and unless I ever marry won’t have sex. Sex is nothing to be ashamed of though. I respect your opinions and I see no point in trying to make you feel any other way. Thank you for stating your thoughts about this situation. Just remember if you need advise you always have advice here at this forum
 
depressed_kid said:
The thought of sex really depresses me. I personally think it’s disgusting & I don’t want anything to do with it…Why would anyone want to do it for pleasure? Of course I hate contraception,but I don’t like NFP (as contraception) either…I think it’s exploiting menstruation, which I regard as sacred…I’d never want to have sex.But anyway, I know everyone in the world disagrees, & that is fine, I don’t try to change what they believe…but it’s everywhere & I can’t get away from it, b/c it’s the truth about how the world is, & that is that…& sometimes it just depresses me, & sometimes ppl (especially online) don’t respect how I feel & try to argue…It doesn’t make sense. Does anyone have any advice? (remember that I’m not trying to change you’re beliefs, but I want to stop being so bothered by this.)
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Perhaps the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network could be of assistance. If not, you can try Apositive or even the asexual community on LiveJournal.. Just remember that there’s nothing pathological about your feelings and that, despite the seemingly universal obsession with sex you’ve encountered, you’re not alone.
 
depressed_kid said:
The thought of sex really depresses me. I personally think it’s disgusting & I don’t want anything to do with it…Why would anyone want to do it for pleasure? Of course I hate contraception,but I don’t like NFP (as contraception) either…I think it’s exploiting menstruation, which I regard as sacred…I’d never want to have sex.But anyway, I know everyone in the world disagrees, & that is fine, I don’t try to change what they believe…but it’s everywhere & I can’t get away from it, b/c it’s the truth about how the world is, & that is that…& sometimes it just depresses me, & sometimes ppl (especially online) don’t respect how I feel & try to argue…It doesn’t make sense. Does anyone have any advice? (remember that I’m not trying to change you’re beliefs, but I want to stop being so bothered by this.)
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Your parents did it at least once

Kathy
 
I am guessing you are quite young and do not have experience in dating or romantic relationships. Sexual attraction is not something that can be “explained” to someone adequately before they have the maturity and life experience to start understanding it. Give yourself time…there is no reason for you to either be stressed about this or worry about it’s role in your life when clearly you are not at that point yet.
 
depressed_kid said:
The thought of sex really depresses me. I personally think it’s disgusting & I don’t want anything to do with it…Why would anyone want to do it for pleasure? Of course I hate contraception,but I don’t like NFP (as contraception) either…I think it’s exploiting menstruation, which I regard as sacred…I’d never want to have sex.But anyway, I know everyone in the world disagrees, & that is fine, I don’t try to change what they believe…but it’s everywhere & I can’t get away from it, b/c it’s the truth about how the world is, & that is that…& sometimes it just depresses me, & sometimes ppl (especially online) don’t respect how I feel & try to argue…It doesn’t make sense. Does anyone have any advice? (remember that I’m not trying to change you’re beliefs, but I want to stop being so bothered by this.)
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I feel pretty much the same way. Sex is downright revolting. (And yet it’s a temptation at the same time. Why is that? :confused: )
 
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