Sexless marriage help

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Hello all !! I really am not thrilled to be posting this issue… but I’ll make is short and to the point. I’m married to a beautiful 40 year old woman, that blessed me with two boys. My wife has her nerves and stresses , but nothing out of the unordinary. We basically have not been together in years !! What am I to do. I’ve prayed to seems like all the saints … Jesus …Mary etc. I was told the devil delights in this issue , marriage is about many things , but God created sex to keep couples together closer , God basically gave it as a gift and almost requires it What am I to do ? Thanks
 
You should of went to a married councilor years ago ? 🤔
 
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Thank you all so far !! But there is no way she will seek any help from anyone. Basically my wife again who I do love … says we are to old for kids stuff !! It’s on Gods hands I guess
 
Well that’s a cop out answer on her part. If she won’t go for help, will she talk with your priest?

If she won’t go for marriage counseling, you should go to someone on your own.
 
I’ve talked to multiple priests , they all are praying for us. Now I do want to stress , I’m not one of those guys who wants it all the time to satisfy some need. I honestly want a loving connection with the woman I love
 
Ctactor said:
My wife has her nerves and stresses , but nothing out of the unordinary.
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How do you know that? It is entirely possible that she is dealing with something interior. Sounds like individual counseling for both of you and couples counseling could bear fruit.
 
I tried the counseling way she will have no part of it. She just says it’s childish of me to keep asking and to act like an adult and think of adult issues, not child issues.
 
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Thank you all for your kind words. Going to see a
counseling Myself won’t solve a thing, just get me more upset. We need Devine help! As my humble request can you all remember me and my beautiful wife in your prayers , that’s all what’s left , in gods hands
 
Well, you need to tell her point blank that this is an adult issue. It is something very important to you, and she is being childish by pointlessly denying you and refusing to seek help. She is being selfish, and it needs to change.

Is she Catholic? If so, does she know that a wife/husband has an obligation to engage with their partner sexually when asked, assuming there is not a valid reason not to. That may sounds sexist to modern ears, but it has always been the teaching of the Church that husbands and wived have a right to intimacy with their spouse, and that denying them that without good cause is sinful.

Confrontation isn’t fun, but it is sometime necessary.
 
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Taken right out of our Catholic online resources:

Sex and the Married Woman - Featured Today - Catholic Online

By Cheryl Dickow My first job after college graduation was as a 'Training Specialist' ...
www.catholic.org www.catholic.org

I will admit right here and now that I’m not big on statistics. It seems that just about anyone can find at least one study done by some particular group or another that will support an argument being put forth. So, I am positive there are studies that will show that many women have stopped having sexual relations with their husband after 15 years of marriage while others will say some enjoy an active sex life well into their 50th year of marriage. But let’s face it, many of us know of someone - and that someone might be you – for whom marital sex has become a “chore” or is no longer part of the marriage. Or, it may occur once a month or every other month. I know many such women, all with varying reasons, for whom sex is non-existent or barely existent within their marriage.

But is this good for the woman? The marriage? What does this say to the husband? The Catechism of the Catholic Church # 2332 states:

Sexuality affects all aspects of the human person in the unity of his body and soul. It especially concerns affectivity, the capacity to love and procreate, and in a more general way the aptitude for forming bonds of communion with others.

In regards to the sexual nature of the married man and woman there is a bond that forms, and continues to develop, that will be unlike any other bond that this same man and woman would be able to form with any other person. To deny the development of this bond is to deny a unique communion of these two people who will otherwise never be able to know such a bond on earth. In other words, the physical intimacy of their union is such that nothing else will ever be like it or will ever produce the same results - whether this means children or an intimacy experienced that is holy and from God.
 
JPII taught very clearly on the “gift of self” and when a woman understands that gift of self has many dimensions, she will also see that one of those dimensions is the physical way in which she can give herself to her husband. A husband, then, also has obligations as the “receiver” of this gift. Jewish law teaches that a man who pleases his wife is doing a mitzvah - a good deed. This teaching is many thousands of years old and clearly based upon the understanding that God created the martial union for the pleasure of both husband and wife but also in the ways in which it elevates them as pro-creators with God. The rules and regulations of sexual intimacy between a Jewish husband and wife are many and are meant for their mutual benefit. Of those laws there are specific ones in regards to what is not acceptable. This includes exploitation, rape, incest, coercion, or subjugation of another person.

Sex within a marriage is considered sacred. Jewish teaching says that it is a sin not to enjoy sexual intimacy within marriage.

If we can collectively agree that the need to practice self-control is a given part of man’s nature - and we are specifically speaking about “man,” then wives should feel an obligation to at least consider ways in which their denial of sex puts undue strain upon the expectation of a husband’s fidelity. While this does not give a man freedom to place blame on a woman for his infidelity, it does make it necessary for a woman to take responsibility for her decisions regarding withholding sex in a marriage.
 
My wife is very much Catholic. One if the most church going women I’ve ever met !! That’s what made me fall in love with her and wanting to be with her for the rest of my life ! She prays every day , and church every Sunday and obligated days. That’s what I do t get , my wife should know that this is an important part of a marriage , not everything , but is a part of to keep two people connected in a special and holy way. That’s all I want is that connection!! I need our hearts to be one , and not have a roommate relationship, or I’m afraid that we will drift apart in due time
 
Ctactor said:
I tried the counseling way she will have no part of it. She just says it’s childish of me to keep asking and to act like an adult and think of adult issues, not child issues.
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That answer must be very frustrating to hear. My wife and I are in our 40s, and we are still intimate frequently. It is a very important part of our marriage. And I understand that many married couples still engage in the marital act into their 60s, 70s, or beyond. The marital act is very much an adult thing, not a child thing.

You should let her know how important this is to you, but I’m sure you already have. Beyond that, I’m not sure what you can do if she is determined not to change her mind, other than pray. Maybe there is some way that a trusted female friend who is married could talk to your wife about this? But it would be hard for you to arrange that in a way that would not be awkward, or that would not be sharing too much information that shouldn’t be shared. I wish I had a good answer for you.
 
If she is a faithful woman, then perhaps the Cathechism can help:

V. THE GOODS AND REQUIREMENTS OF CONJUGAL LOVE
1643 "Conjugal love involves a totality, in which all the elements of the person enter - appeal of the body and instinct, power of feeling and affectivity, aspiration of the spirit and of will. It aims at a deeply personal unity, a unity that, beyond union in one flesh, leads to forming one heart and soul; it demands indissolubility and faithfulness in definitive mutual giving; and it is open to fertility. In a word it is a question of the normal characteristics of all natural conjugal love, but with a new significance which not only purifies and strengthens them, but raises them to the extent of making them the expression of specifically Christian values."152
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I know it’s in here somewhere that a spouse may not withhold sexual intercourse without good reason, but I cannot find it right now. Hopefully someone else knows the paragraph number.
 
No medical issues other than your typical stress of ordinary life caring and providing for me and my boys that I appreciate
 
Have you already gone for counseling alone that you know it won’t help? You are mistaken. One half of a marriage getting help is better than no one going for help. The fact that you even think that way shows you do not have an understanding of how it can help you.
 
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