Sexless marriage help

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All these appeals to documents are really not going to help her if she is dealing with some sort of interior trauma that affects her sex life.

While it is possible that sex is just not a priority for her, it is also possible that there is something else going on.
 
I agree, but if she really is a faithful woman trying to live according to the teachings of the Church, these documents may cause her to reconsider her position and seek out counselling.
 
ProdglArchitect said:
I know it’s in here somewhere that a spouse may not withhold sexual intercourse without good reason, but I cannot find it right now. Hopefully someone else knows the paragraph number.
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I’m not sure if this is discussed in the Catechism of the Catholic Church or not, but St. Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians says this:
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not rule over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not rule over his own body, but the wife does. Do not refuse one another except perhaps by agreement for a season, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, lest Satan tempt you through lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)
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Yes I have read that many times and pray about it. Thank you
 
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Have you talked about cuddling without the expectation of sex happening? Now, as a man I can say there is a frustration curve with this, but it worked for us. Low level intimacy tends to burn well.
 
How was your use of NFP? Were any of your children a surprise?

Was there a lot of abstinence when trying to avoid?

If so I’m wondering if she has the idea that sex is only for conceiving. That is of course incorrect, but it may be something she has picked up.

Other possibilities are she may be getting her fertility hard to track or if you have had a surprise be terrified of getting pregnant.
 
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No. Our children were miracles and we wanted children. We were blessed onnthat end
 
So, really, that is your thinking?
You dismiss anything everyone says here and are just going to sit there and do nothing?
 
I really have no advice other than what others have already covered. So I can do is pray. I will pray for you my Brother.
 
Ctactor said:
We basically have not been together in years
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It is a difficulty of many marriages and there are no guarantees in marriage regarding this. There should be no compulsion, anxiety, or guilt in marital relations, so any of those could be a source of problems.
 
Cuddle.
Can you cuddle without the expectation of sex?
Watch a movie. Press her close, caress her hair? Talking at close range can be very intimate.
Make a date. Wear some cologne and makeup. But don’t expect sex.

Many times these matters are practical, not just emotional.
Have a plan together. You are not going to ask for sex or expect it. She doesn’t have to deny you.
Just be together with no pressure.

My wife and I did this for about a month once and we discovered we had some things to talk about before things were going to fully sexual.
 
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Marriage is give and get… it was right if you to abstain during her physical trials…it is not right to withhold sexual intimacy if those physical obstacles have been removed… not right at all

Prayer for you my friend …
 
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“Something is afoot!”

― Arthur Conan Doyle, The Return of Sherlock Holmes
 
This is not the response of a sexually mature adult. Certainly not a Catholic one where one vows one’s body to the other. Perpetual unilateral withdrawal of sexual openness is a serious matter that needs to be justified with a very good reason.

Not is it a healthy sign that she will not have her views challenged by an objective outsider. There is clearly an issue here. Some women are simply asexual for example but take a long while to realise it and often use menopause as an excuse.

However you may have to live with the fact that your wife finds sex at best a chore, at worst abhorrent. However I do believe you have the right to hear that if this is the reason. It wont make your predicament a lot better but at least you will know why you are being asked to make this great sacrifice. Your wife4 also needs to realise the serious risks she is subjecting her marriage to by forcing this upon you. “Remedy for concupiscence” has always been an end of marriage and if a horse cannot feed at home it may seek food elsewhere. That is a reality your wife needs to think about…not that you would ever intend that but it will become a “burn” that St Paul warned about.

I suggest a Catholic counsellor. Approach one by yourself first and ask advice on how you might go about a “family confrontation/intervention” on this issue if its that important to you. A pastorally oriented priest may be able to advise you of such a counsellor. A woman would probably be best.
Good luck and God bless.
 
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Tatum said:
I suggest a Catholic counsellor. Approach one by yourself first and ask advice on how you might go about a “family confrontation/intervention” on this issue if its that important to you.
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This is very good advice. And if you don’t mind talking to a counselor over the phone rather than face to face, I would suggest the tele-counseling services offered by the Pastoral Solutions Institute (Dr. Greg Popcak’s organization). Here is a link to their web site:

https://www.catholiccounselors.com/services/

I know someone who has done counseling with them, and from what I understand, the counselor was very good.
 
ProdglArchitect said:
Is she Catholic? If so, does she know that a wife/husband has an obligation to engage with their partner sexually when asked, assuming there is not a valid reason not to. That may sounds sexist to modern ears, but it has always been the teaching of the Church that husbands and wived have a right to intimacy with their spouse, and that denying them that without good cause is sinful.

Confrontation isn’t fun, but it is sometime necessary.
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While true (with nuances), I’m not sure this would ever go down well when presented by one spouse to another who is not already “on board”.
 
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Would she be willing to go on a marriage weekend retreat? Most states have at least one a year.
 
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