Sexless marriage .. help?

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Thank you for the advice. But if I mention this to her family members … she will blow a fuse !! I already know. All I truly have left is kind people such as yourself to pray for me and my wife. The only person I can talk to about this is God , who I know hears me but testing my faith thank you !!
 
Not a good idea. You should NEVER get your parents or ILs involved in your marriage. A parent’s instinct is to protect a child
 
tafan2 said:
respect
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Much too absolute statement. I have direct experience to the contrary. I will admit my suggestion was a little extreme, but the OP’s situation is extreme. And I was not saying in-laws as much as I was saying someone whom she respects and will listen to.
 
Book of James tells us when we are tested/tempted, not to blame it on God.
 
Is there a history of sexual trauma in your wife’s past. That can have a devastating impact on intimacy in a marriage. Even if she never told you doesn’t mean something never occurred. You might also consider a trial separation. Living by yourself might be better than living with rejection and she might get the hint that something is wrong. Right now she is getting everything she wants, so why should she change? This is an issue worth fighting over, in my opinion.
 
No sexual past issues, she always enjoyed it. As I mentioned here. I couldn’t keep up with my wife in the past. And separation is not what god wants … and we have two young ones. But thank you for your advice
 
Ctactor said:
No sexual past issues, she always enjoyed it. As I mentioned here. I couldn’t keep up with my wife in the past. And separation is not what god wants … and we have two young ones. But thank you for your advice
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Just because she enjoyed sex in the past does not mean she did not experience sexual trauma at some point in her life. Some people find it so scaring that they cannot admit it themselves. They will do anything to avoid acknowledging that the trauma ever happened.
 
Praying for you both
Hail Mary,
Full of grace,
The Lord is with Thee.
Blessed art Thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb,
Jesus
Holy Mary
Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners,
Now and at the hour of death, Amen
 
@Ctactor,

You know better than us, so if you say that your wife had not experience sexual trauma, it’s probably right.

Just for your knowledge, consequences of sexual trauma can be appear very long after, even years, and not be immediate.
And you should have a larger understanding of sexual trauma than just rape by a man in the usual mamner. It can be more subtle, and include medical events.

Others thoughts:
  • have you resumed sexual unions following the last birth? How did it go after each birth? Birth and childrearing can impairs intimate life.
  • If you don’t have sex, that’s means that both of you, or at least her, don’t want babies anymore. Otherwise, you will have it. So, have you consider the possibility that your wife don’t want to have sex in order to have a 100% sucess in NOT having children, because she is not open to life at all? And don’t trust NFP or other form of contraception, or opposed to it. It may be completely logical.
  • if she is very devout, the possibility that now that she had had the children she wants, she doesn’t see the point of having intercourse anymore is completly possible. As lon as there is no openess to babies, the justification of sex disapears. So the desire erode. It has nothing to do with how the pervious intimate life was happy or not. It happens to some women or catholics couples.
  • she may be completely taken with her busy routine, and the sexual interest disapears. And your romantic relation too. Perhaps you have miss some things, and don’t entertain the love enough at a point, as you may have seen your relationship as a guarantee.
    Women need love care on a daily basis! Otherwise she may become seriously unhappy.
I want also underline some point. You writte that she is absorbed by making much more money. Are the traditional roles are not inversed? It is up to the family’s head, so the man, to worry about money and finances, and work much more to earn more. Not the woman.
In many families, it works still like that.
  • So, why it is your wife who have to worry, and not you?
  • Is her worries are, in your opinion justified or not? (are you in debt, cannot support your lifestyle etc?)
  • if the worry is justify, why do you let her work more instead of you?
Your wife seems to assume all the role, work, money, housework, children. If it is true, no wonder why she may have no interest of sex.She may be exhauted. Simply.
 
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Thsnks for all the advice. But so all here know. It’s 50/50 doing house stuff and caring for our boys. I do above average salary wise … And NOOOO no sexual trauma from any past relationships zero … trust me on that. It’s like a switch that just shut off. She might have a form of depression possibly, my only guess … just don’t know. From daily relations to zero
 
Were any of the births of your children traumatic? This could include things such as forceps or vacuum delivery, induction, augmentation, episiotomy, preterm birth, emergency C-section, or postpartum complications. Some women actually develop PTSD as a result of birth trauma. It’s possible she may not want to go through it again so is avoiding intercourse because of that.
 
YoungCatholicGuy said:
This is church teaching PJH74

You disagree with the Magisterium of the Church?

There is no sin involved with informing one’s spouse about what the Church’s teaching on a matter is.
Especially when the church teaches something is a mortal sin.
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Aren’t you very young and not married? When you have been married for a few years, you will be more credible when you decide to make speeches on threads about people’s marriages. Until then, it’s best if we just tactfully ignore you.
 
I think the most concerning issue is that she doesn’t want to seek help. It could indicate that there is something she doesn’t want to delve into. It also could suggest that she is afraid that someone is going to tell her something she doesn’t want to hear. She has to be careful she doesn’t win the battle but lose the war.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
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YoungCatholicGuy:
This is church teaching PJH74

You disagree with the Magisterium of the Church?

There is no sin involved with informing one’s spouse about what the Church’s teaching on a matter is.
Especially when the church teaches something is a mortal sin.
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Aren’t you very young and not married? When you have been married for a few years, you will be more credible when you decide to make speeches on threads about people’s marriages. Until then, it’s best if we just tactfully ignore you.
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While I would agree that there is no sin in telling someone they are not following Church teaching, it probably won’t help either. In these types of situations there are few good alternatives.
 
Have you ever sat down and looked at yourself? These things do not happen in a vacuum. Do you see anything in your words, actions, physical self, that could have at least contributed?

I hope you have made that appointment with your pastor for the both of you to sit down and talk.
 
TheLittleLady said:
Or it could be that we are hearing only one side of the story.
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That is true too. But it is odd that she wants to be make an unreasonable demand and then not seek help for it. It would seem that there is something she is running from. I mean if it was just because the guy is a jerk then you would think she would want to go to counseling.
 
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