Sexless Marriage?

  • Thread starter Thread starter MainBrain
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
M

MainBrain

Guest
This is a serious question.
What is a husband to do when he finds himself in a sexless marriage?
Is he to suffer for the rest of his life and offer it up?
I don’t see that as a viable alternative in the long run. He’s bound to fall.
 
Why is it sexless? Can the lack of relations be addressed or remedied?
 
This is a serious question.
What is a husband to do when he finds himself in a sexless marriage?
When this happens to a husband or a wife, they should work with their spouse to resolve the issue. Is it a physical issue? Mental issue? Emotional issue? Due to age/illness? Etc.

Something has changed. Together they should work through it if possible, with the help of a Catholic counselor or pastor if necessary.
Is he to suffer for the rest of his life and offer it up?
He may be called to offer up his desires if his wife is no longer able to have intercourse due to age/infirmity or some other issue. A wife may be called to do the same.
I don’t see that as a viable alternative in the long run.
Why not?
He’s bound to fall.
We all have free will. “Bound” to fail? No. May choose to fail.
 
The Apostle Paul teaches that it is “our duty” to have sex with our spouse in marriage. It is very wrong for a spouse to deny it to the other on a regular basis.

I personally, after five years of marriage without sex and her saying “I’ll never have sex with you again!”, thought to myself that I would continue to be tempted and didn’t want to go continue that way, so I decided to divorce.

I’m not proud of weakness, but I also know that she had a big part in the situation. It’s better for me not to be married, really, because I “expect” to have sex with my wife in marriage.

In Scripture, God says, “I hate divorce,” and also, “I am witness [between husband and wife]”, so it’s a definite failure on our part.
 
If a husband finds himself in a sexless marriage there might be a case for having the marriage annulled.

The contract is defective of contract, if it was not a marriage that was contracted, such as if there was a defect of intent on either side. This can occur if either party lacked the intent to enter into a lifelong, exclusive union, open to reproduction. In the Church’s understanding, the marriage contract can also only be between a woman and a man.

For annulment, proof is required of the existence of one of these defects, since Canon law presumes all marriages are valid until proven otherwise
 
If a husband finds himself in a sexless marriage there might be a case for having the marriage annulled.

The contract is defective of contract, if it was not a marriage that was contracted, such as if there was a defect of intent on either side. This can occur if either party lacked the intent to enter into a lifelong, exclusive union, open to reproduction. In the Church’s understanding, the marriage contract can also only be between a woman and a man.

For annulment, proof is required of the existence of one of these defects, since Canon law presumes all marriages are valid until proven otherwise
This is not accurate. Refusing the marital debt can be grave matter, but it does not create grounds for nullity unless this intention was present from the beginning, before the marriage occurred. Refusal to consummate the marriage can be grounds for dissolution of the bond by the Pope. It might also result in a nullity case if there were psychological issues or a case of impotence.
 
Is he to suffer for the rest of his life and offer it up?
I don’t see that as a viable alternative in the long run. He’s bound to fall.
Yes. Better or Worse… Sorry, but you got worse, you don’t get out of it just because the worst is worse than you thought. (more important is the WHY)

Your second line here really troubles me. You dont NEED sex. People don’t die from celibacy.
 
You dont NEED sex. People don’t die from celibacy.
LOL - I’m still here - and celibate since 1995. My husband had prostate cancer. For a while I thought I’d rather not have him and have sex, now I’d rather have him and do without the sex.

IF there is communication and spirituality, a marriage can continue and be fulfilling. If the lack of sex is a symptom of something else gone wrong in a marriage, you probably need counseling.

I’ll admit it took me a long time to get to this point (I’m a slow learner), but it’s worth it. :love:
 
Yes. Better or Worse… Sorry, but you got worse, you don’t get out of it just because the worst is worse than you thought. (more important is the WHY)

Your second line here really troubles me. You dont NEED sex. People don’t die from celibacy.
It is one thing if a spouse can no longer have sex. Yes, it’s hard, but the bond you have is still there.

It’s another thing if you have an able-bodied spouse who refuses you. That kind of selfishness and rejection can destroy marriages and cause serious damage to an individual.

Personally, I would leave. Part of being married is sex, and if you have no interest in sex or fixing whatever problem is causing this rejection then you clearly don’t have an interest in being married.
 
Yes. Better or Worse… Sorry, but you got worse, you don’t get out of it just because the worst is worse than you thought. (more important is the WHY)

Your second line here really troubles me. You dont NEED sex. People don’t die from celibacy.
This quote is worrisome. We human beings have needs, among which are sexual needs. We have been programmed to need food, sleep and sex. Who can say that someone else has to suppress the search for satisfaction of any of our human needs? You can’t say: “you don’t need to sleep” because the body will do what it has to do to survive… In the case of sex, the personal need for intimacy serves the species when it produces the next generation…so humanity survives.
Of course, then faced with limitations, we need to make just decisions that serve us and others. What I do say here is that this is a real challenge, because by denying sexual company to a spouse one is frustrating a basic need and also failing on the generational transmission. There are individual reasons, of course, but I wanted to look at the environment of the problem.
People don’t die of celibacy, or course, but the personal development produced by a loving relationship that includes good sex, is twarted.
Here is a book I found useful:amazon.com/Escaping-The-Sexless-Marriage-ebook/dp/B00DAGYN9A
 
This quote is worrisome. We human beings have needs, among which are sexual needs. We have been programmed to need food, sleep and sex. Who can say that someone else has to suppress the search for satisfaction of any of our human needs? You can’t say: “you don’t need to sleep” because the body will do what it has to do to survive… In the case of sex, the personal need for intimacy serves the species when it produces the next generation…so humanity survives.
Of course, then faced with limitations, we need to make just decisions that serve us and others. What I do say here is that this is a real challenge, because by denying sexual company to a spouse one is frustrating a basic need and also failing on the generational transmission. There are individual reasons, of course, but I wanted to look at the environment of the problem.
People don’t die of celibacy, or course, but the personal development produced by a loving relationship that includes good sex, is twarted.
Here is a book I found useful:amazon.com/Escaping-The-Sexless-Marriage-ebook/dp/B00DAGYN9A
We NEED food. We NEED sleep. We may DESIRE / WANT / CRAVE sex. I hope the essential difference is clear.
 
The Apostle Paul teaches that it is “our duty” to have sex with our spouse in marriage. It is very wrong for a spouse to deny it to the other on a regular basis.
The OP has not given us enough information for us to know what is going on, whether the wife is simply refusing (and even then, there may be legitimate reasons on her part) or whether she is ill and can’t.

Let’s not all get into an argument about this before we even know the whole story. 😊
 
The OP has not given us enough information for us to know what is going on, whether the wife is simply refusing (and even then, there may be legitimate reasons on her part) or whether she is ill and can’t.

Let’s not all get into an argument about this before we even know the whole story. 😊
Correct. Without context, I suggest there is very little to be said in answer to the OP. if the OP wishes to solicit helpful responses, relevant to the situation, I assume they will provide the context.
 
This is a serious question.
What is a husband to do when he finds himself in a sexless marriage?
Is he to suffer for the rest of his life and offer it up?
I don’t see that as a viable alternative in the long run. He’s bound to fall.
Depends on why its sexless, as others have said - context here is everything. Assuming its an act of will, not a physical restriction on the part of a spouse, first responsibility would be to resolve the issue with ones spouse. If after doing everything possible it becomes apparent that the spouse really wants to live as brother and sister well, then it becomes a matter of whether you have children and taking care of them.

Then, the next logical issue is if she wants to treat you as a brother vice a spouse, if you can’t count on her to be there for you, is living without this sister better than living with them?

However, even if you move out you are not freed from the vows you took. Its simply a matter of living a celibate life, but not under the delusion that this ‘spouse’ has your back in life when they really don’t.

Again, living separately does not alleviate you from upholding your vows since your are married.
 
Thanks for your feedback. It’s been months since we had sex. She said she can honestly live without it. I have been so depressed I have not begged for it. This sure seems like reason for divorce. But I have no way out of this marriage since I can’t support myself.
 
It is one thing if a spouse can no longer have sex. Yes, it’s hard, but the bond you have is still there.

It’s another thing if you have an able-bodied spouse who refuses you. That kind of selfishness and rejection can destroy marriages and cause serious damage to an individual.

Personally, I would leave. Part of being married is sex, and if you have no interest in sex or fixing whatever problem is causing this rejection then you clearly don’t have an interest in being married.
I think steps of retaliation or response (“I would leave”) need to be put on hold until the cause and context is identified. The OP has shared nothing of this.

I tend to agree with your last sentence, subject to confirming the assumptions it makes.
 
I think steps of retaliation or response (“I would leave”) need to be put on hold until the cause and context is identified. The OP has shared nothing of this.

I tend to agree with your last sentence, subject to confirming the assumptions it makes.
I see I have two threads here on the subject. Sorry about that.
My wife has lost interest in sex every since we got married. For 14 years it’s been begging after begging on my part.
 
Thanks for your feedback. It’s been months since we had sex. She said she can honestly live without it. I have been so depressed I have not begged for it. This sure seems like reason for divorce. But I have no way out of this marriage since I can’t support myself.
This caught my eye “I have no way out of this marriage since I can’t support myself.” That could be a clue. Has she supported you all or most of your marriage? Why can you not support yourself? We have not heard your wife’s “take” on things but I know if my hubby could not support himself let alone me (without reasons beyond his control) my respect for him would be out the window. Perhaps she can’t see you as a man but as a boy. For anyone other than a practicing Catholic, closing the marriage bed is justifiable.

Annie
 
This caught my eye “I have no way out of this marriage since I can’t support myself.” That could be a clue. Has she supported you all or most of your marriage? Why can you not support yourself? We have not heard your wife’s “take” on things but I know if my hubby could not support himself let alone me (without reasons beyond his control) my respect for him would be out the window. Perhaps she can’t see you as a man but as a boy. For anyone other than a practicing Catholic, closing the marriage bed is justifiable.

Annie
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top