Sexless Marriage?

[MainBrain]

Could you talk with her protestant pastor??? Does she agree with the fact of talking with him?

I’m not sure if she would agree. I can always ask. But I doubt she would agree to it. It might be too embarrassing for her. I can still ask. I suggested marriage counseling. But she always has an excuse why not to. Right now it’s money. Even when we are doing well financially it’s something else. To be honest, I have procrastinated with seeking therapy. But I am making an appointment today for MYSELF.

I Think the bottom line is my wife is not attracted to me in any way.

 

[The_Bucket]

Or did I misunderstand you. Do you mean I have done nothing to get this rejection from my wife,

That. I meant you may have not caused her psychological or spiritual injury. It could be entirely her own issue.

But again, there’s nothing you can do about that. You can only pray for her and improve yourself. Improving yourself might help your relationship. It might not. But it’s something you do have control over, so it’s best to start there.

 

[MainBrain]

That. I meant you may have not caused her psychological or spiritual injury. It could be entirely her own issue.

But again, there’s nothing you can do about that. You can only pray for her and improve yourself. Improving yourself might help your relationship. It might not. But it’s something you do have control over, so it’s best to start there.

Okay thanks for helping me understand. I thought so.
She always uses my mood swings as the reason. But that’s a cop out. I go weeks and months without moods swings. But she always uses it as an EXCUSE to not do what she doesn’t want to do. I can go the next 20 years without a mood swing and she will still use it as an excuse. And I can think of nothing that would make a man moody than not being allowed to have sex with his wife.

 

[The_Bucket]

To be honest, I have procrastinated with seeking therapy. But I am making an appointment today for MYSELF.

That’s good. You can only improve yourself. You can’t change her.

I Think the bottom line is my wife is not attracted to me in any way.

That sounds like projection and that’s part and parcel of why I suggested you focus on you. You feel bad about yourself, you have intimacy struggles… so you assume she’s not attracted to you. Because you’re not attracted to you! You say to yourself “I don’t have a good job, I’m out of shape, our sex life is lousy… my wife must not love me or be attracted to me.” It’s a logical conclusion, yes? But it’s projection because you have no idea what she actually thinks.

None of us really know what another person thinks. We can only glean ideas or make assumptions.

So yes, make that therapy appointment. Keep your chin up about the job hunt. Get in the gym more. Be a better father (I’m not saying you’re not good, I’m saying we can always do better). Even if you encounter setbacks on the job front, develop your skills across the board. Take up a new and cheap hobby. Do some free online coursework or train yourself to do new things. It will keep you busy and it you will be accomplishing something. That’s important stuff and it will bolster your feeling of self worth.

And brother, we might not all have the same struggles, but we’ve all been there in terms of feeling lousy about ourselves. Remember that you are a child of God and He loves you just as much as everyone else. The richest guy in the world, the poorest guy in the world, the nicest guy, the meanest… all of us are equally loved by the Lord.

 

[MainBrain]

That’s good. You can only improve yourself. You can’t change her.

That sounds like projection and that’s part and parcel of why I suggested you focus on you. You feel bad about yourself, you have intimacy struggles… so you assume she’s not attracted to you. Because you’re not attracted to you! You say to yourself “I don’t have a good job, I’m out of shape, our sex life is lousy… my wife must not love me or be attracted to me.” It’s a logical conclusion, yes? But it’s projection because you have no idea what she actually thinks.

None of us really know what another person thinks. We can only glean ideas or make assumptions.

So yes, make that therapy appointment. Keep your chin up about the job hunt. Get in the gym more. Be a better father (I’m not saying you’re not good, I’m saying we can always do better). Even if you encounter setbacks on the job front, develop your skills across the board. Take up a new and cheap hobby. Do some free online coursework or train yourself to do new things. It will keep you busy and it you will be accomplishing something. That’s important stuff and it will bolster your feeling of self worth.

And brother, we might not all have the same struggles, but we’ve all been there in terms of feeling lousy about ourselves. Remember that you are a child of God and He loves you just as much as everyone else. The richest guy in the world, the poorest guy in the world, the nicest guy, the meanest… all of us are equally loved by the Lord.

Great suggestions. Will do. Thank you.