Sexual Addiction and Confession

[Mark86]

I suffer with sexual addiction, and so I normally go to confession about two or three times a week as a result. Every time I genuinely desire to go forward and sin no more, but my body has other plans and eventually I fall back into the cycle. Recently I went to confession, confessed all my sins and left, went home that night and fell back into my addiction. I felt bad about it as usual so the next morning I jumped back in the car and drove back and went to confession again… and I explained the whole thing to the priest, just as I always do… I always explain that I suffer with a sexual addiction (and yes, I am in a recovery program for it as well).

This time though, after hearing that I had been to confession two days in a row due to this sin, the priest said something I had never heard before… usually the priests just say “Be sorry for all your sins and trust in his mercy and for your penance, three Our Fathers and three Hail Marys” …etc. But this priest said that in my case, because of the extent of the addiction, it doesn’t sound like serious mortal sin, and that my real problem may be a lack of trust in God’s mercy. He talked about how God views us like we would view a tree that has a few bad fruits on it, and he said “you wouldn’t chop the whole tree down just because it has a few bad fruits, you’d prune away the bad fruits.” And went on to say that God understands the addiction and understands where my heart is, and how God knows that there’s more to me than just this addiction. He said the fact that I’m trying to recover, the fact that I’m going to confession…etc. are all things that God takes into account in my case and how all of them mean more to God than the sin itself.

Needless to say, I felt a great burden lifted like I hadn’t ever felt before in the year or so I’ve been Catholic… not because I want an excuse to masturbate (far from it!), but just a break from feeling like I’m first in line to HELL every other day actually feels nice for a change.

I’m just wondering what to do with this advice. If a priest in confession says that as long as I’m working toward recovery, which I am, that it’s not “mortal” (in my case), does that mean that it’s really not mortal? And if that’s the case, what does that mean exactly? Does that mean my addiction to masturbation is venial? And yes, the priest did say “in your case it’s not mortal, or as serious as it normally would be.”

I have difficulty trusting that.

 

[robertmidwest]

Section 2352 of the catechism

To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety, or other psychological or social factors that can lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.

You can trust he knows what he is talking about.

 

[MaryT777]

Yes, trust In your priest by all means. He sounds like a wonderful man who knew of your struggles and wanted to help alleviate the stress you had about having what you felt was near chronic mortal sin on your soul.

He sounds amazing to me; very kind and intuitive and My prayers as you battle your addiction that you may find strength and peace.

Mary.

 

[Jon_S_1]

I suffer with sexual addiction, and so I normally go to confession about two or three times a week as a result. Every time I genuinely desire to go forward and sin no more, but my body has other plans and eventually I fall back into the cycle. Recently I went to confession, confessed all my sins and left, went home that night and fell back into my addiction. I felt bad about it as usual so the next morning I jumped back in the car and drove back and went to confession again… and I explained the whole thing to the priest, just as I always do… I always explain that I suffer with a sexual addiction (and yes, I am in a recovery program for it as well).

This time though, after hearing that I had been to confession two days in a row due to this sin, the priest said something I had never heard before… usually the priests just say “Be sorry for all your sins and trust in his mercy and for your penance, three Our Fathers and three Hail Marys” …etc. But this priest said that in my case, because of the extent of the addiction, it doesn’t sound like serious mortal sin, and that my real problem may be a lack of trust in God’s mercy. He talked about how God views us like we would view a tree that has a few bad fruits on it, and he said “you wouldn’t chop the whole tree down just because it has a few bad fruits, you’d prune away the bad fruits.” And went on to say that God understands the addiction and understands where my heart is, and how God knows that there’s more to me than just this addiction. He said the fact that I’m trying to recover, the fact that I’m going to confession…etc. are all things that God takes into account in my case and how all of them mean more to God than the sin itself.

Needless to say, I felt a great burden lifted like I hadn’t ever felt before in the year or so I’ve been Catholic… not because I want an excuse to masturbate (far from it!), but just a break from feeling like I’m first in line to HELL every other day actually feels nice for a change.

I’m just wondering what to do with this advice. If a priest in confession says that as long as I’m working toward recovery, which I am, that it’s not “mortal” (in my case), does that mean that it’s really not mortal? And if that’s the case, what does that mean exactly? Does that mean my addiction to masturbation is venial? And yes, the priest did say “in your case it’s not mortal, or as serious as it normally would be.”

I have difficulty trusting that.

I hope that since you struggle so much in this area you have read the Catechism regarding it! If not I will post it below. Take note of the bolded part:

2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. "Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action."138 “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of "the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved."139

To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.

So your priest has determined that you have a lessoned culpability due to an addiction, what does this mean?

Well your masturbation is still grave matter, but he is saying you are incapable of freely choosing to stop masturbating because you are an addict. Like a heroine addict cannot stop taking heroine even though they are homeless no job on the verge of death.

You must be able to freely choose to commit mortal sin.

So, follow your priests advice, continue rooting this out and go to confession regularly still.

You need to actively work on overcoming this, if you are truly addicted it will likely take counselor to help you.

 

[Mark86]

So, follow your priests advice, continue rooting this out and go to confession regularly still.

I’ve been abstaining from communion until now because of this. As I’ve noted in other threads in the past, the frequency of my sexual missteps (on account of my very real and very maddening sexual addiction) has often caused me to skip Communion. In fact, I can very rarely ever take it as a result simply because I can’t physically last long enough from the time of Confession to a time where I can take it. I often get blasted with a rush of intense desires that actually leave me bed-ridden and unable to move sometimes. All my will is given over to fighting the temptations and I end up with none left to spare to “will” anything else for myself. That’s what I mean by “addiction.” It really is an addiction. It’s terrible.

So if the moral culpability is reduced in my case due to these circumstances, would I still be able to take Communion? (I’m not looking to add sin upon sin here, but just to clarify)…

 

[Jon_S_1]

I’ve been abstaining from communion until now because of this. As I’ve noted in other threads in the past, the frequency of my sexual missteps (on account of my very real and very maddening sexual addiction) has often caused me to skip Communion. In fact, I can very rarely ever take it as a result simply because I can’t physically last long enough from the time of Confession to a time where I can take it. I often get blasted with a rush of intense desires that actually leave me bed-ridden and unable to move sometimes. All my will is given over to fighting the temptations and I end up with none left to spare to “will” anything else for myself. That’s what I mean by “addiction.” It really is an addiction. It’s terrible.

So if the moral culpability is reduced in my case due to these circumstances, would I still be able to take Communion? (I’m not looking to add sin upon sin here, but just to clarify)…

Talk to your pastor about it. I cannot answer that. I personally would want a guilt free conscience before taking communion and as pure a heart as possible. Perhaps you can do Saturday night confession followed by vigil mass so you are certain.

Can I ask what you are doing to get help for this?

 

[Mark86]

Talk to your pastor about it. I cannot answer that. I personally would want a guilt free conscience before taking communion and as pure a heart as possible. Perhaps you can do Saturday night confession followed by vigil mass so you are certain.

Personally, I agree with you. Sacrilege is something I take very seriously, almost to overly-scrupulous ends.

Unfortunately my work schedule makes it impossible to go to confession on Saturdays or else I would. Luckily, thanks be to God, there’s a shrine nearby where they offer Confession during the day, every day of the week, so that’s where I (and most of the diocese it seems!) goes. There’s always long lines. lol

Can I ask what you are doing to get help for this?

I’m actually in the “Reclaim Sexual Health” program, the Catholic online recovery program for those struggling with sexual addictions and I’m working my way through it. I really ought to be going to counseling though, and the others in Reclaim (and pretty much everyone I know) is pushing me to do so. I just struggle with anxiety about counseling and as a result I’ve been dragging my feet on that.

 

[Jon_S_1]

Personally, I agree with you. Sacrilege is something I take very seriously, almost to overly-scrupulous ends.

Unfortunately my work schedule makes it impossible to go to confession on Saturdays or else I would. Luckily, thanks be to God, there’s a shrine nearby where they offer Confession during the day, every day of the week, so that’s where I (and most of the diocese it seems!) goes. There’s always long lines. lol

I’m actually in the “Reclaim Sexual Health” program, the Catholic online recovery program for those struggling with sexual addictions and I’m working my way through it. I really ought to be going to counseling though, and the others in Reclaim (and pretty much everyone I know) is pushing me to do so. I just struggle with anxiety about counseling and as a result I’ve been dragging my feet on that.

Good for you to take some real steps at addressing this. Anxiety can make you struggle with sexual temptation more. I would really recommend counseling. Its not just the sexual struggle, but counseling will help you find the underlying issue (maybe anxiety) that is making you cope in an unhealthy sexual way.

You can conquer this…pray the Rosary and ask that this burden be taken from you. Keep uprooting it and stay close to the Sacraments and the Church. This may take a long time, but your faithfulness will reap rewards.

Prayers for you.

Jon

 

[ProdglArchitect]

I’ve been abstaining from communion until now because of this. As I’ve noted in other threads in the past, the frequency of my sexual missteps (on account of my very real and very maddening sexual addiction) has often caused me to skip Communion. In fact, I can very rarely ever take it as a result simply because I can’t physically last long enough from the time of Confession to a time where I can take it. I often get blasted with a rush of intense desires that actually leave me bed-ridden and unable to move sometimes. All my will is given over to fighting the temptations and I end up with none left to spare to “will” anything else for myself. That’s what I mean by “addiction.” It really is an addiction. It’s terrible.

So if the moral culpability is reduced in my case due to these circumstances, would I still be able to take Communion? (I’m not looking to add sin upon sin here, but just to clarify)…

I understand where you’re coming from. I have an addiction to pornography and masturbation, and it’s really disheartening to have to go to confession every week to confess the same thing. It sounds like you’re trying to get help, which is the major indicator of if you truly desire to change. I hope your priest’s advice was right, because that would be a bit of a weight off of my chest as well.

That said, I wouldn’t suggest taking communion until you’ve confessed your sins. While the priest may be correct, and you may not be committing a moral sin due to how ingrained the habit is, you can’t know that for sure. I try to ere on the side of caution whenever I think I -might- be in a state of mortal sin.