Sexual addiction

[ASimpleSinner]

Haha. Indeed!

Just persevere, and keep persevering. Bad habits aren’t broken in a matter of three days.

By the way, it’s not only about praying that God takes your illicit desires away, it’s also about actively adverting yourself from them. Pray as if it all depended on God, act as if it all depended on you. The heresy of quietism is that it’s all God, and man doesn’t have to do anything at all. The heresy of Pelagianism is that it’s all man, and God doesn’t have to do anything at all. In reality it’s a 100%/100% game-- God gives Himself wholly to you [on the cross! in the Eucharist! by His grace!], and you must give yourself wholly to Him. (Of course, becoming a saint is the process of learning to give yourself completely to Him-- so it’s our job to give ourselves to Him more and more.)

So when you get into situations, make an active effort of your will to turn away from them and ignore them.

And give it time. Rome wasn’t built in a day. God is going to form you into a far more glorious creation.

The desire to be holy is half the battle, don’t fret or be anxious-- just persevere. God bless.
-Rob

To second that sentiment and add just a little…

It is no coincidence that monks in monasteries have a rather strict horarium - schedule. There day is proscribed by a standard and this helps them to do what they should and be (in theory) too busy do do what they should NOT.

When you find yourself in near occasion of sin, consider what it is and where it is that you are, and how to avoid that. For some, it might mean having a very strict time limit on being online, and/or always being online in a public place (work, library). If you can add daily Mass and regular confession to a good spiritual father, all the better.

I am not prescribing a recipe for conversion so much as offering a suggestion for how to avoid the temptations.

Let’s keep each other in prayer.

 

[RobNY]

To second that sentiment and add just a little…

It is no coincidence that monks in monasteries have a rather strict horarium - schedule. There day is proscribed by a standard and this helps them to do what they should and be (in theory) too busy do do what they should NOT.

When you find yourself in near occasion of sin, consider what it is and where it is that you are, and how to avoid that. For some, it might mean having a very strict time limit on being online, and/or always being online in a public place (work, library). If you can add daily Mass and regular confession to a good spiritual father, all the better.

I am not prescribing a recipe for conversion so much as offering a suggestion for how to avoid the temptations.

Let’s keep each other in prayer.

The more time I devote to prayer, the less time I’m devoting to things which are spiritually empty, or, worse-- harmful. So I do agree there.

Besides, as one starts to pray, starts to carve time out to go to Mass… I find things fall into place. It means I can’t waste as much time in the evenings, because I need to get up early. So, I get things I need to get done earlier. There’s something of a rhythm that one falls into… and I think it’s very natural If you can’t make daily mass, you can always see if you can read the daily readings and make spiritual communions. Every second you’re giving to God is a second you’re keeping from Satan-- it is a victory.

As for the internet, see if you can block certain sites. One good way to do is is through Google’s function, “safe search.” Go to the main google page, look on the right hand side, and click on, ‘preferences.’ At the bottom use, ‘strict filtering’ or ‘moderate filtering.’ Both will censor explicit images, but strict filtering also filters explicit language.

You probably know better than us. When you fall into sin, ask yourself, “why was I in an occasion of sin?” “What did I do that led me to this?” “What can I do to prevent being in this situation again?” Etc.

I do know there are some Catholic sites for men who are struggling with pornography and such-- if I remember correctly, true knights or something. Or that may be another one. Hopefully someone else can chime in. If you can find a good group of Catholic men like that, then perhaps that would also help.

Oh, and, one last thing-- ASimpleSinner is right. I can’t believe it hadn’t occurred to me to keep you in my prayers! My sincerest apologies, I’ll pray for you from now on.

-Rob

 

[J1Priest]

All these things really help… the thing is clear: the gun has been given to me, but only I can pull the trigger…
That’s what my Spiritual Director told me, the problem is that he is out giving retreats and I won’t see him until the 24th or 27th when I go back to school.
Until then I can go to Sunday Mass but not really daily Mass…

I’ve been to True Knights and was listening to their podcasts, but for some reason whenever I focus more on those things, like praying for purity, the more temptations come.

Like praying that God may take away the desires… Some days before I started praying that things were fine, yet when I started praying the desires came more and more until today I made a new myspace account and fell into sin…

(I currently have an “apologetics” account in which I seldom to personal things but rather go into groups to defend and clarify, and I have a picture of St Justin Martyr as display picture and have a lot of “saints” as friends, which keeps me from falling, but that’s why I created [and deleted] the new account).

---

Does any one know why when I specifically pray for purity or for the desires go away the temptations come all the more?
Am i doing something wrong? Or does this also work like praying for patience? hehe…

thnx

 

[Jart]

Does any one know why when I specifically pray for purity or for the desires go away the temptations come all the more?
Am i doing something wrong? Or does this also work like praying for patience? hehe…

thnx

I would love to know this answer also as I’m trying to figure this out. It sucks.

 

[RobNY]

Does any one know why when I specifically pray for purity or for the desires go away the temptations come all the more?
Am i doing something wrong? Or does this also work like praying for patience? hehe…

thnx

Probably, but I would suggest this. The closer we look, the more we’ll find. It’s like taking a look for something from the door of your room, and then taking a second look, but this time, with your glasses on and your nose to the ground. You’re bound to notice a lot more details.

When we first formally try to fight any sin, we probably begin to notice more what was only on the corners of our mind before. It’s still important to clean in those corners, though. Or another analogy, that of light. In the beginning of our spiritual journey we are buried in darkness, and thus our intellects can only see our faults barely and indistinctly. As we advance in our spiritual life the light of God’s life shines with brighter intensity. It is no surprise that we, ‘feel’ like we’re more sinful or dirtier-- we can, for the first time, see so clearly how sinful we are, as our intellects are healed and lifted by grace.

Persevere and God bless.

-Rob

 

[ASimpleSinner]

Does any one know why when I specifically pray for purity or for the desires go away the temptations come all the more?
Am i doing something wrong? Or does this also work like praying for patience? hehe…

I would love to know this answer also as I’m trying to figure this out. It sucks.

“One day at a time” comes to mind. Alcoholics sometimes REALLY want a drink after meetings.

My advice remains - work with a priest-confessor and really integrate the life of the sacraments and grace into your life - daily Mass, weekly confession if and where possible.

But* please*, please, please don’t fall into the trap of believing you are trying to find a formula to “pray the temptation away” and be “Cured”. This is unrealisitc - and can and will only lead to despair.

At one point in my life I believed that if I had enough icons, said the rosary enough, made enough novinas, read enough Catholic magazines (all great things) I would just sort of become some sort of “untempted saint” and not struggle with leading a life of virtue. It “worked” so well that I ended up not going to a single Mass for three years with the exception of two funerals - and only those with reservation.

Do I have the “secret”? Kinda: don’t despair, get right back up and dust yourself off after each and every fall. Evil triumphs twice when you fall and despair. Don’t succumb to the LIE that “If/when I fall at all, I might as well not even try again.”

Someone wiser than I pointed something out to me I will pass along: Jesus stumbling under the weight of the cross is included in the Gospel narratives - while so much else about His life is not - for a reason.

 

[J1Priest]

Probably, but I would suggest this. The closer we look, the more we’ll find. It’s like taking a look for something from the door of your room, and then taking a second look, but this time, with your glasses on and your nose to the ground. You’re bound to notice a lot more details.

When we first formally try to fight any sin, we probably begin to notice more what was only on the corners of our mind before. It’s still important to clean in those corners, though. Or another analogy, that of light. In the beginning of our spiritual journey we are buried in darkness, and thus our intellects can only see our faults barely and indistinctly. As we advance in our spiritual life the light of God’s life shines with brighter intensity. It is no surprise that we, ‘feel’ like we’re more sinful or dirtier-- we can, for the first time, see so clearly how sinful we are, as our intellects are healed and lifted by grace.

Persevere and God bless.

-Rob

ah man, you took my thunder before I even said it! Lol.
One time I noticed that those who were holier than me kept saying they were sinful. I also noticed saints saying this.
As I grew spiritually I began seeing more dirtiness in me.
then the same analogy came to me, only that a mixture of the two:
I pictured the heart/soul as a room, perhaps a bathroom, and as light comes, one sees more dirty spots, and even if you clean them, more light shows up and you see that there are more spots.

Isn’t that Providence that you cited something so similar to what came to me long ago?? lol

But the problem is deeper, though. Just like when you do the litany of humility things happen to you that help you be more humble, is it the same with purity?
When I focus on God and doing His will, things are ok, but when I see my sinfullness and pray especifically for purity, it is more likely that I fall the next day because supernatural desires seem to come to me, desires that don’t appear as strong during other times…

God bless

 

[J1Priest]

A Simple Sinner,

That last advice surely is wise… and true.

And yeah, thinking those things will keep us from temptation is not always true. I have found that my mind and spirit are kept busy, and if temptation comes, these distractions (in this case apologetics) are stronger.
But when stronger temptations do come, i have found myself falling.

Next week I go back to school, and my Spiritual Director is on campus, so I’m really looking forward to it.

something I really stumble with is the lie of 'if I’m gonna go to Confession might as well sin some more"
My spiritual director mentioned this as someone cutting his arm several times simply because they are going to the doctor anyways.

However, when temptation does come, I don’t find enough strenght of will to say “no more”…
Any suggestions or comments would be great.

 

[TerraChico]

A Simple Sinner,

something I really stumble with is the lie of 'if I’m gonna go to Confession might as well sin some more"
My spiritual director mentioned this as someone cutting his arm several times simply because they are going to the doctor anyways.

However, when temptation does come, I don’t find enough strenght of will to say “no more”…
Any suggestions or comments would be great.

Actually, I stumble that way, that is to say, whenever I sin mortally I get in mind to sin some more before Confession ( I’m ashamed to say ) . I think though that talking about it and reading everyone’s advice and lots of prayer helps! I’m learning how to detach myself from certain distractions that will enable me to enter temptation though. I’m gradually improving, I’m happy to say! :banghead: I say be drastic with your situations and avoid all unnecessary contact with the wrong crowd ( afterall, like my confessor says, “you have to eradicate the evil out of you” and think about how we are offending God with these deadly sins) I for one want to go to Heaven ( or at least get an honorable mention while in Purgatory) and I’m sure you do too! Treat it as the habit it is, and forcibly take control of your life and consequently live your life for God’s purposes instead of your own. That may sound hard to do but you consciously make the decision, temptation has less power over you. That’s why I began to detach myself from things in this world that distract me from God. I still fall though but I get back up and go to Confession weekly ( regardless if I have a mortal or not ) . I think though for me , knowing that I’m not the only one the world suffering from sexual temptations helps. Anyway God bless you , brother and everyone else in this thread. We are stronger together through God! Amen!

 

[Dave]

Be mindful of Satan’s roll in sexual temptation - when you make efforts to fight off temptations, Satan throws everything at you to keep you from making progress, which may explain why temptation seems strongest after having prayed to avoid it.

Remind yourself though that we need temptations in order to grow spiritually. Jesus himself “…was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil” (Mt 4:1). In order to defeat sin, even our Saviour was required to do battle with it.

I’m going to paraphrase a bit here from Pope Benedict’s recent book, "Jesus of Nazareth" (pg 160-164) concerning temptations:

The Lord’s Prayer has a peculiar line in it that warrants some meditation: “…lead us not into temptation”. God doesn’t lead us into temptation, so why are do make this a petition? Why not ask to “…take away temptations?”. Because we need them to grow spiritually, to build our spiritual endurance. Therefore, in the Lord’s Prayer we ask not to “take away temptations”, but instead we state, “Lord, I know that I need trials so that my nature may be purified. When you decide to send me these trials, when you give evil some room to maneuver, as you did with Job, then please remember that my strength goes only so far. don’t overestimate my capacity”

“In order to mature, in order to make real progress on the path leading from a superficial piety into profound oneness with God’s will, man needs to be tried…man needs purifications and transformations; they are dangerous for him, because they present an opportunity for him to fall, and yet they are indispensable as paths on which he comes to himself and to God.”

The Pope goes on to explain that strong temptations can also be part of the penance process - if sexual sin has become habitual, the greatest penance is to battle with the temptations. Just think - every time you say ‘NO’ to clicking on that link, or visiting ‘trigger’ websites, you are doing penance, giving glory to God, growing in purity and building up your tolerance to this temptation.

I hope the above is of some help - I’m sure all men can sympathize with how difficult it is to overcome sexual sin since it’s such a powerful physical desire. I’ll keep you in my prayers.

 

[Dave]

One other resource that might be helpful:

xxxchurch.com/07/gethelp/men.php

There are articles on avoiding pornography, as well as free filtering software and something they call ‘accountability’ software which might be helpful.

 

[TerraChico]

I’ve read some good advice in this thread and I have offered some myself that worked but what I can’t stand is the “occasional” temptation, especially when I’m striving to be holy. I’m at the point where I have practically blinkers on my eyes but the more I try to avoid it sometimes is the the times that are my weakest and strongest times. Sometimes I do give in but I get right back into the game though and I’ve begun this fight as early as last Lent. Confession has held me accountable , and even the constant reminder of hell from my mortal sins. And I’m improving but as I said I sometimes am walking on “eggshells” with my eyes and thoughts. I pray that God hears me when I cry out to Him for mercy because I know I am vulnerable to temptation at any time in my life…Anyway I’m “fighting the good fight” still and I’m not giving up! I suggest that none of you give up when you are down on the count! God will pick us up and always will! I hope this helps you because you are not alone in this. My prayers are also with you.

 

[Ricardothere]

Make sure you set your sights higher than, ‘keeping out of mortal sin.’ If that’s all that you do, it’ll be dangerous, because you’ll be living a life to avoid sin rather than to please God at all times.

The first step to doing this is to try your best to detach yourself from this sin. St. Francis de Sales explains this.

I post this, and have on these boards multiple times… because I find these words to be so essentially true. If you give up the sin, but don’t give up wanting and desiring that sin, how can you expect to overcome it ever? Do your best never to wish you could have the sin were it lawful. It is hard, but apply yourself to it, with God’s grace, daily.

As long as we pine for the sin, which is especially powerful when it comes to sexual sin, we’re going to be ripe to fall right back into the sin next time the sin presents itself.

I don’t mean to seem harsh here.

Do you pray? How much do you pray? Do you understand prayer? Read a book like, “What is Contemplation?” by Thomas Merton, or, “Fire Within” by Fr. Dubay to find out what exactly it is that God wants to lead you into, in prayer, and devote yourself anew to prayer and the sacraments (see my posts here and here).

He who perseveres to the end will be saved. God bless.

-Rob

Thank you Rob… there is something very essential in this quote from St Francis de Sales…I read as saying… thank God for His Mercy and move forward with the Spirit doing good works

its the feast of St Faustina today: may God bless you.
Ricardo

 

[brother_sun]

I too have struggled with sexual addiction, but what has worked for me is praying a daily Rosary. I believe the rosary is a weapon like Padre Pio says and that it can and will defeat all mortal sin. Also use the psalms as a form of prayer, try and recite them three times a day. Make your own interior monastery and try wearing the scapular which I also have. It is a religous habit given to us by The Blessed Mother. These are just some of the tools that have worked for me.

“If you are what you should be, you will set the world on fire.”–Saint Catherine of Siena

 

[jrnami]

I don’t think anyone with a weakness towards sexual sins should become a priest.

 

[chris_molter]

I don’t think anyone with a weakness towards sexual sins should become a priest.

Any particular reasons why the very broad category of sexual sins in particular ought to be singled out as an absolute deal-breaker for ordination?

What about someone with a weakness towards sins of wrath or pride? Shouldn’t those be deemed more serious obstacles to ordination than sexual sins?

 

[RobNY]

I don’t think anyone with a weakness towards sexual sins should become a priest.

Indeed. We might get an Augustine of Hippo if we’re not careful.

 

[Eschato]

What if before one hears the call to Priesthood, one has been addicted to sexual acts, or not that but pornography and such…?

And what about when one has answered yes to the Call but still falls into that type of habitual sin.
Should one keep on discerning and trying, or stop and eliminate the sin first…?

And could it even be a sign that Priesthood is not for you…? Or is that another lie of the the anti-vocations one?

Yes, but as with any other form of sin, it could be a sign that any vocation isn’t for you. However, since you were meant to have a vocation of some sort, the person in question should repent, fast, and pray to have God reveal your purpose to you. In short, a sex addict should do what everyone else should do. If you have a sexual addiction, it does not mean that you should be married. It means that you should break the addiction. You should break whatever it is that keeps you from loving and listening to God fully.

 

[Dave]

Today’s the feast day of St. Augustine who admitted to struggling with sexual sin prior to his conversion - it may be worth reading about his life, and praying to him for strength.

“Give me chastity and continence, but not quite yet.”

• St. Augustine

 

[brother_sun]

I know the sacraments really help me. Especially going regularly to Confession and recieveing Holy Communion more than once a week. I can not go daily because of my job, but if you can that is what I recommend because if you go to Holy Communion you can’t be under any mortal sin. So you will not sin if you know you are recieveing our lord the next day.

Your brother in Christ,

“If you are what you should be, you will set the world on fire.” --Saint Catherine of Siena