Sexual Denial, and Sin

[mrpathetic]

These are my questions: how confident were the representatives of the Church, that your marriage may be invalid? I remember, you said that a particular Deacon, who is very experienced and handles annulment cases in your Diocese, said that you have a strong case for annulment. Still, was he the only person who gave an opinion, or did you talk to a larger number of Priests, Canon Lawyers, and Deacons? Did a consensus emerge, everybody overwhelmingly advising you that your marriage is most probably not valid, or were there different and conflicting opinions? And what’s your personal take on the advice received, does it seem to you that there’s little room for error and your Deacon’s opinion that the marriage is not valid should be trusted with a high degree of certainty? Or are you quite simply wary that the representatives of the Church risk making an erroneous judgment, and you therefore prefer not to even go there to risk your valid marriage annulled in error?

I would talk to more members of the clergy. But right now, my parish has precisely one priest, who is 73 years old, and two deacons, both of whom are also at retirement age. They are badly overworked, and can barely cope with running a parish of over 6,000 families. My diocese has an attrocious priest shortage, and the whole of the clergy is badly overworked. And no, I don’t want to make a bad situation worse, by asking the same question over and over again.

I have the opinion of the deacon, who handles the annulment findings at my parish. and he was quite clear on the matter. He says that there is sufficient cause to file for civil divorce, and annulment, if I want to.

The ultimate question I need to face is this: Is it Christ’s will for me to file for annulment? Is that in the best interest of everyone involved - especially of my son, who is still a minor?

In all matters of conscience, I must ask myself, what ultimately is the Lord’s will for me to take this action?

**
Ultimately, I am not afraid of the Marriage Tribunal making the wrong decision. I am afraid that I will make the wrong decision.** If I chose to put my needs in front of Christ’s, then that is the wrong call. I can’t do that.

I have prayed long and hard, to discern Christ’s purpose in this matter. Ultimately, I believe He wants me to stay, so I can help guide my family back to the faith. I hope I have discerned properly, and that this is truly what is best for my family.

I pray for the Lord’s strength and guidance in my marriage.

 

[AKIDA]

Hi to all. This is my first post!

Very sad story, you need to stand with God in this situation but dont be coward. You have to do something now, you have been hurt for such a long time.

 

[ghrt]

trade9shoes.com

 

[mrpathetic]

I have had a couple of months to think and pray about my circumstance. I have re-read most of your posts, and I appreciate all the support and prayers that I have received.

I have come to the following two conclusion, after once again speaking with the clergy at my parish, and engaging in more reflection:

I have decided to live out my life in pure continence. I simply will consign myself to the fact that my wife and I have no sex life, and there is nothing I can do to change that. I have tried everything, and nothing has worked. (And no, I will not pursue divorce or annulment - I firmly believe that this is not Christ’s will for me.)

A year ago, I would have thought this was both shameful and ridiculous. But I have come to a different mindset now.

A sex life with my wife will serve no purpose, at this point in our lives. It would not serve a procreative function (as my wife is now infertile), nor will it serve a unitive purpose (as my wife now finds sex repugnant.) It would only serve my own needs, and as Christians, we are eached called to sacrifice our needs, on behalf of Christ.

I read some of the writings of Anne Catherine Emmerich on this subject. (Her writing were features prominently in the Mel Gibson “Passion of the Christ” movie.) Here is her take on this subject, from the chastitysf website:

chastitysf.com/sexuality.htm

And I have read and re-read all the Bible passages, most notably Matthew 19:12, on this topic:

“Some are incapable of marriage because they were born so; some, because they were made so by others; some, because they have renounced marriage 9 for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Whoever can accept this ought to accept it.”

In many other translations, the “incapable” ones are actually eunuchs. I think I prefer that translation - because that is closer to what I am today. This is what Christ is calling me to become. (No, He isn’t claling me to physically mutilate myself. Instead, He is calling me to “renounce” sexuality.)

Ultimately, here is what I am called to by the Lord: **continence. ** That is what the Lord is asking of me, at this stage of my life: To give up my sexual desires, and to live my life in service to my family. I am call on by the Lord to give up my carnal wishes, and follow the ideal that Christ put forward in Judea - an ideal of continence.

**Continence and mortification - that is what Christ desires from me now. Not a sex life. **

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Can I do this? Can I live out this ideal, for the next 10, 20, 30 years?

Or will I break, shatter, crumble under the pressure? Most men couldn’t do this, but then again, I am not “most men”.

If Christ really, really wants me to do this, I hope He will give me the graces to carry this out. In all things, I will strive to carry out the Lord’s will.

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In lieu of more posts on this topic, I would ask for your prayers instead. If you truly wish to discuss this with me, please send me a PM. This thread has become extremely long, and really should come to an end.

Moderator, please close this topic. Thank you.