Sexual ethics and society

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I’m in a group chat with people (younger people) who are talking about certain things that I find repugnant; e.g. many of them are bisexuals, and to them sexual promiscuity is perfectly normal.

This presents two problems for me:
  1. I’m dealing with intense disdain for my fellow human beings, which is a challenge in itself of my Christianity; and
  2. These are people with whom I’m going to be “socialising” and studying. If I don’t socialise with them, then I’m being intolerable. If I do socialise then I’m a traitor to my own code of ethics and a hypocrite.
What am I supposed to do? Is society becoming increasingly immoral, or am I just too conservative?
 
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Uberdenker said:
I’m in a group chat with people (younger people) who are talking about certain things that I find repugnant; e.g. many of them are bisexuals, and to them sexual promiscuity is perfectly normal.

This presents two problems for me:
  1. I’m dealing with intense distain for my fellow human beings, which is a challenge in itself of my Christianity; and
  2. These are people with whom I’m going to be “socialising” and studying. If I don’t socialise with them, then I’m being intolerable. If I do socialise then I’m a traitor to my own code of ethics and a hypocrite.
What am I supposed to do? Is society becoming increasingly immoral, or am I just too conservative?
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Many people live lives of immorality and you cannot always choose those on your team.
 
I’m seeking advice on how to deal with internal conflicts, and feelings of disdain.
 
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Uberdenker said:
I’m seeking advice on how to deal with internal conflicts, and feelings of distain.
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Disdain means, per Oxford dictionary:
the feeling that someone or something is unworthy of one’s consideration or respect; contempt.
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So are you struggling with showing respect because of your feelings?

Catechism
1700 The dignity of the human person is rooted in his creation in the image and likeness of God …
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Simply realize that you’re not responsible for these people-merely for yourself.

You’re not obligated to negatively react to everything sinful that you encounter. Everyone is on their own path spiritually, and many are at a low point. You have no idea, however, if some or one of them struggle with doubts over their lifestyle.

And besides…disdaining others for their sins puts you at risk of committing the sin of pride. You are a sinner like these people, as are we all. Jesus ate with sinners, and St. Paul acknowledged himself as their chief. People are going to do bad things all the time (you and me included) and if we hold them in disdain everytime we are not really doing as we have been instructed to do as Christians.

Does this help?
 
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Society is increasingly blunt, no mistake about it. Things that always were, were hidden in the past. Immorality is nothing new, and has always existed. Now these things are not only “out”, but proudly proclaimed. This has gone from secret, to persecution, to tolerance, to acceptance. Now however, there is a push for celebration of the behavior. Religion is seen by many as “a few old stuffy dead guys dictating how you do everything now.”
If “engaging” somehow puts you and your faith in jeopardy, avoidance if possible would be a good choice. If that isn’t an issue, I don’t know how “witnessing” in that group would “go over”. Many will see you as the uptight, un-cool puritan no matter what.
Good luck with this one.
Dominus vobiscum
 
If you simply stopped taking part in the chat, or cut your (name removed by moderator)ut to a minimum, would you then be leaving yourself open to reprisals of some kind? That’s what you seem to suggest.
 
Yes, feelings of contempt. Certainly disdain and not distain 😀 Although it could potentially distain my conscience.

I suppose I’m struggling to understand society’s mentality. I feel like I don’t belong. I’m aware what the Catechism says about the human person, but this is a struggle with my own morals and being a member of that society.
 
What do you mean by socialize with them? If they are chat friends only I don’t understand why you would need to continue chatting about things you are not comfortable discussing or hearing from them.
If they are friends offline, perhaps you should lessen your contact with them and find new friends just as you would for people you have lost shared interests with.
 
A meditation I find useful is “Love Them Anyway”. Google it. It’s often wrongly attributed to Mother Teresa.

Then make sure you’re well-versed in Catholic sexual ethics and morality.
— and —
Contemplate the Litany of Humility (also google it).

You don’t have to give up your beliefs. And you can also relate to people different than you 🙂. Listen to what they have to say, reject the parts where they’re wrong, and you prolly have values in common, too.
 
My problem really is to do with my own sense of morality and feelings towards society, rather than anything theological - although I suppose my morals come from Christianity. St Paul was fairly clear on these matters, especially in 1 Corinthians and Romans. We aren’t supposed to simply overlook this behaviour as normal and continue to socialise with these people like nothing has happened. Otherwise what’s the point in believing in anything? I might as well join them if nobody’s going to judge me.
 
OP - if I had to guess, it sounds to me like these are going to be your new classmates / cohorts at college.
Try really hard to find Christian friends, wherever you are.
Pray for these folks. They truly are ignorant of better things, and maybe don’t have the benefit of a good upbringing like you probably had. Try to be a loving good example – they literally might not have ever been exposed to a strong Christian before.
But do seek out fellow Christians wherever you go!
 
Because these are people with whom I’m going to spend the next 3 years with, and eventually they’re going to realise that I’m a bit different, and then one is at risk of becoming an outcast.
 
You can be cordial without being best friends. You are allowed to have other friends. You are allowed to be different, but you have to allow them to be as well.
 
You should not have disdain for them, and they in turn should not treat you as an outcast. It should be perfectly possible for you all to respect each other’s beliefs and ways of life. That is not to say that you have to approve of how people behave, but you also don’t have to regard them with disdain or contempt. We are all sinners. Some of us just commit different sins than others.

Personally, so you know where I am coming from, I am bisexual. I am now seriously practicing the Catholic faith, and I am engaged to be married to a man who is also a Catholic. However, it was not always thus. For some years, I was away from the Church and had relationships with both men and other women. During that time, I never treated more religious people as outcasts. Equally, now that I am practicing Catholicism more seriously, I do not have disdain or contempt for people who commit some of my old sins. I am a social worker in San Francisco. As you can imagine, I know a lot of LGBTQ+ people. I just treat them like I would treat anyone else. They, in turn, know that I have returned to the Catholic Church, and I think they universally respect that that is my decision.
 
Young people often engage in a lot of “big talk” about sexual behavior in order to come off as mature, especially when presenting themselves to a new group of potential friends. A lot of it is hot air.

If you are all going to be working on a program of study for 3 years, then that’s going to take up a lot of people’s time. They aren’t going to be hooking up and yakking about sex 24/7 and it’s likely that their interest in discussing such matters may even wane. Furthermore, I’m sure you’re not the only young person who isn’t totally comfortable with this group chat which seems to be involving a lot of personal stuff that I wouldn’t really need or want to know from folks I had just met/ barely knew. Oversharing at its finest.

I would suggest not bothering with the group chat and when you get to wherever you’re going, seeking out some friends who are more on your wavelength. As Irishmom said, you can be socially cordial and kind to others without needing to share personal stuff with them or make them part of your life. You also don’t have to choose all your friends from your study program. I remember when I was in college I ended up making quite a few friends who weren’t students at my school. My classmates were nice enough people but the vast majority of them just weren’t on my wavelength.
 
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Uberdenker said:
If I do socialise then I’m a traitor to my own code of ethics and a hypocrite.
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This is not Catholic teaching. We are to treat everyone with dignity and respect. And you can certainly socialize with people with whom you have little in common, but with whom you must work collaboratively. You could even be friends.

I have many coworkers who live a lifestyle that is not in line with Catholic teaching. That doesn’t mean I shun them, disdain them, or ignore them. In fact I quite like most of them, and we have lunch together, etc.
 
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If the OP is living in an average American dorm at college – you think it’s all talk and hot air? No. If the OP has a decent roommate, he/ she will be okay. If not, it’ll be tough going.
 
If a program, course or whatever requires you to chat, you could say a little prayer for them when they toss their sexual preferences into the chat. That would indeed be difficult to endure, so I’m sorry to hear it. You could offer up this burden. And you could keep in mind, at least as a way to help cope with this situation, that their sins are no less common than those of heterosexuals.
 
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27lw said:
If the OP is living in an average American dorm at college – you think it’s all talk and hot air? No. If the OP has a decent roommate, he/ she will be okay. If not, it’ll be tough going.
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Yeah, I have lived in four different dorms during three different decades at large secular schools and I know extremely well what goes on in them. I stand by my comment. I also note that many dorms are set up so that students have a room to themselves, that there are generally off-campus housing options for people who don’t like the dorm for many different reasons, and that I have known a lot of people who lived in dorms but weren’t engaging in sex or having to be in a room with others engaging in sex while they were there.
 
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