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traditional_1
Guest
What is the Catholic Teaching regarding different sexual fetishes and those who practice it? Is it a sin to have one or many?
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LilCrossofJesus
Guest
Yes, I truly believe this is a sin and if you are doing this, please stop. You should ask a priest too. I only know its a sin because its on the same basis as Masterbation.
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Nominefili
Guest
I believe we are all wired a different way. Some like blondes, some like brunettes, some are attracted to ‘weird’ fetishes. At the end of the day, any sex outside of marriage is sinful. So I agree with the above poster. Talk to a priest or a pastor.
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The_Otaku
Guest
I think the advice you’ve been given so far, while well intentioned, is possibly the results of being misinformed and/or ignorant.
A sexual fetish simply means that something CAN, not necessarily is, a thing, event, action, etc. that cause sexual AROUSAL. It should not be assumed that it is anything more than that, necessarily.
As for the official Catholic stand on this, I’d like an answer to that myself. All you’ve gotten so far and all you’re getting from me are opinions (as demonstrated with “I think” being said), although I can speak from direct personal experience, not that that makes my view superior, it just makes it more useful in this instance.
To answer your second question, which is the only one I’m in a position to answer, again, as an opinion, you cannot control that you have a fetish to begin with. A fetish can be likened to an addiction but it’s uniquely psychological and occurs naturally, usually at a young age it starts developing. I don’t think they should be approached or accessed the same way in terms of accountability as someone who is say a drug addict or alcoholic. An alcoholic CHOSE to drink that beer and it eventually he became an alcoholic because he was UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF A SUBSTANCE. It’s the same for drugs. You take the risk, you pay the price.
It’s not the same for someone with a fetish, especially a sexual fetish. For whatever reason, that person is sexually aroused by the object, action, etc. They cannot control this, nor do did they ask to be dealt this hand. Whenever this topic comes up, I feel let down by alot of the comments people leave, if any. People don’t understand this phenomenon if they don’t suffer from it, and that’s understandable. However, if they ignorant on the matter, they are more likely to give bad advice or no advice at all. They may be embarrassed and avoid helping the OP altogether.
I think what confuses alot of people is that the word “sexual” is used, and it is assumed that a sex ACT is performed because of the fetish. This is a narrow-minded and quick assessment of something that cannot easily be described by anyone short of a medical professional, a person who speaks from personal experience, or a priest, etc.
You come here asking for the spiritual response to this problem, and that’s good. Assuming that this is a naturally occurring fetish, it is not a sin, in my opinion, to merely have it, as you do not know why you have it, nor did you ask to have it or do things or know about things that would make it more likely to develop it. For all you know, it could be a cross given to you by God. What makes it sinful is ACTING upon it in the improper context and situation (the only potentially proper one being the marriage bed with your wife or husband).
HOWEVER, it’s also my opinion that just like an alcoholic or addict, you have a responsibility to try and fight this temptation, this vice, and this habit. Whether it occurred naturally or you developed it by irresponsibly or sinfully exposing yourself to the occasions of sin that would bring about the fetish and make it a vice in your life, the end result is the same- if you’re acting upon the sexual urge, whether by thinking sinfully or acting sinfully, then you’re responsible for that, and depending on how grave the thought or deed was, and whether you met the requirements for a mortal sin, you will need to go to confession to be absolved of it (ESPECIALLY if it was a mortal sin).
But therein lies the problem of diagnosing a fetish- one of the requirements right away cannot necessarily be met- the one about having free will and mitigating circumstances. If indeed a fetish is tied in to a person’s mental faculties and is not the byproduct of sin itself, then the person did not commit a mortal sin. Because they may have met the other conditions however, it may be grave matter even if the weight of the sin is considered venial. Because of that, it is only proper to seek confession to cleanse yourself anyways.
As for having one or many fetishes, it’s my experience that having one thing can lead to something else that’s similar to it, or was part of what stimulated you to begin with. For example, if you have a foot or leg fetish, seeing a woman in nylons or hosiery may trigger the fetish. Fetishes are the workings of the mind, and the mind is usually on many different things at once, so it’s not uncommon at all for people who have fetishes to have multiple ones, either of similar or varying degrees of attachment.
Sexual or not, a fetish is unique from person to person and they will all express it differently, not at all, or will attempt to do so in the moralist way possible. Depending on the severity, it may or may not intrude on their lives. At worst, it can ruin them and their families like drugs and alcohol can. At best, it’s a kinky little thing for you and your wife to do that spices up your love life and love making. It’s about moderation, circumstance, temperament, prayer, and control.
In conclusion, people, especially catholic people, should try and be more understanding when they respond to topics like this. A person with a fetish is not necessarily a pervert or deviant. Just as you would feel sympathy for the drug addict and pray for him, you should pray for the fetishist too, because while the origins of the cross may be different, the results can be quite similar. No two fetishists should be painted with the same brush. If one guy’s a mess, but the other guy is a functioning (especially morally functioning) person, can you honestly say they should be seen the same way? You don’t know what’s going on in their head, or why, and sometimes they don’t either. We should consider that before we speak, and if we are not prepared to speak on the matter either with authority and knowledge or experience, we should not speak at all lest we do them and ourselves a disservice.
That’s what I think. Thank you for bearing with my long winded post.
A sexual fetish simply means that something CAN, not necessarily is, a thing, event, action, etc. that cause sexual AROUSAL. It should not be assumed that it is anything more than that, necessarily.
As for the official Catholic stand on this, I’d like an answer to that myself. All you’ve gotten so far and all you’re getting from me are opinions (as demonstrated with “I think” being said), although I can speak from direct personal experience, not that that makes my view superior, it just makes it more useful in this instance.
To answer your second question, which is the only one I’m in a position to answer, again, as an opinion, you cannot control that you have a fetish to begin with. A fetish can be likened to an addiction but it’s uniquely psychological and occurs naturally, usually at a young age it starts developing. I don’t think they should be approached or accessed the same way in terms of accountability as someone who is say a drug addict or alcoholic. An alcoholic CHOSE to drink that beer and it eventually he became an alcoholic because he was UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF A SUBSTANCE. It’s the same for drugs. You take the risk, you pay the price.
It’s not the same for someone with a fetish, especially a sexual fetish. For whatever reason, that person is sexually aroused by the object, action, etc. They cannot control this, nor do did they ask to be dealt this hand. Whenever this topic comes up, I feel let down by alot of the comments people leave, if any. People don’t understand this phenomenon if they don’t suffer from it, and that’s understandable. However, if they ignorant on the matter, they are more likely to give bad advice or no advice at all. They may be embarrassed and avoid helping the OP altogether.
I think what confuses alot of people is that the word “sexual” is used, and it is assumed that a sex ACT is performed because of the fetish. This is a narrow-minded and quick assessment of something that cannot easily be described by anyone short of a medical professional, a person who speaks from personal experience, or a priest, etc.
You come here asking for the spiritual response to this problem, and that’s good. Assuming that this is a naturally occurring fetish, it is not a sin, in my opinion, to merely have it, as you do not know why you have it, nor did you ask to have it or do things or know about things that would make it more likely to develop it. For all you know, it could be a cross given to you by God. What makes it sinful is ACTING upon it in the improper context and situation (the only potentially proper one being the marriage bed with your wife or husband).
HOWEVER, it’s also my opinion that just like an alcoholic or addict, you have a responsibility to try and fight this temptation, this vice, and this habit. Whether it occurred naturally or you developed it by irresponsibly or sinfully exposing yourself to the occasions of sin that would bring about the fetish and make it a vice in your life, the end result is the same- if you’re acting upon the sexual urge, whether by thinking sinfully or acting sinfully, then you’re responsible for that, and depending on how grave the thought or deed was, and whether you met the requirements for a mortal sin, you will need to go to confession to be absolved of it (ESPECIALLY if it was a mortal sin).
But therein lies the problem of diagnosing a fetish- one of the requirements right away cannot necessarily be met- the one about having free will and mitigating circumstances. If indeed a fetish is tied in to a person’s mental faculties and is not the byproduct of sin itself, then the person did not commit a mortal sin. Because they may have met the other conditions however, it may be grave matter even if the weight of the sin is considered venial. Because of that, it is only proper to seek confession to cleanse yourself anyways.
As for having one or many fetishes, it’s my experience that having one thing can lead to something else that’s similar to it, or was part of what stimulated you to begin with. For example, if you have a foot or leg fetish, seeing a woman in nylons or hosiery may trigger the fetish. Fetishes are the workings of the mind, and the mind is usually on many different things at once, so it’s not uncommon at all for people who have fetishes to have multiple ones, either of similar or varying degrees of attachment.
Sexual or not, a fetish is unique from person to person and they will all express it differently, not at all, or will attempt to do so in the moralist way possible. Depending on the severity, it may or may not intrude on their lives. At worst, it can ruin them and their families like drugs and alcohol can. At best, it’s a kinky little thing for you and your wife to do that spices up your love life and love making. It’s about moderation, circumstance, temperament, prayer, and control.
In conclusion, people, especially catholic people, should try and be more understanding when they respond to topics like this. A person with a fetish is not necessarily a pervert or deviant. Just as you would feel sympathy for the drug addict and pray for him, you should pray for the fetishist too, because while the origins of the cross may be different, the results can be quite similar. No two fetishists should be painted with the same brush. If one guy’s a mess, but the other guy is a functioning (especially morally functioning) person, can you honestly say they should be seen the same way? You don’t know what’s going on in their head, or why, and sometimes they don’t either. We should consider that before we speak, and if we are not prepared to speak on the matter either with authority and knowledge or experience, we should not speak at all lest we do them and ourselves a disservice.
That’s what I think. Thank you for bearing with my long winded post.
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The_Otaku
Guest
Also, I’ve given this same tip before to other people on this site in this situation:
FIND A HOBBY!
Seriously, a hobby can be both a good distraction and a healthy way to release any sexual tension or irritation and channel it into something constructive. If prayer just isn’t cut it, I would also consider taking up a hobby as well. In God’s time, if He wills, He will take this cross from the person afflicted with it, and in the meantime, they will have developed a skill or talent that they can put to future use, and possibly a job or career.
FIND A HOBBY!
Seriously, a hobby can be both a good distraction and a healthy way to release any sexual tension or irritation and channel it into something constructive. If prayer just isn’t cut it, I would also consider taking up a hobby as well. In God’s time, if He wills, He will take this cross from the person afflicted with it, and in the meantime, they will have developed a skill or talent that they can put to future use, and possibly a job or career.
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grabowski
Guest
I have a question regarding a specific sexual fetish.
I have had an arousal of a sexual nature for plush toys and have given up this “fetish” recently. I know other people with the same “fetish” and talk regularly to them.
As I don’t need my collection anymore, I was thinking of destroying them but some items are rare collector’s items and are valued highly.
My question is that would it be moral to give my toys to my friends who are still in practice of this “fetish” (and then I would support them in committing sin)? Or should I rather destroy my collection?
Thank you!
I have had an arousal of a sexual nature for plush toys and have given up this “fetish” recently. I know other people with the same “fetish” and talk regularly to them.
As I don’t need my collection anymore, I was thinking of destroying them but some items are rare collector’s items and are valued highly.
My question is that would it be moral to give my toys to my friends who are still in practice of this “fetish” (and then I would support them in committing sin)? Or should I rather destroy my collection?
Thank you!
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puzzleannie
Guest
like any other personality disorder with respect to one’s sexuality, it is not a sin to have the disorder, it is a sin if it leads to sinful activity–genital sexual expression and activity outside valid marriage, which includes deliberate arousal for the purposes of inducing sexual gratification.
the commandment Thou Shalt not Kill also includes the positive prescription to preserve our mental and physical health, which means we are obligated to seek treatment for any condition that threatens such.
If you need individual pastoral advice for yourself please see a priest, this is not a confessional and we should not be obligated to listen to confessions.
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Ron_Conte
Guest
It is not moral because you would be committing the sin of cooperation with evil.
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grabowski
Guest
Thank you for the clarification!
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OraLabora
Guest
For once I agree with you !
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Whitacre_Girl
Guest
Actually, I think there isn’t enough information here to make a decision…
What kind of fetish are we talking about? I mean, fetish can range in definition as something as benign to preferring lace on your wife, all the way to something much more disturbing (and possibly sinful). If your “fetish” is played out in the course of marraige and done to enhance the marital embrace in a way that is unitive and procreative, there isn’t a problem. Now, if you are unmarried it’s wrong to play out any sexual fetish in any way, or if this fetish is demeaning to your parter or turns them into a sex object…then yes, it’s wrong.
What kind of fetish are we talking about? I mean, fetish can range in definition as something as benign to preferring lace on your wife, all the way to something much more disturbing (and possibly sinful). If your “fetish” is played out in the course of marraige and done to enhance the marital embrace in a way that is unitive and procreative, there isn’t a problem. Now, if you are unmarried it’s wrong to play out any sexual fetish in any way, or if this fetish is demeaning to your parter or turns them into a sex object…then yes, it’s wrong.
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OraLabora
Guest
I think he said his fetish is plush toys.
Sounds like that isn’t really an appropriate means of sexual gratification.
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Whitacre_Girl
Guest
Ah. Sorry I must have skipped over that somewhere.
Then yes, I think this is a little skewed.
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OraLabora
Guest
A little lace on the other hand…
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Whitacre_Girl
Guest
LOL!A little lace on the other hand…
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Rence
Guest
I agree with you. I don’t know why the word “fetish” has such a negative connotation. Remember that preferring lace on your wife (or 5 inch spiked heels, or knee high boots, or the perfect pedicure, or on top of the refrigertor, or in a tree) can be included in the bedroom while unitive and procreative at the same time. While, plan ol non-fetish missionary is always sinful when not done with your spouse.
When the fetish is “disturbing”, that’s when it is a problem and not merely a “fetish”. There’s a difference between fetish and perverse. And the difference is relative to each individual except something illegal, nonconsensual or truly evil.
Traditional1, the best thing for you to do is speak with your Priest about it. Being honest with him will provide you with the correct information you need
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OraLabora
Guest
I think we males in particular tend to be very visual creatures when it comes to sex.I agree with you. I don’t know why the word “fetish” has such a negative connotation. Remember that preferring lace on your wife (or 5 inch spiked heels, or knee high boots, or the perfect pedicure, or on top of the refrigertor, or in a tree) can be included in the bedroom while unitive and procreative at the same time. While, plan ol non-fetish missionary is always sinful when not done with your spouse.
When the fetish is “disturbing”, that’s when it is a problem and not merely a “fetish”. There’s a difference between fetish and perverse. And the difference is relative to each individual except something illegal, nonconsensual or truly evil.
Traditional1, the best thing for you to do is speak with your Priest about it. Being honest with him will provide you with the correct information you need
That said, I think the classical definition of fetish is that when an odd sexual preference becomes an obsession to the degree that sexual function is impaired without it.
So preferring your spouse in lace (hopefully preferring your wife in lace
) is OK, provided that you can function without it, and providing of course that you both derive pleasure from it. Forcing your spouse to do something degrading or that s/he finds distasteful or painful, for the purpose of your own gratification amounts to objectifying your spouse and that is not moral.Variety is, after all, the spice of life!
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Rence
Guest
That was grabowski, not Traditional1.
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Whitacre_Girl
Guest
So me, in all my hyper-nerd glory, just had to look it up on webster.com. Here it is:
FETISH
FETISH
So the meaning really is something that is immoral. Especially the sexuality side
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OraLabora
Guest
I’ve got to stop trying to multitask… sorry about that!
In any case a preference that becomes a fetish is indeed disordered, and a preference exercised outside the marital act, or within the marital act in a manner that is not respectful of one’s spouse, is sinful.
Actually like homosexuality it isn’t the fetish that’s sinful, but it’s acting upon it.
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