Sexual Identity, Faith, and Family - What a mess

[SBushman5278]

Hi everyone!

This is a huge thing for me to talk about, and it may get a bit long winded, so please, bear with me.

I am a Catholic. I am also a Bisexual female.

When I told my family this (who are not Catholic), it was met with confusion and condemnation. They called me a hypocrite, because I follow the church’s teaching on sexuality, and freely choose not to pursue a relationship with a person of the same gender because of it. I also do not support transgender sex “changes” or transsexual relationships. (Since a person will always remain whatever sex they were born as on a genetic level, I see it as a futile effort. You can’t change your genetic code once its set!)

My mother called me a hypocrite specifically because my sister is a transsexual attempting to “become” a male, and that as a Bisexual, I should identify (and agree with / support) her lifestyle.

How can I explain to my family that my sexual identity doesn’t have to rule and govern my life, especially my adherence to my faith, in a way that doesn’t insult them or undermine my own faith?

Sorry for the long winded question, but I could definitely use some advice with this.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Hi everyone!

This is a huge thing for me to talk about, and it may get a bit long winded, so please, bear with me.

I am a Catholic. I am also a Bisexual female.

When I told my family this (who are not Catholic), it was met with confusion and condemnation. They called me a hypocrite, because I follow the church’s teaching on sexuality, and freely choose not to pursue a relationship with a person of the same gender because of it. I also do not support transgender sex “changes” or transsexual relationships. (Since a person will always remain whatever sex they were born as on a genetic level, I see it as a futile effort. You can’t change your genetic code once its set!)

My mother called me a hypocrite specifically because my sister is a transsexual attempting to “become” a male, and that as a Bisexual, I should identify (and agree with / support) her lifestyle.

How can I explain to my family that my sexual identity doesn’t have to rule and govern my life, especially my adherence to my faith, in a way that doesn’t insult them or undermine my own faith?

Sorry for the long winded question, but I could definitely use some advice with this.

If your family does not share your morality or theology, you cannot make them see past their own justifications. I would just concentrate on your relationship with God and set boundaries with your family on what is up for discussion.

 

[UbiCaritas]

Hi everyone!

This is a huge thing for me to talk about, and it may get a bit long winded, so please, bear with me.

I am a Catholic. I am also a Bisexual female.

When I told my family this (who are not Catholic), it was met with confusion and condemnation. They called me a hypocrite, because I follow the church’s teaching on sexuality, and freely choose not to pursue a relationship with a person of the same gender because of it. I also do not support transgender sex “changes” or transsexual relationships. (Since a person will always remain whatever sex they were born as on a genetic level, I see it as a futile effort. You can’t change your genetic code once its set!)

My mother called me a hypocrite specifically because my sister is a transsexual attempting to “become” a male, and that as a Bisexual, I should identify (and agree with / support) her lifestyle.

How can I explain to my family that my sexual identity doesn’t have to rule and govern my life, especially my adherence to my faith, in a way that doesn’t insult them or undermine my own faith?

Sorry for the long winded question, but I could definitely use some advice with this.

Honestly, I wouldn’t say much more than you have already. I presume, going by your post, that you’ve already explained to them at least some of this before. If it comes up again, you can briefly and courteously reiterate your beliefs, and then say something like, “Of course, none of this changes the fact that I love Sally very much, and hope for the best for her. It sounds to me as though we’ll have to agree to disagree about our beliefs.”

Leave it at that. In fact, it’s perfectly acceptable, if someone persists in browbeating you about a subject, to say firmly “I would prefer not to discuss this further. How’s Aunt Jane doing?”

If they continue, say, “It was great talking to you! I’ve got to go; have a good day!”

Wash, rinse, repeat until they get the point. They don’t get to use you as a punching bag.

The idea here is to state your beliefs honestly, but point out (and show via your actions) both that a) you still love Sally, even if she makes some questionable choices, and b) neither you nor your beliefs are available targets for rudeness. (I.e., calling you a “hypocrite,” and so on, especially given that your actions in this case are quite the opposite of hypocritical: you believe that you’ve been called to a life that will, of necessity, involve considerable self-sacrifice on your part, and you’re acting on it. Suggesting that other do similarly is hardly hypocritical.)

Finally, I admire you for taking up this rather difficult cross. God and Mary keep you!

 

[ProdglArchitect]

Hi everyone!

This is a huge thing for me to talk about, and it may get a bit long winded, so please, bear with me.

I am a Catholic. I am also a Bisexual female.

When I told my family this (who are not Catholic), it was met with confusion and condemnation. They called me a hypocrite, because I follow the church’s teaching on sexuality, and freely choose not to pursue a relationship with a person of the same gender because of it. I also do not support transgender sex “changes” or transsexual relationships. (Since a person will always remain whatever sex they were born as on a genetic level, I see it as a futile effort. You can’t change your genetic code once its set!)

My mother called me a hypocrite specifically because my sister is a transsexual attempting to “become” a male, and that as a Bisexual, I should identify (and agree with / support) her lifestyle.

How can I explain to my family that my sexual identity doesn’t have to rule and govern my life, especially my adherence to my faith, in a way that doesn’t insult them or undermine my own faith?

Sorry for the long winded question, but I could definitely use some advice with this.

First off, I wanted to commend you on your dedication to God and His Church, it is very admirable!

Your family, to put it simply, has blinders on. They’re convinced that your being bisexual requires you to support every kind of sexual inclination. Sadly, this is the culture that extreme homosexual advocates have created, and despite their cries of tolerance they refuse to tolerate anyone who doesn’t agree with them. Your parents simply do not understand that a person is not defined by their sexual inclinations, and don’t see how you can be bisexual without promoting your sister’s aberrant desires. (No offense intended, but she is trying to surgically alter herself to no longer resemble her genetically-dictated gender…)

Rest assured, you are not being a hypocrite, quite the opposite. If anyone is being hypocritical it’s your parents for demanding that you support your sister’s decisions while refusing to support your own.

There really is no easy way of explaining it. What you’ve said here is probably the best you can do; that you love your sister, but cannot in good conscious support her decision to undergo a surgery that will prevent her body from functioning as it was designed to.

Sorry that I can’t offer more help, I’ll pray for you and your family.

 

[CatholicServant]

I would suggest reaffirming that your sexuality does not define your person-hood. You are a loving child of God - that is your person-hood. Your parents are probably trying to protect your sibling. You have been blessed with God’s grace and hopefully your moral example will someday lead your sister and parents to the Truth. God bless you and I will add your intentions to my prayers.

 

[johnnyt3000]

You are made in the image and likeness of Almighty God. Do not fall into thinking you are any less because of your sexual orientation. Pray the Rosary! Pray the Rosary! Pray the Rosary!

Matthew 5:11 - Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you and utter every kind of evil against you [falsely] because of me. (Bible on usccb website)

Pray for your family. For their conversion. Pray for those who persecute you.

 

[manualman]

Make sure that your love for your sister shows more strongly than your moral disagreement with her own actions. It’s a difficult balance to achieve - pray for the Grace to do so!

To your folks,do your best to avoid defensiveness. It always makes things worse (I’m terribly defensive!). If there can be a calm discussion, point out that you believe that morality reflects God’s very nature and that that comes before your own feelings. You’ve chosen to subordinate your own desires to what you are convinced is right in your own life. This is the exact opposite of hypocrisy.

 

[JackieO123]

Your sexuality doesn’t define you as a person; stay strong!

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Make sure that your love for your sister shows more strongly than your moral disagreement with her own actions. .

What does that mean…?

 

[manualman]

What does that mean…?

It’s a warning against valuing “being right” more than valuing a sister. One does not have to agree with a person to love them. We Christians have not always presented a balanced perspective on this issue.

One of the reasons that LGBT activists have gained so much rhetorical power in recent years is that they shifted away from promoting what it is that they like to do and instead highlighted the way that people in the past used to condemn both what they did and who they ARE. They pricked the conscience of a society that really did used to scapegoat them and dismiss not just their actions, but their value as persons.

Who she IS is not “a transsexual.” Who she is is a precious and unique creation of God, though fallen and sinful.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

It’s a warning against valuing “being right” more than valuing a sister. One does not have to agree with a person to love them. We Christians have not always presented a balanced perspective on this issue.

One of the reasons that LGBT activists have gained so much rhetorical power in recent years is that they shifted away from promoting what it is that they like to do and instead highlighted the way that people in the past used to condemn both what they did and who they ARE. They pricked the conscience of a society that really did used to scapegoat them and dismiss not just their actions, but their value as persons.

Who she IS is not “a transsexual.” Who she is is a precious and unique creation of God, though fallen and sinful.

That is all well and good but it is advice as to what not to do. The op should also not punch the sister in the face. But what about how to help the person be holy? How do we help them save their souls?

 

[manualman]

That is all well and good but it is advice as to what not to do. The op should also not punch the sister in the face. But what about how to help the person be holy? How do we help them save their souls?

You can’t. You really can’t “help the person be holy or help them save their souls.” That’s God’s work. All we can do is try to BE holy and explain what that is when people notice and start to want what you’ve got. That includes telling the truth about virtue and sin, but goes way beyond it to the reality of human fallenness and the need for Grace.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

You can’t. You really can’t “help the person be holy or help them save their souls.” That’s God’s work. All we can do is try to BE holy and explain what that is when people notice and start to want what you’ve got. That includes telling the truth about virtue and sin, but goes way beyond it to the reality of human fallenness and the need for Grace.

I can’t disagree more! We are called to share and spread the Gospel. Historically the message of salvation through Jesus has been preached to the point of hatred and death. Just being a good person until someone asks us why is a horrible way to save souls… Horrible. We are PC loving people to hell.

 

[manualman]

I will agree that far more people today err on the side of putting their light under a basket.

Nevertheless, I will tell you that plenty of people still err on the side of loving being right more than they love the sinner. I’m prone to it myself!

We all love to condemn the sins we ourselves aren’t particularly prone to. What’s hard is condemning the ones WE like.

 

[Joie_de_Vivre]

Hi everyone!

This is a huge thing for me to talk about, and it may get a bit long winded, so please, bear with me.

I am a Catholic. I am also a Bisexual female.

When I told my family this (who are not Catholic), it was met with confusion and condemnation. They called me a hypocrite, because I follow the church’s teaching on sexuality, and freely choose not to pursue a relationship with a person of the same gender because of it. I also do not support transgender sex “changes” or transsexual relationships. (Since a person will always remain whatever sex they were born as on a genetic level, I see it as a futile effort. You can’t change your genetic code once its set!)

My mother called me a hypocrite specifically because my sister is a transsexual attempting to “become” a male, and that as a Bisexual, I should identify (and agree with / support) her lifestyle.

How can I explain to my family that my sexual identity doesn’t have to rule and govern my life, especially my adherence to my faith, in a way that doesn’t insult them or undermine my own faith?

Sorry for the long winded question, but I could definitely use some advice with this.

First off, I wanted to commend you on your dedication to God and His Church, it is very admirable!

Your family, to put it simply, has blinders on. They’re convinced that your being bisexual requires you to support every kind of sexual inclination. Sadly, this is the culture that extreme homosexual advocates have created, and despite their cries of tolerance they refuse to tolerate anyone who doesn’t agree with them. Your parents simply do not understand that a person is not defined by their sexual inclinations, and don’t see how you can be bisexual without promoting your sister’s aberrant desires. (No offense intended, but she is trying to surgically alter herself to no longer resemble her genetically-dictated gender…)

Rest assured, you are not being a hypocrite, quite the opposite. If anyone is being hypocritical it’s your parents for demanding that you support your sister’s decisions while refusing to support your own.

There really is no easy way of explaining it. What you’ve said here is probably the best you can do; that you love your sister, but cannot in good conscious support her decision to undergo a surgery that will prevent her body from functioning as it was designed to.

Sorry that I can’t offer more help, I’ll pray for you and your family.

Being transgender is not a sexual orientation.

I love how people insist about genetically driven gender and yet very few people actually get a karyotype test done. “Your baby is so cute! Is it a boy or a girl?” “Dunno, we haven’t got the karyotype test back yet.”

Is someone with CAIS who is genetically male, but looks and think phenotypically female naturally really a boy? Should they be forced to get surgery and act like a man? If not why aren’t you trying to get them to resemble their genetically dictated gender?

That is all well and good but it is advice as to what not to do. The op should also not punch the sister in the face. But what about how to help the person be holy? How do we help them save their souls?

They need to know that you and God love them, treating them like dirt and citing God for doing so pushes them away from God.

If because of your actions that the person believes God hates them then if they go to Hell part of the blame is at your feet.

I hate how so many “conservative” Catholics have no idea how to actually convert people and push ideas that only push people away from God.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

B
They need to know that you and God love them, treating them like dirt and citing God for doing so pushes them away from God.

If because of your actions that the person believes God hates them then if they go to Hell part of the blame is at your feet.

I hate how so many “conservative” Catholics have no idea how to actually convert people and push ideas that only push people away from God.

HOnestly I have never seen what you describe. Do you mean that telling them the truth is treating them like dirt? What is treating them like dirt really mean to you? Because it is an idea that gets thrown around a lot. ANd then we are told to keep our mouths shut about potential damning things…


It just gets old old old.

 

[Joie_de_Vivre]

HOnestly I have never seen what you describe. Do you mean that telling them the truth is treating them like dirt? What is treating them like dirt really mean to you? Because it is an idea that gets thrown around a lot. ANd then we are told to keep our mouths shut about potential damning things…


It just gets old old old.

Lots of transwomen get called “disgusting freaks”, “f***** in a dress”, “God hates people like you”, etc. Even if you’re minding your own business if you get clocked some men have a tendency to go ape**** crazy, especially against transwomen of color.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Lots of transwomen get called “disgusting freaks”, “f***** in a dress”, “God hates people like you”, etc. Even if you’re minding your own business if you get clocked some men have a tendency to go ape**** crazy, especially against transwomen of color.

Hmmm, not usually by normal Catholics and certainly not by people on this thread.

Hey, people call me names too. Protestants tell me I am going to hell as well, can you please defend me as hard as you defend others?

 

[eonporter]

How can I explain to my family that my sexual identity doesn’t have to rule and govern my life, especially my adherence to my faith, in a way that doesn’t insult them or undermine my own faith?

Your concern for the conscience of your family members in such a hostile situation is admirable.

My advice is trying to focus on the real problem: we all have been told there is something called “sexual identity” that defines a huge part of who we are as human beings and deep inside we believe this is really important… but as christians we should know better.

The only identity that really matters to a true christian is the one who will be presented to God in the day of our judgment, and that identity is made up of love - both love for God and love for our neighbors. Nothing else has value to God.

If you present yourself to God in your judgment and say “here I am, I spent my life as a proud homossexual” that will mean nothing to Him. It will have no value to Him.

Instead, you should present yourself to Him and say: “Here I am, your beloved son. I have lived my life in prayer, charity, and thanksgiving, and lived the best I could under your commandments”. Then nothing else will matter.

So that’s it. Try not to complicate the whole situation too much by overstating the importance of your sexual tendencies in the context of your faith. You are just another Christian trying to work your way to sanctity, and you should let your relatives know that, in the most humble, simple, and natural way possible.

Let them call you whatever they want, as long as you always remember that the grace of God is with you, and therefore you can count on Him to overcome any situation.

 

[Joie_de_Vivre]

Hmmm, not usually by normal Catholics and certainly not by people on this thread.

Hey, people call me names too. Protestants tell me I am going to hell as well, can you please defend me as hard as you defend others?

Yes, “normal” Catholics don’t do that, “normal” Catholics are in favor of gay marriage, “normal” is a terrible standard. When you limit the pool to people who are opposed to gay marriage, abortion and go to Mass at least twice a month the percentage who treat transwomen as freaks rises quite a bit, of course that is anecdotal data.

Do you routinely get treated as subhuman? No? Then you are much less in need of defending than transwomen, especially those of color who are a very vulnerable.

While the Catechism says the soul and body have the same gender, what if the brain is feminine and the genitalia are male? Transwomen feel as much women as David Reimer felt a man. I have witnessed profound insight by transgender people owing to their rare situation of having lived in both worlds. Perhaps transgender people exist to teach people something?