Sexual Questions for a Married Couple

[Emese]

" It is nice that God made intercourse pleasurable, but he need not have done so. So, yes, by-product not purpose " (1ke)

I take this as your personal opinion as we can not understand or judge God’s reasons, we are only humans…I do believe though that God created everything for a purpose, I don’t really believe God creates “by-products” or things that are just “nice”…

" Orgasm and ejaculation are not the same thing.
…Ejaculation creates children, not orgasm. "(1ke)

I think you might be associating orgasm with its pleasure aspects only. I was writing about the physycal side, the biological reason for it.

Yes, a man can orgasm without ejaculation, but can a man ejaculate without orgasm?

 

[BIB_MT]

Each marital **act **must remain ordered to procreation and unity. That is not quite the same thing as “open to life”. It’s more specific than just the couple being “open to life” in some vague way. The act itself must be ordered to procreation and unity, every time. If not, it is a disordered act.

You must both make gifts of your body, one to another, in a complete way or you are not using the gift of sexaulity as God designed it. You are breaking the nuptial meaning of the act. You are seeking orgasm as an end in itself (even though people often deny this and say they are being giving to the other, it is really the bottom line else what is the point of doing it?).

I think the first part of your response answers my question well, as far as the difference between “open to life” and the act remaining ordered to procreation and unity. Although, I have to admit it’s still a struggle to understand why for me.

As for the second part of your response I quoted, I don’t understand what you are saying here. “You are seeking orgasm as an end in itself”—no, not really. If I, the woman, perform oral sex on my husband I may get pleasure out of it but I’m not seeking orgasm, don’t receive an orgasm, from doing so. This isn’t something my husband has requested of me, but something I enjoy doing for his sake of my own accord. Unless you mean I am seeking orgasm for my husband just for its sake?

I guess that it doesn’t really matter if it’s sinful either way, just didn’t quite understand your reasoning there.

 

[BIB_MT]

Yes, a man can orgasm without ejaculation, but can a man ejaculate without orgasm?

I’m not a man, so don’t know if I understand this completely, but wouldn’t an example of ejaculating without an orgasm be nocturnal emission? Seems possible.

 

[1ke]

but can a man ejaculate without orgasm?

Yes.

 

[1ke]

I think the first part of your response answers my question well, as far as the difference between “open to life” and the act remaining ordered to procreation and unity. Although, I have to admit it’s still a struggle to understand why for me.

Glad it is helpful.

As for the second part of your response I quoted, I don’t understand what you are saying here. “You are seeking orgasm as an end in itself”—no, not really.

I don’t mean you personally, “you” general pronoun.

If I, the woman, perform oral sex on my husband I may get pleasure out of it but I’m not seeking orgasm, don’t receive an orgasm, from doing so.

He does.

This isn’t something my husband has requested of me, but something I enjoy doing for his sake of my own accord. Unless you mean I am seeking orgasm for my husband just for its sake?

Yes, that would be the case.

I guess that it doesn’t really matter if it’s sinful either way, just didn’t quite understand your reasoning there.

Well maybe I am not explaining it particularly well.

 

[BIB_MT]

Glad it is helpful.

I don’t mean you personally, “you” general pronoun.

He does.

Yes, that would be the case.

Well maybe I am not explaining it particularly well.

lol, No, I think I understand you now. I thought you were referring to me, not my husband. Makes sense now. Thank you

 

[Emese]

Yes.

I meant a healthy man. Because ejaculation without orgasm is a medical condition called : ejaculatory anhedonia. (I’ve never heard of anyone with this so I googled it )

The bottom line is that orgasm and ejaculation go together (in a healthy man) Orgasm is not a “byproduct”. It is how we create children, it is how we are made by God.

 

[Mulligan2]

It is nice that God made intercourse pleasurable, but he need not have done so.

What?!? I don’t understand your comment at all. If intercourse was not pleasurable, then it would be done strictly for procreation intentions only, perhaps 2 or 3 times, and then never again. For a typical couple, however, the pleasurable aspects ensure that this wonderful experience is an ongoing and bonding activity. I think God knew what he was doing.

 

[savedbygrace71]

.

Why? Because the orgasm is the by-product of the act, not the purpose of the act. When we seek the orgasm apart from the marital embrace, we have made it an end unto itself and that is wrong. The purpose of the marital embrace is for the couple to come together in a specific way to renew their marriage covenant. Not any way that gets you an orgasm, a specific way that preserves the entire nuptial meaning of the embrace.

Thank you for this explanation. It explains so clearly what I haven’t quite been able to see before. I have learned so much from you the last few months. I appreciate it!

 

[jmjconder]

1ke is one wise person! Read her posts.

 

[Rau]

It is nice that God made intercourse pleasurable, but he need not have done so. So, yes, by-product not purpose.

I disagree in part. The anticipation of pleasure, and the actual pleasure, is an **integral **part of sex. Were it not so, there would be no motivation to engage in the act, other than when creating children is the explicit objective. Were it no more pleasurable than a cuddle, well, there’d be a lot of cuddling happening, and very little of anything more.