However, is there a line? Is thinking about sex a sin? Sex is a natural part of life, and it is natural to desire it. Is there anything wrong with wilfully arousing yourself with thoughts about sex? What if the thoughts are about sex with one’s future hypothetical spouse? Is it wrong to anticipate marital relations in this way (i.e. mentally)?
Yes, all of these fall under the category of engaging in sexual fantasy. These thoughts result from lust, not from a chaste heart. Chastity is our sexual desire in its original design.
However, if you are thinking about sex in objective sense like “What is the meaning of sex?” “Why did God create sex?” “Is sex good or bad?” “What does the virtue chastity require of me in marriage?” are all fine thoughts and I would encourage you to explore them.
It’s just that as a young male, I find thoughts about sex to be a natural part of life that’s difficult to escape from. So long as these thoughts don’t involve masturbation or lust for another person, is there anything wrong with them?
Don’t deceive yourself. All sexual daydreams are motivated by lust. I am specifically disturbed that you specify “lust for another person.” Lust is not sexual attraction to another person. It is a perversion of our sexuality and aims at separating the aims of our sexual urges. If you teach yourself to teach yourself that it is ok to arouse yourself without giving yourself completely to your spouse, you are preparing yourself to take on a mentality in which your spouse will likely become a means to an end.
Masturbation and such daydreams are wrong primarily because there’s no spouse there to give yourself to. The whole thing becomes about self-gratification which is completely a distorted view of the sexual act. If you engage in the sexual act with the goal being self-gratification, you are lusting and sinning regardless that you are married.
I mean, isn’t it unreasonable to expect a person to go through life never thinking about sex until he/she gets married? Does the Church have a teaching on this matter? Thank-you.
God calls us to do things that we are not capable of doing left to our own resources. If Christ had not come to this earth, suffered and died on the Cross in reparation for our sins, all of humanity would have no hope of reaching Heaven. Part of being Catholic means recognizing our complete helplessness and dependance on God. It means recognizing that we are born not in the original state God created in the beginning, but with a fallen nature, a nature that leads us to our downfall.
The good news, the gospel (gospel means good news), is that our nature can be redeemed. I think its in one of St. Pauls Encyclicals that says that it is the law that condemns and grace that saves us. It is grace that writes the law on our hearts and makes us purified…transforms us into saints.
So, no, if left to your own devices, your own logical thinking. If left to merely seeking to control your own will, you’d only find yourself tempted to hate your entire sexual drive and would likely find that the only way you could control it would be to surpress it. You wouldn’t be riding yourself of lust, you’d merely be hidding your lust from the world and denying the goodness of your sexuality at the same time. Moreover, you’d probably feel guilty with every sexual act with your spouse because you would be awakened to the fact that your heart is not chaste.
This is why we have the sacraments and most of all have the sacrament of reconcilation. There is nothing wrong with going week after week confessing the same sin that we are enslaved to. Think about it. There are only about 7 or 10 categories of sin an individual could commit. We always commit the same sins more than once. We must grow in humility, and we must understand the reconcilation is more than receiving “Well ok, you did a bad thing, but I forgive you so now when you die you’ll go to Heaven because I don’t hate you anymore.”
That is not God’s nature at all. He is just and merciful. His work is over, but within us it is a development. Not only do we receive forgiveness in the sacrament, but we receive the graces necessary to overcome the sin.
