sexual tension

[Montie_Claunch]

I don’t suffer from that paricular temptation but, I have noticed that going to mass helps eleviate my tensions. I would figure that it would help.

 

[dulcissima]

As far as exercise goes - why don’t you try a spin training class. They are usually about 45 minutes and very intense. I think you may be able to burn through a little of what you have pent up in you that way.

 

[spiritblows]

Well, today I took a 7 mile bike ride, and I walked about 7 miles too. I still feel pent up. I feel like a glass of wine to unwind, but I worry about that, sometimes I slip into too much regular wine drinking and feel like it can be problematic.

I have decided that I’m going to find a husband. I talked to my priest about it today and how I’m probably going to have to look outside the church in order to find someone, since I live in a small area. He was very supportive and was glad to see that I’m getting over the loss of my husband.

For one thing, I really like men and get along with them, and I want a physical and emotional relationship with one. So, that’s my plan. Meanwhile, I’ll just keep on walking, running, biking and praying in order to cope with all this tension.

 

[Shoshana]

Well, don’t I understand this problem! Although i do have a husband, I have had my worst sexual appetites go up one notch when I was away from my husband…especially in Israel. I prayed, and prayed, and prayed! I even went to bed with my Bible in my arms! The pain (which is exquisite!) lasted for 3 days. But, I’ve learned a new trick. I was hospitalized so many times because I suffered with agressive Crohn’s Disease and mutiple resections accompanied by many blockages. Even, during then, my sexuality would not behave! My bedside table was right next to me with fresh water and ice cubes…and guess what…the ice cubes did the trick! Best trick in the whole world! :dancing:

That being said…spiritblows…may the Lord bless you with a loving, affecionate and worthy husband…you deserve it!

 

[Lorrie]

What I have been doing for the last month or two is praying, I know that is the typical answer but its true. I pray every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep asking God to help me keep my mind and body pure. Its amazing how much this has helped, I rarely ever think about sex anymore (when I use to think about it constantly).

Another piece of good advice is don’t get into situations that might tempt you and keep your mind occupied!

 

[Anna_s_Mom]

Viki59:

I know where you’re coming from. It’s not always easy to be chaste. That’s why it’s a sacrifice, of course.
I find that exercise helps, or a round of enthusiastic housecleaning.
One can offer up one’s frustration, as in anything else, in reparation. There is so much misuse of this gift that reparation is always a good idea.

I could use some house cleaning. Maybe I could introduce you to someone, you get married and we would all be happy. After the cleaning of course. What about windows??
(tee-hee)

 

[amdgjmj]

Could it be that you are meant to remarry in the future? It has been 8 years, after all, although you do have kids. Are you missing having a living husband in other ways besides sexually? That sounds like a dumb question–of course you must miss the companionship and help of your husband. But I mean, have you discerned whether God is truly calling you to the single life now, or are you being called to the married life again? Or is your only complaint with your state in life the lack of sex?

 

[Celeste88]

Ok, another suggestion. Ask your doctor for an anti-depressent. The SSRI’s work real well to dampen the sex drive, but stay away from Welbutrin (could have the opposite effect).

 

[Jhuver]

I can certainly relate to your struggle. I am married but we are abstaining due to a recent birth of our 4th. I also wonder about possible health repercussions of no release. I’ve heard that it could increase the risk of prostate cancer if there is arousal with no “completion.” It’s especially difficult since the only way to avoid arousal is to sleep in a separate room from my wife.

 

[Mijoy2]

Jhuver:

. I’ve heard that it could increase the risk of prostate cancer if there is arousal with no “completion.”.

I’d look into this further, I believe it’s a myth with no basis in medical science what-so-ever. Else I think nearly every man would have prostate cancer 100 times over before he’s old enough to vote. .

 

[Viki59]

amdgjmj:

Could it be that you are meant to remarry in the future? It has been 8 years, after all, although you do have kids.

I’ve always assumed that someone with kids was meant to be married, unless God had an unusual plan for their life. Children need a father, if it can be arranged. It’s not always possible.

 

[Shoshana]

Viki59:

I’ve always assumed that someone with kids was meant to be married, unless God had an unusual plan for their life. Children need a father, if it can be arranged. It’s not always possible.

It is a always a good question to ask whether a woman with children was meant or need to marry again…and if it would be God’s will at all. I cannot answer this question for spirit but I know of many Saints (and contemporary ones) who were widowed and became religious. One of them being St Marguerite d’Youville…out of so many…

But, may spiritblows find a soul mate and may her desire be guided by the Holy Spirit!

 

[Philthy]

spiritblows:

Since this is anonymous I guess it’s a good place to bring up this embarrassing subject. It seems like I have a lot of innate sexual tension, with no outlet since everything is forbidden for single people and I want to obey the Church. I think it makes me sort of tense and pent up. My sexual tension isn’t neccessarily connected with lustful thoughts, but it’s physical. I think I would be calmer and more balanced if I had a satisfying sex life with a release of this tension and I think I would be nicer to my family.

Oh absolutely you’d be calmer and more balanced - but you’d still need to deal with the remaining 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day
after the calming balance evaporates…

 

[the-3rd-parent]

Actually, I would say that the sexual tension probably does deal a lot with lust as you are viewing your sexuality as something that needs to escape out of you, that you need to give into it, rather than it being something totally focused on the other, where you have sex with the other rather than use the person as an outlet of sexual tension mutually.

To admit this is something that takes much humility. To admit it without punishing yourself for it or degrading yourself also takes humility.

Chastity is the opposite of lust, it is the virtue that is cultivated through chastes acts, but is something that builds in our hearts.

To develope this chastity in your heart I advice deep and devout prayer, frequent confession and reception of the sacraments. I also advice keeping a spiritual journal as it makes it much easier to see your progress.

As a female who has her peeks and valleys with her own sexuality that go along with the peeks and valleys of my fertility, I have also found it useful to monitor my fertile signs and to avoid romantic movies, films and images with even the smallest hint of sexual content during that time. That stuff makes us think about it more. How can you not think about sex when every 4th song on the radio is about sex, when every commercial on tv has some sexual appeal to it, when almost every movie has sexual content…I mean what do you expect?

As though I’ve struggled at times with impure thoughts, I never felt pent up, I will say that perhaps you need to reconsider what you watch and listen to altogether. At least tone it down a bit. Refuse to watch films you know are going to put sex on your mind.

As for me, I’ve got myself to the point where if I fall into the sin of impure thoughts, its usually because I have a dream in my sleep with sexual content in it and start waking up during it. It makes figuring out if I gave my full consent of the will very difficult. How awake was I at that point? Could I have stopped it at this point? Did I for one moment harbor it?

 

[the-3rd-parent]

spiritblows:

. Occasionally I have orgasms in my sleep I think and it seems to help. I just feel tense alot and I’m sick of no relief. My husband has been dead for 8 years. I think it’s starting to get to me.

Sorry to reply again, but I think I have other advice that may help as well. Sometimes our sex drive comes out when we haven’t loved enough in other ways. The sexual act is the most basic expression of love and when we yearn to love and feel deprived of love and thus lonely, our sexuality can bust its head out. When I realized that this was part of the problem for me a little over a year ago, I found that actually volunteering my time in survice to others helped. It was completely non-sexual. If I got my week’s in of volunteer work in earlier that week, my sexuality wouldn’t come out the entire week and if it did during my fertile time it was rather mild.

Granted you have to find a ministry that really is suited for you. Remember, we are all called to fill our hearts with God’s love through prayer and the reception of the sacraments, but then we are also called to spread that love. Its expression can be as simple as cleaning up someone else’s mess. For instance, when I was in college, I spent a week in the dorm during spring break. NO ONE was around. I was getting so lonely that not only would my mind turn to sexual thoughts but other times I just felt in tears. I had to love another person in some way.

Even though my roommate was away, I found that doing service to her by cleaning up her half the room which she had left a mess before she left restored me. I rather enjoyed it. While cleaning my own half did very little for me.