I am by no means a councillor but I will try to help.
My boyfriend was a sex addict once also.
I did commit adultry on our 8-10 year of marriage,but at that time I was a drug user and we were seperated and I was a witch and very wealthy…
Praise God for your Redemption.
Coming from such an opposing background, you may be expecting just a bit too much too soon from your conversion. Be patient with yourself and with God.
My fiance was a drug addict too,but clean 7 yrs. Me clean almost 13. He was arrest and (name removed by moderator)risoned for sexual abuse for 9 yrs. That horrible experience was his rock bottom and he tried to kill himself in prison when first arrested. he is out now. I have known him 8 yrs. And we always were only friends up to a a year ago. We keep it clean between us. We both know though that we both struggle in this area of sex thoughts with eachother,so we do not dress or act to provoke anything. We both want God priority.
There obviously has been a strong addictive component to both your personalities and you are trying to overcome this. Psychologically, the way to do this is by reprogramming. Spiritually too the idea is to fight it off and substitute good, redemptive thoughts and behaviors for the bad ones.
Do you have a strong spiritual advisor who is trained in this area?
I cannot stress how important this is. Many people, myself included, can be empathetic but are simply not trained…
If we were married,we would be ok. We are not like our old selves when addicted to sex…that was very extreme and gross.
This is beautiful, but I would caution you that marrying this man will not change the battle you are fighting. In fact, in some ways it may make it harder, which I am sure you have both discussed.
We just and only are attracted to eachother. **We pray and work hard on this issue. And I really do not want to end this relationship because we are very good for eachother in so many ways…even spiritually we have helped eachother so much. **However, we are both you could say,oversexed!?! But do not show it.I want to overcome this. I really hate it…
Based strictly on what you say here I think you two have a wonderful relationship. Dangerous - but wonderful. You are a very lucky person to have such an understanding friend.
There is total honesty and loyality between us. I am not on my 20’s or 30;s anymore and can tell alot about a person I am with because I have had the worst of the worst in men for most my life. This man is a Christian. And he is a giver not a taker like me.
One thing I note in here is your statement that he is a giver not a taker, like you. This can be a dangerous thing. It is critical that you remember his addictions and are sensitive to them. One of the things I would be praying for is the Lord to help you be more giving.
We have this issue and I know from priests and even monks that it is ‘normal’ and I we fight the thoughts,but **I want more immediate control and I do not want to always have to put out so much effort.**There are better things to do.
God will continue to work in you, but he must do it in his own time. He understands your addictive issues. That may be why He has not provided an easy path.
Look at it like this. The evil one has held sway for so long that his path worn smooth and all the sensations are familiar. The path to grace has been left unused for so long that it is covered with brambles and stones to trip on. Only by clearing and trodding this path will it become smooth and easier.
Don’t expect the evil to give up though. You must bar the other path with a strong wall of faith and trust in the Lord. Put St Michael atop the wall to guard and protect you. Let the evil wail and bash against that wall. You’ll hear him but he won’t be able to reach you and destroy you.
You are right too that there are better things to do. Keep busy with good works and prayer.
I want to marry this man. I know him so deeply and we are good together. And I do not think there has ever been an engaged couple who has not dealt with some sex thoughts.
You are absolutely right and sex within the bounds of marriage, between two people who love each other and want to give fully and tenderly of and to each other, is a beautiful thing.
But because of my past addiction…it really gets to me,even though it doesn’t nearly reach that level of impurity. I do not act on those thoughts.
Nevertheless, I am always confessing them and I am sick and tired of this. I want to do better and I always really mean to…
First of all it is obvious to me that you are truly contrite and God is forgiving you. Over and Over.
Our relationship is mostly a joy and we are understanding and patient with each other. We work on this sex issue by not talking or writing anything about sex or sex in our future marriage. We dress modestly. We as he says, are like twins. We had such similar pasts and hard life. And then Jesus converted us…different years though.
I think that this is good and correct that you avoid talking about sex in your marriage.
However, in so doing I hope you are not avoiding discussing your addictions and temptations. It sounds like you are not, but I don’t want to misunderstand you.
There is a book Called Healing Prayer that you may find useful in your journey. It speaks a lot to healing both in the physical and the emotional/spiritual sense. It is not a large book and is very readable.
You and your betrothed have a long road ahead of you full of potential for great Joy and many potential pitfalls. Stay honest and true to God each other and I believe God will reward you.
I wish you only the best and hope I’ve been of help in some small way.
May God’s Blessings be upon you
James
