Sexuality and SSA

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OnAJourney

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I’m a person who is interested in becoming a catholic, after living a mostly non religious life despite having grown up in a very religious area. I however am in the position of being a homosexual male, and I want to live by the doctrine and teaching of the church. In my teenage years and up until a few months ago I did have intimate partners of the same sex. I haven’t had any partners since then and I’ve been exploring faith.

I’ve read up on the position of the church and how each person that happens to be gay or have SSA should be welcomed within the church, but that such individuals are called to a life of chastity. For me I am willing to live that life of chastity as per church doctrine and teaching, but I struggle with my inclinations. I want to grow in my faith and become a catholic that is in full communion with God, but my inclinations challenge me each day. I genuinely feel that at times it can and does restrict my ability to grow in my faith as well as causing disappointment and hurt in me.

I feel somewhat embarrassed that a thing like sex can come in the way between me and faith. I guess what I really need is advice or any help that you can give.
 
Your inclinations to have sex in particular? Or a romantic attraction to someone?

If it’s the former, we are all on the same boat here tbh. Lust in general affects all of us. If it’s the latter, I can understand how that must be tough.

But honestly, stuff that is directed towards chastity in general should help you. You aren’t excluded, if that makes sense. We are all trying to avoid the same type of sin here.
 
I do have an inclination for a former ex of mine, coincidentally he became a catholic and that’s why things had ended between us (we’re still close friends today and he’s been helping and advising me with my exploration of faith). And I’ve also engaged in a sinful action which almost always leads to lust, a form of stimulation, and that is as graphic as I would like to be about that.

I just feel disappointed when I fall into that and I can’t help but feel like I’m weak for doing so.
 
I don’t really know what to say, but praying a lot might help: here are some of the advantages of praying the Rosary often-
Advantages include peace from temptations (such as impure thoughts)

https://www.theholyrosary.org/rosarybenefits

I know praying the Rosary has helped me. Hope this helps!
 
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Hi.

I hope you make the decision to come into the church. It is the best decision I ever made in my entire life. My advice is that while having SSA is a cross, being called to chastity is something that anyone outside of marriage is something we are all asked to do. There are other reasons aside from SSA one might called to chastity. It helps to not think of yourself as a “special case.” That just adds pressure in my opinion.

Keeping God’s commandments can be challenging for all of us, but carries heavenly delights.
Our reason for being here is to serve and glorify God, and to love our neighbor. Put the great commandments first. [1 and 2] You are so fortunate to follow through with becoming Catholic early without having to live a long life with the heavy burden of sexual sin. I will be adding you to my prayers. Welcome home!
 
I was never baptized as a newborn either. There’s a lot of things that I like about Catholicism. The structure and order really helps me, I also have aspergers and that means I really need structure.

I’m actually considering going to the church where my late grandmother got married before she later on decided to leave Catholicism. The family connection and the fact that it’s a smaller church makes me more comfortable.
 
I do not wish to make light of your comments in any way; chastity is a struggle.

What seems to have been lost (or has become more lost) over the last 50 to 60 years is that everyone is called to chastity (including those who are married) and that if one is not married, one is still called to be chaste no matter what the sexual attraction is.

We live in a society which has raised the sexual act to a level of “right” with no concept that there is "responsibility with every right. Marriage has become something which seems to be relegated only to those who want to have children; otherwise it seems to be just fine if one is involved with a sexual partner or partners.

That may be of little comfort - or even no comfort at all, to you. However, we all live in society, and much of that society follows a different “moral code” than the one which the Church does. It can easily make for a daily battle with temptation.

I know of at lest one program/spirituality which is designed for those with SSA to assist them in leading a life of following Christ and is designed to provide them with chaste friendships. It is even harder to “walk the walk” if one’s associates/acquaintances/friends are sexually active. Basically, it seeks to provide community with like-minded attitudes. We all need community; but the community we choose can either be supportive or problematic.

God bless you on your journey.
 
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Yes you are weak. We all “sin”, even habitually re the same weakness most of our lives.
Go to confession monthly and be at peace.

Why is that a problem?
Being strong and being graced are not the same thing at all.
Being weak and being in mortal sin are not the same thing at all.
 
OnAJourney said:
And I’ve also engaged in a sinful action which almost always leads to lust, a form of stimulation, and that is as graphic as I would like to be about that.

I just feel disappointed when I fall into that and I can’t help but feel like I’m weak for doing so.
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Like Leah101 said, we’re in the same boat. I’m married, but still called to chastity. & I struggle with lustful thoughts & self stimulation.

More reason for you to come into full communion, live a sacramental life. Allow God to help us & not try to do this on our own.
 

Do not be surprised or discouraged by your falls​

To these persons it generally happens that they are astonished at their faults, that they are troubled by them, that they are ashamed of them, and so are angry with themselves and fall into discouragement. These are just so many effects of self-love, effects far more pernicious than the faults themselves. We are astonished that we should have fallen; but we are quite wrong, and it is a sign that we know nothing whatever about ourselves. We ought, on the contrary, to be surprised that we do not fall much more often and into much more grievous faults, and we ought to give thanks to God for all the falls from which He preserves us. We are troubled every time we discover some fault in ourselves. We lose our interior peace; we are quite agitated, and we occupy ourselves about this fault for hours, or even for whole days.


Peace.
 
Hi On a journey,
I don’t have any special advice for you, other than reminding you that we are all called to holiness, we all struggle with resisting temptation and sin. I am sure this is not an easy decision, but I thought that I would chime in and say that I joined the church ten years and I have been very content, happy, and thankful for it! Wishing you the best on your journey! 😃
 
OnAJourney said:
For me I am willing to live that life of chastity as per church doctrine and teaching, but I struggle with my inclinations.
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If it makes you feel any better, the path of chastity is a struggle for pretty much everybody, regardless of their orientation, so you’re in good company 🙂
 
I feel like I need to find the right church to meet my needs and help my struggles, I’m supposed to meet with a priest at a large church in my area and I’m a bit nervous.
 
I admire your exploration of faith and commitment to live according to the Church’s teachings. Like others have said, attraction and lust affect just about everyone, and in a society and culture like ours it is hard to avoid sometimes.

We cannot always control the feelings or emotions we have, but we can control whether and how we act upon them.

A priest once told our class in high school that there are a thousand ways to love somebody, and sex / intimate relations are just one of those ways. There are many more ways to show love for someone in the true Christian sense, best explained in 1 Corinthians 13.
 
I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of a Catholic group called Courage (couragerc.org)
Which is a prayer and support group for homosexual persons wanting to live a chaste life.
They have face to face groups and an online forum.

They’re not “conversion” therapy, they don’t try to change anybody’s orientation, they’re just about prayer and deep spirituality.
 
I have heard of them yes. I did reach out to the priest that runs the local chapter in my area, but I’ve yet to hear back. I’ll have to continue waiting I suppose. Along with struggling to handle my sexuality I’m currently very spiritually weak, and I feel as if I’m on my own. I do want to have a relationship with God and the Church, It’s just very difficult when in a position of spiritual weakness and doubt
 
OnAJourney said:
It’s just very difficult when in a position of spiritual weakness and doubt
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True.
But (or and!) the spiritual journey is a marathon, not a sprint.
The only day you have to work in is today. If you try to carry yesterday and tomorrow also, you’ll get discouraged.
No, I’m not making light of your struggle, not at all.
I’ll remember you in my prayers 🙂:pray:t2:❤️
 
If it makes you feel any better, many of us who are heterosexual or primarily heterosexual struggle with our inclinations towards the opposite sex also. Without getting into details, I’ve had my struggles with all that stuff in the past, both as a single person and as a married person. Single people have all the same temptations going on regardless of what gender they find attractive, and married people can often feel some attraction not permitted by the Church, whether that’s an attraction to someone outside the marriage, a desire to look at porn, or a desire to have sex with their marital partner in a disallowed way. Chastity is a struggle for everybody - you’re not alone.
 
I am trying pretty hard to live by the teachings. I keep thinking if RCIA would help me grow in my faith and lead me out of my current position of spiritual weakness and doubt
 
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