Sexuality and Vocations: Scared

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ShaunH

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I am a 16 year old (almost 17) homosexual guy, and I have recently been thinking a lot about my vocation and how I will live the rest of my life. My dream is to live a single, celibate life while pursuing a career in music or photography. I have been wondering lately that what if I’m meant to become a priest or a monk, and the thought makes me really upset. That is not how I want to live out my life. I have not recieved any sort of “call” from God like everybody says. Does anyone have any advice for me? How can I stop feeling so upset? Will I be able to fulfill my dream?
 
ShaunH said:
I am a 16 year old (almost 17) homosexual guy, and I have recently been thinking a lot about my vocation and how I will live the rest of my life. My dream is to live a single, celibate life while pursuing a career in music or photography. I have been wondering lately that what if I’m meant to become a priest or a monk, and the thought makes me really upset. That is not how I want to live out my life. I have not recieved any sort of “call” from God like everybody says. Does anyone have any advice for me? How can I stop feeling so upset? Will I be able to fulfill my dream?
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Well, I’m Agnostic, so I personally feel hurt that you are upset because nobody deserves to have to go through something like this. 😦 To have to go through life every day *thinking *that a part of who you are is “forbidden.”

sigh Sorry for venting aimlessly, but I’m not sure if I have that right to help you; I’m not gay and I’m no longer Catholic. :cool:

But, I can tell you that fulfilling your dreams is first priority. And in order to stop feeling upset, you can concentrate on your dream and work your way up.

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood
 
ShaunH said:
I am a 16 year old (almost 17) homosexual guy, and I have recently been thinking a lot about my vocation and how I will live the rest of my life. My dream is to live a single, celibate life while pursuing a career in music or photography. I have been wondering lately that what if I’m meant to become a priest or a monk, and the thought makes me really upset. That is not how I want to live out my life. I have not recieved any sort of “call” from God like everybody says. Does anyone have any advice for me? How can I stop feeling so upset? Will I be able to fulfill my dream?
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Hi Shaun,

To quote St. Paul, “let the peace of Christ reign in your heart.” As a devout Catholic and single person, I think it’s admirable that you’ve had the thought (I guess we all should be open to explore the different vocations within the Church), but rest assured it is an invitation from God that is not extended to everyone. While there may be fear for those called, there is also a sense of joyful anticipation. You don’t sound like you have that.

God bless you in your desire to be chaste and to pursue that which stirs your heart. Many, many people glorify God through music and photography. You are young, so be the best person you can be right now–the best student, best son, best Christian. God loves you!!!

Peace,
Teri
 
Hi Shaun,

Good on you for having the courage to take a clear-eyed look at the future and think about where you want to go from here.

Have you heard of Third Orders? If you want to live in the world and follow your interests in music and photography, but at the same time be involved in the spirituality and self-discipline of the religious life, it might be something to consider. (I know the Dominicans, Salesians and Franciscans have Third Orders, and possibly the Carmelites too - others here might be able to mention more.) Or you could make private vows to God before a priest, and/or wear a scapular as a private devotion.

If the thought of being a priest or monk frightens you more than it inspires you, please remember that it’s not the only way to give your life to God: the things I’ve listed above are only a few of the ways that you can serve Him outside a seminary or monastary, and with His grace, find happiness while doing so.

God bless you!
 
ShaunH said:
I am a 16 year old (almost 17) homosexual guy, and I have recently been thinking a lot about my vocation and how I will live the rest of my life. My dream is to live a single, celibate life while pursuing a career in music or photography. I have been wondering lately that what if I’m meant to become a priest or a monk, and the thought makes me really upset. That is not how I want to live out my life. I have not recieved any sort of “call” from God like everybody says. Does anyone have any advice for me? How can I stop feeling so upset? Will I be able to fulfill my dream?
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Actually, certain secular vocations and the religious life are not necessarily exclusive. There are Priests and brothers who are involved in music and art. One Jesuit Brother is an astronomer (PhD). There are religious involved in music such as a Priest in the Friars of the Renewal if I recall correctly. So, do not think that being one necessarily excludes the other.

Next is that you are young and certainly have time to discern where God wants you. If God wants you to be a Priest or Brother you will not be happy until you fulfill that vocation. Right now there is time to discern. Find a spiritual director and explore the issue. Even if you were to become a Priest you MUST earn an undergrad degree (with certain courses) before even entering seminary (i.e. this ain’t happening next week and this is good as you have time to find out where you are called).

If you decide you want to pursue a secular career and are not called to Priesthood but want to consecrate yourself I understand there are ways to do that (including possibly belonging to a religious order but living in isolation in the world and serving in your secular calling…(help some of you folks with more knowledge of this area than me). One order I can think of is the Brothers and Sisters of Charity (John Michael Talbot founded it) and there are others.

Here is a video about the rocking Friars of the Renewal and some individual stories:
vodpod.com/watch/1270024-funky-friars-the-franciscan-friars-of-the-renewal
 
Thank you all for your replies. I still do not feel that a religious vocation is the right one for me. I feel like I would be much happier living a single, celibate, Christian life. Is there any way I can make a religious vow in the Church to remain celibate for life and to follow the Precepts of the Church, and still be able to be your average musician or photographer?
 
ShaunH said:
Thank you all for your replies. I still do not feel that a religious vocation is the right one for me. I feel like I would be much happier living a single, celibate, Christian life. Is there any way I can make a religious vow in the Church to remain celibate for life and to follow the Precepts of the Church, and still be able to be your average musician or photographer?
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Absolutely! I am sure that in time you will find just what you are looking for. Spiritual direction would be a good thing to pursue for some clarification. I am more versed in options for women. Our Church is a good mother who provides for all her children. I will pray for your discernment. I don’t see any reason why you could not be “your average musician or photographer”, remain celibate and follow the Precepts of the Church.

God bless your journey!
Sr. Judith Ann
 
ShaunH said:
Thank you all for your replies. I still do not feel that a religious vocation is the right one for me. I feel like I would be much happier living a single, celibate, Christian life. Is there any way I can make a religious vow in the Church to remain celibate for life and to follow the Precepts of the Church, and still be able to be your average musician or photographer?
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Third Orders of some groups, I think.

Ask your parish priest? Or call the diocesan headquarters.
 
There are consecrated virgins who do not take vows like religious or receive Holy Orders like priests, but have chosen to make a permanent commitment to making God their spouse. This may be an option for you, but give it a LOT of time to decide for sure.

It is a delicate topic, but recent Vatican guidance suggests that those with Same Sex Attractions must be take additional vigilance before seeking Holy Orders. It can be tempting for a faithful catholic to make the leap of logic, “hey, I have to be celibate anyways, why not be a priest?” It makes lots of sense on the surface.

But God quite simply calls some to the priesthood and others to other vocations. It is deadly dangerous to assume that ones circumstances amount to a call. You’ll need to discern a call just like everybody else.

Give it time, lots of prayer and find a reliable spiritual director. God bless you, you’ve got guts.
 
What we must remember above all else is that God is for everyone, regardless of who we are because He created us; He loves you as you are because He made you!

It isn’t about fretting over “our” dreams or fulfilments or being afraid over our choices; holiness is for everyone. What makes a person holy isn’t the level of his or her ascension within a hierarchy but being who they truly are.

God calls us to be ourselves - and it us up to us to work with Him to take our strengths and use them for love; for life and truth. In short; for God’s glory and His will (which is love and mercy itself). It is also up to us to work with Him to combat our weaknesses.

Never worry; worry is not from God. Peace is.

For now grow in friendship with Christ; really get close to Him because when you get used to each other more it will become easier to listen and work with. Have you ever tried working with a stranger? How about a friend? Which one gets more done?
 
I’m still feeling quite depressed. The thing I’m worried about is, what if I am called to the priesthood and I won’t ever be able to live a normal, single, celibate, Christian life? What if I won’t be able to do anything I’ve dreamed of doing for my whole life? These thoughts have been keeping me awake at night for the past week. I also have troubles enjoying myself lately.

Would simply making a religious vow to remain celibate for life and to make God my lifelong spouse suffice as my calling, that is, if it turns out that I am called to a religious vocation?
 
ShaunH said:
I’m still feeling quite depressed. The thing I’m worried about is, what if I am called to the priesthood and I won’t ever be able to live a normal, single, celibate, Christian life? What if I won’t be able to do anything I’ve dreamed of doing for my whole life? These thoughts have been keeping me awake at night for the past week. I also have troubles enjoying myself lately.

Would simply making a religious vow to remain celibate for life and to make God my lifelong spouse suffice as my calling, that is, if it turns out that I am called to a religious vocation?
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Shaun–
I felt God calling me to religious life many years ago and was absolutely petrified by it. It was not what I wanted for myself. After time, my heart changed and I am now pursuing what I have come to see as an exciting path. But that’s just it, I DESIRE it. Most who are called feel that is the desire of their hearts, the biggest desire.

What is a normal life anyway? I’m sure you have the desire to walk for the rest of your life, but there is no guarantee you won’t have a bad accident and lose that ability. Heck, do any of us even know for certain how long I life we will be given? All the worry would be for nothing. I guess that’s why Jesus tells us not to worry 🙂 He’s in control! I was a control freak, so it was hard to hand the reigns over. But until we get over the illusion that we are somehow in charge, we won’t have peace.

I love this verse from scripture:
“For I know well the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope. When you call me, when you go to pray to me, I will listen to you. When you look for me, you will find me. When you seek me with all your heart, you will find me with you, says the Lord.” - Jeremiah 29:11-14

I also love this prayer: “I know my desire to please you in fact pleases you.” (can’t think of who said it).

He loves you. He wants the life that will help you get to know Him better and to help you be the best version of yourself. If you love photography, then he GAVE you that love for photography.

You’re young. Why not put the vocation question on the back burner? Just say, “Lord, I don’t know what you’re calling me to right now. Please help to only worry about today. Help me to love you and others. Grant me the grace to desire your will in all things. Give me peace in my heart.”

I will keep you in prayer. Peace, my friend.

In Christ,
Teri
 
Thank you for your response. 🙂

I’m still having some troubles understanding the religious vocation. Are the only options being a priest, deacon, monk, etc.? Or does the vocation include other lifestyles? My mind is basically a jumbled mess right now. I just need anything that will give me a sigh of relief.
 
Hey Shaun. I wanted to first start off by saying that you are in my prayers. You have quite a cross to carry, and you have much courage as well (at least that is what I have gathered in so far).

Secondly, I wanted to try and help you from my perspective. I am an 18 year old male, and I am headed off to basic training at the Air Force Academy next month. I have been considering the priesthood for quite a few years now, but I have always wanted to be a fighter pilot. Obviously, both of these paths are lifestyles and not just careers. Up until a month ago I was feeling a great amount of anxiety, and losing sleep at nights. I had no idea what to do. It seemed to me that one path just had to be the right path, and the other one the wrong path. If I didn’t choose the right path, I would mess up my life FOREVER! I am sure that you can probably relate to that in some manner. I could feel the pressure building as time to make a decision shrunk, and I had no idea which path was for me.

I ended up signing up with USAFA, but was still nervous if I was making the right choice. Then I was invited by my parish priest to go on a vocational retreat, where I was able to talk to some seminarians and my diocese’s vocational director (I figured that I had to stay open to whatever God might be calling me to do). I ended up going to the seminary a week later and meeting with the director again, just to talk about what was on my mind (couldn’t hurt, right?). He basically told me I couldn’t go wrong with either the Air Force or the Seminary, and that God wouldn’t abandon me no matter what I chose to do. I guess hearing that from him was somewhat reassuring. He also told me to trust in Jesus - that I was still young and had plenty of time.

Talking to that priest was one of the best things I did, and I have been at peace since. So that would be my advice to you. Talk to a priest/spiritual director/friend about what you are going through. I apologize for not being the best writer, but would be more than happy to talk via PM if you want.

Finally I wanted to leave you with this prayer by Thomas Merton:
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Merton:
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
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ShaunH said:
Thank you for your response. 🙂

I’m still having some troubles understanding the religious vocation. Are the only options being a priest, deacon, monk, etc.? Or does the vocation include other lifestyles? My mind is basically a jumbled mess right now. I just need anything that will give me a sigh of relief.
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Shaun,

You need to find a spiritual director with the church. As has been noted there are ways to live out your vocation OUTSIDE of being a Priest, monk or friar. You can formally through the church consecrate yourself to a life of celibacy (someone may be able to provide a link) AND live out your vocation as a photographer or musician. It will not make you a monk and you will not live in community,

On top of that there are even some orders if you wanted to join one where you live and work normally. As I recall there is a nurse or doctor (female) in the US Army who is a Sister (i.e. member of a religious order and she does not live in community).

So…fear not. If you are not called to a religious order you can still formally consecrate yourself to Christ, live celibately AND pursue your other vocational dreams. Life is your oyster and what you want to do is completely within the realm of possibility.

Here is info about Secular Institutes: You are not a monk in these and you live a consecrated life in the world doing ALL of life’s normal vocations. This seems to be what you are looking for. Within the site are links to specific institutes (where it says institute directory)
secularinstitutes.org/consecration.htm
 
So you’re saying that if it turns out I am called to a religious vocation, rather than a single or married vocation, asceticism or any similar form of consecration may suffice to fulfill my vocation?
 
ShaunH said:
So you’re saying that if it turns out I am called to a religious vocation, rather than a single or married vocation, asceticism or any similar form of consecration may suffice to fulfill my vocation?
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Yes. As a single person who makes a vow to Christ to consecrate yourself to him you would be living your vocation, if that is truly where you feel he is leading you. God doesn’t abandon us, he just desires us to follow the plan that best suites us.

I would think that if Jesus appeared to you and asked you to be a priest (I’ve never heard of that happening, but I guess anything is possible), you would be devastated in not following his will for you considering he made it so abundantly clear. I don’t guess that has happened?

How bout you check with your diocesan website vocation section to see if they have spiritual directors in your area? It really is a good idea. We all could benefit from spiritual direction, not matter what our vocation. It would help you to talk this over with someone and get all of these thoughts out of your head so you won’t feel like you’re going crazy.

Peace, Shaun.

Teri
 
So I think for now I am going to worry about my career as a musician (or photographer). I think I will follow that path and then if I find later in life that it is not what I am meant to be, then I will start praying hard. As soon as this coming school year starts, I will start talking with the spiritual director. But I think no matter what, I will get consecrated to a life of celibacy. As far as I know now, this is what God wants of me.
 
ShaunH said:
I am a 16 year old (almost 17) homosexual guy, and I have recently been thinking a lot about my vocation and how I will live the rest of my life. My dream is to live a single, celibate life while pursuing a career in music or photography. I have been wondering lately that what if I’m meant to become a priest or a monk, and the thought makes me really upset. That is not how I want to live out my life. I have not recieved any sort of “call” from God like everybody says. Does anyone have any advice for me? How can I stop feeling so upset? Will I be able to fulfill my dream?
Click to expand...
This video should help you out:
youtube.com/watch?v=GINNh15cT08
 
Shaun,

First of all, thanks be to God for your self-perception, your wisdom, and your desire to follow God despite the suffering that may come with it.

Secondly, as a Dominican it would be almost wicked of me not to share something that has helped me through related (though not identical) worries.

God loves us absolutely, and desires for us that which will give us the greatest happiness both on Earth and in Heaven. This is the essence of the “vocation”, it is God calling us to the life for which He made us. Therefore, if he made you to be a single, celibate layman then that is where you will find the greatest fulfillment and peace. If he made you to be an avowed religious, this is where you will find yourself.

Above all remember the words of St Augustine: “…our hearts are restless, O God, and they will have no rest until they rest in thee…” (Confessions). Try not to fear too much just yet about your vocation (futile as it sounds, I still shudder at the thought of my own fears only a few years ago).

At the risk of sounding superficial, 16-17 is a very turbulent age (I’m only 23 so I remember it well) and in your shoes I would step back and avoid identifying my sexual dispositions with any finality. I won’t even dare saying something as trite as “it might just be a phase”, though I will say that however your sexual impulse acts as you go through life, God will always provide the grace you need to deal with it in the right way as long as you keep asking him to supply it.

We’re all praying for you.

PS: What kind of photography are you into? I haven’t settled on a favourite style yet, though I don’t really like doing “people” shots.
 
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