Sexuality in children ages 2-6 years old

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Stephentlig

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Recently my 6-year-old son was playing the daughter of another couple. When they were playing alone, my son suggested they show each others genitals and even to touch them. My son was exposed to this behaviour before with other children, the parents of which say “it’s just curiosity”, and they’re not offended. But this couple is very offended.

I researched the issue and came up with links that demonstrate this is normal behaviour in children. It has nothing to do with sexual arousal and more to do with curiosity. Is this true? What is the Catholic teaching on this subject? Is there anything in theology of the body that discusses it?

Stephen
 
That is tricky. It happened to my son by my neighbors daughter when they were 4 and 5. The parents were mortified but I think if you make it too big kids pick up that it is something ‘naughty’

We weren’t offended at all but did explain to son about private areas and not showing them to anyone. From what I can gather it has never happened again.

OP I know it probably feels like it is huge. But to a kid it is probably no different than comparing clothes. Have a talk but try not to make it bigger than it is.

Highly doubt the catholic church has a specific ruling on it.
 
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Yeah I’m pretty sure I covered it in TOB and Catechism before but when it actually happens all that theology goes out the window. I’m pretty sure that the church takes into account the “maturity” of the individual but this couple don’t really understand fully and are calling it “masturbation and an intrinsically disordered act” but it’s not as black and white as that. Children are incapable of sinning in this way and I think they just need someone to teach them that maturity plays a big part in that.
 
Clearly younger children are not capable of sins of impurity of which they are not aware, but particularly between the sexes and by the age of 6 I would have hoped that the concept of modesty should be coming into play, so to speak !

I would definitely object to this sort of behaviour if a friends son were with my daughter or vis-versa.
 
Oh yes, the behaviour is objectionable, and all precautions necessary need to be implemented to ensure its prevention. But they seem incapable of accepting the Churches teaching in immaturity regarding sexuality in children and are making a mountain out of it.
 
That’s exactly what I did last night. He said, “but wasn’t adam and eve naked, isn’t ok to be naked together?” He’s so innocent he hasn’t a clue. But I had the chat with him.
 
Yes that is normal in that age group. It’s time to start to instill a sense of privacy and the virtue of modesty (not shame) with your son.

The Church’s document The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality is the Church document you should read. Just google it, it’s available on the internet.
 
Use your common sense!
Politely and calmly take care of the situation. Let the child know that exploring each other’s bodies is not the way we do things. (yes, kids do that, but they are instructed in how to grow in maturity by parents, and by a certain age hopefully that is no longer the way they do things)
Calmly, in a businesslike parental way.
 
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Yes we’ve done that but the problem we are having is convincing them that it’s nothing to do with sexual arousal and not sinful.
 
Stephentlig said:
Yes we’ve done that but the problem we are having is convincing them that it’s nothing to do with sexual arousal and not sinful.
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This might not be a couple you want your kid hanging with? If their views on human sexuality are so distorted.
Use your common sense.
 
Stephentlig said:
Yes we’ve done that but the problem we are having is convincing them that it’s nothing to do with sexual arousal and not sinful.
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Some people are just ridiculous and not open to facts. So stop trying to convince them of something they don’t want to know.

Read The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality. Paragraphs 69 and 78 in particular is what you are looking for, but I encourage you and your spouse to read the whole thing and keep it handy as a guide.

Maybe showing those paragraphs to them will help but if not, shake it off.
 
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Some of the best advice we ever received as a parents was to follow our God-given instincts, and do it confidently.
You don’t think your kid ought to spend the night at Johnny’s house? SAY NO.
Trust your “parental sniffer”.

Our society has conditioned us to doubt ourselves as authority figures, and to subject our sense of what is true and right to lesser concerns. Like “not being too firm”. As if good parenting is something negative and harsh.
 
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I’m not sure I see in those paragraphs of which directly addresses their concerns on the subject of sexual arousal versus pure curiosity but I think the relationship has safely ended anyway. They seem to be eager converts caught up in the utlra fundamentalist black and white mindset. Quoting me the anti pope francis remnant on the issue. I just give up with my relationships in the Church sometimes. If people are not too modernist they’re too amish and ultra right wing in behaviour. Catholicism has been a difficult journey but the Lord never said it was going to be easy.
 
Stephentlig said:
What is the Catholic teaching on this subject? Is there anything in theology of the body that discusses it?
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Catholic teaching is that we teach our children modesty and respect. By age 6 secular children (those without intellectual disabilities) would know about private parts and the “what is covered by a swimsuit” is private.

Yes, curiosity is normal, that is why we do our best to instill basic modesty by modeling it at home and talking about it from birth. Age 6 is when Catholic kids are prepping for first confession and first communion, so, they are old enough to know the consequences of violating modesty.

Talk about it, use the real names for body parts, get a book if you are uncomfortable with the talks.

If it were my kid, I would have him apologize to the other family.

Also, buy the Jr version of “Good Pictures, Bad Pictures” because that is another important talk to begin now.
 
Stephentlig said:
but this couple don’t really understand fully and are calling it “masturbation and an intrinsically disordered act”
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That is stunning. These people need an overhaul on their catechesis ASAP.
Stephentlig said:
They seem to be eager converts caught up in the utlra fundamentalist black and white mindset.
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This ^ is a common problem with Protestant converts. I guess it’s all part of ecumenism but I see it as having become a problem in general, and I think the Church needs to address it somehow.
 
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I have had several 3/4-year-old boys pull down their pants and show me their penises when I have taught primary school aged children. My reply in normal tone is: “Max, you are a boy and boys have penises. You use it when you need to pee. Now pull your pants back on as we are going to wash our hands before we eat lunch or whatever we are supposed to be doing”. Then when the little boys are picked up, I inform their parents what has happened and how I have dealt with it. I am not making a big issue about it since most are discovering there are boys and girls and that there is a difference between them.

When they have turned 6 all (but a couple who have not reached the average maturity yet) don’t want to show themselves naked in front of the other sex. The rest of the children know that “Charlie needs a little bit of help with some things.” and don’t make a big fuss about it but tell the adults that “Charlie is naked again and has wet his pants or is doing X, Y or Z.”. When children touch their sex organs it is dealt with as it is not something we do in public.
 
I’m not going to make a 6 year old apologize for a sin he didn’t commit. Children by age 6 may know about private parts being covered, and you can have that little talk but it still won’t prevent them from being curious. The Church document quoted to me in this thread advises us not to make them feel bad for this behaviour at this age and by having them apologize for something they don’t understand it confuses them.
 
No one said it was a sin. It was an impolite thing. In our house, apologies do not mean “making you feel bad”, they are expressions of love and charity. YMMV
 
When I caught my kids playing “show me yours and I’ll show you mine”, I just reminded them that we play with our clothes on.
Then I brought them downstairs and set them up with coloring or a board game or something.

No big whoop
 
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