I have come to a decision. Therapists, even good ones, don’t have all the answers whereas God does. I have decided to pray for certain graces such as loyalty, and the grace to not just be thankful for, but to love what I do have as opposed to yearning what I don’t and I intend to pray for the power to love in the way God by infusing us with grace, enables us to do. No easy task and I am already thinking I can’t do this and will no doubt fall back into yearining for what I don’t have. God has tranformed my life, but there are times I don’t want to be transformed by grace preferring sin. I intend to go to confession the next time I have the opportunity, which having two young kids is not as often as I’d like, and I would ask all of you here by your charity, to pray for me because I am afraid. Afraid of what following God means; that I will become a bore no one likes or a raving, irrational, religious lunatic that my husband, who incidently professes to be a heathen and proud of it, won’t be able to live with. He feels religion is a scam, a means to control people, and he fears I will change and he’ll loose the person he married. I should explain that I was raised JW and he sees all religion in the same light and no there is no point in trying to tell him the Catholic faith is different. I remember a Priest telling me not to ailienate my husband as he’s the Father of my children and I need him. I also should explain I live in Northern Ireland and affliliating with a certain religious denomination is perceived as as much a political decision as a religious one, so I can well understand his fears. I’ve actually taken a very different path in life. I was a clinical research technician for 18 years and this September, I hope to enter teacher training to teach Religious Studies and History. My husband hasn’t said anything but I know he’s worried. I just hope I am answering God’s calling and not simply following my own desire to become a teacher.
