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LittleFlower378
Guest
Good Answer… Every act has to be Unitive and Procreative. Stay busy with some hobbies, do what you have to do, but do not sin!
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pianistclare
Guest
six weeks.
A lifetime together, hopefully.
You are way overthinking this.
All of us have to control impulses.
Be happy you have a healthy baby and a wife you love.
Some people would love to have either or both.
These threads are full of people desperate for a mate or a baby.
Small sacrifices, big rewards.
You might listen to Hoosier. He has several children. He’s been through this with his wife. He gets it. If he says you can do it, you can do it.
My husband is reading this over my shoulder and he’s WAY less supportive of your post.
Getting mad and saying you’re a bad person is misconstruing what the posters have said to you and just makes you sound immature. Talk to a priest if you don’t want to hear what others have to say. :compcoff:
A lifetime together, hopefully.
You are way overthinking this.
All of us have to control impulses.
Be happy you have a healthy baby and a wife you love.
Some people would love to have either or both.
These threads are full of people desperate for a mate or a baby.
Small sacrifices, big rewards.
You might listen to Hoosier. He has several children. He’s been through this with his wife. He gets it. If he says you can do it, you can do it.
My husband is reading this over my shoulder and he’s WAY less supportive of your post.
Getting mad and saying you’re a bad person is misconstruing what the posters have said to you and just makes you sound immature. Talk to a priest if you don’t want to hear what others have to say. :compcoff:
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SusanneT
Guest
Am I the only one thinking that six weeks seems a very short time !
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LightBound
Guest
I’m thinking it could be too short for his wife- depending on how she has healed and if her sleep deprivations and hormones are ready for intimacy.
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Vera_Ljuba
Guest
I cannot imagine that God would take exception to your ways of loving your wife. Besides, being “open” to conception is only a matter of mental attitude, which has nothing to do with physical possibility of conception. If it be God’s will, he can overcome any physical obstacle there might occur.
Even if there would be no uterus, no ovaries, God could send a new life to her… but since it does not happen, the only possible explanation is that he does not want to. Be happy with your family and avoid scrupulosity as if it were a plague… which it is.
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Irishmom2
Guest
You know, your wife just had some amazing things happen with her body. She needs time to heal and relax. I doubt she feels up to anything but resting and taking care of the baby. I am sure that she sacrificed a lot while carrying the baby. You cannot wait 6 weeks?
Perhaps because you are making this all about you, and not about your wife, who by the way you should be kissing the ground she walks on right now, you can’t see how selfish you sound.
Maybe you have too much free time. Do everything you can to help your wife. Get up with the baby when she does. Clean the house, shop, whatever. I assume you can keep yourself together in public, and at work, so obviously you have the capability.
Obviously, Hoosier was spot on because you don’t want to have the conversation. Maybe you will return and read his words again and not be so insulted. He makes absolute sense.
Perhaps because you are making this all about you, and not about your wife, who by the way you should be kissing the ground she walks on right now, you can’t see how selfish you sound.
Maybe you have too much free time. Do everything you can to help your wife. Get up with the baby when she does. Clean the house, shop, whatever. I assume you can keep yourself together in public, and at work, so obviously you have the capability.
Obviously, Hoosier was spot on because you don’t want to have the conversation. Maybe you will return and read his words again and not be so insulted. He makes absolute sense.
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TheAmazingGrace
Guest
Keeping busy is the best way to combat temptation. You have a new baby, so that should be a simple task.
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truetofaith
Guest
Don’t you have any hobbies?
Learn the guitar…& don’t watch questionable shows on TV!
Learn the guitar…& don’t watch questionable shows on TV!
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Bookcat
Guest
Such would not be the correct understanding.
… though yes attitude is important certainly too…
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BornInMarch
Guest
Have you tried Natural Family Planning? If used properly then you and your wife won’t have to worry about pregnancy or sin.
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Vera_Ljuba
Guest
I disagree.
But your post reminded me of an old conversation between two friends, who discussed their sex-life in marriage. One of them says: “If my wife wants to have sex, she reaches over, and strokes me once. If she does not want to have sex, she reaches over and strokes me three hundred times”. This is the recipe for a loving and successful relationship. Even when someone is overwhelmed by extra work, one must always reserve a little time for intimacy, for expressing their love to each other. Love is much more than procreation. The “unitive” aspect is what makes marriage last - hopefully until death do us part. The procreative aspect is secondary - if that.
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pensmama87
Guest
Love can be shown in many, many ways besides sex.
One thing that many postpartum women resent is the expectation to “perform” sexually when they have to adjust to new bodies, new routines (and lack thereof), and while they heal. Especially if breastfeeding a new mom has to be constantly available to her infant and can feel “touched out.” It can be very, very loving for a husband and father to practice self-control in this area and make sacrifices for his wife and child for the good of the family.
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Vera_Ljuba
Guest
Every word you said is pure gold. Though I have a hard time to imagine that a few minutes of intimacy (which does not have to be vaginal penetration) is too much to ask for. The question is not “what should a couple do if it is medically unadvisable to have vaginal sex”, rather it is "why is it a problem to express the unitive aspect without the procreative aspect, if BOTH parties WANT and DESIRE it. I will repeat it: the “unitive aspect” is MUCH more important than the “procreative one”.
Obviously, if she is too tired or exhausted, it must be respected. The “honey I have a headache” is a valid excuse. But if she is not too tired, and is an enthusiastic participant, it is no one else’s business what they do in their bedroom.
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Rau
Guest
If you accept this, then what is the “but”?
Are you proposing here that acts of mutual masturbation would be an entirely different category than pleasuring oneself (perhaps in the company of each other)? I suppose that is an act of rationalisation, but I don’t see the reason to hold that view.
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Rau
Guest
There are not just 2 possibilities.I cannot imagine that God would take exception to your ways of loving your wife. Besides, being “open” to conception is only a matter of mental attitude, which has nothing to do with physical possibility of conception. If it be God’s will, he can overcome any physical obstacle there might occur.
God may make something happen.
God may make something not happen.
But for the most part - God leaves it to us.
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ShrodingersCat
Guest
Sounds like you have a weakness that you need to overcome. What if your wife gets ill in the future? If you are using NFP it might not be possible to have sex very often if at all while she breastfeeds depending on her cycles.
You should aim to overcome this not find a way around it. Just like a person who had a bad heart would have to learn to eat healthy all the time. There isn’t a way around it, to answer your question.
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Bookcat
Guest
Keep in mind that this is the Catholic Answers Moral Theology Forum and persons post here questions about Catholic Moral Theology and look to here answers as in terms of Catholic Moral Theology and Church Teaching…
I understand your not posting as a Catholic - but please keep the above in mind (not doing so can even go contrary to your stated rules…)
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Vera_Ljuba
Guest
Fine. But that means that God does not care. If there is a situation, where you care about the outcome, and you don’t intervene, then you don’t care ENOUGH. And if you let things go their way, then you have no right to complain about the chosen path. Either way God obviously does not care what method people use to express their mutual love. So you should not care either.
I always keep it in mind. But it does not mean that I am obligated to agree with it.
The point is that I am interested in finding out if there is an independent, secular underpinning of what the church teaches. There are many teachings where the secular and the Catholic approach coincide. It looks like that sexuality is not one of them.
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Bookcat
Guest
No. Such is a recipe for grave sin. Seriously harming both parties. Not love.
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Vera_Ljuba
Guest
If it is grave “sin” to express your love to strengthen your bond with your spouse even if no procreation is involved, then there is something wrong with your concept of “sin”.
I am sorry, but you are not the authority make decisions about what is and what is not love.
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