F
freesoulhope
Guest
I have been plagued by many disorders, i have been atracted to little children and i have also been sexually attracted to animals. I have succesfully defeated my attraction to animals.I have succesfully reppresed My attraction to children, and although it is still there, it is very weak. My homosexaul erges really took hold of me when i was 18, after i realised i had a problem it was very rare, that i would entertain the foughts( i always rebuked the foughts, especaily when in forgetfullness. I think by knowing my self very well and not entertaining my disodered thoughts i have been able to over come them, even though somtimes they knock very hard on the doors of my mind. I knew that i wasnt allways attracted to the same sex
because, i have memories as a child, of being attracted to girls but when i looked at boys i didnt feel the same, they where different, they where for freindship. one thing i do remember is being a very insercure boy, and very shy, i was very femenine at the time( not in a girlish way, but i was overly sensitve. I was brought up in a family filled with hatred and disorder, there for my mind wondered and fought about things that where disordered, i had no boundrys. On top of that, from the age of sixteen i had an overwelming fear of women, partly becuase i have been conditioned to look at women sexually(ever since i found my dads porno mag) and i was extravertly shy, making me socaily unable to mix(i had freinds but most of the time i was a loner, i liked being by my self) my dad did not treat me like a man or a son and gave me the imppresion that i was not as important as my sister who was autistic and had brain damage(i didnt understand that my sister was ill). I remember when i was a child, my cosin came around to stay, my dad would ask him " what girl do you like from baywatch" id watch them gigle and luagh and wanted to get involve, but i was largly excluded from the conversation( i was not a dads boy, it seemed he was ashamed of me, which he admited, he even said a few months ago that he fought that i was gay)( would it be any wonder if i was?).
My mom is a member of the socailist workers party. Apart from promoting workers rights which is a good thing, These people openly work to liberate homosexuality. My mom got me a job at their print shop. Ever since my earliest memorys i have been in the presence of openly gay people becuase of my mum( im not sure if she actualy intended for me to be around those people, but she did take me and my cosin to gay right campaigns and festivals), it didnt matter what youth centre or theartre company i went to, i was in the company of odd people . I remember my dad having arguments about them coming round to the house. The more i was around these experiences of negetivity and mental conditioning, the more i became degraded. Slowly but surly as a result of degradation, ridicule and sexual incercurity, my mind was slowly led in to homosexuality. I remember thinking about kissing men, but not becuase i was attracted to men, but becuase i was in a situation that gave me cuase to think about such things, i didnt have any boundrys or rules or any kind of religous instruction to the way one should think and regulate thier minds orcordingly. Slowly i realised that i could’nt get the thoughts out of my head, the thoughts began to take root and my insurcuritys and fears gave water to its survival. Eventually i had devoloped homosexual erges, but i refused to indulge, since society its self, witch hunts people who indulge in these things. Thankfully due to what i was going through i cared about what my freinds thought. but no matter what i did, it got worse, the erges became stronger.
I was nearly to the point of killing my self, i was getting paranoid, people called me names and becuase i thought they knew i was gay, became defensive and depresed, then it became obvious. I finaly did the unthinkable… Through the intervention of a freind that strangely began to work at the same place as me (a Christian), i began to question my place in the universe and i started to talk to god. Also through the encouragement of my dad i was baptised. I was hoping for a miracle but it did not happen, i remmember crying as the priest put the holy oil on my forehead. But this didn’t stop me from fighting, i begain having spiritual experiences, as well as spiritual battles. i knew that god was real and i refused to give in. God used my experience to draw me to him, and even though somtimes i doubted, i remember that through his instruction i managed to over come my erges. They are not totally destroyed but i am not tormented to the point of madness by them anymore. i hope sombody finds peace in what i have written, god bless.
because, i have memories as a child, of being attracted to girls but when i looked at boys i didnt feel the same, they where different, they where for freindship. one thing i do remember is being a very insercure boy, and very shy, i was very femenine at the time( not in a girlish way, but i was overly sensitve. I was brought up in a family filled with hatred and disorder, there for my mind wondered and fought about things that where disordered, i had no boundrys. On top of that, from the age of sixteen i had an overwelming fear of women, partly becuase i have been conditioned to look at women sexually(ever since i found my dads porno mag) and i was extravertly shy, making me socaily unable to mix(i had freinds but most of the time i was a loner, i liked being by my self) my dad did not treat me like a man or a son and gave me the imppresion that i was not as important as my sister who was autistic and had brain damage(i didnt understand that my sister was ill). I remember when i was a child, my cosin came around to stay, my dad would ask him " what girl do you like from baywatch" id watch them gigle and luagh and wanted to get involve, but i was largly excluded from the conversation( i was not a dads boy, it seemed he was ashamed of me, which he admited, he even said a few months ago that he fought that i was gay)( would it be any wonder if i was?).
My mom is a member of the socailist workers party. Apart from promoting workers rights which is a good thing, These people openly work to liberate homosexuality. My mom got me a job at their print shop. Ever since my earliest memorys i have been in the presence of openly gay people becuase of my mum( im not sure if she actualy intended for me to be around those people, but she did take me and my cosin to gay right campaigns and festivals), it didnt matter what youth centre or theartre company i went to, i was in the company of odd people . I remember my dad having arguments about them coming round to the house. The more i was around these experiences of negetivity and mental conditioning, the more i became degraded. Slowly but surly as a result of degradation, ridicule and sexual incercurity, my mind was slowly led in to homosexuality. I remember thinking about kissing men, but not becuase i was attracted to men, but becuase i was in a situation that gave me cuase to think about such things, i didnt have any boundrys or rules or any kind of religous instruction to the way one should think and regulate thier minds orcordingly. Slowly i realised that i could’nt get the thoughts out of my head, the thoughts began to take root and my insurcuritys and fears gave water to its survival. Eventually i had devoloped homosexual erges, but i refused to indulge, since society its self, witch hunts people who indulge in these things. Thankfully due to what i was going through i cared about what my freinds thought. but no matter what i did, it got worse, the erges became stronger.
I was nearly to the point of killing my self, i was getting paranoid, people called me names and becuase i thought they knew i was gay, became defensive and depresed, then it became obvious. I finaly did the unthinkable… Through the intervention of a freind that strangely began to work at the same place as me (a Christian), i began to question my place in the universe and i started to talk to god. Also through the encouragement of my dad i was baptised. I was hoping for a miracle but it did not happen, i remmember crying as the priest put the holy oil on my forehead. But this didn’t stop me from fighting, i begain having spiritual experiences, as well as spiritual battles. i knew that god was real and i refused to give in. God used my experience to draw me to him, and even though somtimes i doubted, i remember that through his instruction i managed to over come my erges. They are not totally destroyed but i am not tormented to the point of madness by them anymore. i hope sombody finds peace in what i have written, god bless.
like i said before. Thanks.