Sexuality Question! (Sorry if wrong category!)

[Prodigal_Son]

Not trying to win.

I think you’re right that those things we find lacking in ourselves often show up in our attractions. For me, here’s how this works: after I was six, I didn’t really have a dad, and I didn’t feel like anyone showed me how to be a man. When puberty hit, my deepest desire was manhood. So my attractions manifested themselves, mostly, as attractions toward men (or images of men, but that’s the same thing).

I wanted to be a man, so I wanted to possess a man. Sexual desire, for men, is the desire to HAVE someone.

I wonder: what was it that you saw in white men that you longed for? Surely it wasn’t just the skin color.

 

[MJJean]

Not trying to win.
I think you’re right that those things we find lacking in ourselves often show up in our attractions.
I wanted to be a man, so I wanted to possess a man. Sexual desire, for men, is the desire to HAVE someone.

Honestly, it’s not different for women. I selected my husband and breeding partner based on what I was “missing”. I’m short, so I am attracted to tall men. I am relatively “book smart”, but very “street smart”, so I am attracted to men who are highly intelligent and either formally or self educated. Etc.

Accepting what you feel and learning why you feel it is a very good thing. It can help greatly reduce anxiety and temptation.

 

[TanTran]

Hmm, I don’t know if you seen this site, and I am not necessarily endorsing it, but it seems as though what you are saying is summed up here:

josephnicolosi.com/overcoming-gay-pornography/

Let me know what you think!

Also, haha, no it’s not that I have a “thing” for skin that’s slightly less pigmented, lol. I don’t know, I guess it’s just European facial features combined with a fit, lean physique, really. Also, I have a “thing” for blue eyes, but on everyone. I think they’re exotic and like gem stones. It’s something I’ve always (on some level) wanted for myself. (all of what I mentioned)

 

[Captain_America]

Comments for both the OP and for Readers:

OP:
You think too much.

You were raised in an era of ambiguity, not only about sex, but about social relationships generally.

You need to get out more. You need to spend time with real people in real places. Kill your computer/screens.

Readers:
the OP is evidence that we’re generating young people who have confusions caused by an educational system that criticizes, but has no answers; and which offers no truth except cynicism.

the OP is proof of a media saturated universe, in which opinion changes seasonally.

 

[TanTran]

…so the fact that I use my brain too much and am an introvert who likes to spend time by myself more than most are apparently bad things…? Just so you know, I JUST got back from college where I was constantly involved with people and socializing all the time, and am currently spending my summer enjoying time with family and yeah, you guessed it, THINKING because I like to consider things critically before I come to any conclusion, especially topics that are so intrinsic to the individual. I’m sorry if that I’m apparently not living my life the way YOU want me to. Truly.

 

[TanTran]

I would just to say that I do have good relationships with people in my life who I am totally going to share my thoughts and feelings about this subject. I know I said I was a “nerd”, but I have such huge value on spending time with family and friends. Most of all, I trust God, and I trust He will lead me where I am supposed to be, and I hope that I am not disappointing Him. I’m sure most of you know that “coming out” is a huge thing, so I thought I’d ask some random people (no offense) first for advice who won’t judge me, as none of you know me, I think. I know everyone has the right to their own opinions, so sorry if that last post was too reactionary. I’m not going to get into heated discussions with people on the Internet. This was my first time. Thanks again, everyone! I will keep an open mind about everything.

 

[MJJean]

TranTran, have you checked your private messages? I sent you one. What I discuss is not mine to tell everyone, but it might be of help to you.

 

[Cojuanco]

As long as your are attracted to women, the fact that you are also attracted to men is no impediment to you finding a suitable wife, and having a happy marriage and a family.

When we enter marriage, it is a unique relationship and we forsake all others. It would just be the case that the “all others” is a larger group for people who have attractions to both genders.

Even discounting Catholic teaching for the sake of argument (just for argument’s sake, of course I subscribe to Church teaching) if you are bisexual in orientation, that doesn’t mean you can’t have a monogamous relationship with a spouse in a traditional marriage. It’s like any other marriage - there are a lot of women married men are attracted to sexually, and vice versa. But that doesn’t mean they’re going to even think of bedding any other person than their spouse.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Hmm, I don’t know if you seen this site, and I am not necessarily endorsing it, but it seems as though what you are saying is summed up here:

josephnicolosi.com/overcoming-gay-pornography/

Yes and no. I think Nicolosi is right that some of these needs are being enacted by a man who pursues gay porn, but I think that there is often a lot of other things going on. Really, I just think that men are likely to sexualize anything we deeply, deeply need. This is why so many straight men have fantasies of sexual dominance over women, because they feel powerless in their own lives.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

I would just to say that I do have good relationships with people in my life who I am totally going to share my thoughts and feelings about this subject.

I HIGHLY encourage this. And it might be really hard. But it’s worth it.

I know I said I was a “nerd”, but I have such huge value on spending time with family and friends. Most of all, I trust God, and I trust He will lead me where I am supposed to be, and I hope that I am not disappointing Him.

The Father is very trustworthy. We just need to constantly place ourselves in His presence, and He will refine us and show us the way to fullness of life!